How Will I Know
by ItsWhatIWrite
Summary: A/U. Gabby Dawson and Matt Casey meet under different circumstances. With raising two boys on her own, the last thing Gabby needs is to fall into a serious relationship. Will Lieutenant Matt Casey convince her that it's ok to let your guard down for the right person?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I know, I'm crazy for starting another story. But don't worry, there will be another chapter of 'A Change in Plans' (it's about halfway done) and I'm already working on chapter eight of 'Silence in the Dark.' I just haven't been able to get this plot out of my head for a few weeks now. Why? Well, because I just absolutely love Matt's interactions with kids. So I kinda put a twist on it. The title of the story is inspired by Whitney Houston's 'How Will I Know.' Enjoy! Let me know what you think!

How Will I Know

Chapter One

Elijah Dawson waited as patiently as any five year old could. His low cut, red converse tapped against the cracked sidewalk in anticipation. With his arms crossed, he watched as dozens of other kids ran into the firehouse. "Gus always poops at bad times," he said to his mom's back.

Gabby glanced over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow at her son, "The picnic just started, Eli. I promise you'll have plenty of time to see the fire trucks." She put Gus' khaki shorts back on and propped the ten month old on her hip. "Can you grab his bag?" She walked a few feet to the beat up trash can that leaned against the lamp post for support and tossed the dirty diaper.

"You mean _my_ old monster truck bag?"

"Yes, your _old _bag. I need the hand sanitizer." Eli took out the travel sized bottle and handed it to his mom. "Thanks, baby."

"I'm not a baby, mom."

"But you'll always be my baby."

After disinfecting her hands, she tossed the sanitizer back into the side pocket of the bag and shouldered it. She held her hand out for Eli, "Let's go."

"Finally!"

It was the fourth of July and as they did every year, Firehouse 51 was holding a picnic.

"Hey stranger!" Shay dropped the roll of raffle tickets on the table and pulled Gabby into a hug, aware of the toddler perched on her hip. "Gosh! Haven't seen you guys, in what, a little over a month? She ran her hand through Gus' hair, "He's gotten so big!"

"What about me?" Eli jumped up and down, getting Shay's attention. "Have I gotten big?"

"Yes you have!" Shay hoisted Eli up, "Almost too big for me to pick up!" She kissed his cheek and placed him back on the ground. "I think the last time I saw you guys was Memorial Day." She placed her hands on her hips and looked back at Gabby, "and if I remember correctly, we talked about needing to get together more often."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. June wasn't exactly the calmest month."

"I can imagine. Everything's good though, right?"

Gabby took a breath and adjusted Gus on her hip, "For the most part."

"Any chance in me being able to convince you to come back to ambo? I'll even let you be PIC."

Gabby laughed, "I miss it, Shay. I do. But nursing is a bit more stable."

"Just say it, you mean the pay is a lot better."

It had been nearly three years since Gabby had graduated from nursing school and made the transition from Firehouse 51 to Lakeshore Hospital.

"Maybe that factors into a bit, too."

"The guys miss you.""

"More like they miss my cooking."

"Well, that too!"

"Mom! I wanna see the fire trucks!"

"Tuck, tuck!" Gus babbled, pulling his chubby finger from his mouth and waving them towards the fire truck.

"You guys should go check it out, that Lieutenant I was telling you about at the Memorial Day picnic, he's giving a tour." Shay winked and nudged Gabby. "You're available again, sister and so is he."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "Yes, because a woman with as much baggage as me is every guy's dream."

"For your information, his last relationship ended because she didn't want kids."

"Well there's a difference between wanting kids of your own and raising someone else's."

Shay shrugged, "Fine. Suit yourself. I've gotta get back to handing out raffle tickets. I'll come find you guys once you finish your fire truck tour."

"Come on, Mom!" Eli pulled his mother's hand.

"Ok, ok, let's go."

"Finally!"

Eli practically dragged his mom over to the small crowd in front of the fire truck, he had already missed enough.

"…and this is where I sit." Lieutenant Matt Casey explained, pointing to the front passenger seat of the fire truck. "Who wants to be the Lieutenant?"

Half a dozen little hands flew up in the air and a chorus of 'I do!' sounded through the garage. Matt laughed and caught site of the little dark haired boy in the back with both hands up in the air. He pointed to him, "How about you? With the red shirt. What's your name?"

Eli grinned and looked up at his mom. "Can I?"

She nodded, "Go ahead."

The five year old ran up to the front, "My name is Elijah! But you can call me Eli."

Matt grinned, amused by the little boy's enthusiasm. "It's nice to meet you, Eli. My name is Lieutenant Matt." He pulled open the door and looked back down at Eli, "Do you know what makes a Lieutenant different from the other firefighters?" Eli shook his head. "The Lieutenant is the boss."

"Cool!"

"Hold the phone!" Herrmann exclaimed. "Am I really looking at the one and only Gabriela Dawson right now?"

Gabby grinned. "Oh come on, I can't look that different."

"What are ya talking about? You're more gorgeous than the last time I saw you! Which…" he furrowed his brow, thinking back to the last time he saw her. "Memorial Day? Way too long, Dawson."

"That's exactly what I said," Shay chimed in, joining in on the conversation.

"Wait," Matt started, "You're the former PIC Dawson?"

Gabby couldn't help but blush, "The one and only. Although, I'm not exactly sure what you've heard about me…"

"Well for starters, apparently nobody can cook like you."

"That's true."

Eli sighed and tugged on his mom's hand, "_Mom_, Lieutenant Matt was gonna show me the rest of the firehouse."

"I still can, buddy." Matt assured Eli.

Eli dropped his mother's hand and grabbed Matt's, "Well let's go, then!"

Matt looked over at Gabby, "Do you mind?"

"No, not at all." She leaned down to Eli's level and sat Gus down on his feet before she lost her balance. She gave her eldest a stern look. "You have to listen to what Lieutenant Matt says, ok?"

"I will! Promise!"

"Ok, go ahead."

"Yes!"

"Eh!" Gus called out.

"Oh, he'll be back." Gabby picked Gus back up, knowing if she didn't he would chase after his brother. Even though he was just crawling, Gus was constantly on his big brother's tail, following him everywhere he could.

"Come see Auntie Leslie." Shay cooed, reaching out for Gus. She grinned when the tot smiled and went to her. "That's right, you know who I am, don't you?"

Cruz draped an arm around Gabby, "Wanna hangout in the kitchen, just like old times?"

"Cruz, if I recall correctly, I gave you some cooking lessons before I left."

"Yeah, that really didn't help much." Otis quipped, he scrunched his face up in horror as he remembered some of Cruz's failed attempts at cooking.

"Hey, I'm still better than you!"

"I see you two are still bickering like an old married couple."

"They even live together now."

"Oh, really?" Gabby laughed. "How's that working out?"

* * *

Shay finished hugging Gabby and gave her former co-worker a serious look. "Let's actually make plans to hang out this time."

Gabby nodded, "I agree. How about next Friday night? Eli is staying over at my brother's house for Diego's birthday. I'll still have Gus but he's usually out by nine thirty at the very latest. It'll just have to be a girls' night in instead of girls' night out."

"Works for me!"

"Great! I'll call you." She said good-bye to the rest of her old coworkers, being pulled into a hug by every single one of them, including Chief Boden. She took Gus from Cruz and watched across the garage as Eli continued to explore Truck 81 thanks to Lieutenant Matt. "He is not going to want to leave," she mumbled to Shay.

Shay grinned, "Well look how much fun he is having with Matt."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "Shay…"

"I'm just saying, if you ever need a baby-sitter so you can go out on a date or at the very least, get laid...you know my number."

"I'll talk to you later, Shay." She took her keys from Gus' grasp and he started to fuss. "I know, mommy is just so mean. Come on, let's go pull your brother away from the fire truck."

"Tuck!"

Gabby made her way across the garage. There were still a few people hanging about, mostly family of the crew but once the fireworks show had come to an end, the place had started to empty out.

"Ok, Eli, it's time to go. Tell Lieutenant Matt thank you."

Eli crossed his arms, "I'm not ready to go."

"Doesn't matter."

"But mom…"

"No buts, tell him thank you so we can go."

"Thank-you for letting me be a Lieutenant," Eli mumbled. "I wish I could stay longer."

Matt grinned and bent down so he was level with Eli. "You're very welcome and you know what?"

"What?"

"You, your little brother and your mom are welcome to come back whenever you want, ok?"

"Really?"

"Really." Matt stood back up and turned his attention to Gabby. "He's a great kid."

Gabby smiled, "Thanks."

"I don't think we've actually been formally introduced." Matt held out his hand, "Matt Casey."

"Gabby Dawson. I would shake your hand but mine are kind of full."

"Oh," Matt dropped his hand in embarrassment, "Right."

"You've obviously met Eli and this one," Gabby bounced Gus a bit and kissed his head, "is Gus."

"Hey Gus."

Gus started to fuss and turned away from Matt, cuddling into the crook of his mother's neck. "He's sleepy," Gabby explained. "It's been an eventful day."

"Well it is America's birthday, only fair to have one heck of a party," he joked. "Here," he motioned to the bag in Gabby's hand, "why don't I help you guys to your car."

"Oh uh…sure." Gabby let Matt take the bags from her and used her now free hand to get a hold of Eli's hand. "Uh, yeah…let's go." Gabby could feel Shay's eyes on her, giving her a knowing look but she absolutely refused to look her way. She was sure she'd get a phone call later.

Shay wasn't the only one who saw the interaction between Gabby and Matt. Severide did too. But he was more concerned about how Shay was going to meddle than what Gabby and Matt could potentially end up doing.

"Don't even think about it, Shay" said Severide.

The blonde rolled her eyes, "Don't be such a party pooper."

"Well don't be such a meddler. Casey is a big boy, if he is into Dawson, he can act on it himself." Severide chuckled, "Although with Dawson's track record, Casey probably isn't her type."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Dawson likes the bad boys…the occasional criminal."

Shay narrowed her eyes at Severide. "Which is nothing you'll mention to Casey if he asks. We've all made mistakes, Kelly."

* * *

Gabby pulled her hair up as she left the bathroom and headed towards her room. She stopped and glanced into the boys' bedroom one last time, the ninja turtle nightlight plugged into the outlet gave her enough light to see that both boys were indeed sound asleep.

She'd just climbed into bed and pulled the covers up over her when her phone rang, she quickly answered not wanting to wake the resident light sleeper that was her youngest. "Hey, Shay."

"Gabriela Dawson, I'm a little hurt."

"What? Why?"

"I'm very upset you didn't call to give me the scoop on your little conversation with Lieutenant Casey!"

Gabby rolled her eyes and leaned against the headboard. "Well I did have to put two boys to bed. And besides, it was nothing. He just helped me out to my car."

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"Well for your information, before Kelly and I left the station, he totally asked us about you."

"Shay," Gabby whined, "don't do this." She sighed and let Shay's words sink in; her curiosity quickly got the best of her, "What did he say?"

"I'm pretty sure you just told me to stop."

"Leslie Elizabeth Shay!"

"Oh, alright, just the usual questions. Wanted to know if you were single, blah, blah, blah…"

"Severide just said I was single, right? He didn't go into detail about-"

"He said nothing else. Matt didn't even ask about any baby daddies."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "I hate that term."


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey guys, just wanted to take a moment to thank each and every single one of you for reviewing. Seriously, posting something right before I got to bed and then waking up to lots of great reviews is a pretty awesome feeling. I take my writing very seriously so if there is ever any critique you have, please don't be afraid to share. I have this story almost completely planned out, so don't worry, certain questions will be answered in time. ;) Also, anybody else enjoying a snow day? I was already supposed to be off work so I guess it doesn't really count but I'm still using it as an excuse to do absolutely nothing. -Rebecca_

How Will I Know

Chapter Two

True to her word, Gabby had stuck to her plan to spend some time with Shay while Eli spent the night at her brother's. She stood outside the apartment with Gus in her arms, waiting for Shay to get to the door.

"So there's been a little change in plans," Shay said as she opened the door and stepped out of the doorway to let Gabby in.

"Oh?" Gabby asked, adjusting Gus in her arms.

"You see Kelly here didn't listen to me when I told him that I had invited you over for girls' night and he invited Casey over to watch the baseball game."

"Oh," Gabby shrugged, briefly making eye contact with Matt who was settled on the couch, nursing a beer. "I mean, I'm ok with that. If you guys don't mind Gus?"

Severide held up his own drink, "the more the merrier! And besides, it's never too soon to start teaching little Augustus here about the wonderful sports teams of Chicago."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "Believe me, my brother has tried. This one does not like to sit still. Eli on the other hand, has learned the art of trash talking thanks to his cousin Diego."

Matt laughed, "he definitely seems like an animated kid."

"Oh he is," Gabby agreed. She met Matt's eyes and despite the flip her stomach did, she didn't look away. "He uh…he hasn't stopped talking about the tour you gave him at the picnic last week. I can't thank you enough for that. It was nice seeing him carefree and happy again."

"It was no problem." The more Matt learned about Gabby—whether from her, Shay or Severide, the more intrigued he became. There was something about her warm yet hesitant gaze that drew him in and he yearned to just talk to her and get to know her.

Gabby nodded and sat Gus down on the floor, she'd changed him into his pajamas before leaving the apartment in hopes that he would fall asleep at some point during the evening. She'd considered asking her brother to also watch Gus for the evening but that would just lead to an interrogation from him.

Antonio was and always had been there for her, there was no question about it. He always came through for her, probably more times than she actually deserved. And unfortunately, though, as of late, his help had been at the cost of their once close bond. She used to tell him everything. But for the past two years and a few too many bad choices later, he'd spent more time correcting her wrongs for the sake of her kids than for the sake of her.

To be honest, she couldn't blame him one bit. She'd ignored his many warnings about Lance and had found not only her life, but her children's lives in great danger.

A mischievous grin peaked out from behind the pacifier Gus was sucking on and he started crawling straight for the basketball that was sitting in the corner of the living room with some of Kelly's workout gear. "Ball!"

Gabby snapped out of her thoughts just in time to catch Gus and sit him back down, "Yes, but it's not yours. We brought some of your toys, remember?" She dropped the bag from her shoulder and opened it, revealing some cars and trucks along with a few baby books.

Shay plopped down next to Kelly, phone in hand. "I'm gonna order a few pizzas. Any special requests?"

Gabby shook her head, "I'm fine with whatever. And this kid will eat anything." She settled next to Gus on the floor.

Matt saw this and shook his head, "there's plenty of room on the couch." He scooted over, his back running into the arm of the couch.

"Thanks." Gabby smiled and moved to the couch.

Gus' attention flew to his mother the minute he saw her move away from him. "Ma!" He held his hands up, wanting her to pick him up.

He'd just recently hit that phase where the only person he wanted was his mother. Every time she left his eyesight, he was fussing. The days she had to leave him with her cousin to go to work were the absolute worst. But she knew the tough love would go a long way.

"It's ok, I'm not going anywhere," she reassured him.

Apparently that answer wasn't good enough. Gus pulled himself up so he was standing against the couch and smacked both hands against the cushion.

"Ok, fine." Gabby scooped him up and sat him between her and Matt. "You're spoiled, you know that, right?"

Gus grinned and clapped his hands in response. "Ma!"

"How old is he?" Matt asked, finally finding a question to ask in hopes of starting up a conversation with her.

"Almost eleven months."

Shay discarded her phone and interrupted the potential conversation. "Pizza should be here in half an hour." She pulled her legs up and slipped them beneath her, giving both Gabby and Matt a knowing look. "And what are you two birdies talking about?"

"Oh, I was just asking Gabby how old Gus is."

"Speaking of, when's the first birthday party? What's the theme? And what kind of gifts should I be looking at?"

"I haven't really had time to think about it," she leaned down and grabbed one of the books off the floor and opened it halfway before sitting it in Gus' lap. "Nothing too big."

"We went all out for Eli, so it's only fair we do the same for Gus," Shay reasoned.

Kelly nodded, holding his drink up, "for once, I think Leslie has a plan that isn't going to blow up in our faces."

"Oh shut your mouth! My plans usually work out!"

"Yeah, whatever you say." Kelly turned his attention back to the game, trying to hide his smirk.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, more often than not, your plans end in disaster," Gabby said.

"Not true!"

"Yes it is," Matt agreed. "Like that time you…." He paused, trying to settle on one specific instance. "Well, there are just too many examples, I just don't know where to start."

Shay's jaw dropped in offense, "ok, let's gang up on Leslie Shay today, shall we?"

Gabby laughed, "gotta taste your own medicine every once in a while."

"Gabriela Dawson! My friend, my former partner in crime, you're taking Kelly's side?"

"Hey," Gabby threw her hands up, still laughing. "I'm not taking anybody's side, just stating the facts." At the sound of his mom's laugher, Gus' head popped up. He looked up at his mom in confusion before grinning and letting out a little giggle.

"Even Gus thinks it's funny," Matt joked. Gus turned his head at the mention of his name and looked over at Matt in curiosity. "Hey, buddy," Matt said once he noticed the boy's attention on him, he motioned to the book in Gus' grasp. "What ya go there?"

Gus smacked the book in enthusiasm, "ba ba ba!"

Matt glanced at the book, taking in the pictures, "cars and trucks? Just like your brother, huh?" Matt turned his attention to Gabby. "Where is Eli, anyways?"

"At my brother's. My nephew is having a sleepover for his birthday and although they're not extremely close in age, Eli is surprisingly good at keeping up with Diego. We'll see how horrible he is tomorrow morning, though."

"What do you mean?"

"With Diego being a few years older, he kind of has a bit more an attitude and every time Eli comes home from spending time with him, he's a bit harder to handle."

Matt nodded, "Oh, ok." He cleared his throat, running his hand over the back of his head nervously, "I know I've only talked to him once, but for what it's worth, you seem to be doing a great job with him." And then he motioned to Gus next to him, "with both of them."

Gabby was caught off guard Matt's words and met his eyes, unsure of what exactly to say. "Thanks, it's nice to hear that. You'd be surprised to hear how quick people are to judge my every move when it comes to raising two boys by myself."

"Well there's no judging here," Matt assured.

Shay shared a knowing look with Kelly, a small smirk hiding behind her drink. There was a knock on the door and she jumped up, "pizza's here!"

With her hands full, Shay kicked the apartment door shut and headed towards the kitchen, "Casey! Come help me with plates and drinks."

Gus looked up, his eyes wide as she Matt stood up from the couch. "You want anything to drink?" Matt asked Gabby.

"Water is fine, thanks."

"And Gus?"

Gabby pulled the empty sippy cup from Gus' bag, "whatever juice is available."

"Hey!" Severide called as Matt started towards the kitchen, "what about me?"

Matt stopped and looked over, "Didn't think I had to ask. Another beer, right?"

Severide grinned, holding up his nearly empty beer bottle, "ah man, you know me too well."

"Or you're just too predictable!" Shay called from the kitchen.

Matt joined Shay in the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, "what kind of juice do you have?"

"There should be some apple juice in there." Shay sat some plates down on the counter and watched Matt in amusement. "Look at you, already catering to her kids."

Matt's head snapped up and he glanced back out into the living room, Gabby was too busy reading the book to Gus to have heard. "Keep your voice down, will you?"

"I think it's cute."

"It's nothing."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you spent a lot of time asking about her right after the picnic," Shay gave Casey a knowing look. "She could use a good guy like you. So could the boys. You're great with kids, we all saw that when you were taking care of Ben and Griffin."

Matt shook his head, "that was different." He sighed and cast another quick glance in Gabby's direction, "she's got a wall up, Shay."

"She's just waiting for the right guy to come and tear it down." She nudged Matt with her elbow. "And I think maybe you just might be that guy. You should ask her out and if she uses the boys as an excuse, tell her I'll gladly babysit."

"Are you sure there aren't any lingering feelings for anyone else? Gus isn't even a year old."

"Now that I can assure you of. That relationship had long ended before Gus was even born."

"Oh?" Matt furrowed a brow. "What happened?"

Shay shook her head, "it's not my place to say. Just know that while Gabby is one of the strongest people I've ever met, that doesn't mean she hasn't been broken before."

"Hey!" Severide yelled from the living room. "How long can it take to grab a few drinks and plates?"

Shay rolled her eyes, "we're coming!" She stacked the plates on top of the pizza boxes and headed for the living room. "Get the drinks," she called over her shoulder to Matt.

* * *

"Seems like this is turning into a bit of a routine," Gabby joked as Matt walked with her out to her car. Once again, her hands were full with a sound asleep Gus weighing her arms down. Like she had hoped, the infant had fallen asleep and had given Gabby a good two hours to enjoy some adult conversation.

Matt shrugged and opened the back door to Gabby's car, "not a bad one, I hope."

"No," Gabby shook her head, unsure of what exactly to say. "No, it's definitely appreciated." she carefully lowered Gus into his car seat hoping he would remain asleep through the transition. Just as she snapped together the restraints he startled awake, fussing. "Hey, hey," Gabby soothed, running her hand over the top of his head, "you're ok. We're going home." She turned around to get his bottle of the bag she'd sat next to her feet and was surprised to see Matt had already gotten it and was holding it out to her. "Thanks."

Matt stepped back as Gabby moved to shut the car door. "Better?" He asked.

"Much. I know I'm supposed to be trying to wean him away from the bottle so he's completely off of it by the time he's a year old but it's basically become a comfort object for him. "

"Makes sense." Matt slipped his hands in his pockets and leaned back on his heels. "So uh…" he was interrupted by Gabby's phone ringing.

She glanced at the screen, "it's my brother. I have to take this. I'm sure I'll be seeing you around."

"Yeah, ok." Matt held the car door open for her, "stay safe." He shut the door and gave a quick half wave before turning around and heading to his own car that was parked across the street.


	3. Chapter 3

_So I had this chapter completely written and then decided it was awful so I started over. I feel like this chapter is giving the story a bit of a flow. Not sure if that makes sense, I should be sleeping right now but all your lovely reviews made me want to get this finished so I could post it tonight!-Rebecca_

How Will I Know

Chapter Three

Gabby walked into the boys' bedroom, struggling to hold onto a very energetic Gus; his legs flailed to a beat only he knew as he drank happily from his bottle. "You need to get dressed, Elijah. We have to be ready by the time your uncle gets here. I can't be late to work again."

"I'm still sleepy, mommy," Eli whined.

"I know it's early, baby but I'm sure Uncle Antonio will let you sleep in the car during the ride back to his place." It was early, six a.m. early but whenever she let Eli stay in bed until six thirty on the mornings of her early shifts, something always happened and she would just barely make it to work on time. She dug through the basket of clean clothes she hadn't found time to put away and found an outfit for Eli. She sat the clothes on his bed, "come on, get dressed."

She turned back to the basket and found an outfit for Gus before settling him on the changing table. "I know, I know, you hate getting dressed," Gabby said to her youngest as he fidgeted. "If you had it your way, you'd be in nothing but a diaper all the time." She looked over her shoulder for a brief second and was happy to see Eli up and getting dressed.

Eli's mop top appeared through the new of the shirt. "Is Uncle Antonio gonna take us to the zoo today?"

"Who told you that?" She'd wanted it to be a surprise but no matter how much Gabby tried to keep conversations away from Eli, he always found a way to hear about it them. With the summer holiday ending in a little over a month, Eli would be starting kindergarten and Gabby wanted to make sure he'd gone on a few trips. Even if that meant without her. Between work and the lack of extra money, it was hard to plan cool things for the boys. With Gus, she wasn't too concerned—he was too young to remember much of anything but with Eli, he was old enough to remember. And he was old enough to understand when other kids in the family were constantly talking about the different places they had visited and the fun things they had done.

"I heard you talking on the phone yesterday."

"You hear everything, don't you?" She joked. "But yes, your uncle is taking you guys to the zoo today so please be on your best behavior, ok?" It was a bit of a fight, but she had managed to get Gus dressed and sat him down on the floor. "Can you go get Gus' shoes from the living room?"

Eli ran out of the room and down the hall, followed close by Gus. She stuffed a few diapers and an extra outfit for each kid in Gus' bag and quickly zipped it up.

"Mommy!" she heard Eli call from the living room. "Uncle Antonio is here! Can I open the door?"

Gabby hurried down the hall and checked the peep hole. Sure enough, her brother was standing on the other side. She moved away so Eli could get to the door. "Go ahead."

* * *

Gabby checked her watch, another half hour and her shift was over. She made her way to the nurses' station, hoping the next thirty minutes would go by quick and without any major incident.

"Gabby?"

Gabby looked up at the sound of her name and couldn't help but smile, "hey, Lieutenant Matt!"

Matt grinned, "just Matt is fine."

"Right, sorry." She could feel the red creep into her cheeks. "So uh, what are you doing here? Are you hurt?"

"No, I actually came to check on a victim…actually, uh, that's a lie." He laughed nervously and shook his head. "I came to see you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, uh, wanted to see if you'd like to maybe go out with me sometime?"

Gabby's jaw nearly dropped, "Out of all the available women, you want to go out with me? Maybe you've forgotten already but I've got two kids. That's some serious baggage."

Matt shook his head, "nope. I haven't forgotten."

Suddenly aware of the handful of coworkers that were listening to every word, she motioned for them to walk. "Uh, can we walk and talk?"

"Sure."

"I have a pretty hectic life, Matt."

He shrugged, "Well who doesn't?"

"I'm not really looking for anything serious."

"What's so serious about a cup of coffee?"

Gabby chuckled slipped her hands into the pockets of her scrubs. "Some days, it's the only thing that keeps me going."

"Well then it's set! You need coffee and I've offered to buy you coffee."

She stopped walking and turned so she was facing him. She met his eyes, trying to read them. "You're really serious about this, aren't you?"

"Absolutely."

Gabby sighed and rubbed the tension from her neck as she mulled his question over. Antonio had mentioned he'd probably take the boys out to dinner before dropping them back off at her place which gave her a bit of a window. "What are you doing in thirty minutes?"

"I uh…well nothing."

"Meet me at the coffee place across the street?"

Matt grinned and gave a quick nod, "I'll see you then!"

Gabby took a sip of her coffee, her eyes meeting his over the rim of her cup, "you didn't have to pay."

"My suggestion, my bill."

"Fair enough but I think things are a little unbalanced."

Matt sat his own up down and looked at Gabby, confused, "What do you mean?"

"You already know a lot about me and I hardly know anything about you."

"I don't really think I know a lot about you."

Gabby raised a brow, "Well you know more about me than I know about you."

"You sure about that? Shay hasn't been feeding you any info on me, has she?"

"I should be asking you the same thing." She leaned into the table and folded her arms in front of her. "But no, not really. She pointed you out at the Memorial Day picnic but to be honest, I kind of brushed her off."

Matt put his hand to his heart and feigned hurt, "ouch."

Gabby rolled her eyes, not about to admit that she was a bit amused. "Oh get over yourself," she sassed back. "So tell me something about yourself?"

"Well, I'm a lieutenant…"

"Something I don't know," Gabby interrupted.

Matt grinned, she didn't beat around the bush at all. "Ok, ok. Long story short, I was born and raised in Chicago. Transferred to 51 about three years ago. By the way the whole house talked about you when I got there, I'm assuming it was not too long after you had left. Uh…" he shrugged, "I have one older sister who has a ten year old daughter. And uh, I've got a mother who lives in an assisted living home not too far outside of the city. I do freelance construction on the side…" He shrugged, "that's really about it. Ok, your turn."

"You should just ask all your coworkers," she joked.

"But I'm asking you."

Gabby sighed, "Well you know about Eli and Gus. And I don't know how much interaction you have with Chicago's finest but I have an older brother, Detective Antonio Dawson."

"I actually worked with him about a year ago on a big arson case." Matt shook his head in amusement, "I don't know why I didn't make the connection before." He grinned, "See? I've already met your kids and your brother."

"Yes, but Antonio is a bit more scary when he's in protective big brother mode." She tilted her head thoughtfully, "which is basically all the time. He's picked apart every single guy I've ever dated down to asking what the color of their first car was."

Matt laughed, "Well I'd like to consider myself a well put together guy."

Gabby sat her up down before it even got to her lips and narrowed her eyes at Matt for his choice of words. "What's that supposed to mean? What have Leslie and Kelly told you?"

Matt sat up straighter, a bit caught off guard by Gabby's sudden change in demeanor. "Nothing really. Did I say something wrong?"

"Just…" she shook her head, "no, you didn't. Sorry."

"Everybody has a past, Gabby." Matt said, hoping to ease whatever fears she was keeping at bay.

Gabby sighed, her resolve was slowly fading. She enjoyed talking to him, but she didn't want to fall back into her old habits and mess everything up again. "I'm not looking for anything serious."

"And I don't want to rush anything either but I like you, Gabby."

"I can't bring you into Eli and Gus' life. I've already messed up and given Eli so much instability, I can't do that again."

"Ok, then how about a compromise?"

"I'm listening."

"You like my company, right?"

"I do," Gabby admitted. "But..."

"No buts. Let me just take you out on a real date. We can take things as slow as you want. I don't want to confuse Eli and Gus and I understand if you don't want me around them until…" motioned between the two of them. "Until you feel like this is secure."

Her phone started to ring and she glanced down at it, "Shit, it's Antonio. I've gotta go." She picked up her cup of coffee and stood up; they'd spent so much time talking that she'd hardly drank any of it. "But I'm taking this with me."

Matt stood up with her, "Your brother calls at the worst times."

Gabby looked at him, "what do you mean?"

"The last time we were talking and he called…I was gonna ask you out."

"Oh. Well, he does have really bad timing."

"But the date? That's a yes, right?"

"Hold on," Gabby answered her phone. "Hey, Antonio. Are you at my place?" She listened carefully to her brother, "I know, I got caught up with something. I'll be there in ten minutes. Just let yourself in." She ended the call and looked back up at Matt, "I'll have to find a sitter."

"Shay already volunteered."

"Of course she did." She opened up the phone book in her phone, "What's your number?"

* * *

Gabby's keys dangled as she unlocked the apartment door and pushed it open. She grinned at the sight that greeted her. Gus was sitting on the floor in nothing but a diaper and Eli was on the couch, happily eating an ice-cream cone. "Hey babies!"

"Ma!"

Antonio came down the hallway, holding a pair of pajamas. "Gus kind of had an incident with his ice-cream."

Gabby laughed as she picked up her youngest, "wouldn't be the first time. It's bath night, anyways." She kissed his check and ran her hand through his sticky hair. "But both boys look happy, so today must have been a success." She looked over at Eli. "Did you have fun, buddy?"

"Lots! I got to pet a giraffe!"

"You did?"

The five year old nodded, "yep!"

Gabby turned her attention to her brother, "thanks for doing this. I'll pay you back for the tickets and whatever else you bought for them today."

Antonio shook his head, "we do this every time, Gabs. It's my job as their uncle to spoil them." He waved his phone, "I'll go through and see what decent pics I managed to get and send them to you."

"You don't know how much this means to me or the boys. I know things have been a little rocky…"

"Stop. The past is the past." He took in her appearance, noting she was still in her scrubs, "with what you're wearing, I guess it's safe to say you didn't go meet some guy." Gabby looked away and he sighed, "or maybe you did?"

Gabby shrugged, "it was just coffee. You actually know him and not because he's a criminal."

"Oh yeah?" Antonio raised a brow, slightly intrigued. "Is he a cop?"

"Nope. He's a firefighter."

"Who?"

"Matt Casey."

Antonio nodded, "huh."

Gabby narrowed her eyes, "What does 'huh' even mean?"

He shrugged, "nothing. I gotta get back home, told Diego we'd make s'mores." He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Love you. Be careful."


	4. Chapter 4

How Will I Know

Chapter Four

"Finally," Gabby muttered as she slipped out the door towards one of the areas behind the hospital where a lot of medical personnel went to find a few minutes of calm. She only had a few more hours left of her shift but she was going to scream if she didn't get some sort of breather between then and now. The past few days had been nothing but work. She'd barely seen the boys and when she was home with them, they were usually sleeping. It was times like this that she felt like a horrible mother.

And that's what was keeping her from calling Matt.

It was a game of tug of war in her head. On one hand, he seemed like a great guy—cute, hardworking, got along with her kids…the list was practically endless. But on the other hand, her track record when it came to men wasn't exactly a clean one and after how things ended with Gus' dad, Gabby fell head first into a major wake-up call. She'd learned her lesson. Stop trusting men and falling into toxic relationships. No more hook ups, no more having a guy play family with her kids. She shook her head, still so angry at herself for letting Lance into her and Eli's life. But even good things can come from mistakes, and that's exactly what Gus was. A positive that came from a negative. Gabby wouldn't trade either of her boys for the world. All she could do now was focus on their future and not make stupid decisions like her past seemed to show a clear record of her doing so.

"Dawson!"

Gabby jumped and looked up to see Shay walking her way. "Hey. Did you just transport a patient?"

"Yeah, minor car accident. Victim was just shaken up but insisted on getting checked out."

"That's good."

Shay crossed her arms and titled her head, trying to gauge Gabby's mood. "Everything ok?"

Gabby shrugged, "just a lot on my mind."

"Does it have anything to do with certain firefighter?"

"You heard about the coffee..." she trailed off, not wanting to call it date.

"I did. I'm a little disappointed I didn't hear it from you," joked.

"Yeah, sorry. It's been a long couple of days."

"You're not having second thoughts about date number two, are you?" Shay asked.

"I don't want to mess up again. It's a pattern with me; meet a guy, hook up with him, fall for him, end up pregnant and alone. I can't do that again, I can't. I can't bring someone into Eli and Gus' lives only to…." She closed her eyes, the headache that had been lingering had suddenly hit full force. "I've messed up so many times…"

"We all make mistakes, Gabby but that doesn't mean you should stop living. At least tell me this, the other guys, did they put this much effort into getting a first date with you?"

"No but to be honest, you and I both know it hasn't taken that much for a guy to woo me in the past."

"Which is why you should step up your standards! You deserve so much better! I've never understood why you've always thought the best you could do was a wannabe thug!" Shay could tell she had hit the nail on the head with Gabby. "I swear, Matt is really into you, he doesn't just want to woo you, screw you and then lose you."

Gabby couldn't help but laugh at Shay's choice of words, "did you just come up with that?"

"Sure did."

"Impressive."

"Thanks." A thought hit Shay, "how about we do a double date?" She tilted her head thoughtfully, "well, kind of a double date. Kelly and I won't be on a date…just you and Matt….but if it will make you feel a bit more comfortable."

"Then who will babysit?" Gabby shoved her hands into the pockets of her scrubs, "because I can assure you, if I ask my brother to babysit so I can go see Matt, he just might freak."

"Did you tell Antonio about Matt?"

"Yeah and I have no idea why." She leaned against the wall of the building, taking a deep breath. She'd been asking herself why she'd mentioned Matt to her brother over the past few days. Antonio was never keen on the men she went out with, granted, most of them were grade 'A' assholes; but after just a cup of coffee, she'd already spilled to her brother about Matt. "Apparently they worked together a while ago on an arson case?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." She shrugged, "well at least if things turn serious you don't have to worry about the uncomfortable moment where the boyfriend meets the big brother."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "why do I feel like you already have everything planned out for me and Matt?"

Shay grinned, "Because you know me too well."

"Well please hold back, I'm not looking for anything too serious."

* * *

As soon as Gabby had changed out of her scrubs and back into the clothes she'd started out in this morning, she dug her phone from her purse and checked her messages and missed phone calls. She half expected to see something from Matt but had remembered that she had never given him her number; she just had his. She read through the text messages from her cousin and brother, making sure everything was ok before finding Matt's number in her phone book and dialing it.

It went straight to voicemail. _Hey, it's Matt Casey, I'm probably working so leave me a message and I'll get back to you._

"Hey, Matt…it's Gabby, Gabby Dawson. I uh…sorry it's taken me a few days to get back to you. If you're still interested in a date I'm definitely interested. Anyways, uh, call me back. Bye."

Gabby groaned as she ended the message; could she have sounded anymore lame? She shook her head, shaking the negative thoughts from her mind and tossed her phone back in her purse before leaving the employee locker room.

She'd just shut the door to her car when her phone started to ring. She dug through her purse, finding her phone and grinning at the name that flashed across the screen. "Hey," she answered.

"Hey, yourself. Gotta be honest, I was a little worried you weren't gonna call."

"I just needed some more time to think about it."

"And did you?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"Are you free tomorrow night?"

Gabby could hear the grin in Matt's response. "How does seven sound?"

* * *

Gabby stood in front of the mirror, taking one last look at her appearance before grabbing her clutch and heading into the living room. She'd already fed both boys and gotten them in their pajamas so all Shay had to do was watch them for an hour or two, give them a snack and put them to bed.

"Remember, you listen to Leslie, ok?" Gabby said to Eli as she took another look at herself in the small mirror by the front door. She found herself feeling a little self-conscious about her hair; she couldn't remember the last time she'd worn her hair down and in its natural state of curls.

Eli didn't even bother to look up from his line of hot wheel cars he'd arranged across the living room floor and nodded. "I know, mommy. Best behavior."

"That's right." She turned to the playpen that Gus was standing up in and picked him up, "and what about you, baby? You're going to be on your best behavior for Auntie Leslie, aren't you?"

"Ma!" Not used to seeing his mother's hair down, Gus reached for the curls, eyes wide with curiosity.

Gabby shook her head and stopped Gus' hand. "No hair." There was a knock on the door. Gabby checked the peep hole before unlocking the door and letting Shay in. "Hey."

Shay's eyes widened as she took in the dress Gabby had on; a form fitting black dress that was cut low enough to show a bit of cleavage but not so much that she looked desperate. The dress fell right above her knees and she had finished off the outfit with a pair of black heels.

"Looks like someone's looking to get some tonight!"

Gabby's eyes widened, "Leslie!" She nodded her head towards Eli.

"Oh he has no idea what I'm talking about." Shay walked farther into the apartment. "Hey Augustus Samuel!" She eagerly took into her own arms. "I know there's another middle name but I can't remember it." Shay perched Gus on her hip and looked back over at Gabby. "Ok, girlie, anything I need to know?"

"Well they've both had dinner, been bathed and are in their pajamas. If you could just give them a snack before bed that would be great. Gus usually passes out around eight and Eli is usually in bed by nine but I told him that if he's good you might let him watch tv a little bit longer. Your call, though."

Shay nodded, "got it." She leaned in, "If this thing goes well into the night and you end up crashing at Matt's place, that's totally cool with me, just send me a text."

"It's just a date, Shay." Gabby insisted.

"I'm just saying, it's been a while and if one thing leads to another…"

"Leslie!"

Shay put her free hand up in defense, "ok, ok."

Gabby checked the time on her phone, "I should get going. He's supposed to meet me outside in a few minutes." She slipped her phone in her clutch and turned to Eli, "Have a good night, Eli."

Eli looked up and noticed for the first time his mom wasn't in her work clothes, he scrunched his face up in confusion, "where are you going?"

"I'm going to go have dinner with a friend."

"But you ate dinner with me and Gus."

"Well, yes, but I'm going to go catch up with a friend."

He mulled over his mom's words for a few seconds before nodding, seemingly accepting her response. "Oh, ok." He stood up and stepped over his cars, giving his mom a hug. "Te amo," he whispered.

"Te amo," Gabby whispered back, kissing his cheek. She stood up and turned her attention to Gus, she brushed her hand across his cheek and leaned in to kiss his nose, "te amo." She pulled back and looked at Shay, "thanks, again."

Shay followed Gabby to the door. "No worries."

Gabby stopped and turned back at Shay, a worried look on her face, "does this dress really make me look desperate? Because that's not really the look I'm going for. And I definitely don't want him to think that I'm some sort of cheap lay."

"Gabriela Dawson, you could be wearing a paper bag and Matt's jaw would still drop." She nudged her out the door, "now go."

The car ride to their destination—which had remained unknown by Gabby, consisted of small talk. Nothing too deep. Both of them were dealing with the first date jitters and didn't want to leave too much silence for fear of awkwardness setting in.

Gabby was impressed when Matt pulled up to the curb to a new Italian restaurant that was rumored to have a three month waiting list for reservations.

She could feel Matt's eyes on her as she perused the menu. She looked up, her eyes catching his and suddenly feeling a lot more self-conscious than she already did. "What?"

"I know I said it when I picked you up, but you look absolutely beautiful."

Because they were in a dimly lit restaurant, Gabby was hoping Matt didn't see the red that had crept into her cheeks. She smiled shyly, not quite used to compliments—especially from a guy that was interested in her. "Thanks." She cleared her throat nervously, not knowing what else to say. So used a tactic she'd come quite good at using. Deflection. "The boys actually kept themselves busy long enough for me to get ready."

Matt could see the lack of confidence in Gabby and hoped that one day she would believe him when he complimented her. But for that to happen, she had to first give him a chance to prove that there were still good guys out there. He didn't know much about the last guy who'd had gotten—and ruined, the opportunity to know Gabby's heart, but from what he could tell, the guy had taken advantage of it. He'd tried questioning Shay and Severide, but both refused to say much of anything.

"How are the boys?"

"They're good. Eli keeps asking about going back to the firehouse and Gus is becoming a little terror." She pushed her hair from her face and sighed, "He's giving Eli a run for his money."

"You've got two very rambunctious boys."

"Understatement of the year," Gabby joked. Her smile faltered and she fell serious, "but I honestly don't know where I'd be without them. They're my whole world."

Matt smiled, "And I'll bet anything you're just as important to them."

The waiter appeared but it wasn't until he spoke did Gabby pull her eyes away from Matt. "You two ready to order?"

* * *

Matt started to open his car door but stopped when he felt Gabby's hand on his arm. He looked down at her hand before drawing his gaze up to hers.

"Can we just stay here for a little bit?" she whispered.

"Yeah," Matt nodded. "Ok."

"Good."

There was a beat of silence before Matt spoke again. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't want to talk."

"What do you..."

Gabby's lips crashed into Matt's.

Although he was caught completely off guard, it didn't take Matt much time to find his footing. His hands cupped Gabby's face, slowly slipping back and tangling into her dark curls as kiss deepened. Gabby was nearly on top of him, fighting to stay in control of the kiss. Their hands wandered freely, learning the curves of each other's body. Matt knew if he didn't stop things now, then he wouldn't be able to and he wanted to make sure this was what Gabby wanted. Regretfully, he pulled back, panting for air. His eyes searched hers, "we don't have to do this yet. It's just the first date, I don't want you to think I'm only after one thing."

Gabby shook her head, breaking eye contact with him and pulling back. "I know, I know you're not." She ran her hands through her hair and leaned back against the seat of the car. "You're right, though." Her eyes closed briefly as she silently berated herself for being so stupid. The date obviously hadn't went well on his end. "It was just a date. I should...I should go."

"Gabby..." Matt sighed and got out of his car. He hurried around to the passenger side, meeting her as she stepped out of the car. "Hey, hey." He tugged at her hand and she looked up at him.

"It's fine. I get it. You don't need to explain, Matt." Oh god, could the ground just swallow her up whole? She cleared her throat and mustered up a smile. "Thanks for dinner."

"Let me at least walk you to your door."

"No, it's fine. I can manage. I'm sure I'll see you around."

* * *

_Soo...that's not how I intended on having the date end but my muse got the best of me and a different plot turn took over! Anyways, thanks for all the reviews! Keeps me going! So sorry the update took a bit! Just so you all know, I take my writing very seriously (hoping to one day be a published author for some of my original stuff) so if you ever have any critiques or whatnot, don't be afraid to message me! _

_On a side note, Dawsey seems to be in some trouble! But hey, what's a journey without a few bumpy roads. I also get the feeling there is some foreshadowing for Gabby starting to miss life as a paramedic. Just my observations, though. Anyways, review away! :) _


	5. Chapter 5

How Will I Know

Chapter Five

Gabby tried to be quiet as she opened the door enough just to slip inside. She took a breath as she leaned against the door, hoping to get herself together before she saw Shay.

Too late.

"You're back early...hey, hey, what's wrong?" Shay sat the baby monitor down and hurried over to Gabby. "What happened?"

"I'm so stupid."

"Gabby, just tell me what happened."

Gabby kicked her heels off and walked over to the couch. "Long story short, I don't think I'm ready to be dating again."

Shay knew Gabby wasn't telling her everything but she could also see the pure exhaustion in her friend's face and knew the conversation would definitely be continuing tomorrow. She was planning on interrogating Matt as soon as she got to work tomorrow.

After giving Gabby a quick update of the boys' night, Shay bid her friend a goodnight, promising to see her soon.

Gabby had just pulled the covers up to her chin when she heard the little the tiny set of feed pat across the hardwood floor outside her room. A minute later and her door was being pushed open, Eli poking his head into her room.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"

Gabby sighed, it didn't happen very often but on occasion, the five year old would ask to sleep in her room. "Elijah…"

"Please? I missed you tonight."

Gabby caved. "Just this one time." She held up the coves so he could climb in.

Eli grinned and shut the door before hurrying over to his mom's bed. He scrambled onto the bed and cuddled into his mother's side. "Te amo, mama."

"Te amo." She kissed his head full of hair.

"To the moon and back?"

"Forever and always."

It wasn't long before Eli was sound asleep and Gabby once again found herself alone in the darkness of the night. Oh how she wished she could push aside all of the thoughts dancing around in her head and fall asleep just as quickly as Eli did. She continued to lay there as the seconds and eventually minutes went by but instead of her eyes growing heaving from exhaustion, they grew heavy from the tears she was trying to hold back.

The following morning, Shay practically marched into Firehouse 51, intent on starting her shift by finding Matt and possibly verbally assaulting him. She found him exactly where she thought she would, in the kitchen. "Casey! Your office, now!"

The forkful of eggs stopped halfway to Matt's mouth and he looked up, his eyes meeting Shay's across the kitchen. "I'm kind of in the middle of eating." And to be honest, he was kind of afraid of Shay right now. The girl wasn't someone to cross.

"And I kind of need to talk to you. So either we can have the conversation in private or we can have it here…" she waved her hand around, "in front of everybody else."

"Fine." Matt dropped his fork on his plate and stood up. He walked past Shay and headed for his office.

Cruz looked between the two, "well we know it's not a lover's quarrel…." He turned his attention to Severide. "Any ideas?"

Kelly shook his head and swallowed his food. "Not getting in the middle of this."

"I bet it has to do with Dawson," Otis commented. "Those two were giving each other looks throughout the entire fourth of July picnic."

Herrmann dropped the newspaper he'd been reading and looked over at Otis in surprise. "Gabby? Our little Gabby Dawson? You think she is hooking up with Casey?"

"Not our business, guys." Severide scooted his chair back and stood up, taking his empty dishes with him.

"Well if Lieutenant's behavior is any indication…then yes, Dawson and Casey are in fact hooking up."

The paramedic who was filling in for the week while Shay's normal partner was on vacation, chuckled under his breath. All eyes landed on him.

"Got something to say, Ross?" Herrmann dared.

Ross shrugged, "what? I went to school with the girl. I've seen how she is with guys. Didn't she just have another kid with a different guy?"

"What's your point, Ross?"

"I'm just saying the girl gets around."

"And I'm just saying you need to shut your fucking mouth!" Severide had been on his way out of the kitchen, not wanting to be a part of the conversation when he'd heard the paramedic's comments. He marched over to the table and got in Ross' face. "You don't know Dawson!"

Ross smirked, "Really? Because-"

"I'd stop if I were you," Herrmann was now standing up, arms crossed as he stared down Ross. "You've already gone too far. You're about to really piss off a whole lot of guys that consider Dawson to be family."

"Ok, fine." Ross put his hands up in surrender. "Just trying to have a little fun."

"Well don't." Cruz bit out.

Back in Matt's office, Shay slammed the door shut and rounded on him. "Care to enlighten me as to why Gabby was nearly in tears when she came home last night?"

"Damnit," Matt mumbled, plopping down in his chair and running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I knew she seemed a little upset but…"

Shay crossed her arms, showing no signs of settling her obvious anger. "But what? What did you say to her, Matt?"

"I turned her down."

"You what?" Shay yelled. "You practically begged her to go on a date with you and then you turn her down when she makes a move? Have you lost your mind?"

"It's not what you think, Shay! Gabby kissed me and things started to get a little heated, I didn't want her to think that sex was the only thing on my mind so I put a stop to it. I thought I was being a gentleman but she took it the wrong way."

The anger started to leave Shay and her body relaxed. "She's scared, Matt."

"I know, I know…." He sighed, "I just wish I knew why. You should have seen the look in her eyes when I stopped her. The way she recoiled…it was almost like I had hit her. And that's when it occurred to me that maybe….the boys, their dad, did he hit Gabby?"

Shay threw her head back in frustration, debating whether or not answer Matt's question truthfully. She leveled her head and met Matt's eyes. "Gus' dad."

"What?"

Shay sighed and leaned against Matt's desk, "this isn't my business to tell, Matt." She cleared her throat, "Gabby's last boyfriend—if you could even call him that, is just Gus' father, not Eli's. And to call him abusive is a bit of an understatement. He conned his way into her life and subsequently into Eli's life. Not only that, but he was a major criminal so he also managed to create a rift between Gabby and her brother."

Matt nodded, trying to take it all in. "And Eli's dad?"

"Never met him. Gabby started working for 51 when Eli was just a few months old. I didn't know her too well so I tried not to ask too many questions. She was very reserved. Despite how strong and smart she was as a paramedic—or now, as a nurse; she's very timid in her personal life." Shay shook her head and stood up straight, "I've said more than enough, Matt. You need to talk to Gabby about this, not me. I'm just hoping this gave you a little bit of an insight on her."

"It did." He grabbed his radio from his desk. "If chief asks, tell him we took the truck out to fuel up."

Shay nodded, "sure thing." But Matt was already out of his office and yelling into the kitchen, "Let's go, guys! We're going for a ride!"

"Where to, Lieutenant?" Cruz asked.

"Lakeshore."

* * *

"Gabby!"

Gabby had been walking across the employee parking lot, just feet away from the automatic double door entrance when she heard Matt's voice. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the bright red engine. She stopped, thankful for the pair of sunglasses that hid her tired eyes.

Matt turned to Cruz, "take a drive around the block."

"Sure thing, boss."

Matt jumped out of the truck and jogged up to Gabby. "Hey, thanks for waiting." With her sunglasses perched over her eyes, Matt couldn't exactly read her. "May I?" He asked, his hands motioning to her sunglasses. Despite herself, Gabby gave a slight nod and Matt pushed her sunglasses atop her head. The lack of sleep was evident in her eyes but it was the slight puffiness around her eyes that confirmed his worries. She had been crying. And recently.

She cleared her throat, "I only have a few minutes until shift starts."

"Then I'll try and make it quick."

"Starting with what you're doing here."

"To clear the air."

Gabby shook her head, "what do you mean?"

"Do you think I didn't have a good time last night?"

"Matt…"

"Because I had a great time and believe me, a huge part of me wanted to finish what you started but I was trying to be a gentleman and show that I didn't have to sleep with you on the first date."

Gabby frowned, more annoyed than anything by Matt's confession. "But I'm a big girl, Matt. I can make decisions for myself."

"I know that," he sighed. "I just get the feeling that the last guy you were with kind of screwed you over and I don't want you to think I'm another one of those guys."

"What did Shay say to you?"

"Nothing that I didn't already figure out on my own."

Gabby raised a brow, she couldn't help but feel a little bit angry towards Matt for thinking he'd figured it out. He thought he'd figured her out. Hell, she hadn't even figured herself out so there was no way he'd figured her out. "Do tell. What is it you believe you've figured out?"

Matt could see the invisible bricks set in place as the wall Gabby had in front of her became taller. He sighed and took a step towards her, taking her free hand in his. "I don't know everything about you, Gabby so I'm not going to even assume to understand or know what you've gone through." He took a breath, "But maybe in the past….with other guys, you haven't been given the amount of respect you deserve. And last night, in my own way, by keeping things from going any further, I guess I was trying to show you that you have my respect."

"I'm not broken," she said, a slight tone of defense evident in her voice.

"That's not what I'm saying," Matt insisted. He sighed, trying to think of a better way to explain it. "I want to treat you with all the respect you deserve and so much more."

Gabby checked her watch, wanting this conversation to be over before it got too deep. She didn't have time for this conversation right now. "I have to go."

"I'll call you later?"

"Ok," she nodded her head. "Yeah, ok."

"Hey, wait." Matt tugged on Gabby's hand, stopping her from going very far. He brushed his lips ever so softly against hers and pulled back, smiling. "Have a good day."

Gabby nodded, speechless. "You, too."

* * *

Eli sat on the edge of his bed, his legs swinging off the side as he watched his mom go through his clothes. "I wish you and Gus could come with me."

"I know, baby. I do too."

Gabby's brother along with his wife and kids, were leaving for their annual summer trip to the Dominican Republic tomorrow morning and Eli was going to take the trip with them. Gabby hadn't been able to get the time off to go with them but she'd agreed to let Eli go. She wasn't sure who was more nervous, her or him. The last time she'd gone more than a day without seeing him was after she'd had Gus and was forced to stay in the hospital for a week.

"Tio Tonio said maybe next year."

"He's right, sweetie. Hopefully next year I can get the time off and Gus will be old enough to go, too." She emptied Gus' things from the monster truck bag she'd been using as a diaper bag and handed it to Eli. "Here, you can put a few toys and books in here. This is the bag that will stay with you on the plane, so make sure it's stuff you really want to take."

Eli took the bag and hopped off the bed, "but this is Gus' bag now."

"Well you're just going to borrow it for the trip."

"Ok. Can I take my fire truck book? And my motorcycle one? I want to show Abuela that I can read."

"Of course you can, buddy." Gabby smiled to herself as she went back to putting together enough outfits for Eli that would last a week and a half. He hadn't even started kindergarten yet and already he was reading. He wasn't great at it but every night she was home, he'd read them a night-time story. A lot of the times Gabby had to help him sound the words out and once in a while just tell him the word; but she'd never been prouder of the educational strides he was making before actually even starting school.

"Do you think we can go visit the firehouse before I leave?"

Gabby zipped up the bag and checked the time. She'd only worked a half day so she could spend some time with Eli before tomorrow morning's flight and they had a few hours before they had to be at Antonio's for dinner. "You know what? I think that's a great idea."

"Really?" Eli's brown eyes widened in excitement. "Seriously?"

Gabby laughed, at Eli's enthusiasm. "Seriously. We'll go as soon as your brother wakes up from his nap."

"Yes!"

It would give Gabby another opportunity to have both Gus and Eli around Matt but in a group setting. She wanted to open herself up to Matt and continue whatever it was they had started but it wasn't just her own heart holding her back; it was the fear of breaking her children's hearts that kept her from really opening up to Matt.

Gabby had taken the opportunity to spend a bit more time on her appearance than normal while was napping.

Gabby was little bit apprehensive about showing up at the firehouse since everybody now knew she was dating Matt? Dating? She thought to herself, was that the right word?

The minute Eli saw Matt, he dropped his mother's hand and went running towards him. "Lieutenant Matt!" Eli's eyes widened as he realized Matt was in all of his gear. "Did you just fight a fire?"

Matt hid his surprise pretty well and glanced up at Gabby who was still making her way into the garage with Gus. He turned his gaze back to Eli. "Sure did, buddy."

"Did you save everybody?"

"Well, it was an empty building so luckily there wasn't anybody inside."

"Oh," Eli nodded. "Well did you save the building?"

"It's going to need some work but it should be ok."

Shay jumped from the back of the rig just as Gabby walked up to it; causing her friend to jump. She smirked, "did not expect to see you here today."

Gabby shrugged and dropped her gaze from the interaction between Eli and Matt; turning her attention to Shay. "Eli leaves for the Dominican Republic with Antonio tomorrow morning and I can't go with him. Since I only worked a half day, I decided we'd do what Eli wanted to do. I won't see him for ten days."

"Oh, so you feel guilty?" Shay smirked, "and here I was hoping maybe it was your urge to see Casey and make up with him." She nudged Gabby, "he's got a pretty roomy office. Not so sure it's soundproof, though."

"Shay!"

Gabby could feel heat on her cheeks. "For your information, Matt stopped by the hospital earlier today."

"Oh trust me, I know."

"How-"

"Hey, Gabby."

Gabby was startled by the familiar voice and turned around, she paled as soon as her eyes met the owner of the voice; confirming the dread that had formed in the pit of her stomach. "Ross…hey..."

"Oh come on," he chuckled, "we know each other too well to be using last names." He smirked, "But it has been awhile."

"Almost six years. I didn't realize you were working for 51." Instinctively, Gabby took a step back, nearly running into Shay.

"It's just temporary."

"Right." Gabby adjusted Gus in her arms and scanned the garage; she didn't see Eli or Matt, so they must have went on into the firehouse. She turned back to Ross, "well, I really can't say that it's been a pleasure running into you again."

Bobby Ross' cocky grin was on full display as he leaned in closer to Gabby, "Whatever you say, _Gabriela_."

Shay watched the interaction between Gabby and Ross in great confusion but also in absolute disgust. The way Ross dragged his eyes up and down Gabby's body while smirking in satisfaction filled Shay with anger. "Don't you have inventory that you could be doing, Ross?"

"On it, _boss._" Ross gave one final smirk before turning around and lifting himself into the back of the ambulance.

"Gabby," Shay spoke, gently nudging her friend's elbow. "Let's head inside."

Gabby nodded, "yeah, ok." She followed Shay into the firehouse and relief washed over her when she spotted Eli in Matt's office, looking at the different pictures hanging on his wall.

"You ok?" Shay whispered.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Gabby assured.

"Can't fool me, Dawson. How do you know Ross?"

"We uh…" Gabby cleared her throat, "we went to school together."

"That's it?"

"As far as I'm concerned," Gabby nodded, "yes, that's it."

Shay didn't believe Gabby for even a minute. "Six years?"

"What?" Gabby couldn't keep her eyes away from Eli, terrified of all the possibilities that could happen with the different people that were currently present in the firehouse.

"You said you hadn't seen Ross in six years."

"Yeah, so?"

"Eli turned five a few months ago." The wheels had already turned in Shay's head, putting two and two together. "He's Eli's dad, isn't he?"

"According to him, he isn't," Gabby bit out angrily.

* * *

_It's my longest chapter yet! Thanks so much for the amount of reviews! They actually inspire me to write; whenever I'm stuck on a scene, I'll go reread my reviews. Hope those of you that live in the U.S. like me had a great Thanksgiving! And also, thanks to those international readers who take the time to review, too! :) One last thing...we all know Dawsey is endgame on the show...just remember that. _


	6. Chapter 6

How Will I Know

Chapter Six

"Wait, so he denies being Eli's father?" Shay shook her head in both shock and disgust. "I always knew Ross was an ass but I didn't realize he was a deadbeat, too."

"We only hooked up a few times…ok, more than a few times. But I wasn't with anybody else at that time." Gabby explained. She knew a little bit about what was said about her. The assumptions that were made. Two kids with two different guys, that right there was enough for peoples' imaginations to run rampant. Despite the reckless choices she'd made in the past, it still gave no one the right to judge her. Even then, though, she felt the need to explain herself to Shay. "I told him as soon as I found out and he flipped out. Long story short, he called me a whore and said he wasn't sure the child was even his. So yes, if you were to ask Ross, he would deny being Eli's father."

"Damn," Shay whispered. "With a brother like yours, it's a wonder Ross still has two working legs."

Gabby cleared her throat and dropped her gaze from Shay's, "yeah, well, I might have told Antonio that the pregnancy was the result of a one night stand and that I wasn't really sure who the guy was."

"Dawson!" Shay was shocked. "You let Antonio believe it was just a one-time thing?"

"Seemed like the simple thing to do at the time."

"Am I interrupting girl talk?" Matt walked up behind them, causing both women to jump slightly. He laughed, "I'll take that as a yes."

Shay rolled her eyes, "you just want to know if we're talking about you." She turned to Gabby, "you're going to find out sooner or later, but Casey is a bit full of himself."

Gabby met Matt's eyes and grinned, "yeah, I kind of got that impression already."

Matt matched Gabby's smile, "really? You two are going to double team me?" He shook his head and turned his attention to Gus, holding his palm out. The toddler grinned and grasped a few of Matt's fingers. "What about you, buddy? Are you on my side?" Matt looked back over at Gabby. "Any closer to walking?"

With Ross still working on inventory in the back of the ambulance and Eli hanging out in the break room with Severide, Gabby relaxed a little and focused her attention on her youngest son.

"Not really," she replied. "And as mean as it sounds, that's ok with me. I'm still trying to get rest of the apartment baby proofed so Gus spends most of his time either in his playpen or in his walker." She rolled her eyes, "not to mention, the bathroom door won't completely shut and my lazy landlord has basically been ignoring me for the past two weeks."

"Well why don't I stop by and fix it?"

"Would you?" Gabby asked. "I mean, as long as it's no trouble for you…"

Matt shook his head, "spending time with you is never a trouble for me."

Shay was enjoying watching the interaction between the two so much that she nearly cussed out loud when she heard the alarm go off for ambulance 61. "That's my cue," she kissed Gus' cheek and patted Gabby's arm. "I'll call you tonight. And tell Eli I said have a good time in the Dominican." She rushed away, leaving the three alone.

Another ring went off, this time it was Gabby's phone. "Oh, that's me." Gabby groaned, realizing her phone was buried in her purse. She looked over at Matt, almost embarrassed. "Can you hold him for a second?"

"Oh," Matt was completely caught off guard. "Yeah, sure." He barely had time to answer before Gus was in his arms. He braced himself for the toddler's cries and was surprised when all the little boy did was look up at him with big brown eyes that mirrored his mother's. "Hey, Gus." Matt adjusted Gus so he was at his side. "Looks like you're starting to warm up to me. I guess third time's a charm," he joked. The little boy remained unimpressed, "not funny? Ok, I'll work on my jokes."

She laughed, catching the end of what Matt had said and sent a quick reply to the text she'd received before slipping her phone into her back pocket. "Don't take it personal. He can keep a serious face with the best of them." She tickled Gus' side, earning a small giggle in response. "You just have to know where his tickle spots are." She took him back into her arms, "see, there's your smile."

Matt smiled, he loved watching Gabby interact with her children; it seemed to be the only time she ever let her guard completely down. "So uh…" he started, remembering what he'd heard Shay say before she left for the call. "You guys are taking a trip to the Dominican Republic?"

"Eli is. He's going with my brother and his family. I can't get off work for that long of a time so Gus and I are going to stay here in Chicago." She checked her watch, "speaking of which, we have to go. We're having dinner at my brother's tonight."

"Good luck trying to get Eli away from the dog. I think they've become best friends," Matt quipped, leading the way into the break room.

"Hey! There's our lieutenant!" Herrmann called. "We were beginning to think you'd be replaced by the youngest lieutenant in Chicago's history, Eli Dawson."

"I'm not going to be just a firefighter, Mr. Herrmann." Eli said, jumping up from where he'd been playing with Pouch.

Gabby raised a brow, curious as to what Eli had decided he was going to be when he grew up. It changed at least once a week. "Oh yeah? What else are you going to be?" If Antonio heard ever found out that Eli would rather be a firefighter over a cop; she'd never hear the end of it.

"I'm gonna be a superhero! So I can keep people safe like Tio, put out fires like Matt and make people all better like you!"

"He dreams big," Severide quipped, ruffling Eli's hair.

"Ah, he gets it from his mom," Herrmann commented, turning to Gabby. "When I first met you, you had a list of goals at least half a mile long."

"Oh yeah?" Matt asked, curious.

Gabby cleared her throat and shot Herrmann a small smile, "As fun as it would be to take a trip down memory lane, the boys and I have dinner plans at my brother's." She turned her attention to Eli. "Come on, Elijah. We have to get going if we want to make it to Antonio's in time for dinner."

"Oh! I have to tell Matt!" Eli turned his attention to the lieutenant. "Guess what?"

"What, buddy?"

"I'm gonna fly on a plane tomorrow! I've never been on one before."

Gabby shook her head, grinning, "you've been on a plane before, Eli. You were just a baby so you don't remember."

"Well," Eli pursed his lips together in thought. "That's kind of the same thing if I don't remember it."

"If you say so, let's go, baby. Tell everybody thanks for letting you hang out with them."

"I have to go to the bathroom, though!"

Gabby was sure Eli was just trying to drag out having to leave the firehouse but nodded, "ok. Come on, I'll show you where it is."

"I'm gonna use the firefighter's bathroom, right?" Eli asked as he walked down the hall between Matt and Gabby.

"Yep. It's the bathroom that we all use," Matt answered. They stopped at the end of the hallway and Matt pushed the blue door open, making sure the bathroom was empty. "There ya go, kiddo." Once the door had stopped swinging and settled shut, Matt turned his attention to Gabby and grinned. "See? He likes me already."

"Yes, but he only knows you as Lieutenant Matt. My _friend._" If Gabby was being completely honest, though, she was relieved that both boys were taking a liking to Matt.

"Buzz kill," Matt joked. He glanced over his shoulder and made sure nobody was watching before slipping his arm around Gabby's waist and pulling her closer to him. Which wasn't that much with Gus in her arms.

"Matt," Gabby whispered, completely caught off guard. "What are you doing?"

"Well I was hoping I could sneak a quick kiss before Eli comes back but you're doing an awful lot of talking." He took Gabby's small smile as an invitation and pressed his lips to hers, barely kissing her before they heard the door start to open and had to quickly pull apart.

"Ok!" Eli announced, completely oblivious. "I'm ready now."

"Well it was nice seeing you again, Eli." Matt put his fist out and grinned when Eli bumped it with his own little fist. "Have a good trip, ok?" Next time you're around, I'll show you how to use the hose."

Eli grinned, "yes!"

* * *

Dinner with Antonio, Laura and the kids was pretty uneventful. Gabby was content to sit back and eat; letting the kids dictate the dinner conversation. If she was honest, she didn't think she'd be able to have a focused conversation at the moment. Once she and the boys had left the firehouse, her thoughts immediately went to her run in with Ross. She'd been able to shrug off the worry one Ross had left to go on a call and she'd been consumed with talking to Matt but as soon as she got into her car, all of the stress came flooding back.

Antonio knew the minute Gabby walked into the house that something was bothering her.

"Ok, spill." Antonio said once he was alone in the kitchen with Gabby.

"What?" Gabby asked even though she knew it was useless to stall the inevitable.

"Come on, Gabs, let's skip the bullshit…what's on your mind?"

Gabby shrugged and turned her attention back to cleaning the dishes. "I guess I'm just a little worried about Eli." That part was true.

"He's gonna have fun." Antonio assured her. "And I'll make sure he spends plenty of time with mom and dad. You'll get phone calls every night, constant picture updates and you know I will guard him with my life."

"I know you will, Antonio." She wiped her hands dry and sat the dish towel back on the counter before turning to completely face her brother. "I've never gone that long without seeing him. But I trust you…probably the most out of anyone."

"Well a girl should have unwavering trust in her big brother." Antonio crosses his arms, "but are you sure this has nothing to do with a guy?"

"What? What do you mean?" There was no way he could've found out about Ross.

Antonio raised a brow. "Lieutenant Casey? Or has that run it's course already?"

Gabby felt the relief wash over her and rolled her eyes, "if you must know, we had a date last night." She crossed her arms, "but that's all the details you're getting."

"I have a feeling that's all the details I want."

She gasped, "Antonio? Whatever it is you are insinuating, did not happen!" Although, she did try to make it happen.

Antonio put his hands up in defense, "hey, I'm not insinuating anything. Just be careful, Gabs. From what I can remember about Casey, he's a good guy. But we all know your track record…"

"Yeah, yeah…" Gabby rolled her eyes. "You've given me the talk plenty of times."

"And maybe this time you'll actually listen."

She groaned, not wanting to go down this road with her brother again. "Antonio, please don't…"

"Ok, ok." Antonio draped an arm around Gabby and pulled her close, kissing her forehead. "But you know you'll always be my responsibility. Even if you are about to turn the big 2-5."

"Says the thirty five year old who still can't do his own laundry."

"Hey now, I can't help it ma always _insisted _on doing my laundry."

"Yeah, yeah...whatever you say, bro."

It was another hour or so before Gabby bid her eldest son good-bye, smothering him with at least a dozen hugs and kisses.

The following morning, Gabby awoke to her phone buzzing across her night stand. She winced against the sunlight that was sneaking in through the curtains and reached for her phone. Antonio had texted her about an hour an a half ago letting her know they were boarding the plane so she knew it couldn't be him. She blinked a few times until her vision went from seeing double to one solid sight. She smiled sleepily when she realized it was a text from Matt.

_I bet it's a bit quiet there without Eli._

_Too quiet. _She checked the time, it was a little after seven. _You off shift?_

_Yep. Just left the firehouse. _

Gabby's thumbs hovered over the keyboard on her screen as she debated whether or not to text the first thing that came to her mind. She did._ . Come over? I'll make breakfast. _

He responded almost instantly. _I might be standing outside your door. I know it's uninvited but I come in peace and by that, I mean I have coffee.__  
_

Gabby's eyes widened and she hurried out of bed to check her appearance. She hastily pulled her hair up and sent Matt a quick text. _Give me five minutes__  
_

After checking on Gus to make sure he was still sleeping, Gabby continued towards the bathroom to at least make herself a bit presentable. She quickly brushed her teeth and hurried back down the hall to the door.

She willed herself to relax before unlocking the door and opening it. She smiled the minute she looked up and met his eyes, "hey."

"Morning!" He let his eyes briefly trail Gabby's body and her attire—or lack of one, for that matter.

Suddenly remembering what little she'd worn to bed-short gray cotton shorts and a faded red tank top, Gabby felt a bit self-conscious under Matt's gaze.

He cleared his throat and met her gaze. "Sorry. I didn't mean to stare, it's just...you're just...beautiful." He felt his face flush as he tripped over his words. "Uh, is this a bad time? Were you still sleeping? I can come back later?"

Gabby shook her head, "Nope. You've got coffee, you're staying." She moved over so he could step into her apartment and shut the door behind him. "So which one's mine?" Matt handed her the cup in his left hand Gabby happily took a sip. She grinned, "you remembered."

"Of course I did." He took a step closer, the courage that had convinced him to stop by in the first had somehow been renewed and he removed the cup of coffee from her hands. He sat it aside on the coffee table along with his own cup. "So I have to admit, I might have had other intentions than just dropping off a cup of coffee."

"Oh?" Gabby asked, the butterflies in her stomach that had made habit of coming around whenever she was with Matt had reappeared. "What kind of intentions?"

Matt's eyes dropped to Gabby's lips, "For starters, I think I might have left things a little unfinished the other night after our date…" He cupped her face in his hands and leaned down to kiss her. First his kisses were soft, silently asking her if this was what she wanted. He got his answer when her hands slipped around his neck, pushing his head down farther, deepening the kiss.

He guided her up against the wall, taking control and showing her how much he wanted it; how sorry he was for stopping her advances the last time they were alone.

Suddenly Gabby was pressing her hands against Matt's chest and putting space between them. She looked up at him, her gaze vulnerable. She tried to catch her breath and thoughts. "I….we...we really shouldn't be doing this."

"And why is that?"

"It could get complicated."

"But isn't that life?" Matt countered. "Making choices and then dealing with the consequences. Whether they be bad or good?"

Gabby raised a brow, "don't get all philosophical on me, Casey."

"Ok, ok," Matt chuckled. "I'll make it simpler. Do you want this?"

Her eyes not leaving his, Gabby nodded. Without another word, she took his hand and started leading him towards her bedroom.

* * *

_Hope you liked it! Reviews are lovely!_

_I can't even talk about the finale right now._


	7. Chapter 7

How Will I Know

Chapter Seven

"Damn, girl, what is this? Christmas in July? You're all lit up like a freaking Christmas tree." Shay smirked as the blush crept into Gabby's cheeks. "Oh come on, don't be embarrassed."

"What are you doing here?" Gabby asked. Since Matt was off today, she knew Shay was too.

"You're changing the subject but I'm gonna let it slide. I'm here to have lunch with Kendra."

"And here I thought you were here to see me," Gabby quipped. She handed off a patient's chart to another nurse and walked around the counter of the nurse's station. "I think Kendra's assisting in a surgery. Wanna walk with me to get some coffee while you wait?"

Shay smirked, "and how many cups does that make for you today?"

"You're relentless, you know that?"

"It's what I do best."

"So I've figured out." Gabby could feel someone's eyes on her and looked up to see Hallie glaring as she passed by with another doctor. "That makes glare number four today."

Shay's eyes caught Hallie's gaze. "I see her attitude hasn't changed," she mumbled to Gabby.

"You know Dr. Thomas? I have no idea what I did to her but she has been nothing but cold to me these past two weeks."

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"She's Matt's ex fiancé."

"Oh," Gabby whispered. "Well I guess that explains it."

Shay shook her head, "that doesn't give her a right to be bitch to you, though. Want me to talk to her?"

"No, no." Gabby shook her head, "that'll just make things worse."

* * *

Gabby was in the beginning stages of preparing dinner when her phone started to ring. She reached up and grabbed the box of macaroni before hurrying to the kitchen table to get her phone. Not recognizing the number, Gabby sat her phone back down and let it ring. If it was something important, whoever was on the other line would leave a message. Her phone beeped, signaling the missed call and without another second passing it started ringing again. This went on the three times before Gabby decided to answer it. "Hello?" Silence. "Hello?" There was some shuffling in the background before the line went dead.

Gabby rolled her eyes and sat her phone aside. "Whatever," she mumbled. She'd been waiting for Antonio to call and whoever was calling her was tying up her chances to talk to Eli.

With still a few days until Eli was back home, Gabby cherished the daily phone calls she got with Eli. She missed him so much; his witty banter, his constant questions about anything and everything. She knew Gus missed him, too. Even if he was too young to voice it.

Finally, Antonio's name flashed across her screen and Gabby was answering before the first ring even had a chance to finish. "Hello?"

Antonio chuckled, "well that was quick."

Gabby rolled her eyes. "I miss my baby boy. Hey, did you try calling earlier?"

"No, why?"

"I kept getting this unknown number calling me and after the third time I finally answered; I heard breathing but nothing else."

"Huh. You said it was an unknown number?"

"Yeah." Gabby shrugged, "they haven't called back so maybe they realized I wasn't who they were trying to get a hold of."

"Yeah, maybe." Antonio sighed, "let me know if you keep getting the calls, though, ok?"

Gabby rolled her eyes. "Yeah, ok. Can I talk to my baby boy, now?"

There was some shuffling and finally Gabby heard Eli's voice. "Guess what I did today, mama?"

Gabby secured her phone between her shoulder and chin, leaving both hands free to make dinner. "Hmmm, I don't know. I hope it was something fun." After receiving over a dozen pictures from her father earlier in the day, she had a bit of an idea what Eli was going to say but wasn't going to spoil his excitement.

"It was! Abuelo took me and Diego to go swimming with dolphins!"

"Oh, wow! That's really cool, buddy. Did you have fun?"

"Yep! There were two of them! Their names were Hector and Erasmo! I think Erasmo liked me better than Diego. He kept laughing at me."

Gabby laughed. "I'm glad you're having fun there. Did you do anything else today?"

"Well, we went to the beach but we do that every day." There was a pause followed by a soft sigh, "I miss you, mommy. And I miss Gus even if he's always trying to take my toys."

"I miss you, too, Elijah. And I know Gus misses you too. But just remember, you'll be back in Chicago soon so just make sure you have lots of fun, ok?"

"Ok. Te amo, mommy. I'm gonna give the phone back to Tio."

"Te amo, sweetie." As Gabby moved across the kitchen, she could hear the shuffling of the phone from one person to another. She glanced over her shoulder, making sure Gus was still content with the handful of goldfish she'd sat on his tray.

"Hey, Gabs."

"Hey. Is he really doing ok? He's listening to you?"

"He's doing fine," Antonio reassured his sister. "He misses you guys. We all do."

Gabby took a shaky breath, going so long without seeing Elijah was really getting to her. "I miss him, too."

"And what about me?" Antonio asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Meh, I could go a few more weeks without you," Gabby joked.

"Ouch."

"Kidding."

* * *

Gus smacked his hands against the water and giggled in delight as it splashed everywhere. He wasn't used to having the tub all to himself during bath time. Gabby put one hand on Gus' forehead, blocking the shampoo from sneaking into his eyes and used the other to rinse the shampoo from his hair. He started to squirm, not happy with being constrained.

"I'm almost done," Gabby said to her youngest son.

She dropped the extendable shower head once she was finished and let Gus play in the tub another fifteen minutes before pulling the plug on the drain and letting the water slip down the drain. She smiled at Gus' reaction as he clapped his hands, for some reason his favorite part of bath time was watching the water run away from him and down the drain.

"Come on, Gus." She wrapped the pale yellow towel around his body and scooped him up out of the tub. "It's pajama time."

It was a fight to even get a diaper back on him but once she did, she sat him down on the floor in his bedroom and started to dig through the dresser looking for a clean pair of pajamas. Apparently she needed to do laundry. Again. She settled on a faded Bears tee that used to be Eli's and was about to grab a pair of shorts when she saw Gus start to take off out of the corner of her eye.

"Oh no you don't," she hurried over and stopped him just as he was about to crawl out into the hallway.

"Baba!"

"Jammies first, baby." She faintly heard the knock on her apartment door and sighed. "I guess clothes are gonna have to wait. Come on, let's go see who that is."

Gabby stood on her toes and glanced through the peep-hole, a small smile appeared on her face and she stepped back to open the door. "Hey."

"Hey." Matt held up his tool box, "I'm here to fix your bathroom door."

"Oh, right!" Gabby moved over to let him in, "I completely forgot." She silently berated herself for forgetting he was coming over. She would have attempted to clean the place up a little bit. Not to mention, make herself look a bit more presentable.

Gus grinned when he saw Matt, his legs kicking in excitement. "Hey, buddy! You're not giving your mom too hard of a time, are you?"

"He's making up for Eli's absence." Gabby shut the door and carried Gus over to the couch so she could sit down and put his pajamas on. She suddenly felt nervous and unsure of what to say. They'd exchanged a few text messages over the past few days but hadn't had a major conversation. There biggest conversation being last night when he'd sent her a text asking if her bathroom door still needed to be fixed.

Matt could feel Gabby's anxiety radiating off of her and he was quick to start a conversation. He pointed to the Bears tee that Gus was now wearing. "Bears, huh?"

"Hometown pride."

"I hear that." He sat his toolbox down and took a seat next to Gabby. "Have you ever been to a game?"

"Are you kidding me? Before Antonio became a detective, he worked security for the stadium to make extra money and taking me to the games with him was his way of babysitting. Although, if I'm honest, I usually ended up going off on my own."

Matt raised a brow, "why do I get the feeling you were a bit of a rebel as a child?"

"Ha, I'm not sure rebel is the right word. More like bratty teenager who did whatever she could to annoy her big brother."

Matt laughed, "I'll have to ask Antonio for some stories next time I see him."

"Oh God, please don't. He gets even more annoying when he's telling embarrassing stories about me."

"Ok, ok, I'll try not to ask." Matt grinned, "But if you're interested, I've got a buddy who has season tickets and he usually sells half of them...so maybe we could go to a game?"

Gabby nodded, not breaking eye contact with Matt. "Maybe." She held onto Gus as he stood up in her lap and reached for Matt's face.

Matt grinned, "I'm going to hold you to that maybe." He held his hands out for Gus, "can I?" He knew that it was a big step for Gabby, once again letting him around Gus and he really wanted to tread lightly. He grinned as Gus practically launched himself into Matt's arms, clearly recognizing him. "Hey there, big guy. Do you happen to know anything about tools? I could use an assistant."

* * *

Matt looked up when he heard Gabby come into the living room. "He asleep?"

"Finally." Gabby sat the baby monitor down and joined Matt on the couch. "He has more energy than he knows what to do with it."

"And here I thought it was my presence that got him hyped up," Matt joked.

"He was happy to see you," Gabby admitted. She took the plastic batman cup from Matt's hand and took a sip of the juice. When she'd offered him a drink while getting Gus' bottle ready for bed, she'd completely forgotten the lack of options her refrigerator carried. Especially adult options. She didn't like drinking alone and with her hardly ever having people over, there was no point in carrying alcohol in the house. "Sorry I didn't have anything else to offer."

Matt smirked and took the cup back, "no worries. I like cranberry juice." He finished off the juice and sat the cup down on the coffee table. "And the bright yellow batman cup gives it an extra touch. I'm happy to see Eli prefers D.C. over Marvel," he half joked.

"You don't even know the half of it, for the last three years, Eli has been batman for Halloween. I can't get him to be anything else. My brother even tried to convince him to dress as a cop last year but Eli insisted he wanted to be batman again. He's a very determined kid."

"I can see where he gets his determination from."

Gabby bit back her smile, not wanting to show Matt how much of an effect his words were having on her. She turned her body sideways so she was facing him and tucked her legs beneath her. "Are you trying to sweet talk me back into bed?"

Matt shrugged and reached his hand out to tuck a few stray locks that had slipped from her ponytail back behind her ear. "Is it working?"

Before she could second guess herself, Gabby slid into Matt's lap; the look on his face let her know she'd succeeded in catching him off guard. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed her forehead to his, "maybe." The tips of her fingers danced with the small hairs on the back of Matt's neck. "I mean, I know you start shift an hour earlier than usual tomorrow morning and I wouldn't want you to miss out on getting enough sleep…"

Gabby squealed when Matt suddenly stood up with her in his arms. "That's what coffee is for." He kissed her lips, "Now shh, no squealing. The fun can't start if you wake Gus up."

* * *

Matt finished tying his shoes and stood up, heading back into Gabby's bedroom. He smiled at the sight of her sleeping, he'd never seen her look so relaxed before. But then again, being a single mother to two boys wasn't exactly a stress free job. She was curled up in the center of her bed with a sheet draped casually over her. He took a seat at the edge of her bed and ran his fingers through her tangled hair. "Gabby?"

Gabby stirred and leaned into Matt's touch, "hmm?"

"I hate to wake you up but I've got to get going."

"Don't forget to stop for coffee," she mumbled.

Matt smirked, "even half asleep you've still got your sense of humor." He leaned down and kissed her lips, "I didn't want you to wake up to an empty bed."

The sincerity of Matt's words broke through the sleepy fog that Gabby was fighting against, causing Gabby to finally open her eyes and meet Matt's. She swallowed hard, his words really getting to her. She wasn't used to a guy treating her with so much respect and tenderness. In fact, with her last relationship, she'd convinced herself that respect was something she didn't deserve. She'd told herself she wasn't the girl that guys dreamed about; she was just the girl they took to bed. "Thank you," she finally whispered, dropping her gaze from his.

Matt frowned, he hadn't meant for his words to have such an effect on Gabby. "Hey," placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head so she was looking back up at him. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

"You didn't," Gabby insisted.

"Ok," Matt nodded. He kissed her once more, "I'll talk to you later?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah." She watched as Matt stood up and started to leave. "Matt?"

He turned around, "yeah?"

"Be careful."

He smiled, "I will."


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey guys! I realized after posting the last chapter that I forgot to add an author's note to thank everybody for reviewing! So thank you times two! I wanted to get this out sooner because everybody reviewed so quickly but this holiday season is proving to be a busy one. I'm basically running on empty. I'm an assistant manager for a retail store...so I've been working non-stop. I can't tell you how many times I sat down to write this chapter after work only to fall asleep. lol. Hopefully once the holidays are over, I will have more time to write, that includes Silence in the Dark and the third and final chapter to Change of Plans. I'm going to try to get one more chapter up before Christmas, but if I don't, I hope everybody has a happy Christmas! And if you don't celebrate Christmas, I still wish you happiness! Be blessed! :)_

How Will I Know

Chapter Eight

Having come straight from work and not taking the time to change, Gabby was still in her scrubs when she jogged up the steps to her brother's house and let herself inside.

"Mama!"

"Hey, baby…oh." Elijah jumped into his mother's arms, his entire weight knocking her back and almost causing her to fall. She peppered little kisses all over his face. "I missed you so much." She grinned and pulled back, "ok, let me take a look at you. Two arms, two legs, no missing teeth…I suppose you did make it back in one piece."

Elijah giggled. "Of course I did, mommy!"

"Well I'm just making sure." Gabby kissed Eli's nose before standing back up, "where's your uncle?"

"Coming." Gabby nearly laughed as she watched her brother struggle under a mountain of luggage. He dropped the bags at the foot of the steps, huffing. "I swear, we came back with twice as much luggage than we left with." He stood up straight and pulled his sister into a hug, "I see you survived." He looked around the living room. "Where's Gus?"

"With Shay. I came straight from work." She was startled when Eli wrapped his arms around her leg, "someone missed me." She combed her fingers through his hair, "you ready to go pick your brother up and then go home? Gus has missed you so much."

Eli nodded, "I'm sleepy."

"I can tell." Gabby's phone started to ring and thinking it was Shay, she pulled it from her pocket in a hurry. She rolled her eyes, it was the same unknown number that had been calling her for nearly two weeks now. She silenced the call and returned her phone to her pocket.

Antonio nodded towards Gabby's pocket, "same call?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to look into it?"

Gabby shook her head, "I'm sure it's nothing." Or at least she hoped that was the case. "They'll eventually give up."

* * *

Matt followed Kelly into the living room, surprised to see Shay on the couch with Gus sprawled out in her arms and drinking a bottle. His eyes danced around the room looking for Gabby. "I thought Gabby was working?"

"Calm down, lover boy," Shay quipped. "She is. That's why I've got Gus. Apparently her cousin had an appointment or something, didn't really get the whole story. Gabby was kind of in a frenzy when she called me."

"Oh," Matt replied. Gabby could have called him.

Recognizing Matt's voice, Gus' head popped up from Shay's shoulder, looking for Matt. He saw him right away and grinned, his dimples on full display.

"No turning back now," Kelly joked. "He's spotted you."

"That's because we're buds, aren't we?" Matt ruffled Gus' hair before continuing on and taking the beer Kelly was handing to him. He took a seat in the chair adjacent from the couch and checked his watch. "She should actually be off work now."

Shay smirked, "Keeping tabs on your girlfriend?"

"I'm not keeping tabs on her," Matt defended. He took a swig of his beer, "and I'm not sure she would appreciate you calling her my girlfriend."

"Oh, whatever. You two are dating, therefore she is your girlfriend. How is that going, by the way?"

Matt shrugged, "it's good. I can still see the apprehension, though."

Kelly smirked, raising his beer to his lips. "Apparently not in the bedroom."

Shay gasped, "Kelly! That is none of our business!"

"Says the gossip queen."

Matt chuckled, "Well she's been letting me around Gus but I think it's because he's too young to really understand why I'm around." He sighed, "so now that Eli is back, I'm a little worried she might backtrack."

"Just don't let her," Shay said. "But don't overdo it you, know?" There was a knock on the front door and Shay adjusted Gus in her arms. "That must be her." She stood up and handed Gus to Matt. "Here, hang out with your new best friend."

Shay hurried over to the door and pulled it open. "Hey, guys!" She looked down at Eli, "Elijah! Long time, no see!" She placed her hands on her hips and frowned, "have you gotten taller since the last time I saw you?"

Eli grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know."

"Well I think you might have. Not to mention, look at that tan!" Shay moved out of the way, letting the two inside.

At the sight of his big brother, Gus squirmed in Matt's arms until he was put down on the floor. He discarded his bottle and crawled over to Eli as fast as his little hands and knees would take him. "Eh!"

"Hi, Gus!" Eli grinned and dropped to the ground. He giggled as Gus tried but failed to crawl on top of him.

Gus lost interest in his brother as soon as he saw the stack of toys he'd been playing with earlier and he crawled away from Eli and over to his toys.

Eli looked up to see Matt sitting on the couch. "Lieutenant Matt!"

Matt smiled, "Hey, buddy. Did you have a good trip?"

"Yep!" Eli pushed himself off the ground and climbed up onto the couch next to Matt. "Is this your house, too?"

Matt shook his head, "nah. Just Shay and Kelly's."

"Well where do you live?"

"Not too far from here."

"Do you live by yourself?"

"Yeah."

Eli frowned, falling into a brief deep thought before looking back up at Matt. "Don't you get lonely? Sometimes I got lonely until Gus was born."

As Gabby listened to Matt and Eli talk, she grabbed a hold of Gus and picked him up just as he was about to crawl out of view. Eli had just started his line of questioning to Matt and she knew he could go on all night if she allowed it. With a toy in one hand and Gus in the other, Gabby walked over to the couch and took a seat on the other side of Eli.

Matt managed to catch Gabby's eyes for a brief second before her eyes shied away from his. He could sense her nervousness from here. He returned his attention to the five year old that was quizzing him. "I'm not home that much. If I'm not working then I'm usually with friends."

"Oh, ok. You should be friends with my mommy. She's really good to me and Gus! And she cooks and cleans. Cousin Hernando said a good girl always knows how to clean and cook." He furrowed his brow in confusion, "he said other stuff too. He said a girl has to be good in bed. Maybe he means that you have to go to sleep when it's your bedtime?"

Gabby's eyes widened in embarrassment at Eli's words. She could feel the slight warmth fill her cheeks as the rest of the adults in the living room looked over at her, their eyes just as wide. Gabby heard an ill-contained laugh come from Severide and she sent him a quick glare before turning her attention back to Eli. She cleared her throat, "Elijah, remember what I said about listening in on other people's conversations?"

"But I didn't mean to. I was eating lunch with Diego and cousin Hernando and cousin Luiz were talking in the kitchen. I promise I wasn't trying to listen."

"Ok, ok, well just don't always listen to what Hernando says, ok?" Gabby couldn't bring herself to look over at Matt, worried that he would think there was a hidden meaning behind her words. She'd tell Eli eventually about her and Matt; she just didn't quite know the best way to bring it up. She wanted this relationship to be different than the ones in her past. She wanted to do right by her boys and she wanted to do right by Matt.

"Ok." Eli leaned into his mother's side and tucked his feet beneath him, glancing over at the television. "Are you guys watching baseball?"

Matt nodded and pulled his eyes away from Gabby and down to Eli. "Yep. Do you like baseball?"

Eli shrugged, "it's alright. I like watching football and mommy sometimes takes me to the gym to play soccer with the other kids."

Gabby brushed Eli's hair from his eyes, making a mental note to take him for another hair cut before the start of school. "We can probably sign you up for sports when you start school."

Gabby still couldn't believe her baby would be starting kindergarten in a little over two weeks.

"I'm gonna go to the same school as Diego, right mama?"

"That's right, baby." She checked her watch, "ok, we should get going so I can fix you and Gus dinner."

"But I wanna stay longer," Eli whined.

Gabby sighed, she could see it in Eli's eyes, he was absolutely exhausted and the only thing keeping him going was the adrenaline rush of being back home and seeing everybody.

"You guys just wanna stay for dinner?" Shay asked. "Pizza should be here soon."

"Can we stay and eat here?" Eli asked his mom. "Please?"

It would get her out of cooking for the night. And as much as she did love cooking, a break was always welcomed. "Sure. We can stay. But just for dinner. Tomorrow I want to take you shopping for school stuff, ok?"

"Ok!"

Twenty minutes later and the pizza arrived. Severide handed the delivery man plenty of cash, including a generous tip and shut the door with his foot. "Pizza's here!"

Shay sat the stack of paper plates and napkins on the coffee table. "Who wants what to drink?"

"Can I please have chocolate milk, Leslie?" Eli asked.

She held her hand out to him, "of course, Mr. Elijah! Let's go see if there is some in the fridge, if not, we'll just have to make it."

Matt waited until Eli and Shay were out of sight before scooting over and filling the spot previously held by Eli. He draped an arm around her and placed a kiss right below her ear. "I've been dying to kiss you since you walked in," he whispered.

Gabby drew her eyes away from Gus and looked over at Matt, smiling almost shyly. "Well you better take your chance before we're interrupted."

"I couldn't agree more."

Gabby was expecting a quick kiss and was surprised when Matt pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. She could feel some of the tension leave her body and allowed herself to relax in his arms. When Matt did finally break the kiss he had a mischievous grin playing on his face.

"Uh oh," Gabby mumbled. "What is that look for?"

Matt shook his head, "I just think it's cute that Eli thinks you and I should be _friends_."

"Matt…"

"I'm just saying, it sounds to me like I've already gotten Eli's approval."

Gabby sighed and closed her eyes for brief moment. She knew Eli liked Matt and she couldn't be more thrilled, but was scared her was the outcome if their relationship didn't work out. She'd let Lance into Eli's life without any sort of hesitation and it had turned into a complete nightmare.

"Gabby," Matt whispered, "please open your eyes." When she did, he was startled to see the tears barely staying at bay. "Hey, what's with the tears?"

"The last time I let a guy into Eli's life, it ended in disaster. I can't do that again, Matt. I…" her voice cracked and she shook her head. "I just can't."

"I know we've briefly talked about your last relationship and I also know there is still a lot I don't know but what I do know is that I'll never, _ever _hurt you or Eli the way the last guy did. I _need _you to believe me, Gabby."

"Mommy! Leslie and me made chocolate milk!" Eli hurried into the living room, his attention was solely on the carrying the glass with both hands so he didn't spill it that he didn't even notice the two adults hurriedly separating on the couch.

Gabby hurriedly wiped at her eyes and put on a smile, "Oh wow, it looks like it is extra chocolatey."

"It is!" He sat the glass down on the coffee table. "Leslie even gave me a silly straw." He gasped when he saw Gus reach for his chocolate milk. "No, Gus! That's mine!"

"No worries!" Shay walked into the living room, holding up Gus' bottle. "I've got a drink for Augustus, too!" She leaned over the coffee table and held the bottle out for Gus. The tot snatched it up in an instant and tilted his head back, drinking as much as he could. Shay raised a brow at turned to Gabby, "I promise, I fed him today."

Gabby laughed as Gus cuddled into her arms, "he's just a growing boy."

It didn't take long for both boxes of pizza to be completely demolished by the four adults and two kids. Eli had tried his best to keep up with Matt and Kelly but barely made it past his second piece of pizza. Gus had a few bites but soon found out he liked the pepperonis the best.

"Mommy," Eli whined, curling back into his mom's side just as the baseball game had come to an end. "I'm sleepy."

To be honest, Gabby was surprised Eli lasted as long as he did. "You ready to go home?"

"Mhm."

"What do you say to Kelly and Leslie?" Gabby asked.

Eli opened his eyes, "thank you for the pizza and letting me stay to watch the baseball game."

Severide grinned, "anytime, bud."

Shay nodded, "yeah, you are welcome here anytime, sweetie."

Gabby patted Eli's back, "ok, Elijah, let's get going."

"Carry me, mama?"

Gabby cringed, she knew as soon as her next words left her mouth, a meltdown would occur. "Baby, I have to carry Gus."

"But I want you to carry me," Eli whined.

Matt cleared his throat, "how about a piggy back ride out to the car, buddy?"

"No." Eli crossed his arms, "I want my mommy."

Gabby stood up, sending an apologetic look Matt's way. "It's passed his bedtime." Normally she didn't give into Eli's tantrums but she knew part of the reason for his meltdown was the fact that he hadn't seen her in almost two weeks. She motioned for Matt to take Gus from her. "Carry Gus for me?"

"Sure." Matt stood up and took Gus in his arms.

"Come on, Elijah." Gabby groaned and hoisted Eli up into her arms.

The five year old draped his arms around his mom's neck and laid his head on her shoulder. "I missed you, mama."

Gabby got both boys settled in their car seats and turned around to look at Matt, "follow us?" She asked.

Matt nodded and pulled his keys from his pocket. "I'll see you in a few."

Both boys were sound asleep when Gabby pulled into the parking spot outside of her apartment. She asked Matt to get Gus and walked around the car to get Eli. Matt gladly helped Gabby get the boys to bed before following her down the hall to her bedroom.

Gabby glanced over her shoulder at Matt as she dug through her dresser, looking for some pajamas. "I'm too exhausted for anything tonight," she confessed. "Sorry."

Matt raised a brow and walked up behind Gabby, slipping his arms around her waist, "that's nothing to apologize for. I don't expect to have sex every time I'm over." Matt couldn't help but be a bit concerned that Gabby seemed to think they had to have sex every night he was over. "I'm perfectly content just having you in my arms."

"Yeah?" Gabby asked.

Matt turned her around in his arms. "Gabby, I like being around you and I like being around your boys. I want to be with you, in a real relationship and I know you're worried about what might happen but…"

"Wanna spend the day with us tomorrow?" Gabby asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

"I'm taking Eli school shopping. I was planning on making it a day out with my boys…that includes you."

"I'd love to."

"Good." Gabby stood on her toes and gave Matt a kiss. "Let's get to bed, I'm exhausted."

* * *

As Matt was slowly pulled form his sleep and became aware of his surroundings, he got the feeling that somebody was staring at him. He opened his eyes, blinking a few times and adjusting to the light. His eyes focused on Eli who was standing in front of him with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Hi." Eli whispered.

Matt cleared the sleep from his throat. "Hi." He propped himself on his elbow and glanced over his shoulder, Gabby was still sound asleep.

"Can you make me breakfast?" Eli asked, once again grabbing Matt's attention.

"I uh…" Matt thought carefully about what he should do before nodding, "Yeah, sure. I'll meet you out in the kitchen in a few minutes?"

Eli nodded. "Ok."

As soon as Eli was out of the room, Matt pushed back the sheets and climbed out of the bed. He sent another glance Gabby's way before grabbing his shirt and jeans and getting dressed. He left the room, shutting the door as quietly as he could. He turned around and nearly ran into Eli who was waiting on him right outside the door, "oh, hey, buddy."

"Gus smells. I think he pooped."

Matt nodded, "right. Ok." He silently followed Eli down the short hallway and into the boys' bedroom. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of Gus. Unlike his mother, he was definitely a morning person. The one year old was standing up in his crib and grinning from ear to ear. "Hey there, Gus." As soon as Matt got close enough, the smell filled his nostrils. "Yeah, I think your brother is right."

After finally getting Gus cleaned up and into a new diaper, Matt got the boys set up in the kitchen; Gus in his high chair and Eli sitting at the table. "What do you want for breakfast?" Matt asked, glancing through the refrigerator.

"Well, it's Saturday and mommy always makes a big breakfast. Bacon, scrambled eggs with extra cheese and chocolate chip pancakes."

"Oh, she does?"

"Yeah. But you can just make me some cereal." Eli pointed to the box of sugary cereal sitting on top of the refrigerator. It was barely noticeable behind a few boxes of healthier cereal, it had obviously been strategically placed by Gabby.

"Are you sure you're allowed to eat that?"

"Only sometimes. Mommy says on the weekends when I don't have school."

"Oh, ok." That sounded reasonably accurate. He took the box down and grabbed a bowl from one of the cabinets. "Any milk?" Matt asked, pouring the cereal.

Eli nodded, "yes, please."

Matt added some milk and sat the bowl of cereal in front of Eli, "what about Gus?"

"He can have some too. But mommy also cuts up bananas for him."

Matt dropped a handful of cereal on Gus' tray and gave him a few pieces of a banana before taking a seat at the table next to Eli. The three ate in silence, Matt was unsure what to say to Eli.

It didn't take long for Eli to finish his cereal; he stood up and carried his empty bowl over to the counter and sat it next to the sink. He turned to look at Matt, "You wanna play a game?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"Mario Kart. But I get to be Yoshi."

Matt nodded, "ok."

Eli's laughter danced through the apartment and pulled Gabby from her sleep. She rolled over onto her back, her arms stretching up above her. She glanced at the time and cursed; it was almost ten. Scrambling out of bed and putting her hair up in the process, Gabby grabbed her robe that was hanging on the closet door and wrapped it tightly around her. She heard Eli laugh again and followed the sound out to the living room.

Gabby was surprised by the sight she found in the living room. Matt was sitting on the couch with Gus in his lap and a controller in his hands as she raced against Eli. On the other side of the couch, Eli was standing up, tongue sticking out and moving his own controller around animatedly.

"Morning, boys."

Matt looked up, startled. "Good morning." He tried to read the expression on her face and while he couldn't quite gauge her reaction, she did not look upset.

"I win!" Eli exclaimed, jumping off the couch. He looked up at his mom. "Hi, mommy!"

"Morning, baby." She took a seat where Eli had just been standing and gladly accepted Gus as he crawled into her arms. She kissed Gus' forehead. "Hey, sweetie." She looked up at Matt, smiling, "you boys having fun?"

"A blast!" Eli answered before Matt could say anything.

Matt nodded, "yeah, Eli woke me up asking for breakfast I hope it's ok that we had some cereal..."

Gabby nodded, smiling. "Yeah. I can't tell you the last time I slept in until ten."

"Are we still gonna go school shopping today, mommy?" Eli asked.

"Yep and you know what?"

"What?" Eli asked.

"Matt is going to tag along with us, is that ok?"

Eli nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! Can we stop at the firehouse and see the firetrucks again?"

Matt laughed, "I don't work today, buddy. Maybe if it's ok with your mom, we'll go to the park or something?"

Gabby nodded, "we'll see how the day goes."


	9. Chapter 9

How Will I Know

Chapter Nine

The next two weeks seemed to fly by for Gabby. Despite the craziness that had ensued, she was so happy to have Eli back home with her and Gus. His first week back it was nonstop talk about the Dominican Republic and everything he'd done but eventually he'd changed the topic and started talking about how excited he was to start school.

So knowing her son like she knew she did, Gabby had set her alarm half an hour earlier than usual, giving herself time to get ready before Eli woke up and demanded her full attention.

Hearing her phone ringing, Gabby stepped out of the shower and secured the towel around her body before hurrying from the bathroom and across the hall to her bedroom where she'd left her phone. She got to it just as the ringing stopped and picked it up to see who had called. She huffed in anger, the mysterious daily phone calls were really starting to get to her.

There was never an answer when she let it go to voicemail and the few times she did answer, it was just heavy breathing before the line would eventually go dead. She started to sit her phone down when it beeped, signaling she had a new voicemail. She dialed her voicemail and entered her pin as soon as she was prompted to.

The voicemail was nothing but heavy breathing and just as Gabby was about to end the call, she heard the distorted voice. _"Once a slut, always a slut."_

Her jaw clenched and her hands shook as she sat her phone back down.

"Mommy!" Gabby's head snapped up as Eli ran into her bedroom, still in his pajamas. "It's the first day of school!"

Gabby smiled, she never remembered being this excited for the first day of school. Trying to put the contents of the voicemail out of her mind, Gabby walked over to Elijah. "It sure is, baby. Hurry up and get ready so we can have breakfast at Laura's bakery, ok?"

It had been a tradition with Antonio, Laura and the kids; breakfast at the bakery on the first day of school. Gabby had missed the past couple of years but now that Eli was starting school, Antonio had made it clear that they had to show up.

"Ok!" And just like that Eli was running out of the room.

Gabby sighed and went over to her closet, trying to find something to wear. She couldn't really seem to focus, though, the voicemail was plaguing her thoughts. Her mind filtered through the different people who could possibly have some sort of vendetta against her. The only person that came to mind was Lance but as far as she knew, he was still in prison. She shook her head, berating herself for letting the call take a toll on her.

It was a good day, she reminded herself. It was her son's first day of kindergarten. She'd just pulled her shirt over her head when her phone started to ring, causing her to jump. She shook her head, determined to ignore it.

"Nope," she said out loud to the empty bedroom, "I'm not answering it."

She heard Gus' cries through the baby monitor and quickly slipped into the frayed denim shorts she'd grabbed from her dresser. She grabbed her pajamas and tossed them in her hamper on her way out of her bedroom. As soon as she stepped into the boys' bedroom, Gus' cries ceased and he grinned. "Ma!"

"Hey, sweetie!" She lifted him up out of his crib and perched him on her hip. "You ready to get this day started?" Gus looked up at his mom, still grinning. "Well, that's more than I can say for myself."

It took Gabby no time at all to change Gus out of his pajamas and into a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Since he hadn't quite mastered the ability to walk yet, she wasn't even going to waste her time by fighting with him to get his shoes on. She looked over at Eli as he was tying his shoes. It took him a while to finish, but he now knew how to tie his shoes and was extremely proud of himself. Now if she could just convince him to double knot them so he wouldn't have to retie them every five minutes. "You almost ready, baby?"

"Yep! Can you spike my hair like Matt's?"

The day they had went school shopping, Gabby had mentioned Eli needed a haircut and the five year old had quickly asked if he could have it cut short like Matt's and spiked in the front. Gabby obliged and they ended up making a stop at Matt's barber. Every day since then, Gabby's had to help Eli style it so it was just like Matt's.

"Go get your book bag, I'll meet you by the front door."

She went back to her room, slipping on a pair of sandals and grabbing her phone, putting it into her back pocket without even looking at the screen. She didn't want to see if there were more voicemails waiting for her.

Antonio looked up when Gabby and the boys walked into the bakery. "There you guys are!" He walked around the counter and took Gus from Gabby's arms, cooing over the little boy. He turned his attention to his baby sister, giving her a knowing look, "would have been nice for you to answer your phone, huh?"

Gabby frowned and pulled her phone from her back pocket, there were a few missed calls from him and Matt, along with a few more from the unknown number. She feigned confusion, "that's weird, I have no idea why I didn't hear it ringing."

Antonio raised a brow, he knew his sister's mannerisms better than anyone. Her refusal to look him in the eye had tipped him off. "You're still getting those calls, aren't you?"

"I'm sure they'll eventually stop."

"That's what you said last time, Gabs."

Gabby shook her head, her frustrations slowly showing. "I don't know who it could be," she admitted. "And I can't even attempt to find out because it comes up as blocked every single time."

"Oh, wow!" Eli exclaimed, interrupting the sibling's conversation. He watched in awe as the fire truck pulled up in front of the bakery. "It's a fire truck!" He ran over to the window, getting a closer look just as Matt jumped out. "It's Matt!" he said, looking back over at his mom. "Can I go see him?"

"I'm sure he'll be coming in. Right now, you need to eat breakfast."

Matt grinned and gave Eli a quick wave before he turned and said something to the other guys. He shut the door to the fire truck and headed into the bakery, he was quickly met at the door by Eli. "Hey, buddy!"

"Can I go see the truck?" Eli asked.

Gabby cleared her throat, avoiding Matt's gaze and looked over at Eli. "Baby, what did I just say? You need to eat breakfast."

Laura looked over at Matt, "Matt, there's plenty for your guys, too." She caught the guys' attention and waved for them to come inside and join everybody else.

Soon, everybody settled around the tables that had been pushed together, ready to dig into the different assortment of pastries Laura had made fresh for the day. Without a highchair, Gabby had no option but to sit Gus in her lap. Matt started to take a seat next to Gabby when Eli slipped between them. "I wanna sit by both of you guys. Please?"

Matt looked at Gabby who just shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, sure thing, bud. It's your special day." He looked back over at Gabby, once again catching her eyes. He could tell something was bothering her but knew that now was not the time to bring it up. "Any suggestions?"

She pointed to the strawberry pastry, "can't go wrong with homemade pop tarts."

Once breakfast was done and everybody started to get ready to leave, Antonio weaved his way through the guys of Firehouse 51 and went up to Matt. He held his hand out, "Matt, good to see you again."

Matt shook Antonio's hand, "you too, Detective."

"You're dating my sister, please call me Antonio."

"Right, of course." Matt couldn't help but feel nervous. While Antonio was not threatening him, Matt had caught that glint in the detective's eye silently letting him know he would have no problem beating the shit out of him if he ever hurt Gabby or the boys. "How are you?"

"Same old, same old. How's life at 51?"

Matt shrugged, slipping his hands in his pockets. "Can't complain."

Antonio, nodded. "Good, good."

Antonio heard his wife call his name and excused himself, leaving the lieutenant standing by himself in the middle of the bakery. He scanned the place, finding Gabby leaning against the counter staring out the window where Eli was with some of the guys.

He walked over to her, placing his hand on her lower back. "You ok?" Matt asked, sensing Gabby's somber mood.

Gabby looked up at him and nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just…" she shrugged, not really wanting to tell Matt about the mysterious calls and now voicemails. "It's a big day…Eli is starting school."

Matt nodded, not fully believing Gabby. "He's still your baby, though, Gabs."

"I know, I know…" she sighed and turned her attention back to Eli as he talked enthusiastically with Cruz. She couldn't hear what he was saying but if she had to guess, she would say it had to do with driving the fire truck.

* * *

"Is Ross still your partner?" Gabby asked. She secured her phone between her shoulder and face, giving her both hands to pull the clothes from the washer. She grabbed one of Gus' shirts and groaned at the huge stain that was still there. Deciding she'd just use it as a play shirt from now on, she tossed it in the dryer and continued on.

"Unfortunately," Shay answered after taking a drink from the shake she'd picked up on the way back from a cal. "He was supposed to be temporary but apparently my old partner met some guy and long story short, she's not coming back to Chicago."

"Oh."

Shay raised a brow, "does this mean you can't visit your boyfriend?"

"Pretty much."

On the other side of the firehouse, Matt had just finished with his lunch and was headed into his office to finish up some paperwork.

"Hey, Casey!"

Matt stopped and looked up right before entering his office. He could barely keep from rolling his eyes when he saw who had called his name. While he hadn't had much interaction with Ross, he'd heard from Severide what the guy had said about Gabby. "Can I help you with something?"

Ross smirked and stopped just feet away from Matt. "Just wondering if you're still enjoying your time between the sheets with Dawson? If so, it's gotta be some sort of record. That girl is a bed hopper."

Matt narrowed his eyes in anger, he could feel his temper slowly rising. "Excuse me?"

"Girl gets around, I would know."

Matt lunged at Ross, shoving him against the wall. "Listen, buddy, I don't know what you think you know about Gabby but I suggest you shut your mouth!" He pulled Ross back and shoved him against the wall again. "You keep her name out of your mouth!"

"Or what? Gonna beat me up?"

"I just might."

Ross smirked. "She's got you whipped. Are you playing daddy to her bastard kids, too?" He was surprised when he felt Matt drop his hands from him and take a step back and before he could think anything more, Matt's fist collided with Ross' face causing him to stumble backwards.

Shay stopped in her tracks as she watched the confrontation between Matt and Ross. "Oh, shit."

"What?" Gabby asked. "What's going on?"

"Your boyfriend and former…whatever you want to call him, are having a confrontation."

"What? What's happening? What are they saying?"

Before she could answer, Shay was pushed out of the way by Chief Boden and Severide as the two men rushed over to pull Matt off of Ross.

"I couldn't hear. But Chief and Kelly just pulled Matt off of Ross."

Gabby sighed and rested her head back against the wall, closing her eyes for the briefest of moments. "What the hell is his problem?"

"Matt's?" Shay asked, confused.

"No. Ross'. I don't understand why he's even talking to Matt. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with Eli when I was pregnant with him or once he was born. I don't get it. What's his motive?"

Shay shrugged, she could hear the frustration in Gabby's voice. "I don't know, Gabs. But I think maybe you need to talk to Matt about it. I don't think he'd appreciate finding out from someone else that Ross is Eli's dad."

"I just...it'll make things even more complicated. Maybe even make things more real for Matt," she softly admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"The father of one of my kids works in the same firehouse as my boyfriend. Do you know how much drama can ensue? How easy it would be fore Matt to just throw in the towel and go find himself a girl without two kids by two different men?" Gabby shook her head. "This is why I didn't want to start dating Matt in the first place. I knew I would fall for him, I knew the boys would get attached and look what happened, my past comes back to bite me in the ass."

* * *

_Uh-oh. Already some trouble in paradise? Couldn't have them happy forever. ;) I've got so many ideas for this story. Pretty please leave a review? :) Gonna try to post another update by the end of the weekend. _


	10. Chapter 10

How Will I Know

Chapter Ten:

"Elijah!" Gabby yelled from the kitchen as she struggled against Gus' refusal to get his face cleaned. He'd been fighting with her for the past fifteen minutes, shaking his head in refusal each time she had attempted to slip the spoonful of oatmeal in his mouth. So instead of landing in his mouth, the gooey substance had landed all over his face.

"What?" He yelled back.

"You need to finish getting ready!" Once Gus was clean enough, Gabby tossed the paper towel in the trash can by the counter and removed the tray from Gus' highchair. She returned his dimpled grin, "you know you're too ornery for your own good, right?"

"Ma!"

"Yes, I'm mommy." She removed Gus from his highchair and checked her watch. "Elijah Antonio-Nicolas! You're going to be late for school!"

It had been a horrible morning. From the minute she'd woken up late and realizing her alarm never went off, Gabby had been in a frenzied state of mind. She didn't have to work, but she still wanted to make sure Eli made it to school on time.

"I'm coming!" He ran down the hall and grabbed his book bag, shouldering it. "I couldn't find my shoes."

"Maybe next time you'll put them away like I asked you to." She grabbed her purse on the way to the door, "let's go." She opened the door and was surprised to see Matt standing on the other side of it. From the look on his face, he was just as startled by the door opening so suddenly.

"Matt!" Eli exclaimed.

"Hey, bud." Matt greeted the five year old before he turned his attention to Gabby and held up the cups of coffee. "I just got off shift."

Gabby nodded, pushing her loose hair from her face. "Well we're just heading out. Elijah was running behind this morning."

Eli huffed not happy that his mother had to tell Matt that it was his fault they were running behind. "I'll put my shoes away next time, mama."

"Good." Gabby ushered Eli out of the apartment, following closely behind him. She shut the door behind her making sure it was locked. "Let's go." Despite herself, Gabby took the cup of coffee from Matt and eagerly took a sip. "Thanks. Tagging along?"

"If you don't mind."

"Nope."

The four of them headed down the stairs and out to Gabby's car. Matt could feel the slight distance Gabby was putting between them and decided he'd wait until they'd dropped Gus off at school to ask her about it.

With neither of their shifts matching up, they hadn't seen each other since Eli's first day of school which was almost a week ago. They'd talked on the phone and exchanged several text messages but even without seeing her face to face, Matt could tell there was something bothering Gabby. He just hoped it had nothing to do with him.

When Severide had first mentioned the comments Ross had made about Gabby, Matt did his best to shrug them off and put them to the back of his mind. But he'd also done his best to avoid Ross at work, afraid that he would either hit him or ask him how exactly he knew Gabby. Or maybe both.

He'd thought about asking Gabby how she knew Ross but with their relationship still in the beginning stages, he didn't want to scare her off by coming off as being too prying. He knew there was still a lot she was holding in and he'd reminded himself that in time she would open up to him more.

Besides Gus' incoherent babbling, the short drive to Eli's school was made in silence. Gabby pulled up to the curb in front of the elementary school and shifted the car into park. She looked over at Matt, "can you stay here with Gus while I take Eli up to the door?"

Matt nodded, "yeah, sure."

"Thanks." Gabby glanced into the rear-view mirror as she undid her seat belt, "do you have everything, baby?"

"Yes, mama," Eli mumbled, removing his own seat belt.

Gabby hurried around the other side of the car just as Eli was jumping out of the back seat. He shut the door and took his mom's outreached hand.

They moved quickly up the paved walkway. "Is Matt gonna be with you when you pick me up today, mama?"

"I don't know, baby. He worked all night, he might want to go home and sleep."

"Well can he come over for dinner?"

"We'll see."

Eli huffed, stomping his foot. "It's not fair! Only you and Gus get to see Matt! I have to go to school whenever he visits!"

Gabby stopped at the bottom of the steps and dropped Eli's hand, a little taken aback by Eli's complaint. She hadn't realized how much Eli had missed hanging around Matt, too. She framed his little face in her hands and kissed the top of his head. "I'll ask him as soon as I get back to the car if he wants to come over for dinner, ok? But in the meantime, I want you to have a good day at school, ok? I love you."

Eli nodded enthusiastically, satisfied with his mother's answer. "Ok! Te amo!" He jogged up the steps, stopping when he made it to the top and turned around, giving his mother one last wave before hurrying into the building.

When Gabby got back to her car, she started to turn her head to look over at Matt and was completely taken by surprise when his lips captured hers. She was quick to recover and leaned into him, sliding her hand to the back of his neck, deepening the kiss.

They briefly fought for dominance, not seeing each in week finally catching up to the both of them.

Gabby opened her eyes when she felt Matt's lips leave hers. A small smile played on her lips. "What was that for?"

Matt shrugged, grinning, "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." She quickly pecked his lips before sitting back in her seat and biting her bottom lip nervously. "You showing up at my door this morning was a nice surprise."

"Yeah? I couldn't tell. I think you were more excited to see the coffee in my hand than you were to see me," Matt joked.

Gabby rolled her eyes. "Well it's been a bit of a rough morning, hasn't it, Gus?" She turned and looked behind her, a little concerned to see Gus was sound asleep. She frowned, "I really hope he's not coming down with something. He wouldn't eat breakfast." She reached back and touched side of his face, checking for a fever. "He's not warm."

"Maybe he's just tired," Matt suggested. He could see the worry in Gabby's eyes and wanted to ease her concerns.

"Maybe. But he slept through the entire night." Gabby sent one last look in her youngest son's direction before turning around and settling back in her seat. She secured her seat belt and looked for Matt to do the same. "Seat belt, Matt."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

The drive was once again made without conversation and with Gus asleep, an awkward silence had fallen between the two. Gabby could feel Matt's eyes on her every now and then but she refused to look his way, afraid his gaze would take a hold of hers and not let it go. She pulled into the first parking lot she saw closest to her apartment and killed the engine.

Gabby cleared her throat, "So…I've been told to ask you if you'd like to come over for dinner tonight. Eli is feeling a little jealous that only Gus and I get to see you."

"Depends. Do you want me over for dinner?

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

Matt shrugged. "You haven't really had much to say this past week."

"I've been busy," Gabby defended. "And besides, the phone works both ways." She rested her head against the back of her seat and briefly closed her eyes. "I don't want to argue, Matt."

"I'm not trying to argue with you," he insisted. He motioned towards her apartment, "can I come in with you guys?"

Gabby nodded, "Yeah."

Once they got inside the apartment, Gabby managed to change Gus' diaper without waking him up. Again, she checked for any sign of a fever before putting him down in his playpen. Matt walked up behind Gabby and held her waist. "Is he ok?" He whispered into her ear.

"He doesn't have a fever so that's a good sign. It's just not like him to fall asleep this early in the morning. Especially since I know he slept well last night," she frowned. "I think he might be coming down with something."

"Let's hope not," Matt mumbled.

Gabby sighed, "I know."

"Did you get a chance to eat breakfast?"

"No. It was a rough morning. My alarm didn't go off, I barely had breakfast ready for the boys."

"You want me to make you something?" Matt asked. "I'm not the best but Eli seemed pretty pleased with the cereal I poured him when he asked me for breakfast." Matt grinned when he earned a laugh from Gabby.

"I hate to be the one to break it to you but cooking and pouring cereal isn't quite the same thing." She turned around and draped her arms around his neck. "I'm not really that hungry, but thanks for the offer."

Matt nodded, kissing her. "One of these days, I'll convince you to let me cook. I promise I'm not as bad as what the guys at 51 seem to think. Speaking of which…." Matt caught himself by surprise when he stumbled into the perfect transition of conversation to find out if his fight with Ross has anything to do with her being distant. "The guys have been asking about you."

Gabby dropped her eyes from Matt's, "oh yeah?" She moved out of Matt's grasp and started busying herself by cleaning up toys around the living room.

"Yep. You and the boys should visit again soon. Maybe dinner on Friday?"

"As long as I don't have to cook the dinner," she joked.

"Damnit," Matt feigned frustration. "You caught on to my plan," he joked. "But really, I've missed your visits. I think we're due for some alone time in my office."

Gabby smiled, "maybe." She did miss seeing her old coworkers but as long as Ross was working for 51, she would not be making any appearances. The thing she feared most was Ross airing her dirty laundry out in front of the entire house, more specifically, in front of Matt. Shay had been on her case for the past week to just tell Matt the truth about her history with Ross, claiming the lieutenant already knew there was some sort of past but just didn't know how to ask about it.

Gabby was afraid if Matt knew the exact details of her past with Ross that he would drop her. It was one thing to date a woman with two kids, but it was another to have to work with the father of one of her kids. Especially when the guy was an egotistical asshole who had no problem making the lives of the people around him miserable.

"Gabby?" Matt waved his hand in front of Gabby's face, finally managing to pull her attention back to him. "Hey, where'd you go?"

"Just thinking."

"Anything you care to talk about?" Matt asked. "Maybe…maybe why you're avoiding the firehouse?"

"I'm not avoiding the firehouse," Gabby lied. She pulled the basket from underneath the coffee table that she used to store some of the boys' toys in and unloaded an armful into it. "Like I said, I've just been busy."

"Gabby, for once, just talk to me."

Gabby's shoulders fell along with her resolve and she moved to take a seat next to Matt. She looked up at him, eventually meeting his eyes. "I don't know where to start." The mysterious calls. Running into Bobby Ross. Even work was starting to stress her out, and it used to be the one place she could go and not worry about her problems.

"Anywhere is fine."

"I heard you had a run-in with Bobby Ross last week?" Matt nodded, silently asking for her to continue. "Despite what he's probably told you, I never actually _dated _him. We went to school together and had a sort of…friends with benefits minus the actual being friends part for the better part of a year."

Matt nodded, "I kind of figured something like that took place."

"I didn't even know he was working at 51 until I took the boys to see you right before Eli went to the Dominican and then last week Shay told me he had become her permanent partner."

"Hence the reason you've been avoiding the firehouse?"

"Pretty much," Gabby admitted.

Matt shook his head, "why didn't you just tell me?"

"I try to keep my past in the past so when I ran into Ross it kind of caught me off guard," she shrugged, not knowing what else to say. "He isn't a part of my life now." _Or Eli's._

"There's something else, isn't there?" Matt asked, leery of what can of worms he was nudging.

Gabby sighed and stood up from the couch, she crossed her arms and started pacing the small confines of her living room. She stopped and glanced down in the playpen at Gus who was still sleeping in the exact position she had laid him down in. "It shouldn't matter," she mumbled, returning to pacing back and forth.

"Then just tell me," Matt pleaded. "What did he do?"

Gabby stopped and looked over at Matt, "he dropped me from existence as soon as I told him I was pregnant."

"Oh." Matt had not been expecting that. Thinking back on it, he should have put it together. But for some reason, it hadn't even crossed his mind that Ross could be the father of one of Gabby's kids. He shook his head, disrupting the tangled weave of thoughts that were forming in his head. He ran his hands through his short locks, unsure of what to say. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Why? He has nothing to do with Eli. Never has and never will," her words sounded bitterer than she had intended. Although she knew Eli was better off without Ross in his life, it still didn't keep the ache in her heart from hurting as she thought back to the struggles of going through the pregnancy completely alone. It wasn't until her fifth month did Antonio even find out she was pregnant. It was only after she'd passed out at work and he'd been called due to being her emergency contact.

"Yeah, but I have to work with the guy. It would have been nice to know."

"Well in that case, it would have been nice to know about Hallie."

Matt narrowed his eyes, "what do you mean? What about her?" He hadn't seen, let alone talked to Hallie in months and he had absolutely no interest in starting.

"Your ex-fiancée happens to work at the same hospital as me. Something I'm sure you already knew."

"Yeah, but…."

"But I work with her, Matt. I went a few good weeks with her throwing nasty glares my way before Shay told me who she was! So if you're going to sit here and get mad at me for not telling you about Ross then you better make sure you don't come off as a hypocrite!"

Before Matt could get out a response, Gus woke up crying. Gabby hurried over to the playpen and picked Gus up, frowning in concern. "Hey, hey, mommy's here." She held his head to the side of her face and started to rock him gently. She kissed his forehead, "I didn't mean to wake you."

Gus' cries faded but he continued to let out a small whimper every now and then. She looked over her shoulder at Matt, "can you get him a bottle?"

"Yeah. What should I put in it?"

"Milk. I want to see if he drinks it."

She wasn't sure if it was because he had just woken up, but Gus felt a little warmer than before. She adjusted him so he was laying in her arms, his head resting against the inside of her elbow. She watched him tug on his right ear and for the first time noticed how red it was. "Is that what's bothering you, baby?" She touched his ear but immediately pulled her hand away when he started to cry again. "Ok, ok, I won't touch it."

"Is he ok?" Matt asked in concern as he returned to the living room and handed Gabby the bottle.

She shook her head, "I think he might have an ear infection."

Their previous conversation was pushed aside as both focused their attention and concern on Gus.

Several hours later, Gabby came back from putting the boys to bed and plopped down on the couch, cuddling into Matt's side. She draped her arm across him and slipped her hand into his.

"Finally got Gus to fall asleep?"

"Yeah," Gabby sighed and briefly closed her eyes. "I wish I could be sick for him. I hate seeing him so miserable." She lifted her head up off of his chest and looked at him, "you're off tomorrow, right?"

Matt nodded. "Yep. 24 hours on, 48 off."

"So you can stay tonight, then?"

"Actually," Matt reluctantly started, "I can't."

"What? Why?" Gabby pushed herself off of Matt and into a sitting position. "You just said you didn't have to work tomorrow. Is this because of earlier? Because of Ross?" She scoffed and stood up, adding more distance between the two of them. "I can't believe it. I knew this was going to happen."

"Gabby!"

"You've stayed over how many nights and now that I've finally talked to you like you've been asking me to, you can't even stay? Typical." She grabbed his shoes from the floor and shoved them into his chest, "if that's how it's going to be, you can just leave now."

"Gabby!" Matt dropped his shoes and grabbed her arms, "stop! It has nothing to do with what we talked about earlier. I have a construction job in Aurora that I need to get an early start on." He sighed, relieved that he had finally gotten her attention. "You told me about Ross hours ago and I'm still here, aren't I? I picked Eli up from school so you could take Gus to the doctor, does that really sound like someone who is planning on running away from you?"

Gabby shook her head, the tears slightly blurring her vision. "No, I guess not."

"You guess not?" Matt repeated, giving her a knowing look. "How about you _know _not, huh?"

Gabby nodded and dropped her head so she could wipe away her tears. She was embarrassed by her outburst and couldn't bring herself to look at Matt. Everything around her seemed to be crumbling slowly, one little piece at a time and she needed some sort of hope to hold onto. Yes, she knew it was selfish of her to look to Matt for comfort when she had two beautiful boys that filled her heart with so much love and happiness but every once in a while she needed to be reassured by someone else.

And for her, that someone else had become Matt. She was far from admitting it out loud, though.

She sniffled a few times but kept her gaze down, "sorry for over-reacting and getting defensive."

Matt shook his head and placed his finger under her chin, tilting her head up so she was looking at him. "Just trust me a little bit more, ok?"

"Ok."

"And for the record, I like seeing you all passionate and defensive. It's hot."

Gabby raised a brow, "oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah."

Gabby nudged Matt's chest just enough so the back of his legs ran into the couch, causing him to lose his stance and fall into the cushions. He grinned when she crawled into his lap and straddled him. Wrapping her arms around his neck she bit her bottom lip seductively. "So…what you're saying is you like it when I get angry?"

Matt tilted his head in thought, "kind of. I like the _passion _you have when you're angry. I don't want you to actually be angry at me." He felt Gabby tighten her legs around his waist and lean her body farther into his lap. "Gabby," he groaned, letting his head fall back against the couch. "No teasing."

Gabby feigned innocence. "Teasing? Why would I ever do such a thing?"

"You're killing me," Matt mumbled, capturing her lips with his. He slipped his hand up her shirt, silently rejoicing in the fact that she'd already taken her bra off for the day, leaving one less article of clothing in his way.

Gabby shook her head. "Uh-uh." She pulled back enough to speak, "bedroom." She crawled off of him and stood up, grabbing his hand and tugging on it. "Come on."

Matt obliged and followed Gabby down the hall, he couldn't help but admire her backside, her sweatpants hugging her curves in all the right places. Without giving it a second's thought, he reached out and gave her butt a light smack. Gabby stopped in her tracks and turned to look at Matt, her mouth open in surprise. He grinned, satisfied with the blush that had crept into her cheeks and shrugged, "what? You've got a cute ass."

It wasn't that far into their relationship that Matt had realized that Gabby would only have sex with him in the dark; but it wasn't something he'd voiced to her, afraid she would push him away. Instead, he'd made a silent promise to her to make her feel so beautiful and comfortable in her own body that she didn't feel the need to hide underneath the blanket of darkness.

It had ended up being a sleepless night for Gabby and it wasn't for fun, either. As soon as Matt had left a little bit after eleven, Gus had woken up crying. It was too soon to give him more pain reliever so she'd settled the two of them on the couch, preparing for a long night. Of course, she would have been more comfortable in her bed and even though Gus was old enough to move around on his own, she'd seen too many cases of babies being rushed to the E.R. due to co-sleeping going terribly wrong and she didn't want to take the chance. Not to mention Gus was still a baby, he could still accidentally roll out of the bed.

As if spending her night caring for her sick baby hadn't been hard enough, her phone had been ringing off the hook so much that she'd had to put it on silent. Every hour, on the hour, it was ringing. The screen flashing the same thing each time. _Blocked Number. _She'd been so preoccupied that she'd actually forgotten about the calls. That was, until one o' clock in the morning when they'd started up again.

With a sleeping Gus in her arms, Gabby waited nervously in the lobby of the police station.

"Gabby?"

Gabby's head snapped up as she watched her brother jog down the steps and stop right in front of her. The look of concern he was giving her made her feel even worse. "The calls won't stop," she whispered. She was silently pleading with him to fix it. "There are voicemails," she shook her head, "I don't know who it is, the voice is distorted but Antonio…I need it to stop. The messages...I just can't."

Antonio nodded, "ok, ok." He very rarely saw his sister this worked up about something. "I'll see what I can do." He could tell she was holding back from saying something else. "What is it?"

"Lance is still in prison, right?"

"Gabby, I told you before and I'll tell you again, Lance will not be getting out of prison for quite some time. So don't even think that, ok? Don't let whoever this caller is make you go backwards, ok?"

Gabby nodded, "ok."

Still asleep, Gus shifted in his mother's arms. He turned his head away from his mother and Antonio frowned. "He doesn't look too good."

"He has an ear infection," Gabby explained. "I had to call off work because our wonderful cousin said she didn't want to deal with a sick baby. I'm already on thin ice with the head nurse so she wasn't too pleased with me."

"Yeah, well, that old bag has a lonely life and doesn't understand what it means to be a parent. Let alone, a single parent."

"But she does understand how to fire me," Gabby muttered. "I just hope it doesn't get that far." She took a breath and shook her head, looking back up at Antonio. "Laura mentioned last week that I could host Gus' birthday party at your guys' place. Is that still ok?"

"Yeah! Of course!" Antonio watched as Gus started to stir and he ran his hand over the back of Gus' head. "Can't believe this kid is going to be a year old next week."

Gabby smiled sadly, her mind drifting back to Gus' premature birth and the difficult delivery that had taken place. "I don't know what I would do if he hadn't made it."

Antonio shook his head. "But he did make it. So don't even think like that."

* * *

I actually did it! I posted by the end of the weekend (my time, anyways. Technically have about an hour to spare. lol.) You guys allll wrote such lovely reviews! I'm really happy you guys are liking this story. I know Silence in the Dark has kinda been put on the back burner but I promise I will get to it. This is my longest chapter yet, it kind of got away from me a bit. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy and if you do, send me some love! :)

P.S. I haven't gotten a chance to respond individually to reviews, but I think some of you are catching on to who the unknown caller might be. Maybe. ;)


	11. Chapter 11

How Will I Know

Chapter Eleven

"Mama?" Eli asked as he followed his mother into the kitchen, carrying his dirty plate in one hand and empty glass in the other.

"What, baby?" Gabby sat down the handful of dirty dishes she had and took Eli's from his hands.

"Is Matt your _boyfriend_?"

Gabby nearly dropped the dishes in the sink. She took a quick second to recompose herself and sat the dishes down before turning around so she could see Eli. She cleared her throat, "why do you ask?"

Eli shrugged. "Well yesterday Eva said she had a boyfriend and I asked what a boyfriend was. She said it's a friend who is a boy that really, really likes you and does nice things for you. I know Matt really, really likes you and he's always doing nice things for you. So is he your boyfriend?"

"Come on." Gabby sighed and led Eli back out of the kitchen and into the living room. She sat down on the couch and motioned for him to do the same. The five year old obliged and looked up at his mom with wide wondrous eyes. "I guess, if you put it like that, than yes…Matt is my boyfriend. Is that ok with you?"

Eli nodded enthusiastically, "yeah! He's nice to you and to me. He even plays video games with me." He frowned and briefly fell into deep thought before looking back up at his mom and adding, "He's not like Lance."

Gabby shook her head. She would never forgive herself for allowing her 'relationship' to last with Lance as long as it did. The only good thing that came out of that mistake was Gus. "No, he's nothing like Lance." She ran combed her fingers through Eli's hair and watched him intently. "Any other questions, sweetie?"

"Is Matt gonna come over tonight?"

"Yeah but it'll be real late so you'll probably already be sleeping."

"Can I stay up and wait for him?"

Gabby shook her head, "no. Tomorrow is Gus' birthday party and it's going to be a long day so I want you to get all the sleep you can, ok? You'll see Matt in the morning."

Eli sighed, not pleased with his mother's answer but knew better than to argue. "Ok."

"Now go get your jammies on and we'll watch a movie before it's time to go to bed."

"Can I choose which one?"

"Absolutely! You get ready and find a movie and I'll get the ice-cream."

Eli grinned and jumped up, "ok! I'll be quick!"

Still recovering from his ear infection, Gus had fallen asleep halfway during dinner and instead of trying to keep him awake, Gabby cleaned him up and put him to bed. Leaving just her and Eli to finish dinner and Gabby could tell that her eldest was enjoying having his mother's complete attention.

* * *

Hearing his baby brother mumbling away, Eli rolled over and looked across the room to where Gus was. He sat up. "Hey guess what, bubby? Today is your birthday. Well, not really your birthday…that was the other day, but today is your birthday party and that's when you get presents! Stuff like toys and sometimes clothes. It's kinda like Christmas only you're the only one who gets presents."

Even though he had no idea what Eli was saying, Gus still hung on to ever word that came out of his brother's mouth. With wide eyes, he smacked the side of his crib, "Eh!"

Eli rolled his eyes, "it's _Eli_, not _Eh. _I wonder if Matt got you presents? He wasn't mommy's boyfriend when it was my birthday but that's ok. Maybe he'll get you some trucks so you stop taking mine."

"Tuck!" Gus waived his hand towards the monster truck poster above Eli's bed.

Eli looked up at the poster. "I'm gonna ask mommy if I can have a fire truck poster, if she says yes then maybe she will hang that one next to your bed." He looked up when he heard the bedroom door open, "morning, mama."

Gabby raised a brow, surprised to see both boys awake. "Morning. What are you doing up so early?"

Eli shrugged, "Gus was talking." He grinned when he saw Matt trying to trying to sneak out of the bathroom without being noticed. "Matt! You're here!"

Matt smiled and quickly adjusted his shirt, "hey, buddy. What are you doing up so early?"

Eli shook his head, "mommy asked me that already. Are you going to have breakfast with us and go to Gus' birthday party? Do you think we can play some video games before we go? Are you going to stay with us all day? When can we go back to the firehouse?"

Matt laughed as Eli continued to ramble on. "Slow down there, Eli. I can't keep up with all the questions."

Gabby smirked at how flustered Matt was getting. "Yes, he's going to have breakfast with us and yes he's going to Gus' birthday party. Maybe you can play video games, if we've got time. I don't know if he's staying with us all day and I don't know when we'll be going back to the firehouse." She ushered him back into his room. "Now, go get dressed. And no jeans with holes in the knees."

* * *

They'd just finished singing 'happy birthday' to Gus when Gabby sat the cake down in front of him. The one year old grinned, his birthday hat halfway falling off of his head. He wasn't sure what was going on but the minute the cake was placed in front of him he didn't really seem to mind being the center of attention.

He reached out and attacked the cake with his hands. "Gus, no. Gus…" Gabby pulled the cake out of his reach. "And there goes one of Mickey's ears." She glanced over her shoulder at her sister-in-law, "might as well go ahead and start cutting."

Laura nodded, "sounds good to me."

Eli climbed into the chair next to Gus, "can I have a piece with red on it?"

Gabby looked over at Eli and nodded. "Yeah, I'll have Aunt Laura make sure the piece she gives you has red icing on it." She knew her son was well-behaved for the most part but she was surprised at how well he had taken to letting Gus be the center of everyone's attention for the day. Usually, when he felt like Gus was getting the majority of the adults' attention, he would start acting up until they noticed him.

Once the cake was handed out, soon people started taking a seat wherever they could find one and separated into their own conversations.

Gabby grimaced as Gus rubbed the chocolate cake all through his dark curls. "You do know the cake is to eat, right buddy? You try to eat everything that isn't edible and then the one thing that is, you just mess with it." She gathered a small bite onto the plastic fork and tried to feed it to him.

He shook his head, refusing the forkful of cake and instead grabbed the cake off the fork with his chubby fingers and shoved it into his mouth. Gabby shrugged, "that's one way."

Matt grinned as he walked up to Gabby and Gus. "Seems like the cake is a hit with everyone."

Gabby nodded, "Laura never fails." She quickly used the fork and swiped a piece from Matt's plate.

"Hey," Matt pouted, "that was mine."

Gabby grinned, quickly taking another bite. "Was that your piece, too?"

Matt shook his head, faking disgust. "Never thought I'd see you steal birthday cake."

"It's not like it's _your _birthday."

"You'd probably steal that cake, too."

Gabby was about to respond when she felt her phone buzz in her back pocket. Her smile faltered briefly as the prank calls came to her mind. Antonio still hadn't figured out who it was. She pulled her phone from her pocket and tried not to show emotion when she saw it was once again the blocked caller. She hit ignore and put the phone back in her pocket.

"Who was that?" Matt asked.

"I don't know. Didn't recognize the number."

Matt nodded, not really believing her but knowing a birthday party full of kids and nosy adults was not the place to call her out on it. "Ok." He looked up and saw Antonio approaching. "Hey, Antonio."

Antonio nodded, "hey, Matt. Mind if I borrow my sister for a second?"

"Not at all. I'll go clean Gus up so he's not a mess when it's time to open his presents."

"Thanks," Gabby whispered as Matt picked Gus up out of his highchair.

"No problem."

Antonio waited until Matt was out of earshot before turning back to his sister. "Was that another call you got a few minutes ago?"

"You saw that?"

"Have you told Matt?"

Gabby huffed, "why do you always answer a question with a question?"

"You do the exact same thing, Gabs." Antonio sighed, "you should probably tell him."

"I don't need relationship advice."

"Believe me, I stopped giving you relationship advice a long time ago."

Gabby glared at her brother, "I want the calls to stop, Antonio. Please."

"I know you do. But every time we manage to trace something it goes back to a dump phone."

"A what?"

"You know, when you buy a disposable phone, put a few minutes on it and then throw it away?"

"Oh," Gabby crossed her arms. "Well what am I supposed to do now?"

"Change your number?"

She shook her head, "no. I won't let him win."

Antonio nodded, already knowing that would be her answer. He sighed and placed his hands on his hips thoughtfully, "voice analysis is our last option, Gabby."

"I don't want people hearing what the voicemails say."

"It's our last option. I'll keep it between just me and the tech guy from my unit, ok? Can you stop by the station sometime this week and my guy can clean up the distorted voice?"

Gabby could see Matt heading back their way with a partially cleaned up Gus. "Yeah, yeah, that's fine." She smiled when Gus reached his arms out for her and gladly accepted him. "Hey sweetie, did you let Matt clean you up?" She ran her fingers through his cake free curls.

"Kinda," Matt said, glancing between the siblings and feeling the slight tension. "He tried to fight me a bit. He's a strong little guy."

"That he is," Gabby said, kissing her son's cheek.

* * *

They'd just finished putting the boys to bed when Matt plopped down on the couch and threw his head back. "Today was exhausting. I don't know how you do this every day."

"Well, to be fair, not every day is a birthday party."

"But still…" Matt lifted his head up and looked across the room at her. "You're a pretty awesome mom."

Gabby smiled, "Thanks and uh…thanks for coming today and _staying_. You really had no obligations to stay but you did."

"I have an obligation to you which means I have an obligation to your boys," he shrugged. "It was nothing."

"It was everything," Gabby insisted, walking over and taking a seat next to him. "Half of my family was there. Although, my parents weren't, so we dodged a bullet there."

Matt frowned, "I thought you got along with your parents? Or at least that's how your brother makes it sound."

"That's because Antonio does get along with them. He's the perfect child. Me, on the other hand, I'm the rebellious screw up who has tainted the family name."

"How?"

Gabby propped her head up on her hand and narrowed her eyes, "you're kidding, right? According to my mother, my life choices are one sin after another. One child out of wedlock and then another…" Gabby shook her head, "Whenever I talk to her she always manages to bring up something I've done wrong or something that _didn't _happen because I got pregnant. The entire time I was growing up, she was dead set on me following in her footsteps and becoming a doctor."

"Gabby…"

She shook her head and continued, "The first time, my parents eventually got over it, the second time, they got pissed all over again. Especially my mom. Looking back on it, the minute she found out I was pregnant the first time, it was basically the beginning of the end of my relationship with her." She sighed, "eventually, she came around to the idea of having another grandchild but as soon as she found out about my pregnancy with Gus…well, it's always 'Gabriela this and Gabriela that…if only you would understand, Gabriela.' I think she thought that I'd eventually make it back to school but with another baby, she realized it wasn't going to happen."

"I don't understand, from what Eli has said about his trip to the Dominican, he had a great time with your parents."

"My parents love the boys, I know that. They just don't appreciate how they came about and I'm the one to blame for that."

"So your mom takes it out on you?"

"It's more like, we don't really have actual conversations about stuff."

Matt could see the sadness in Gabby's eyes, "I'm sorry, Gabby."

Gabby shrugged, "it is what it is." She poked his stomach, needing to change the subject. "What about you? I hardly know anything about your parents. Besides the fact that your mom lives in a nursing home outside the city."

Matt shrugged, "that's all there is to know. My father died when I was young and my mother has never really gotten over it."

"Matt…"

He shook his head, "Gabby, it happened when I was a little boy…that was a long time ago. I'm ok. I just, I guess I feel a sense of duty to be a positive male role model in both Gus and Eli's life because I never really had one. My mother kind of shut down after my father's death and my sister and I were left to take care of ourselves. Once I turned eighteen, Christie and I found a place for our mom to move into where she could get the care she needed."

"I'm sorry," Gabby whispered. "Here I am complaining about my perfectly healthy mother while yours is…"

Matt cut her off, "hey, that's not why I told you. I know I've mentioned before that my mother was in a nursing home but I never went on to explain why." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him.

Gabby smiled and rested her arms around his neck. "I…" she was interrupted by the ringing of her phone. She groaned and closed her eyes, resting her forehead against Matt's. "I don't want to answer it."

Matt smirked and grabbed her phone from the coffee table. He frowned when he looked at the screen, "it's a blocked number."

Gabby's eyes widened and she sat up, "don't answer it." She took the phone from Matt's hand and stopped the ringing.

"What…" he stopped, hearing the beep that signaled a new voice mail. He frowned when Gabby continued to sit the phone back down. "Well aren't you going to listen to it?"

"It's not important."

"How do you know?"

"I just do," she insisted.

"Gabby, that's the second time today I've seen you ignore an incoming call. What is going on?"

"It's nothing."

"It's something," Matt countered. "And today wasn't the first time I've seen a look of fear flash across your face when your phone has started to ring."

Gabby sighed, "I've just been getting some prank calls, it's really not a big deal."

"How long have you been getting them?"

"About a month," Gabby replied, not meeting Matt's eyes.

"A month?" Matt exclaimed. He narrowed his eyes, "why didn't you tell me?"

Gabby shrugged and slipped out of Matt's arms, she settled into the other side of the couch, distancing herself from him. "I thought they would stop on their own."

"Well apparently they didn't," he said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I noticed," Gabby snapped at him. "I'm going to bed. Like you said, it's been an exhausting day." She grabbed her phone from the coffee table and stood up, glancing over at him. "Are you leaving or staying?"

"Staying," he answered, not missing a beat.

"Ok."

Matt sighed and decided to give Gabby a few minutes before following her to her bedroom. He wished she would open up to him on a constant basis, not just when he had to force her feelings out of her. He didn't want things to constantly be going back and forth between the two of them.

Eventually, Matt stood up and made a quick stop in the bathroom before opening the door to Gabby's room and finding the lights already off. He kicked off his jeans, pulled his shirt off and blindly made his way to his side of the bed. He slipped under the covers and as soon as he did, Gabby rolled over and cuddled into his side.

"I thought maybe you had decided to leave," she whispered into his chest a few minutes later, her warm breath tickling his skin.

"Nope." He pulled her closer to him and kissed her head. "I said I was staying, so I'm going to stay." As soon as Gabby tensed up, he realized how his words must have sounded. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm staying because I want to stay but I want you to know that you can always count on me to keep my word," he rambled off so quickly, taking a deep breath as soon as he finished.

"Sometimes I feel like I make it hard for you to stick around and that's not my intention."

"Is that why you didn't tell me about the calls?"

"Yeah. No matter what I tell you or confess to you….you stay and I worry that one day, there's going to be something that makes you turn around and run."

"That's never going to happen, Gabby. I need you to learn to trust me."

"I'm working on it," she whispered. She cleared her throat, "Eli asked me something the other day."

"Oh?" Matt raised a brow, intrigued by what the five year old had asked. The kid was quite good at asking some interesting questions. There had been more than a few times that he'd been stumped by some of Eli's questions. "Good or bad?"

"Good, I hope." She propped her head up on her pillow and waited for her eyes to adjust until she met Matt's gaze. "He asked me if you were my boyfriend."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"And what did you say?"

"I told him that you are my boyfriend," she whispered. She searched his eyes for any sort of reaction and took a breath, "is that ok?"

Matt broke out into a grin, "of course it's ok!"

"Yeah?" Gabby asked nervously. "I mean, I know we haven't exactly discussed the specifics of our relationship and I'm not asking for anything, I'm totally ok with where things are but I can't give the boys false expectations and I…"

Matt cut Gabby off, "Everything I say, I mean and everything I promise, I keep. I love my job…I always have, but until I met you and your boys, I've never walked into work and immediately looked forward to my shift ending just so I could come over and have breakfast with you and the boys."

"Matt…" Gabby whispered, completely speechless by his confession. "You're too good to me."

He found her lips in the dark and kissed her softly, "nah. You just don't give yourself enough credit."

* * *

I'm really sorry it took me this long to update. I haven't had much motivation lately. And to be honest, I'm so picky with my writing that I rewrote this chapter three times. I don't want to just upload a chapter to say it's updated...I really want it to be a good chapter.

P.S. No worries, Dawsey will be ok. But I really think the writers should make it up to us with a Dawsey baby. My biggest problem right now is that I feel like Gabby is being written out of character. And why is she being looked at as the bad one in the relationship? They've both messed up. Ok, rant over.

Ok, you all know the drill...read and review :)

One last thing, I'm editing this while watching the championship game...sorry for the mistakes I didn't catch.

Ok, I lied...one more thing...prank caller will be revealed soon. I have a lot of twists and turns outlined for this story I just don't want to rush anything.


	12. Chapter 12

How Will I Know

Chapter Twelve

With Gus in her arms, Gabby walked up the steps to the police department and headed inside, thanking the police officer as he held the door open for them. She adjusted Gus in her arms and sighed as she glanced around the station, she'd spent a lot of time here as a teenager when Antonio was just starting out with the police department.

She was constantly stopping by with dinner or when she had questions on her homework. It was better than going home to an empty house. With their father high up in the Chicago Police Department and their mother always at the hospital, being home alone got pretty lonely for Gabby.

"Well if it isn't Gabriela Dawson."

Gabby smiled, she'd also spent a lot of time hanging out with Trudy Platt. Thanks to her, she knew all the ins and outs of District 21. "Hey, Sargent Platt. It's been a while."

"It's been too long. Last time I saw you, this little guy wasn't even crawling."

"I know and I'm sorry I haven't stopped by more." She shrugged, "things have been hectic."

"Apology accepted. Just make sure next time you stop by you have your famous macaroni and cheese, ok? And of course, I need to see Elijah." She smirked and turned her attention back to Gus. "He's got your smile. He's going to be trouble."

"He already is. He's finally gotten the hang of walking and all I do is chase him around." She looked around, "do you know if my brother is here? I'm supposed to be meeting up with him."

"He just went upstairs. I'll give Nadia a ring."

"Ma ma ma." Gus bounced in his mother's arms, kicking his legs and trying to squirm his way out of her grasp.

Gabby sighed and sat Gus down on the ground, holding onto his hand as he walked around her.

Trudy returned the phone to its cradle, "no answer. I think half of the team is out for lunch. Knowing your brother, he's probably upstairs stuffing his face with a sandwich."

"Probably," Gabby agreed. "Can you let me in, then?" She pulled Gus back into her arms just as he started slip from her grasp.

"She can come up with us."

Both women looked up to see Detective Lindsay and Detective Halstead approaching them. Each holding a cardboard carrier full of coffee.

Gabby nodded and forced a bit of a smile. She had nothing against Erin or Jay but both had been around during her tumultuous relationship with Lance—they had been investigating him on federal drug charges. And not to mention, the short-lived fling she'd had with Halstead a couple of years ago when he was just starting out as a police officer. There were no hard feelings, no bottled up emotions…it was just a bit weird.

"Ah, Linstead," Platt greeted, eying the coffee. "One of those better be mine."

"You know it, Sarg." Jay grinned and handed her the large cup of coffee. "Two sugars and a little bit of milk."

"If being a detective doesn't quite work out, at least you know you'll have a chance as a barista."

"Funny," Jay mumbled as he raised his own cup of coffee to his lips.

Erin greeted Gabby with a warm smile, "It's good to see you, Gabby." She looked at Gus and grinned, caressing the side of his face. "Hey there, big guy! You're looking more and more like your mommy every day."

Gus bounced in his mom's arms and gave his dimpled grin. "Ma, ma, ma!"

"He's a chatter box, too." Jay quipped.

Gabby nodded, "it's Ma, Eh, baba and tuck all day long."

"Baba?" Gus asked, looking up at his mom. He held his hands out and looked around, "Baba?"

"You don't miss a thing, do you?" Using her free hand, she reached into her purse and pulled out a bottle she'd filled up with milk before leaving the apartment. She removed the cap and handed it to him.

Gus grinned, "baba!" Immediately, the bottle was in his mouth and he was tilting his head back so he could gain full access to the milk.

"He's an absolute cutie," Erin said.

Gabby smiled and grinned down at Gus. "Thank you. I think so, too." She cleared her throat and looked back up at the two detectives. "Not that I wouldn't love to chat but my brother is expecting me and he gets on my case every time I'm late."

"Ours, too." Jay said.

Erin nodded, "he's a stickler for being on time, that's for sure. He mentioned something about you stopping by." She motioned towards the steps. "Come on."

Gabby followed Jay and Erin up the second set of stairs and into the intelligence quarters. She smirked when she caught sight of her brother stuffing his face with a sandwich. "Working hard as usual, I see."

Antonio looked up and rolled his eyes. He took a large gulp of his drink and let it wash down his food. "Yeah, yeah." He rolled his chair back and stood up. "Jin should be expecting us." He walked over to Gabby and ruffled Gus' hair. "Hey! Augustus! Feeling old, yet?" He looked over at Gabby. "You ready?"

She nodded, "ready as I'll ever be."

"Need us to watch Gus?" Erin asked. "We're just going to be going through paperwork, could use the entertainment."

"Uh…" Gabby hesitated, Gus hadn't been around any of her brother's coworkers enough to really know them.

"That's actually not a bad idea," said Antonio. "Might hurry things up."

"Yeah, but…he doesn't really know you guys."

Antonio sighed, "Gabby, he'll be fine."

Gabby kissed Gus' forehead. "You wanna hang out with some detectives for a while?" She sighed, "yeah, I know, you have no idea what I'm saying." She passed Gus into Erin's arms. And while he didn't seem eager to leave his mother's arms, he didn't fuss.

"See? He's fine."

Gabby nodded. "Oh." She slipped her purse from her shoulder. "We shouldn't be too long but everything you might need is in my purse. His pacifier, diapers, some snacks and a few toys but to be honest, he's been carrying around that little fire truck all day so I doubt he would pay attention to anything else."

"Was that really necessary?" Gabby asked moments later as she followed her brother through the intelligence headquarters to where Jin's work station was. "He could've come with us."

"This way it will be faster."

"So, what? Leave him with two of the detectives that you paid to basically follow me while you were investigating Lance? Not to mention, there was a time when Jay and I…"

Antonio stopped and turned around. He raised a brow, "how many exes are you going to mention in one sentence?"

Gabby crossed her arms, "Don't be an ass."

"Then don't be difficult." He turned around and started walking again.

Gabby glared at the back of her brother's head before following him.

Gabby took a seat next to Jin and crossed her arms, just ready to get this over with. She didn't really care for the idea of her brother, let alone, his coworker, listening to the voicemails.

"Ok, I went ahead and transferred all the voicemails over and with a little bit of magic, I was able to get _close _to the original voice." Jin glanced over at Gabby, "sorry, but I have to play them."

Gabby nodded, "I know."

Antonio took a firm stance behind his sister and crossed his arms, he had a feeling he was not going to like what he heard. He gave Jin a small nod to go on.

"_Once a slut, always a slut." _

"_Two babies…two daddies, let's hope Casey knows what he's in for. Third times a charm, huh? Gonna convince this one you're worth it?" _

_"Bitches like you don't deserve love."_

_"Well didn't you just turn out to be a little bit of a disappointment? Daddy is a retired chief, mommy is a retired doctor and big brother is a decorated detective. And little Gabriela...just a whore."_

"Ok, ok, just turn it off." Gabby demanded.

Jin quickly paused the recordings and looked over at Gabby, sending her an apologetic look. "Did the voice sound familiar?"

One glance at his baby sister and he knew that she had recognized the voice. "Gabby?" He sighed and looked down at Jin. "Thanks for your help, man. Can you give us a few minutes?"

"Yeah, no problem." Jin stood up from his chair and slipped out of his makeshift office.

Antonio shut the door behind Jin and turned back to his sister. He took in her demeanor; her arms were crosses and she refused to look at him, "who is it, Gabby?"

Gabby swallowed hard. "That's Bobby Ross," she whispered. She shook her head, angry at herself, "I don't even know why I didn't consider him."

"Who the hell is Bobby Ross?"

"He's a paramedic…we went to school together."

"And?" Antonio asked, frustrated with the lack of information his sister was giving him. "What did you do? Why would he possibly want to harass you?"

"Are you saying I did something to deserve this? Gee, thanks, Antonio."

"You know that's not what I'm saying, Gabby. But you also know that I can't help you unless I know everything. As it stands, this Bobby Ross guy has done nothing wrong."

"We had a thing…if that's what you even want to call it, back when we were in school together." She sighed and looked up at Antonio, "he's Eli's dad."

"You've got to be kidding me." Antonio sighed in frustration, "and you didn't think to tell me about this when I asked you if you could possibly think of _anybody _who could be holding a grudge against you?"

"Why the hell would he be holding a grudge against me? I did exactly what he wanted! I didn't pursue him for a paternity test! I didn't even know he was working for Chicago until I ran into him at 51 right before your trip to the Dominican!"

Antonio took a seat in the chair previously occupied by Jin. "So you didn't push him out of his son's life?"

"No!" Gabby exclaimed, appalled that her brother was even asking her. "I told him I was pregnant and he said there was no way it could be his." She sighed and closed her eyes, thinking back to the day Eli was born. "Do you remember...after Eli was born and you came back to the hospital the next morning?"

Antonio let his mind fall back to the time Gabby was referring to. He nodded, "yeah. I had Diego with me and when I walked into the room you had been crying. I thought it was just your hormones so I didn't question it. Did Ross show up?"

Gabby shook her head, "no. I sent him a text...with a picture of Eli and his full name." She shrugged, "I guess, throughout my entire pregnancy, I kind of hoped that once I had the baby, Ross would at least want to be apart of his life. I was wrong." She dropped her gaze to her hands and pictured the response as clear as day. "His response...should've named him Bastard Baby Dawson."

Antonio's blood boiled and he clenched his fists in anger, "Gabby..."

She shook her head, "please don't yell at me again. I know I screwed up, I know I _keep _screwing up. I really am trying, Antonio. Eli and Gus are my whole life. Everything that happened with Lance...it was a wake-up call for me."

Antonio sighed and put a hand on each side of Gabby's chair and rolled her closer to him. "I'm not mad, Gabs. Well, not at you, anyways." He cleared his throat, "Gabriela, look at me."

Gabby shook her head. "I'm sorry you have to keep fixing my mistakes."

"Hey, what are big brothers for? I know I've been hard on you these past few years and I think a lot of it is anger that's being misdirected towards you."

"What do you mean?"

"When you were growing up, mom and dad were always busy with work."

Gabby scoffed, "trust me, I remember."

"I was so busy with starting my life...settling down with Laura and joining the academy that I didn't spend a lot of time with you..."

"Antonio, the decisions I've made are not your fault."

"I know that but I'm just saying...maybe if I had been around more..."

"Trust me," she said, cutting him off. "I would have still made the same rebellious choices. It was never about you, it was always about getting mom and dad's attention. Besides, all the times you let me hangout here at the station...it helped."

Antonio laughed, "it wasn't long before you became everybody's favorite Dawson."

"Well, duh. You should've seen that coming," Gabby quipped. "And don't even say it was because I brought in buffets of food on a regular basis."

"Hey, you said it, not me."

"But you were thinking it. I know you, 'Tonio. Besides, I had to practice my cooking skills on someone."

A knock on the door caused the siblings to look up. Jin popped his head in, "I don't mean to intrude or anything but Voight has got me on a tight schedule."

"Right, right, no worries." Antonio stood up and helped Gabby up. He ushered her out the door and stopped before leaving the room, "thanks again, Jin."

Gabby nodded, not making eye contact. "Yeah, thanks."

"It was no trouble, really."

The two of them walked side by side down the hallway. Antonio heard the tiny sniffles next to him and looked over just as Gabby wiped the tears away. He stopped and gently grabbed her arm, halting her movements, "hey, hey. Enough with the crying. I'll find a way to get that asshole fired or locked up or something, ok?"

Gabby nodded, "I know you will. Please, just don't jeopardize your job like you did last time. It's not worth it."

Antonio shook his head, "you're always worth it, Gabs."

"Mama, mama!"

Down the hall, Gus was running as fast as his little feet would take him. With the toy firetruck in one hand and his almost empty bottle in the other, he giggled as he got closer to his mother.

Antonio grinned and nodded towards the bright green and blue high tops that were on Gus' feet. "Looks like his new sneakers are being put to good use."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "they match absolutely nothing he has."

"According to Diego that's the style...bright basketball shoes. He convinced me to buy a pair of purple, black and red ones for back to school."

"You're so whipped," She bent down and held her arms out for Gus, his little tiny body came crashing into her with such force that she nearly fell backwards. "Hey there big guy." She stood up and perched him on her hip, "did you have fun with Erin and Jay?" She looked up as the two detectives approached. "Thanks for watching him. I hope he wasn't too much of a terror."

"He was an angel," Erin replied, running a hand through Gus' hair. "But he saw Jay eating and nearly threw a fit until we gave him a few french fries...hence the ketchup on his shirt. Sorry."

Gabby shook her head, "don't worry about it. He doesn't look like it, but this kid can put away the food when he wants to."

* * *

Kelly looked up from the collection of cards in his hand and caught sight of Antonio striding through the garage with a clear look of intent on his face. "Uh, oh…big brother trouble."

Matt looked up from his own hand of cards, "what?" He followed Kelly's gaze and turned around. "Antonio? Hey." Matt stood up to greet his girlfriend's brother. "Is everything ok?"

"Where's the chief?"

"Uh…he should be in his office. Anything I can help with?"

"Not right now."

"Ok." Matt watched with a mixture of fear and curiosity as Antonio continued on into the firehouse.

Kelly smirked. "You're so scared of him."

Matt glared at Kelly and sat back down, "wouldn't you be? I'm dating his sister. He's one of the best detectives in Chicago and one false move…well, I'm sure he could find a way to kill me and hide the body without anybody ever finding out."

"Nah, he'll just find a way to put you in prison for the rest of your life," Severide quipped without missing a beat.

"Really, Kelly?" Shay smacked the back of her best friend's head and plopped down next to him. "Was that necessary?"

Matt had laughed, thinking Kelly was joking but the way Shay had reacted he was starting to think otherwise and his smile faltered. "Wait? That really happened?"

Kelly ducked his head in response to the glare Shay was sending him. "Oops. Forget I said anything."

"No," Matt shook his head, "you can't just let something like that slip and then not tell me the whole story."

"Seriously, it's not much of a story," Kelly insisted.

"Obviously it is. Is he in prison for something he did to Gabby? I know he was abusive."

Shay frowned in disapproval and sent Kelly another glare. "Well you might as well go ahead and tell him before he does something stupid to find out on his own." She leaned back into her chair and crossed her arms. "Although, I might have to supervise to make sure you get the details right."

"I don't even know all the details."

"Exactly my point, Kelly!"

Kelly sighed and scooted his chair in closer to the table. "Lance Torres…Gus' dad," he shook his head, "I still have no idea how Gabby met him but she did and turned into one fucked up train wreck." He sighed, "For as long as I have known Gabby, everything she's done had been about Eli. Yeah, I guess she would hook up with guys once in a while..." Kelly shrugged, "she is human, after all."

Shay rolled her eyes and sat up, resting her elbows on the table and leaning into the conversation. "What Kelly is trying to say is that Gabby never really focused on having relationships…she was all about being the best mother she could to Eli. And then she met Lance and next thing I know, she was constantly asking if we could watch Eli. And I mean…like _all the time._"

"It's like he put her under some spell or some shit like that," Kelly muttered. "It was weird."

"More like scary!"

"And then I hear through Erin," he paused and looked over at Matt to make sure he was still keeping up, "you know, that detective I was hooking up with for a bit? Well, I hear that they've got this big case on some dude named Lance Torres and it didn't take long to connect the dots." Kelly shrugged, "we confronted Gabby and she flipped out."

Matt leaned in, a feeling of unease settling in the pit of his stomach. "Well what happened?"

"Gabby asked Lance if he was involved in anything. He freaked out on her, accused her of being a snitch. Next thing I know, I'm responding to a domestic abuse call." Shay shook her head angrily as she thought back to the scene she's stumbled in on. "Luckily Eli wasn't home. Gabby had already dropped him off at her cousin's for the day. When I say he beat the shit out of her...I mean he left every part of her body bruised and battered. Not a single scratch on her face, just her entire body."

"Oh my god," Matt whispered.

"She refused to press charges," Kelly mumbled.

Matt sat up straight, shocked by Kelly's words. "What? Why?"

Shay shrugged, "nobody can really understand what goes through the mind of a victim of abuse." She sighed, "After that, she kind of stopped talking to us."

"Then what happened?"

"She got pregnant," Shay answered. "And Lance didn't really share the same enthusiasm as Gabby did. She showed up one night at our place at three in the morning with Eli sound asleep in her arms. She was barely standing upright." She shook her head, "the hell Lance put her through, it's amazing she didn't have a miscarriage."

Inside the firehouse, Antonio was a man on a mission as he walked right by Chief Boden's assistant, not even bothering to glance her way or let alone ask if he was even available.

"Detective Dawson, you can't just…"

The chief looked up from the paperwork on his desk, surprised by Antonio's presence. "Antonio?" He stood up and gave a small nod to his assistant, letting her know it was ok.

Antonio waited until Boden's assistant shut the door before angrily tossing a file down on the chief's desk. "Do you guys not do background checks on your paramedics anymore?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Just read the file!"

Boden gave Antonio a look letting him know he did not appreciate the tone. But nonetheless, he slipped his glasses back on and took a glance through the file. Barely a paragraph into the first page and he understood Antonio's anger. When he was finished scanning through the many pages, he looked back up at Antonio, "I had no idea."

Apparently Gabby wasn't the first person Ross had invested time in harassing.

"Well someone in human resources knew exactly what they were doing when they hired him. He's got a criminal history as long as my arm!"

"His parents are high up in the social circle with some important people of Chicago." He shook his head, "don't take this the wrong way, but I don't really understand what this has to do with you? Don't get me wrong, I'm going to be taking care of this right away but I'm not really connecting the dots..."

"He's been harassing my sister for the past month! _At least! _Who knows what else she isn't telling me! She just now told me that he's Eli's father!"

As soon as Antonio said that, Boden's demeanor completely changed. As far as he was concerned, Gabby would forever be apart of 51. "I had no idea."

"Yeah, join the club." He motioned his head towards the door, "I'm guessing some of your crew did, though."

Boden looked up when there was a knock on his office door, he sighed and motioned for Matt to come in. "I guess we'll find out." he nodded at Matt. "Casey."

"Hey, chief." Matt glanced at Antonio, "sorry if I'm interrupting...it's just...is everything ok? Is Gabby ok?"

Antonio turned to Matt, "did you know about Ross?"

Matt raised a brow, not sure what argument between Gabby and Antonio he had just stepped into. "About him being Eli's dad? She told me about a week ago." He shrugged, "I kind of had to force it out of her."

"Yeah, tell me about it. That's how she's always been." Antonio shook his head angrily, "she tells you, a guy who—no offense, she has only been dating for about a month and half but she can't even tell her own brother? The one person who has stuck with her through everything!"

"Antonio, I…"

Antonio caught sight of Ross through the open door, "Is that him?"

Matt turned around and before he could respond, Antonio was running out of the office and throwing Ross against the wall. "Antonio!"

Ross winced. "Whoa, man, what's your problem?"

"What's my problem?" Antonio shoved him up against the wall again, "you're my problem! I don't know what kind of sick obsession you have with my sister but it's going to stop!"

It didn't take long for Matt to put together what Antonio was saying. Ross was the one who'd been prank calling her. It took all his energy not to join Antonio in attacking Ross. Already on thin ice from last time he'd thrown a few punches at Ross, he let Shay and Kelly push him aside to go stop Antonio.

"Dude, I see a lot of girls, you're gonna have to be more specific as to which one is crying foul this time."

"Which one's crying foul?" Antonio repeated in disgust. "You piece of shit! Does this narrow it down for you...the one who you knocked up and ditched!"

A brief flash of fear passed through Ross' eyes but he quickly recovered with another smirk. "Again, I need it narrowed down. You know how many women have tried to trap me."

"Asshole!" Antonio took a step back and punched Ross, he gave the paramedic just enough time for the pain to register before throwing another punch.

* * *

Gabby was just starting to fall asleep when her phone buzzed across her nightstand. She kept her eyes closed and sighed, maybe if she ignored it then whoever it was would get the hint that she was sleeping. Or at least trying to sleep. It buzzed again, signaling another text message had arrived.

Sighing, she reached for her phone. Wincing against the sudden light, Gabby wasn't surprised to see one text was from her brother and the other was from Matt.

Antonio: _anymore calls? _

Matt: _are you sleeping? _

Gabby sent a 'no' in response to her brother's text and then answered Matt's. _No. How's work?_

Thinking it might take him a few minutes to respond, Gabby sat her phone down next to her and was startled when it started to ring. She saw Matt's name flash across her screen and quickly answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, I'm surprised you're up. You're usually sleeping by now."

Gabby shrugged and settled back into the stack of pillows behind her. "Can't sleep. How is work?"

"You already asked me that."

"But you didn't answer."

Matt smirked, he couldn't get anything past her. "It's been calm so far." _Besides your brother's afternoon visit, _he thought to himself. "Hopefully I didn't just jinx it. How are the boys?"

"The usual. A handful. I took them to the park after I picked Eli up from school so by the time we got home they were exhausted. They ate, took a bath and went straight to bed."

"You mean to tell me the one time they both go right to sleep, I'm not there to enjoy quiet time with you?"

Gabby shook her head. "Don't worry, I'm sure there will be other opportunities. But anyways, Eli got a perfect score on his spelling test today _and _he was the only one in his class to spell the bonus word correctly. You'll never guess what it was…"

"Well don't leave me in suspense," Matt joked.

"Fire."

"You're kidding?"

"Nope. He couldn't wait to tell you, so make sure you act surprised when he does."

He laughed, "Oh, don't worry. I've played enough peek-a-boo with Gus that I've mastered the fake surprise expression. How is the little guy, anyways?"

"His walking has turned into running. Oh, and that little red fire truck you got him for his birthday, he rediscovered it this morning and carried it around with him the entire day. I had to practically pry it out of his hands before I gave him a bath."

Matt laughed, "well I'm glad he likes it. So how are you?"

"Emotionally exhausted," Gabby admitted. She sighed and closed her eyes, "I wish you were here."

"Is everything ok?"

"Not really. I found out who has been calling me."

Matt sighed, "I know."

"What? How?"

"Your brother stopped by here this afternoon."

"And you're just now telling me?" Gabby's stomach dropped, "what did he do?"

"I would've called sooner but it's been one call after another. And it's more like, what didn't he do?" Matt quipped, trying to ease the tension he could sense in Gabby's voice. "Your brother got a few punches in before he was pulled back by the chief. Took all my self-control not to join him."

"Matt!"

Matt shook his head, "he had not right to harass you like that, Gabby. I should've known it was him, he'd been walking around with a smirk on his face for weeks…that was until Antonio wiped it right off today."

Gabby closed her eyes and sighed, "I just need this to all be over with and that's not going to happen if you and Antonio continue to take turns in using Ross as a punching bag." She rubbed at the tension on the side of her head, "I don't want him having any leverage."

"Leverage for what?"

"What if he decides he wants to be a part of Eli's life and tries to take him away from me?"

"Gabby, that's _never _going to happen. It's shitty to say, but he has no interest in Eli and not to mention, all the legal hoops he would have to jump through to even get a chance." He sighed and leaned his head back against his own pillow. "You shouldn't worry about stuff like that."

"He's my son!" Gabby cried. "I worry about every possible scenario where he could be taken away from me! That's my job!"

"Ok, ok," Matt hurried to say. "I'm not trying to say you shouldn't worry…I'm just saying, cross that specific worry off of your list. Ross will never take Eli away from you, ok? I promise." He sighed, giving Gabby a moment to calm down. "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to make your worries sound trivial."

Gabby shook her head, "I know. I'm sorry, too. I'm just a little on edge."

"And that's understandable. I wish I was with you right now."

"I am kind of awesome to be around," Gabby quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

"Understatement of the year." Matt caught sight of the envelope sitting in the corner of his desk. "I actually have a surprise for you...well, for you and Eli."

"Oh?"

"Bears tickets! September 14th. Save the date!"

Gabby quickly racked her brain trying to remember her schedule. "How did you know I have that weekend off?"

He laughed, "you hang your schedule on the refrigerator door."

"Oh, right. I forgot." She frowned, "but what about Gus?"

"Shay has already agreed to watch him."

Gabby shook her head, "has she become your emergency babysitter?"

"Pretty much," Matt quipped. "It's a trade, really. She babysits the boys and I sometimes I act as Kelly's babysitter whenever he and I go out drinking."

She laughed, "I see...well, I..." her words were cut short by the soft cries floating through the baby monitor.

"Uh, oh...sounds like someone is awake."

Gabby glanced at the time, "like clockwork." She kicked her covers off and climbed out of bed, "I should probably let you go. I'll see you tomorrow morning for breakfast?"

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Goodnight, Matt."

"Goodnight, Gabby."

* * *

**Well, I think I managed to get a lot of background about Gabby in this chapter. Matt got a little bit more insight into why Gabby doesn't trust so easily. And yep...lots of you guessed it, it was Ross! What happens with him, now? You shall see in later chapters! ;)**

**Also, thanks to everybody who reviewed 'Lost Then Found'. It was a very emotional story to write. Working on a companion piece for those of you who requested a Gabby/Antonio conversation. **

**So...sometimes I lurk through the fandom on twitter but don't really post anything. Why? I don't know, I guess my introverted ways make their way to how I socialize on the internet. But also because it's a personal twitter and a lot of my friends don't understand my fangirl ways. lol. Anyways, no worries, Dawsey will be ok. I will admit, I'm not happy with how things are playing out but I also know that on tv shows, all couples have to have their ups and downs. Gotta keep the story going somehow. I'll forever be Team Dawsey...but right now, I'm kinda Team Gabby. But they'll find their way back. They are endgame. :)**

**Hope you all liked the chapter! Read and review, please! Love you all! -Rebecca**


	13. Chapter 13

_**Sorry, sorry, sorry for the delay!**_

How Will I Know

Chapter Thirteen

"Today was the best day ever!" Eli exclaimed as he sat atop Matt's shoulders, hovering above the crowd of fans who were all trying to make their way out of Soldier Field. "They won!" He exclaimed, proudly waving around the foam finger on his hand.

Gabby smiled, "It's their first win of the season, maybe you're good luck." With both of Matt's hands keeping Eli secure on his shoulders, Gabby slipped her hand in one of Matt's back pockets to keep them from being split up by the crowd.

Eli grinned and nodded, "I'm a good luck charm! Hey mama, can I play football?"

"Maybe next year. We'll have to wait and see." To be honest, Gabby would rather Eli stick with soccer or maybe try basketball. Between working as a paramedic and now as a nurse, she'd seen more than her fair share of football related injuries. Especially younger children who didn't quite understand the fundamentals of the sport.

"Ok!" Eli seemed satisfied with his mother's answer. "When I do play football, can I be the one that catches the ball and scores?"

Matt looked up at Eli and grinned. "You want to be a wide receiver?"

"Yep!"

"Well then we'll have to practice your catching skills. You got a football?"

"Not a real one. Just a little one that Gus plays with. But Diego does."

"I'm sure I have one somewhere around my house." Matt sent Gabby a knowing wink, "If not, we'll buy one, ok?"

Eli nodded, "ok!"

"What do you say we go pick up your brother and then go get dinner?" Gabby pulled her keys from her purse and hit the remote on her key chain to unlock her car as they approached it.

"Can we have tacos?"

"Sounds good to me," Matt replied as he removed Eli from his shoulders and sat him down on the ground. "And maybe some fried ice-cream afterwards?"

"Sounds good to me!" Eli exclaimed, repeating Matt's words.

It'd been a few weeks since Antonio had called out Ross for his harassing phone calls and much to Gabby's relief, she hadn't received a call since. Though she was grateful and relieved for her brother's actions, there was still a small part of her that had been left uneasy. He still worked as a paramedic just not for 51. Boden had pulled a few strings to have him transferred out of his house, sighting possible conflicts of interest.

Boden wanted to do more, but without a criminal investigation and considering Gabby no longer worked for 51, his hands were tied.

With Gabby's insistence, her brother and boyfriend had let it go. Or so she'd thought. Antonio had gotten in contact with some guys within the district Ross had transferred to and asked them to keep their heads up and let him know if the guy was causing any trouble.

As soon as Gabby climbed into the passenger seat and shut the door, her phone started to ring. "It's Antonio," she said to Matt before answering the phone. "Hey."

"Hey, Gabs. What are you up to?"

"On my way to pick Gus up from Shay's. Matt, Eli and I are just leaving Soldier Field." She raised a brow, immediately sensing her brother was up to something. "Why?"

"Wanted to see if you guys wanted to have dinner with us. We're going out."

"Uh…" Gabby checked the time on the radio. "Sure, we'll see you in thirty minutes? Where are we meeting?"

"Marco's."

"Marco's? But the only time we ever go to Marco's is…" her voice trailed off and her jaw clenched as the realization hit her. "Are mom and dad in town?"

"Yeah. The department is honoring him next week at the Officer's Ball."

"So they're in town for an entire week? Couldn't have warned a girl, could you?"

"I didn't even know until dad called me this morning asking to pick them up at the airport. You guys still coming to dinner or not?"

Gabby sighed, she could already feel the headache coming on. "If we don't, I'll never hear the end of it."

"It won't be that bad, Gabby. Is Matt coming?"

Gabby glanced over at Matt, meeting his confused gaze and giving him a tight smile. "I'll have to ask him. I really don't want mom and dad interrogating him, though."

"It'll be fine. Listen, I've got to get a quick shower. See you guys in a bit. Love you, sis."

"Yeah, love you, too. Bye." She bit back a curse word and tossed her phone into the console next to her.

"What was that about?" Matt asked.

"My parents are in town." She looked over at him, "the boys and I are supposed to meet them at Marco's for dinner. My dad has some weird obsession with Italian food and whenever he's in town, he insists on having a family dinner at Marco's." She raised a brow, "are you up for meeting my parents?"

"Do you _want _me to meet your parents?" Matt asked. A look of confusion flashed across Gabby's face and he hurried to clarify. "I just know we said we were taking things slow and I don't want to go dinner with you guys if you feel like this is too much, too fast."

"I just know they'll both have something to say about it." She pursed her lips, "but it's not like that's ever stopped me before. You'll eventually have to meet them, anyways." She pulled her seat belt across her body. "Let's go."

It'd taken longer than Gabby thought it would to pick Gus up from Shay's and get to Marco's. By the time the four of them got there, it had been almost an hour since she'd spoken to Antonio. As if Gabby wasn't already on edge as it was, showing up late to dinner was sure to earn her a comment from her mother about punctuality.

Although Matt felt a little anxious about the sudden prospect of meeting Gabby's parents, he was doing a lot better job of containing his nerves than Gabby was.

With Gus in one arm and Eli holding onto her hand, Gabby led the way towards a table in the back of restaurant where everybody was gathered. Matt followed close behind.

Antonio was the first to notice them and stood up, "looks like we can get the party started now."

Gabby smiled, "sorry we're late. Took us a bit to get through traffic."

"Nonsense, nonsense," Thomas Dawson said as he stood up and embraced his daughter. "I'm just happy to see my sweet Gabriela." He kissed the top of her head and pulled back. "And look, it's Augustus and Elijah!"

Eli grinned and looked up at his grandfather, "hi, abuelo!"

"Hello to you too, Elijah!"

"Guess what?" Eli asked.

"What?"

"Matt took me and mommy to see the Bears! And they won! Mama says I'm a good luck charm!"

Thomas nodded and ruffled Eli's hair. "And who is this Matt guy I've heard hardly nothing about?"

Gabby cleared her throat and stepped aside, she met Matt's eyes, "dad, mom, this is Matt Casey." She turned to her parents, "Matt, these are my parents, Thomas and Marie."

Matt smiled and held his hand out to Thomas, "it's nice to meet you."

Thomas shook Matt's hand, gripping it harder than necessary before quickly dropping it. "Likewise."

"And Mrs. Dawson," Matt held out his hand again, "it's nice to meet you, too."

Marie briefly shook Matt's hand, "yes. Well, I'm looking forward to learning more about you," she cut her eyes over to Gabby. "I'm surprised Gabriela hasn't mentioned you. Exactly how long have you two been dating?"

"Can we at least sit down before you start interrogating him?"

"I'm not interrogating him, Gabriela. I'm simply learning about your relationship, I wouldn't have to ask trivial questions if you would call me once in a while."

"Well the phone works both ways, mom."

"Really, Gabby?" Antonio muttered.

She sent Antonio a glare and adjusted Gus in her arms before looking around for Eli. He'd already taken up a seat next to Diego and was telling him all about the football game. Gabby looked up at Matt and motioned for him to take the empty seat next to Eli. Matt nodded, understanding what she was saying.

He pulled out the empty chair next to him for Gabby to take a seat in, "you want me to ask about a highchair?"

Gabby shook her head as she took a seat in the chair Matt had pulled out for her, putting her between him and Antonio. "No, that's fine. Thanks, though." She was now sitting directly across from her mother which left Matt sitting directly across the table from her father. She had no doubt Antonio had planned it that way.

Before anybody else could say anything, the waiter approached and asked if they were ready to order their drinks. He took everybody's orders and left the table as an awkward silence settled around them. Thankfully, though. None of the kids seemed to notice. Diego and Eli were too busy talking and Eva had her face buried in her phone.

"Well let me at least see my youngest grandbaby," Marie cooed as she leaned across the table and ran her hand through Gus' hair. "Look at those curls! Your mommy had curls just like that as a baby!" Gus pulled away from his grandmother's touch and curled into his mother's side. Marie looked slightly offended, "oh, well ok then."

"Don't take it personal, mom," Gabby said, feeling a little bad that Gus seemed to be afraid of his grandmother. "It just takes him a while to warm up to people."

Marie huffed, "well I'm not just _people_; I'm his grandmother."

"Yeah, but the last time you saw him he was a lot younger, he doesn't remember you."

"Well that's not my fault," Marie insisted.

"I never said it was," Gabby said back. She sighed and took a deep breath, looking down at Gus as she bounced him on her leg. "Hey little guy, you want to go see your abuela?" Gus' big brown eyes looked up at his mother in wonder.

"Baba?" he asked, chewing on his fingers.

Gabby couldn't help but laugh, "abuela, not bottle."

"Mama?" Eli asked, turning his mother's attention to him. He was sitting on his knees and trying to read the kid's menu.

Gabby leaned forward so she could see Eli on the other side of Matt. "What, sweetie?"

"Can I have chicken and ravioli." Chicken, it was always chicken with Eli. And ravioli was the only Italian dish he could really remember.

Matt looked up from the menu and over to Eli, "how about I get chicken parmigiano and you get the cheese ravioli?"

Eli nodded, "it's a deal!"

The waiter soon returned with a tray of drinks and asking if they were ready to order their food.

From across the table, Thomas watched with great interest as Matt and Eli interacted with one another as if they were in fact father and son. They were both too engrossed on the activity page of the kid's menu to even notice.

"So, Matt…is it?" Thomas asked, pulling Matt's attention away from the word search.

Matt nodded, "yes, sir."

"What is it you do for a living?"

"Matt's a lieutenant!" Eli chimed in. Any opportunity he got to talk about Matt being a firefighter, he was all over it. "That means he's the boss of all the other firefighters!"

Gabby couldn't believe it, the look on her father's face was actually one of surprise. Good surprise. "Really?" He asked, looking to Matt for confirmation.

Matt nodded, "he's right. I've been a firefighter for almost ten years now. A lieutenant for nearly five."

Antonio took a quick sip of his drink and sat it back down, joining in, "Matt and I actually worked together on an arson case a few years ago. Couldn't have convicted the guy without him."

Despite the conversation going well, Matt could feel Gabby's leg bouncing up and down against his own leg and discreetly found her hand underneath the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"So I assume you will by Gabriela's side at the Officer's Ball?" Marie asked.

Gabby and Matt shared a look. "Uh..." Matt started, "It's kind of last minute and I'm on shift next Saturday so I'll have to see if i can switch shifts with somebody..."

"Nonsense," Thomas waived off the concern. "I'll take care of it. Wallace and I go way back."

Matt nodded, not sure what else to say. "Oh...ok."

* * *

Dinner had been…interesting, to say the least.

It was nearing eight when Gabby insisted she had to get the boys home because Eli had school in the morning. After promising to call her mother in the morning before work to set up a time they could get together to have lunch, the four of them left the restaurant. All four exhausted and somewhat grumpy.

"Mama," Gus babbled as he cuddled into his mother's arms.

Gabby kissed the side of Gus' head and held him close to her, swaying back and forth. "He's always a mama's boy whenever he's gone the whole day without seeing me," Gabby reasoned as she took a seat next to Matt on the couch. She settled back into Matt's side and adjusted Gus in her arms so his head was resting against her chest.

Matt draped an arm over Gabby, "hey, I can attest for him…going a day without you is challenging."

"Smooth, very smooth, Casey," she quipped.

Before Matt could say anything else, Eli came running into the living room. "I got my jammies on!" He climbed onto the couch and cuddled into his mother's side, resting his head on her arm next to Gus' head. "Are we going to watch football?" He asked, noticing that Matt had turned the television onto Sports Center.

"Nah, all the games are over." _Except for Sunday Night Football, _Matt thought silently to himself. He knew if he even mentioned it that Eli would beg to stay up and watch it with him and in turn would leave one very angry Gabby. "I'm just catching up on the scores."

"Can I catch up, too?" Eli asked.

"No, it's time for bed, Eli."

"Please!" He begged.

Gabby shook her head, "no. You have school tomorrow."

Eli crossed his arms. "I'm not sleepy, _mommy_!"

"Doesn't matter, you're still going to bed. Now tell Matt goodnight and thank you for the tickets."

"Goodnight, Matt. Thank you for taking me to see the football game. I'm going to tell all my friends about it at school tomorrow." He jumped down from the couch and turned back to his mom, giving it one last try. "How about one more hour?"

Gabby shook her head, almost amused by her son's attempts to negotiate with her. But she wasn't going to let him see that. "Not a chance, Elijah."

Eli's shoulder fell as he seemed to give up his fight. "Can you read me a story? Help me with _Goodnight Moon_? I almost know all of the words."

"Now that, I will definitely do." She scooted forward and despite the weight of Gus in her arms, managed to push herself up off the couch. She cast a quick glance Matt's way. "You heading out?"

"I'll wait."

Gabby nodded and took the hand that Eli was holding out for her, eager to start reading. "Come on, mama."

Once she was sure the boys were asleep, Gabby quickly changed into a pair of pajama pants and an old t-shirt. She found Matt sitting on the couch and glued to the television. He didn't realize she was even there until the couch dipped when she took a seat next to him.

He looked over at her, "hey. Both asleep?"

"Finally."

Matt nodded, "that's good." He turned off the television and sat the remote down on the coffee table in front of him, "dinner was interesting." He draped an arm over her as she cuddled back into his side.

"Well that's one way to put it." She shook her head, "But I really don't want to talk about dinner…or anything for that matter."

"Oh yeah? Then what do you want to do?"

"Depends," she whispered. "Are you sure you have to leave?"

Matt sighed, sensing the moment slowly slipping away from them. "Unfortunately. Duty calls first thing tomorrow morning and I've still got to do laundry."

"Excuses, excuses," she quipped.

After a few moments of silence she looked back up at him and gave him a shy smile, "I know I've said it before but thank you for today. As I'm sure you could tell, Eli had the time of his life at the game. I can't remember the last time I saw that much excitement from him." She titled her head up so she could get a better look at him, "and we both know he gets excited _a lot._" She sighed, "It's been almost two months now—and as pathetic as it sounds, for me, that's a long time in terms of an honest and healthy relationship…"

"Which completely blows my mind," Matt interrupted. "I don't see how any guy wouldn't treat you with all the respect in the world." He paused, still shocked by the look of surprise that would appear on her face every time he paid her the simplest of compliments. "To put it bluntly, you're a catch, Gabriela Dawson."

Gabby always found herself at a loss of words every time Matt said something like that and right now was no different. She pursed her lips together in slight embarrassment and broke eye contact with him, and instead turned her attention to their intertwined hands. "Has anyone ever told you that you're quite smooth with your words, Matthew Casey?" She slid her free hand up his arm and caressed the side of his face. "Stay another hour?"

Matt laughed, "you know I can't say no to you, right?"

"Pretty much."

* * *

_**Once again, I apologize for the long delay. My motivation had been lacking, it was my one-shot 'Hanging by the Moment' that got me back in the rhythm of things. (P.S. thanks for all the reviews on that story). Also, thanks so much for all the reviews. You guys always amaze me. As lame as it might sound, I get so excited when I see I have another review. **_

_**Oh, and Gabby's mom isn't a complete bitch...they just haven't seen eye to eye in quite a while. Just more ripples in the story plot. ;)**_

_**Also, I gained a handful of new twitter followers. ;) I think I followed all of you back. I don't really tweet about my writing but I do tweet about Dawsey. **_

_**Love you all! :) **_

_**P.S: season four is official now! #DawseyBabyForSeason4! That gives them time to get their relationship back on track. Is that hashtag too much? Also, can't we just send them a giant #Dawsey hashtag and insist Monica and Jesse take a pic with it? lol.** _


	14. Chapter 14

**_Super sorry for the delay! I've been working like crazy and to be honest, I had kind of lost motivation for a bit. As always, thanks for all the reviews, alerts and favorites! You guys are the best!_ **

How Will I Know

Chapter Fourteen

Matt tucked in his long sleeve polo shirt and slammed his locker door shut before hurrying out of the locker room and towards the common room. His eyes met chief's as Boden headed towards him with a cup of coffee in his hand. "Morning, chief."

Boden nodded, "morning, Casey. Meet me in my office in five minutes."

"Yes, sir."

"Dude," Severide said as Matt walked up to the counter, he glanced behind him to make sure Boden was out of the room before turning back to Matt. "What the hell did you do?"

He shrugged, "I have no idea." He made himself his own cup of coffee, needing it with what little sleep he'd managed to get last night. His whole plan to do laundry…yeah, that never happened. In fact, he'd woken up to Gabby's alarm and silently cursed as he had realized he'd fallen asleep with her in his arms instead of heading back home like he'd intended to do. He'd scrambled out of bed, pulled his clothes on from the previous day and gave Gabby a quick kiss before hurrying out of her apartment and across town to his own.

Severide chuckled as Matt started towards Boden's office, "it's like getting called to the principal's office!"

Matt ignored Severide and continued on towards Boden's office. Despite the door being opened, he knocked anyways. "You wanted to see me, chief?"

Boden nodded, motioning for Matt to come in. "Shut the door behind you, Casey." He waited until Matt took a seat across from him to continue. "Guess who called me this morning?"

Matt shook his head, his mind running a mile a minute. Still, he came up empty. "I don't know. Who?"

"Thomas Dawson."

"Oh, shit. I mean, sorry…" he stuttered, "I completely forgot. Listen, I did not ask him to ask you for Saturday's shift off…."

"Casey…"

"He basically took it upon himself and to be honest…"

"Casey…"

"I was really too afraid to say anything, I mean, he'd just met the guy who has been sleeping with his daughter for the past several months and I…"

"Matt!"

Eyes wide, Matt had realized he was rambling. "Sorry, sir."

Boden smirked, "you have nothing to be sorry for. A heads up would have been nice but I understand."

"So Saturday's shift is covered?"

"It's covered."

Matt sat up straight, "great! Gabby will be happy to hear that." He frowned, "…maybe."

"What do you mean? Have you guys hit a rough spot?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. It's just, her parents visit was a complete surprise and I know it kind of threw Gabby for a loop."

Boden nodded. He knew a little bit about Gabby's sometimes tumultuous relationship with her parents but tried his best to stay out of it. Thomas Dawson was a good friend of his and Gabriela was probably one of the better paramedics he'd ever had the pleasure of working with. "So you're treating Gabriela right?"

"Yes, sir."

"And the boys?"

The grin that spread across Matt's face was like one of a proud father. "They're great, sir. Eli is really doing well in school and Gus…" he shook laughed, just thinking of some of Gus' antics, "that kid is on a mission and there no slowing him down."

"Just like his mother," he quipped. "Do me a favor? Get Gabriela to bring them by once in a while? Now that Ross has been transferred out, she can stop keeping her distance."

Matt nodded, "will do." He scratched the back of his head, trying to figure out the best way to ask his next question. "Uh, have you heard anything about Ross?"

"Put it this way…nothing bad, nothing good."

"Well let's hope he keeps his distance. Not sure you'll be able to pull me off of him next time, chief."

"And I'll have no problem looking the other way."

* * *

With both boys taking an afternoon nap down the hall in their room and her mother in the kitchen on the phone with her father, Gabby took the opportunity to look at her own phone. She smiled upon realizing she had a text from Matt. Her smile grew even more as soon as she read the text.

_Remind me again never to skip breakfast. I'm starving._

Gabby wasted no time in responding. _Well then maybe someone should wake up on time. _

_Not my fault you kept me in bed all night. _Before Gabby could even think of a response, Matt had sent another message. _Come by the station with the boys tonight?_

_You just want me to cook dinner. _

_Always a plus. ;)_

_We'll see. _

"Who are you talking to?"

Gabby jumped at her mother's voice; she hadn't heard her come back into the living room. "Matt," she answered simply. She gave her a mother a look, silently daring her to say something bad about Matt.

Even before Gabby had started falling for the bad boy type as a teenager, Marie Dawson had never approved of any guy she'd been even a little bit interested in. That included Carlos Rodriguez who Gabby had met at church. According to Marie Dawson, every time Gabby turned her attention towards a relationship, she was losing focus on her future and her plans of becoming a doctor.

Which, Gabby supposed her mother had been right. After having Eli, she knew her plans on becoming a doctor had been scrapped. But she was ok with that. She was happy where she was in her career, she wasn't working two part-time jobs and barely keeping food on the table. She was a nurse. Yeah, money was still tight but Gabby wasn't disappointed in herself in terms of her career. Nor did she blame her children for not becoming a doctor. If Gabby was honest with herself, becoming a doctor had always been her mother's dream for her, not her dream for herself.

Marie nodded, removing the basket of clean, unfolded close from the other side of the couch and taking a seat. "Tell me more about Matt."

Gabby's smile faltered and she looked at her mother in slight confusion. "You want to know about Matt? You've never asked about the guys I've dated in the past."

"That's because they've never been worth asking about." She shrugged, "you've developed a routine, Gabriela. Pick a guy at random, hook up with him and get pregnant. But after talking to your brother, he seems convinced that you've finally picked a good guy. So, like I said, tell me more about Matt."

Gabby scoffed and was quick to defend herself. She completely ignored her mother's comment about Antonio being convinced that Matt was a good guy and instead focused on her mother's criticism about her past choices in men. "I have not just picked them at random. I understand that I don't have the best track record but please don't sit here and criticize me."

"Gabriela!"

"No." Gabby stood up and slipped her phone into her back pocket. "This is exactly why I don't pick up the phone and call you. You can't go five minutes without throwing in some backhanded comment."

Marie frowned, trying to meet her daughter's eyes but failed due to Gabby's refusal to even look her way. "You're not pregnant, are you?"

"What? No!" She shook her head, hurt that her mother still had very little faith in her.

"It's a valid question, Gabriela. You have a track record."

"Well like I said, the answer is no." She checked her watch, "don't you have somewhere else you can go besides sitting here and insulting me?"

"I am not insulting you, Gabriela. I'm insulting your choice in men."

"Well just stop."

A few hours later, Gabby pulled up behind Matt's truck next to the firehouse and sighed, trying to get herself in check before going into the firehouse where both Shay and Matt would immediately be able to tell that something was bothering her.

After the little argument with her mother, she wasn't surprised when Marie had suddenly remembered she was supposed to stop by Laura's Bakery and immediately left.

Gabby leaned her head back against the seat and sighed. She had never been extremely close to her mother while growing up but she'd always been able to talk to her when she needed to. She missed that and she wanted it back. She just didn't know how to get it back. Even simple conversations turned into arguments.

"Finally! It's been forever!"

Gabby pulled herself from her thoughts and glanced back at Eli through the rearview mirror as she turned the car off. "It has not been _forever_," she insisted.

"Well it seemed like it."

By the time Gabby got out of the driver's seat and pulled Gus from his car seat, Eli was already standing next to her and anxiously awaiting his long awaited return to firehouse 51.

"Longtime no see, chica." Shay was the first to see them and jumped out of the bag of the ambulance. She grinned at Gus and Eli. "And you brought the babies!"

Eli's face scrunched up in disgust, "I'm not a baby, Leslie! I'm five!"

"Well doesn't your mom always tell you that you'll always be her baby?"

"All the time," Eli mumbled.

"Because it's the truth." She sat Gus down on the ground and took a hold of his hand, "come one, let's go find everybody else."

"Do you know where Matt is?" Eli asked Leslie as he walked next to her.

Shay shrugged, "maybe his office?"

"I'll check!" Before Gabby could protest, Eli took off into the firehouse, knowing the layout by heart and headed straight for Matt's office. "Hi Kelly, Hi Mr. Herrmann!" Eli said as he passed the two men in their quarters before continuing on to Matt's office.

"You ok?" Shay asked, taking the very brief opportunity she had to ask.

Gabby nodded and managed a smile, "just another conversation with my mom that turned into an argument."

"Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I'm used to it."

Still keeping an eye on Eli, with Gus in her arms, Gabby walked with Shay over to Severide and Herrmann.

Severide chuckled, "Hey, Dawson, aren't you missing a kid?"

Gabby rolled her eyes, "funny, Severide." With enough adults around, Gabby let go of Gus' little hand and watched as he slowly followed his big brother towards Matt's office.

"And there goes the other one," Severide quipped.

Herrmann shook his head and stood up to pull Gabby into a hug, "ignore him, Dawson."

Gabby grinned and pulled back, "I always have. In fact, I believe that might have been one of the first things you said to me when I started at fifty-one and I quote, 'hey kid, Kelly Severide is a womanizer, you're better off ignoring him.' I listened, too."

Shay busted out laughing, "that's some pretty good advice."

"Hey," Kelly whined.

On the other side of the quarters, Eli ran into Matt's office. "Hi, Matt!"

Matt jumped, startled out of the paperwork he was attempting to finish. "Hey, Eli!" He stood up from his chair just as Gus came running into his office. "Hey, Gus!" He scooped Gus up, perching the one year old on his hip and looking back down at Eli. "When did you guys get here?"

Eli shrugged, "just a little bit ago. I think mommy is talking to Leslie."

"Well what do you say we go find her?"

Eli took a hold of Matt's hand, "I know where she is, silly."

Matt laughed as Eli tugged at his hand. "Well then lead the way, buddy."

* * *

Gabby sighed and shut the refrigerator door. Hands on her hips, she turned around and looked at the men who had eagerly gathered around the kitchen to see what she was going to cook. She narrowed her eyes, "when was the last time anybody even went grocery shopping?"

Cruz shrugged, "Otis and I went last week."

"Well that explains the assortment of frozen pies and chocolate milk."

Otis looked sheepish, "they were on sale."

With Gus in her arms, Shay joined everybody in the kitchen. She rolled her eyes, "Matthew Casey! Did you really ask Dawson to come over just so she could cook dinner?"

Matt looked up, like a deer caught in the headlights. "That's not the _only _reason. I'll take any opportunity I can get to see Gabby." He pushed his elbows off the counter and sat up straight, reaching an arm out and wrapping it around Gabby's waist, pulling her into his side.

Shay smirked, "oh, trust me, I don't doubt that."

Gabby couldn't help but blush, not used to being affectionate in front of so many people. "In his defense, it has been too long since I've stopped by."

Herrmann nodded, "you're right. It's been way too long. It's been even longer since you've made an appearance at Molly's."

"That involves finding a babysitter and I hate constantly asking my brother and his wife to watch the boys."

"Nonsense, nonsense. Cindy can watch them. After five, what's two more?"

Gabby shook her head in awe. "You're ridiculous, Herrmann." She sighed, "but it would be nice to have an adult night out soon."

Shay grinned, "that sounds like a yes to me!" She walked around the counter and handed Gus off to Matt, "here, Mr. Augustus has a fresh diaper on now."

"So what's the verdict?" Mouch asked, anxious to pull everybody's attention back to the original topic. He'd definitely missed Gabby's cooking. She didn't even have to actually _cook_ for her food to be amazing. Heck, her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were magical.

"The verdict _is _that if you want dinner then I have to go to the store." Making a mental list of the ingredients she needed, Gabby figured she could probably just go to the small market a few blocks away from the station. "I'm sure I can make do with a trip to that little market not too far from here."

Cruz grinned, "ah, Mr. Howard's? He's good people."

"Didn't you sleep with one of his granddaughters?" Otis asked, vaguely remembering the conversation he'd had with Cruz not too long ago.

"Water under the bridge," Cruz insisted, though the look of fear in his eyes said otherwise.

Severide shook his head and stood up, "anyways, we'll watch the boys so you can go get whatever food you need." He ruffled Eli's hair. "Promised Eli I'd show him some of my Squad training the next time he came by."

"But what if you guys get a call?" Gabby asked, almost like she was asking for Matt's permission to leave the boys here. Basically in his care. She'd never left the boys completely alone in his care before. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, because she did—a lot. She just didn't ever want Matt to think she was using him for free daycare. When it came down to it, the boys weren't Matt's, therefore he held no real responsibility for them.

Matt shook his head, completely missing Gabby's point. "Boden's assistant's got like twenty grandkids, she won't mind watching them for a few minutes if we get a call."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "Matt, you can't just assume someone will watch them, you have to actually ask."

"Right," Matt nodded. "I knew that."

"Don't worry, Gabriela," Boden's assistant said as she came walking into the kitchen just in time to hear the end of the conversation. "I'll gladly watch Eli and Gus if they guys get a call." She refilled her mug and grinned at Eli. "You probably don't remember it, dear, but we go way back. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's still a coloring book and crayons buried somewhere in one of my desk drawers that has your name on it."

"Great," Shay grinned, looping her arm through Gabby's, "We'll take the rig. I'll come with." She looked at Gabby for her approval, "you'll just have to tag along if a get a call. For old time's sake."

Gabby shook her head, not missing another one of Shay's attempts as subtly trying to get her to come back to Ambulance 61. "Well, let's go."

Giving both boys a kiss and making Eli promise to be on his best behavior, Gabby was practically dragged out of the kitchen by Shay.

She'd just pulled her seat belt on when she looked up to see Matt hurrying towards them.

"Lover boy has to say good-bye," Shay quipped.

Matt motioned for Gabby to roll her window down and jumped up on the step beneath the door of the ambulance. "Hey," he grinned.

"Hey," Gabby repeated.

"You ok?"

"Nothing that I can't handle."

Matt tilted his head in confusion, "doesn't exactly answer my question." He kissed her lips. "But we can talk more later."

**_Again, I apologize for the delay...and the short chapter. I'm already working on the next chapter. Should be up sometime early this week. I've also got a few other ideas floating around in my head and have been jotting stuff down different scenes that have come to mind. As always, review, please! :)_**


	15. Chapter 15

**_Oh shit, what is happening? Two updates in one day? Thanks for the reviews! Please hit me up and let me know what you think about this chapter, too!_**

**_You guys ROCK! _**

**_P.S. Please don't hate me..._**

How Will I Know

Chapter Fifteen

Gabby had been awake for quite some time but was enjoying laying in Matt's arms and taking in the silence that surrounded them. Unfortunately though, with silence came the opportunity to think too much. And that was something Gabby did quite well.

It had been a few days since Gabby's heated conversation with her mother. While she'd been around her mother since then, she'd made a point not to be left alone with her for fear of the same conversation starting up again. Marie had mentioned the conversation to Antonio and of course, Antonio had immediately called her asking what had happened.

She thought back to their conversation.

"_Gabs, mom just wants to know more about Matt. Is that so wrong?" _

"_It's not that she wants to know more about him for the sake of getting to know him, she wants to know more about him so she can find something wrong with him and throw it in my face!" _

Needless to say, the conversation had gotten nowhere.

She had yet to really tell Matt about the conversation with her mother, instead brushing it off as just another disagreement with her mother. He knew there was more to it, though. With all the time they'd spent together, he'd gotten pretty good at reading her emotions whenever she dropped her guard for even half a second.

But he'd refrained from asking her about it and instead taken every little opportunity to show her that he cared for her. When she left work yesterday she found a single rose propped up in her windshield wiper with a little note that had a simple smiley drawn on it.

That rose was still standing in a vase full of water in the center of the kitchen table.

Her mind drifted to her father, she hadn't seen much of him in the past week as he'd been spending most his time catching up with colleagues and getting caught up on what was happening with the C.P.D. Not that he would have had much input when it came to her argument with her mother, though. Just like when she was a child, he tried his best to stay out of the arguments between the two of them.

She used to be a daddy's girl. Would follow him around on his days off and once she learned how to read she would sit with him in the morning and read the paper with him. And then he'd been promoted. A relaxing breakfast at the kitchen table and lazily reading through the day's paper every morning had turned into a rushed breakfast to go.

"Stop thinking so much, I can practically hear your thoughts running laps in your head."

Gabby smiled and placed a soft kiss on his chest before lifting her head up to meet his eyes. "Morning."

Matt grinned and leaned in to kiss her. "Morning, beautiful."

She raised a brow, "someone's in a good mood."

"Any guy would be in a good mood if he woke up with you in his arms."

"Any guy, huh?"

"Yep." In one swift move, he flipped them over and pinned her against the bed. "But, unfortunately for all the other guys out there, you're mine."

Gabby grinned, her tired eyes twinkling, "I'm yours?"

Matt gave a definite nod. "Absolutely." He dropped his lips to hers and kissed her passionately. Eventually he pulled away, giving the both of them time to catch their breath, every once in a while sneaking a quick kiss. He grinned and watched as Gabby briefly closed her eyes. "Gabby?"

She opened her eyes, still smiling, "yeah?"

"I love you."

Gabby's body tensed beneath him and that was enough for him to know that his admission wasn't going to go over so well. "You don't have to say it back," he insisted, trying to ease the look of anxiety in her eyes. "I just…well, it's how I feel."

"I don't…" Gabby wouldn't look at him, instead focusing on his chest. With the palms of her hands, she gave his chest a little nudge and breathed a sigh of relief when he rolled off of her. "Don't say that…" she begged. She secured the light gray sheet around her and sat up, searching for her clothes.

Matt followed suit and sat up, "why? It's how I feel."

"You haven't known me long enough to love me, Matt. It's infatuation…" she found her shirt at the foot of her bed and put it on. "…Or maybe lust, I don't know but it's too soon." With her over-sized shirt falling just below her hips, Gabby climbed out of bed and hurried over to her dresser, putting on a pair of panties followed by a pair of leggings.

"Lust?" Matt repeated in shock. He knew his words might catch Gabby off guard but he was completely thrown by her actual reaction. "Seriously? That's what you're calling it? Lust?"

Gabby turned around and looked at Matt, "I told you from the start that I didn't want anything serious!"

"You also told me that you didn't want just _any _guy around your kids! And well I've certainly spent a lot of time around both Eli and Gus!"

"Don't use my boys as your argument!" She cried, taking a step back and running into the closed bedroom door.

Matt dropped his head and sighed, trying to come up with a better way to get her to understand. When he looked back up, he was startled to see the tears filling her eyes. "Gabby…" He climbed out of bed, pulling on his sweat pants as he did so and walked around the bed over to her. "Please don't freak out," he begged.

"Don't freak out? You just told me that you love me! That's something worth freaking out about!"

"Only if you don't feel the same," Matt insisted. He sighed and reached for Gabby's hands, happy she didn't pull away. "I'm not asking you to say it back if you're not ready. I knew it would be a risk telling you…"

"What do you mean _a risk_?" Gabby questioned. She pulled her hands out of Matt's and crossed her arms.

"A part of me knew you would freak out when I told you but I couldn't _not _say it any longer."

Gabby shook her head, still refusing to let Matt's words sink in. "I really can't."

"Can't what?" Matt asked, urging her to continue.

"I can't go there. Please?" She nearly begged. "I'm not ready for that."

"And that's ok. It is. I just need you to know how I feel and how much I care for you _and _your boys. Come here, please." He took a few steps until he was standing just inches from her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He could feel her shaking in his arms. "I know you're probably freaking out right now…"

"Matt…"

He placed a finger over her lips, "hear me out, ok? We're good together. We fit well together. _All four of us._ I just want you to know how I feel and I hope that maybe one day—hopefully soon, you'll be able to voice how you feel about me."

Gabby was at a loss of words. She knew she felt something deep for Matt and maybe it was love but she couldn't bring herself to let her last wall down and really take in the strong feelings she had for Matt. She liked how things were, they spent a lot of time together and he loved spending time with the boys. Why did he have to go and complicate it by saying _that _word?

"Things are good where they are, Matt. I don't want to ruin that."

Matt shook his head, "I promise, it's not going to change anything."

"It changes everything!" Gabby snapped at him.

"Well then forget I said it!" Matt practically yelled, frustrated with Gabby's inability to even attempt to see things from his side.

"I can't just forget that you said it, Matt! That's not how it works."

"Well a relationship doesn't work unless both people communicate!"

Gabby stepped out of Matt's arms and put some distance between them. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Matt shook his head, immediately regretting his words. "Nothing, it means nothing. I'm just frustrated. I guess my timing was off. I thought maybe I'd gotten you to trust me enough that I could tell you how I really feel."

"I do trust you," Gabby insisted, turning her eyes downwards.

"Doesn't sound like it. Things have been a little off with you ever since your parents came to town and every time I try to ask you what's going on you shrug off my concerns."

"That's because everything is fine. _I'm _fine."

"No, you're not!"

"Why are you guys yelling?"

Both Gabby and Matt turned their attention to the now open bedroom door and the little boy holding on to the door handle. Eli glanced between his mother and Matt, waiting for one of them to say something.

Gabby walked over to Eli and leaned down so she was at his eye-level, "we were not yelling, we were just having a very loud conversation. I'm sorry if we woke you."

Eli looked skeptical. "Talking loud is yelling."

"You're right," Gabby conceded, "I'm sorry that we were yelling."

Eli looked over his mom's shoulder and up at Matt, "Lance used to yell."

"Baby," Gabby was quick to pull Eli's attention back to her. She cupped his face in her hands. "This is nothing like what Lance used to do, ok? Matt and I just had a simple disagreement, ok? Kinda like how sometimes you and Gus disagree? Or when your Uncle Antonio and I disagree?" She searched Eli's eyes, wanting to make sure he knew this situation was completely different.

"Ok," Eli said, believing his mother and instantly relaxing. "Can you make me breakfast?"

"Sure. How about…" but she was interrupted by the alarm on her phone. She walked over and retrieved her phone from her nightstand, turning the alarm off. "Crap," she mumbled upon seeing she had a text message from her cousin.

"What's wrong?" Matt asked.

Gabby spun around, "my cousin can't watch the boys today. She can tonight, but just not today. I have to find a sitter otherwise I can't go to work which more than likely will just give my boss ammunition to fire me…" she frowned and started to scroll through her call log and find Shay's phone number.

"Shay's on shift today," Matt said. "I'll watch them."

"What?"

"I said that I'll watch them." Matt shrugged, "you don't even have to get them ready. I'll make them breakfast and get them dressed." If Gabby wasn't going to believe his words, then maybe she would believe his actions.

She sighed, it wasn't like she had much of a choice. Honestly, she knew Matt would be just fine with the boys. It was leaving her conversation with Matt unfinished that had her on edge and unable to think straight. "Are you sure it's not a problem?"

"Never," Matt said, giving her a small reassuring smile.

"Ok," she looked over at Eli. "Is that ok, Eli?"

Eli nodded, "yeah! We can play video games!"

"Ok, it's settled then." Gabby looked around her bedroom and sat her phone back down before going over to her dresser. "I need to take a shower."

"Then we'll leave you to it." Matt looked down at Eli, "was your brother awake?"

"No but he will probably wake up soon."

"How about we get breakfast started, then?" Leaving Gabby alone, Matt and Eli headed down the hall towards the kitchen.

"Are you just going to pour some cereal again? That's not really making breakfast."

Matt smirked, "you're just like your mother, you know that?"

Eli looked appalled. "No I'm not! I'm a boy and she's a girl!"

Closing the bathroom door behind her, Gabby continued to listen to Matt and Eli talk until she could no longer make out what they were saying. Dropping her folded clothes next to the sink she hurried over to the tub and pulled back the shower curtain to get the water started. She dried her hand on her shirt and grabbed her phone.

Once again she scrolled through her call log looking for Shay's name. She tapped the screen with her thumb, automatically dialing Shay's number. She put her phone up to her ear, anxiously counting each ring.

"Hey, girl. What's up?"

"Matt told me he loved me," Gabby blurted out frantically.

"What?"

"And I basically told him he shouldn't have said it and now I think he's going to break up with me!" Gabby whispered, not wanting Matt to hear her talking.

"Wait, honey, slow down. How do you possibly go from thinking someone is going to break up with you right after he said that he loved you?"

"Because it turned into an argument," Gabby explained as she started to pace back and forth in the tiny bathroom. "I'm not ready for that, Shay. I just…I can't. I _can't."_

"Gabs, sweetie," Shay interrupted. "Take a deep breath and stop pacing. And don't say you aren't pacing, I know you too well." Gabby rolled her eyes but stopped pacing, instead putting the toilet lid down and taking a seat. Immediately, her legs started bouncing up and down anxiously. "So tell me what exactly happened?"

"I just did. He said he loved me and I told him I couldn't say it back. Next thing I know, we're arguing about our relationship and he tells me that I'm not communicating with him."

"Well, to be honest, you've never been the greatest at communicating..."

"Shay! Not helping!"

"Right, sorry." She sighed, "I'm really sorry but I have to go. Boden has scheduled some meeting as soon as shift starts. But Gabby, try not to stress, ok? You and Matt will be fine. And just remember, after tonight's Officer's Ball, you two will most likely have some mind blowing sex."

Gabby couldn't help but laugh and thanked Shay before letting her friend hang up and get to work.

But as soon as Gabby stepped into the shower and was once again left alone with just her thoughts, she couldn't help but once again fear for the end of her relationship with Matt. She knew she was being somewhat unrealistic. Why commit to a relationship if you don't hope for longevity? And she was looking at long-term with Matt. She cared for him deeply and her heart melted every time he interacted with one of her boys. He made her happy. He made her boys happy.

She just...she couldn't say those words. Not yet. Not right now.

So maybe she'd been a little distant this week but it wasn't because of Matt. Not directly, anyways. She just didn't want to explain to him that the argument that she'd had with her mother had been about him.

He knew she didn't get along with her mother. She'd told him that awhile ago.

She didn't know what to do. The stress and fear overwhelming her, a few tears fell and it wasn't long before Gabby was bracing herself against the shower wall and sobbing.

Realizing she'd been in the shower longer than normal, Gabby tried her best to get herself together. She turned the water off and squeezed the excess water from her hair before reaching around the shower curtain and blindly grabbing her towel.

She got ready for work in record time, deciding to just throw her hair up and not worry about trying to tame it. When she walked into the kitchen, Eli was sitting next to Matt and Gus was in his lap. All three of them were eating cereal.

Matt looked up, meeting Gabby's eyes and immediately noticed the redness around her eyes. "Hey...there she is. Eli and I were beginning to think that maybe you'd decided to go for a swim," he quipped.

Gabby shook her head and poured herself a cup of coffee. "Just lost track of time." She checked her watch and took a quick sip before sitting the cup back down. "I've gotta go." She walked around the table and kissed Gus' forehead, "love you, baby." Continuing on, she kissed Eli's cheek. "I love you, Elijah. Be good for Matt, ok?"

Eli nodded, his mouth full of cereal. "Okey dokey!"

Gabby smiled, knowing Eli had most likely picked that phrase up from Shay. Her smile faltered when she once again met Matt's eyes. "Thanks, again," she whispered.

He nodded, "like I said, it's no trouble. The boys and I get along great."

She nodded, "I know." Feeling a bit awkward, she shifted from one foot to another and looked away.

"Where's my kiss?" Matt quipped, trying to ease her worries.

Gabby smiled and leaned down to give him a quick kiss. She started to pull away but was taken by surprise when he decided to deepen the kiss. They finally pulled apart when Eli muttered a 'yuck'.

"I wasn't expecting that," Gabby admitted.

Matt shrugged, "expect the unexpected." He could still see the worry in her eyes, "but really, don't stress about it, ok? Things will be fine. You'll have a good day at work and when you get home, both boys will be packed and ready to head on over to your cousin's for the night. Ok?"

Gabby nodded, trying her best to believe him. "Ok." She grabbed her things from the coffee table, "call me if you need anything?"

"Definitely," Matt responded as he watched Gabby rush out of the apartment. He sighed, he really hoped things would be fine.

They'd hit a bump in their relationship. A bump that they would continue to hit if they didn't find themselves on the right page and trusting one another.

* * *

**_Like I said, please don't hate me. Next chapter is the Ball. Matt, Gabby, the Dawson parents and a whole lot of people under the same roof in a very respective setting. Will stuff go down? Mayyybbbeee. _**

**_Also, I know several of you have asked about Silence in the Dark. I really am trying to write a new chapter but I've lost inspiration for the story. So if any of you have any ideas, I'll gladly consider them. :) _**

**_Review! :)_ **


	16. Chapter 16

How Will I Know

Chapter Sixteen

Having spent all day with the boys and Gabby on several occasions, Matt had a bit of an idea what to expect when he'd told Gabby he'd watch them while she went to work. That didn't keep him from feeling anxious, though. Yeah, he watched the Darden boys a lot before they moved but they were a lot older. For a five year old, Eli had more energy than he knew what to do with and Gus was constantly attempting to keep up with this big brother.

So Matt figured if he just kept the boys busy, the day would go smoothly. While he let the boys finish their breakfast, he silently brainstormed different kid friendly places he could take them. It wasn't until he tuned back into Eli's one sided conversation with Gus about dinosaurs did he think of the Field Museum. The idea was quickly nixed though as soon as he remembered he didn't have their car seats with him.

He still wanted to take them someplace, though. The park. Gabby always mentioned taking the boys to the park whenever they had extra energy to burn. Though the temperatures had definitely moved into fall territory, Matt had figured that with light jackets, they would be fine to walk a few blocks to the park.

He planned it all out in his head. The park, lunch at the little café across the street from the park and then back to the apartment for afternoon naps. Heck, he's sure he wouldn't mind taking a nap himself.

"What do you say we walk to the park a few blocks over?" Matt asked just as Eli started building a race track across the living room floor.

Eli looked up, "will you help me with the monkey bars? Mommy tries but she's not as tall as you."

Matt grinned, "of course, buddy."

"Awesome!" Eli jumped up, "let me put my shoes on!" He was halfway through the living room when he yelled over his shoulder, "and don't forget to pack Gus' diaper bag!"

"Right," Matt muttered, silently berating himself for almost forgetting. He was hoping today would help prove to Gabby that he meant what he had said. He kept telling himself that she at least trusted him, otherwise she would not have left her children under his sole responsibility for the day.

He glanced down on the floor where Gus was crawling towards Eli's newly built race track. Matt laughed, he was going the sneak attack route. He went over and picked the one year old up, "nice try, Augustus. How about a trip to the park, huh? I know you're all about the swings."

It took the three of them a bit to get ready. He'd double checked with Eli to make sure everything that Gus could possibly need was packed in his diaper bag; diapers, wipes, extra clothes, a few toys, some snacks, a bottle and his very rarely used pacifier. With Gus in one hand and the umbrella stroller in the other, Matt followed Eli out the door, shutting it behind him and making sure it was locked.

With Eli's help, he unfolded the umbrella stroller and made sure it was locked in place before securing Gus in it. Eventually, the three of them started down the sidewalk towards the park.

"Matt?" Eli asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah, buddy?" When Eli didn't follow up with a question, Matt stopped pushing the stroller and looked down at Eli. He could see the trepidation on the little boy's face. "Hey, what is it? Is everything ok?" Eli shrugged and looked down at his feet. Matt frowned, "you know you can talk to me, right, Eli?"

Eli gave a small nod. "I know."

"Then what's on your mind?" With one hand still holding onto the stroller, Matt leaned down so he was at eye level with Eli and sought out the five year old's big brown eyes. "What's going on?" The look in Eli's eyes was one of vulnerability, the same look he'd see in Gabby's eyes every now and then. Usually when she thought he wasn't paying attention.

"Are you not going to be my mommy's boyfriend anymore?"

"What? What makes you think that?"

"Whenever Lance would yell at my mommy he would always say he wasn't coming back." Eli's gaze dropped back down to his loosely tied converse shoes. "And mommy would cry. Lots and lots. I never wanted him to come back but he always did. But you make mommy smile. Well, sometimes you make her cry but I just think that's because mommies like to cry. Mommy says there is happy crying and sad crying. I know you make her happy cry. I saw it once. When you surprised her with coffee."

Matt smiled, he hadn't realized how observant Eli was. But everything the little boy was saying confirmed that Gabby did have deep feelings for him, she just didn't know how to admit it. To herself or anyone else for that matter. "Well, your mom really likes her coffee."

"And she really likes you," Eli added. "And I really like you. You're kind of like my Uncle Antonio but different." He shrugged, "I think, if I had a daddy, maybe he would be like you. And even though Gus doesn't make sense when he talks, he likes you, too. I know. When Gus doesn't like people, he gives them an angry look. Like our neighbor Mr. Edwards." Eli shook his head, his eyes wide, "he does not like Mr. Edwards."

Matt laughed, trying to keep the mood light though the conversation was one that was really getting to him. "Well Mr. Edwards likes to complain about silly stuff. We won't worry about him."

Eli nodded. "So you're still going to be my mommy's boyfriend?"

"For as long as she'll have me."

"That means forever!" Eli jumped up and down and punched his fist into the air. "Yes!"

Matt smiled. He hoped Eli was right. He had no intentions of breaking up with Gabby now or anytime in the near future but as he'd quickly learned, Gabby had a lot of baggage that she had yet to unpack. Sometimes he felt like he was completely lost as to what was going on in her mind.

He should have known that things never went to plan. Especially with kids. As soon as they'd made it to the park, he'd realized Gus had pooped through his clothes and then he'd realized he'd left the diaper bag back at the apartment.

So instead of actually spending any time at the park, the three of them turned right back around and headed back to the apartment. Luckily for Matt, Eli found the whole thing quite funny. And Gus just laughed because his brother was laughing.

It was a little after two by the time Gabby made it back home. Somehow, Gabby had managed to get off work early. She didn't even ask why, but if she'd had to guess, she assumed her mother had something to do with it. She pushed open the door to her apartment and despite how exhausted she was, couldn't help but smile at the sight in front of her.

In one corner of the couch, Matt was sound asleep with his feet propped up on the coffee table. Sprawled out across the rest of the couch was Eli, with his little feet propped up in Matt's lap. Both of them sound asleep.

Quietly slipping out of her shoes and placing them next to the door, she dropped her purse and jacket onto the matching chair adjacent to the couch. Wanting to capture the moment, Gabby pulled her phone from her back pocket and snapped a few pictures. Her smile fell a bit when she thought back to the argument with Matt that morning, still worried that it would break up their relationship. That she would break up their relationship.

Quiet babbling pulled her back to the present and she glanced at the baby monitor sitting on the coffee table before heading down the hall. She pushed open the door and smiled, "hey, sweetie." Gus was standing up in his crib, his hair sticking up all over the place from his nap.

He grinned at his mother, smacking his hands against the side of the crib. "Mama, mama!"

Careful not to trip over the mess on the floor—she made a mental not to have Eli clean it tomorrow—she walked across the room and picked Gus up out of his crib. "Did you take a good nap?" She combed her fingers through his unruly hair, "by the looks of your hair, I'd say you did."

Gus reached his hand out to his crib, "baba!"

Gabby looked down and picked up the bottle that was still half full of milk. "You want to finish that?" She handed it to him, happy to see that he was actually drinking milk. As of late, all she'd been able to get him to drink was juice and water. "Did you have a good morning with Matt and Eli? Or did you cause all kinds of trouble?"

"Eh! Att!"

"You're trying hard to talk, aren't you, baby?" She checked her watch, she still had to pack the boys bags, take a shower and get herself ready for the ball. She sat Gus back down in his crib so she could at least pack their bags. He started to fuss and she handed him a few toys. She smiled as his eyes lit up as soon as he saw the little fire truck Matt had gotten him for his birthday.

With Gus content, Gabby went to the closet and pulled out the two bags she used for whenever Gus and Eli had to stay the night somewhere else. Fortunately, it wasn't that often. She got so focused on making sure packed anything and everything the boys could possibly need that she didn't even hear the footsteps behind her.

"Hey, you're home early."

Slightly startled, Gabby looked up from Eli's dresser where she'd been trying to find a pair of matching socks. Apparently Eli's idea of putting his clothes away was just dumping everything in the dresser drawer. She smiled, "yeah, not sure how I managed to do so but I wasn't going to complain." She turned her attention back to the task of getting an overnight bag packed for both boys but continued to talk. "I didn't get any frantic texts, so I'm assuming everything went ok?"

Matt nodded, stepping over the pileup of hot wheels cars. "Everything went fine. I told you it would. We even attempted to go the park."

"Attempted?" Gabby asked, looking back over at him.

He shrugged, "Well, we had to walk because I forgot to ask for the car seats but by the time we got there, Gus had pooped through everything and it was then that I realized I'd forgotten to bring the diaper back."

Gabby scrunched up her face, "sorry."

"It was no big deal. Eli thought it was funny. Although, don't let me forget, I do owe him a smoothie. But according to him, watching me struggling to give Gus a bath was even funnier." He shrugged, "but hey, at least I made one person laugh today."

She could feel the tides of the conversation turning serious and she didn't want to get into another heated discussion with him right before the ball. "Matt…can we talk about everything after the ball? I just don't want to get into another argument where we start saying things that we don't mean."

"Well, I can tell you one of the things that I said that I _did _mean…"

"What? The part where I don't communicate with you?" Gabby bit out before thinking.

Matt narrowed his gaze, "yes, that's the one thing that I did mean. Not the part where I trusted you enough to tell you that I lo-"

Gabby shook her head and her eyes got wide, "no, don't say it again. We haven't been in a relationship long enough for you to really know if you lo…feel that way for me."

"Gabby, you can't put a time frame on these things. Sometimes they just happen when you least expect it."

Running a hand through her hair, Gabby sighed and looked up at Matt. "Like I said, can we talk about this tonight? I don't want to get into another argument right before the ball. If I we walk in and my mother suspects even the slightest bit of tension between us, she'll be all over it. Once again, proving her point."

Matt raised a brow, "ok, now I'm really confused. What are you talking about?"

"It's nothing, ok?"

"Nothing you can't handle, right?" He said, throwing the response she'd used when she'd showed up at the firehouse with something clearly on her mind and he'd tried asking her about it. They were supposed to have talked about it later. They never did. But since then she'd been a little bit more distant. Not enough to really cause alarm but enough that he felt the need to tell her how he really felt.

But instead of bringing her closer to him, he had pushed her farther away.

Maybe he was pushing her too hard? It was obvious that her parents being back home had put her on edge and he was unintentionally making it worse by pressuring her into the next phase of their relationship that she obviously wasn't ready for. Immediately, he felt like an ass. He should have known that little four letter word would frighten her. His talk with Eli had make things so much more clearer for him.

Gabby had heard it all before. The empty 'I love yous', the excuses and the fake promises. Hell, Eli had heard it all before, too. They both needed stability and consistency. So did Gus. And if that's what he needed to do to show Gabby just how much he did love her without actually saying it, then that's what he was going to do. He was going to show Gabby that his promises weren't hollowed out words with no true intent. His promises were everything.

Gabby shook her head, "maybe this is a bad idea." The stress starting to get to her, she took a seat on Eli's bed. She dropped her head in her hands and groaned. "I really don't want to go to this ball," she muttered. This always happened whenever her mother came back into to town, she tended to lose her mind a little.

Matt brought his focus back on Gabby and took a seat next to her. Cautiously, he draped an arm over her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. He was startled when she laid her head down on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head and let his lips linger there. "You're stressing yourself out, Gabby."

"I know," she whispered.

"How about we look at this ball as a date?"

Gabby tilted her head and looked up at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's been a while since we've been on a date. Let's look at this ball as a date. You, me, food, drinking and dancing." He paused, "and the occasional run-in with someone in your family."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "because that's every guy's dream. Spending the evening with his girlfriend and constantly running into her nosy parents. But, I mean..." she frowned, "I'm sure my parents will be spending the entire time making their rounds and socializing." She smiled, suddenly liking the idea. "And it has been a while since we've had an _actual _date."

"See? It's a great idea!"

Despite her anxiety, Gabby smiled at Matt. "I'm glad you're not mad at me."

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because...I freaked out and I didn't say it back." She shrugged, "I figured this morning was make it or break it time."

"And you thought you had broken it?" Gabby nodded and Matt shook his head. "You don't have to say it back right away, Gabby. And maybe I don't have the best timing but I meant what I said." He put his hand up when Gabby started to protest, "_but_, I won't say it again until you're ready. Instead, I'll show you. Every time I kiss you, bring you coffee, watch the boys, attempt to make breakfast...in the end, it all has the same meaning to me."

* * *

**_I know, I know, I said this chapter would be the ball but sometimes when I start writing, the story just kind of takes on a mind of its own. I want to thank you all once again for constantly reviewing. I hit 200 reviews with my last chapter and that is absolutely incredible. But please, keep them coming! Hopefully I have the next chapter up sometime this week. _**

**_You'll also be happy to know that I am working on the next chapter of Silence in the Dark. So hopefully I get that up soon. :)_ **


	17. Chapter 17

_**Thank you times a million for all your lovely words! Glad for the new reviewers/readers, alerts and favorites too! Here's the next chapter. I was going to make it longer but this felt like a good stopping point. :) Next installment should be up sometime this week. You know the drill, type a few words about what you thought and hit submit. **_

_**Thanks!**_

How Will I Know

Chapter Seventeen

A few hours later, after dropping Eli and Gus off at her cousin's, Gabby had convinced herself she was as ready as she was ever going to be. After spending some time alone together, she'd sent Matt back to his place to go get ready with strict instructions on when he was supposed to be back.

With her hair in its natural state of curls and resting just above her nearly bare shoulders, Gabby took one more look at herself in the full length mirror behind her bathroom door. She turned so her back was to the mirror and stretched her head around to check out the back of her dress. The back had a v-shaped cut that dipped halfway down her back.

She had planned on just wearing the first dress she dug out of her closet that fit and was in decent condition but after Shay had found out, she'd insisted on taking Gabby shopping and buying her a new dress.

Hearing the knock on her apartment door, Gabby took a breath, trying to once again calm her nerves before leaving the bathroom. She figured it was probably Matt but out of habit, she took a quick glance in the peep hole and grinned when she saw him nervously pulling on his tie. She opened the door and smiled at him, her eyes flicked down his body and admired how good he looked in the well-tailored suit. "Hey." She stepped aside so he could come in. "You look really good."

Matt smiled, "thanks." His eyes cascaded down her body, admiring the black gown that hugged her in all the right places. He'd seen her dressed up before, but he'd never seen her _this _dressed up. Her caramel skin almost had a bit of glow to it; from her toned arms to the halter shaped front of the dress that gave a little peek at her cleavage but left him yearning for more. "You look…" he shook his head, as he tried to regain his sense of thought. "Amazing. Absolutely amazing."

She smiled shyly at him, "thank you."

He motioned to the door, "but uh, we should probably get going before I decide to rip the dress right off of you."

* * *

Matt couldn't help but smile as he felt Gabby take his hand as they walked through the lobby of the fancy hotel right in the heart of Chicago. When the clammy feeling of her hand met his palms, he knew she was reaching for him due to her nerves getting the best of her. Though he wished she wouldn't be so nervous, he was happy to see that she was seeking him out for reassurance. Even if the gesture was hardly noticeable, he had noticed it. He looked down at their interlocked fingers and gave her hand a squeeze before lifting his head back up and meeting her eyes.

"Remember, it's a date," he whispered.

She nodded and smiled, "a date." Turning her attention to the sea of people around them, she scanned the faces for anyone familiar. Knowing his kid sister wasn't too thrilled to be attention the ball, Antonio had mentioned that most of the crew from his unit would be attending and that she and Matt could sit with them.

"So where to, first?" Matt asked. "You've had more experience with these kind of functions than I have."

"Last time I went to one of these things, I was in high school and dad had announced his retirement." Using their joined hands, she motioned towards the bar, "how about a drink?"

Matt raised a brow, "I thought you weren't much of a drinker?"

"I'm not. But when I don't have the boys with me and the opportunity arises," she shrugged, "why not enjoy it? You should have seen me the first night Shay managed to get me to go out drinking not too long after I started at Fifty-One."

"I don't think I want to know what went down."

"I don't think I remember everything that went down. Bar hopping, I think. Shay and I were so drunk that Kelly had to come get us. In fact, now that I really think about it…I'm pretty sure I puked in his car."

"His car?" Matt asked in disbelief as he started leading them across the room towards the bar.

Gabby nodded, "yep."

"I think this is a story I am going to have to hear."

"Well you'll have to ask Kelly for all the details, most of that night is kind of fuzzy."

They didn't make it to the bar.

Gabby's parents intercepted them halfway through the room.

"Gabriela and Matt!" Marie happily announced as she approached the couple. "I was beginning to worry you two wouldn't make it." She pulled Gabby into a hug and kissed her cheek before pulling back and admiring her daughter's dress. "New dress?"

Gabby nodded and looked down at her dress, self-consciously smoothing out the invisible wrinkles. "Yeah. I mean, it's not every day dad gets awarded by the city of Chicago."

Marie nodded, "it looks good on you. It didn't cost too much, did it? I don't want you spending money on something you will probably never wear again." She pursed her lips once she'd gotten a closer look at Gabby. "You look like you've lost weight. Have you lost weight?"

Although Gabby wouldn't admit it to her mother, she had lost some weight. Enough that she was now weighing less than she did before she got pregnant with Gus. "I'm fine, mom."

"That's not what I asked, Gabriela."

Antonio cleared his throat, "not now, you two." He reached for Gabby and pulled her in for a hug, "you look good, sis." He held onto her long enough to whisper into her ear, "but please make sure you eat something, especially if you're drinking tonight."

Gabby barely managed to keep from rolling her eyes and instead gave Antonio an annoyed look. She nudged his arm, "You've managed to clean up pretty well yourself up, big bro." She looked over his shoulder. "Where's Laura?" The sad look in his eyes said it all. "Oh," she mumbled. "Sorry."

"Not your fault." He motioned towards Matt, "I see you managed to get your shift covered."

Matt smiled, "yeah. Thanks to your father. I guess chief and him really do go way back."

Antonio smirked, "between my mother and my father, they practically know the entire city of Chicago."

"You're letting your hair grow back out," Marie said in a matter of fact way, drawing Gabby's attention back to her.

Gabby reached up and ran her hand through the ends of her hair. She nodded, "yeah, I guess. That, and I haven't had time to go get it cut."

"Well, I think you should let it grow out. You've always had absolutely gorgeous hair."

"Oh, thanks." Gabby mumbled, a little surprised by her mother's compliment. In all honesty, Gabby loved the way her hair looked when it was long. She'd cut it at the beginning of the summer on a complete whim. It had been hot out and Gus had been going through a phase where he was all about pulling hair.

"How are the boys?"

Gabby shrugged, "the same since the last time you saw them. You'll be excited to know that Gus has added abuela to his short list of words that I can understand. So congratulations, you've made an impression on him."

"Well I would hope so! I am his only grandmother," Marie declared.

"Although, he can't quite make his 'l' sounds so it just sounds like he's saying Abba."

"I am perfectly ok with that. You know what your first word was?"

Gabby shook her head, "no. What?"

Marie smiled, "Ant."

"Ant?" Gabby asked. Then it dawned on her, "oh, for Antonio?"

Antonio laughed, joining the conversation. "I swear, once you got old enough to actually say my name, you still said _Ant_ just to get on my nerves."

"I don't really remember that," Gabby admitted.

"Well you were quite young but the first time I heard you say _Ant, _I knew right then that you wouldn't be a mommy's girl or daddy's girl but you would be Antonio's little mini me."

Before Gabby could respond, she was beaten by her mother's change of subject. "Oh, Thomas, is that who I think it is? We have to go." She turned back to Gabby, "don't forget, sweetie, your father will be getting his award around nine. Please make sure you haven't had too much to drink."

"And there she is," Gabby muttered as she watched her mother drag her father off towards some important person. She turned and looked over at Matt and Antonio, "that's one of the most civil conversations I've had with mom in a really long time. Weird."

Antonio nudged his sister's arm, "oh come on, don't look too surprised." He caught sight of his coworkers gathering around their assigned table. "Here, looks like my unit is starting to arrive. Come on."

"Gabby, you know Halstead, Voight, Lindsay and Olinsky, but this is Atwater and Ruzek. Guys, this is my sister Gabby and her boyfriend Matt. I'm sure some of you remember him from the Mclaren Arson case." Besides Atwater and Ruzek, everybody else nodded their heads in recognition.

Gabby smiled at Ruzek and Atwater, "it's nice to meet you guys."

"I've heard a lot about you," Ruzek said, taking a seat.

"Let me guess, Antonio complains a lot about me, doesn't he?" She half joked as she smoothed out the back of her dress and took a seat next to Matt.

Ruzek shook his head, "no. Not really. But I once brought some left over homemade macaroni and Platt took it upon herself to eat it. I guess she thought it was Antonio's lunch. She said something about you make the best macaroni in all of Chicago."

Jay nodded, "it's true. She makes some damn good macaroni. But you haven't lived until you've had her pecan pie. Hey? You think you can make some for the department's annual feast of giving? Just drop it off at your brother's the morning of?"

Antonio smacked the back of Jay's head, "really, Halstead?"

"What? It's the best pecan pie I've ever had!"

Matt raised a brow as he listened to Jay talk as if he knew Gabby outside of their respective jobs.

Gabby watched Matt for any reaction. She hadn't mentioned anything to him about her past connection with Jay. Really, there was nothing to mention. She cleared her throat and stood up, "I'm going to use the restroom." She grabbed her phone and her clutch. "I'll be back."

Erin could sense the concern that radiated off both Antonio and Matt. She grabbed her own clutch and stood up, "I think I'll go too."

Antonio turned and glared at Jay, "again, _really_?"

Jay shrugged and took a sip of his water. "Erin knows all about my past with Gabby. There are no hard feelings or lingering emotions between your sister and I." He raised his glass towards Matt, "She's moved on with Matt and I've moved on with Erin."

Erin caught up with Gabby just as she pushed open the door to the ladies' room. "Hey, you ok?"

Gabby looked over and managed a small smile. "Yeah. I'm just not a big fan of these things."

"Tell me about," Erin muttered. "Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of people here that generally have the city's best interest at heart but it's the fake ones you always run into."

"Isn't that the truth?" She scrutinized her appearance in the mirror that took up one entire wall of the bathroom. Running her fingers through her curls, she silently agreed with her mother's words. Not that she would admit to it, though. "I'm sorry if it's awkward at all," she finally said looking over at Erin.

Erin shrugged, "about your history with Jay?" She shook her head, "please, I know it was a friends with benefits arrangement between the two of you and I know there are no lingering feelings. Besides, you have that look."

"What look?"

"The look of _love_."

Gabby froze and turned to Erin. "I don't...I mean...Is it really that obvious?"

Erin smirked, "it's so obvious that it's almost suffocating." She laughed when a look of embarrassment appeared on Gabby's face. "Honey, I'm _kidding._ While I don't know much about Matt, I can tell you that he seems to have won over your brother which is a hard thing to do."

"Yeah," Gabby laughed lightly. "It's a _very _hard thing to do. It's just, after Lance and the hell my choices put both of my boys through, I promised myself I would never rely on another guy for anything, _ever _again. And we haven't been together that long..."

"That may be true, but you and I both know that love can be instant, it can grow or it can never happen. You know, despite your history with Jay, he has not once said a single negative thing about you."

"He's a good guy," Gabby insisted. "Neither of us were looking for a relationship at the time. He'd just gotten back from Iraq and I was just looking for a little companionship. I will say, the one time he did meet Eli on complete accident, he was the sweetest ever. But I think..." she nodded, approving her own words before she even spoke them. "I think you two make a cute couple."

Erin grinned, "I do too."

Gabby and Erin walked back out of the ladies' room and as soon as Gabby saw who her mother was talking to, she stopped in her tracks, causing Erin to nearly run into her. "The nerve of her," Gabby grumbled. "What the hell is she even doing here?"

Erin followed Gabby's gaze in confusion. "I take it we do not approve of the woman your mother is talking to?"

"We do not." She turned to Erin, "that's Matt's ex-fiance."

"Oh."

Matt had also noticed the interaction and nearly froze in his spot. He cleared his throat and got Antonio's attention, "uh, Antonio?"

Antonio pulled himself from the group conversation at the table and turned to Matt. He caught the look of discomfort in Matt's eyes. "What's up?"

He motioned across the room where his ex was talking to Marie. "Things are about to get a little weird. My ex-fiance is in the middle of a conversation with your mother." His eyes widened as Gabby appeared in his line of sight, she was headed directly towards her mother and Hallie. "And there goes Gabby. Shit," he muttered.


	18. Chapter 18

**_Heyyyy all! So, after 18 reviews in less than 24 hours, how could I NOT update? As always, thank you, thank you, thank you! This chapter is a bit longer but I'm a little unsure of it. So please read and review._ Let's go for 20 reviews, eh? ;)**

**P.S. Just like every other story, italics are flashbacks. **

How Will I Know

Chapter Eighteen

"Don't," Gabby slurred, pushing Matt's hands away. "I can do it myself." Though she was definitely drunk, Gabby was still coherent enough to know that she was angry with Matt. Or at least, that was the current emotion that as rolling through her body. Her hands fumbled with the seatbelt, yanking on it several times before finally getting it cross her body and clip it to its lock. She huffed and threw her head back against the seat, "Can you just take me home?"

"Yeah, whatever." Matt muttered, shutting the passenger side door before walking around the car and settling into the driver's seat. He looked over at her, prepared to start up again now that they were away from other people but as soon as he saw the tears in her glassy eyes, his anger started to fade. "Gabby…"

She shook her head, "I just want to go home."

He sighed and leaned his own head back against the seat and stared straight ahead into the dimly lit parking garage. Their plan had been to go back to his place until tomorrow morning when they would pick up the boys and go out for breakfast. And though he knew he wasn't Gabby's favorite person right now, he was not going to drop her off at home to spend the night drunk and alone. Now he was beginning to understand why she wasn't much of a drinker.

Securing his own seatbelt, Matt started the car and continuously turned his way through the parking garage before finding the exit. Waiting for the opportunity to turn out into the street, he stole another glance Gabby's way. She'd kicked her off her heels and curled away from him so he couldn't tell if she had fallen asleep or if she was just distancing herself as far away from him as possible.

_Matt walked swiftly across the room and caught up with Gabby just as she was about to approach her mother and Hallie. He slipped his hand a top hers, startling her. She looked up at him and Matt could see the anger seeping from her orbs. _

_Out of the corner of her eye, Marie saw Matt and Gabby approaching, hand in hand. She smiled, "Gabriela and Matt! I see you two have decided to mingle." She motioned her wine glass towards Hallie. "I was just talking to one of the doctors at Lakeshore. This is-"_

"_I know who she is." Gabby interrupted, sending Hallie a glare. _

"_Of course you do!" Marie shook her head, "that was a silly thing to say. I'm sure you two have worked together at Lakeshore on several occasions." _

_Hallie plastered a fake smile on her face. "Yes, Gabby and I have crossed paths quite a few times at Lakeshore. She's an _excellent nurse."

_It took all of Gabby's self-control not to roll her eyes. "So what are you doing here, Hallie?"_

"_I was actually invited by your mother." _

_Gabby's eyes angrily shot to her mother. "I'm sorry, what?" _

_Marie frowned. "She's right, I invited her. I invited a handful of medical personnel. We're honoring the people that died last year in the bombing and Dr. Thomas is on the fundraising board. Gabriela, what's with the hostility?" _

_Gabby scoffed and crossed her arms. She was afraid if she didn't contain her hands that this conversation would end with her throwing a punch Hallie's way. She recognized the look on the doctor's face. It was the same condescending look Hallie tossed her way every time they had to work together. It was usually followed by a remark that made Gabby feel inferior to her-not that she would ever let it show, though. "Out of all the doctors you had to invite her?" _

"_Like I said, she's on the fundraising board. Is there a problem?" _

"_Yeah! She's Matt's ex-fiancee!" _

_Marie raised a surprised brow, not at all expecting that. "Oh, is that true, Matt?" _

_Matt nodded, "yeah. Uh…no hard feelings between us, we just didn't work out." _

"_And Dr. Thomas?" Marie asked. "What about you?" _

_Making brief eye contact with Matt and then catching Gabby's threatening glare, Hallie once again curled her lips into a fake smile. "Yep. No hard feelings. Matt's finally gotten what he's always wanted." _

"_And what's that?" Gabby asked.  
_

"_Kids," Hallie said. She saw the look of confusion flash across Marie's face but more importantly, she saw the look of anger settle on Gabby's face. "I didn't want kids but Matt did." She shrugged, "So he found someone with kids." _

_Marie frowned, "are you insinuating that Matt is only with my daughter so he can play father to her children?" _

"_Not necessarily. But you two have only been dating for what? A few months and you're already playing house? Sounds to me like Matt found himself a ready-made family." Hallie shrugged. "But to each his own, right?" She inwardly smirked, satisfied by the effect her words seemed to have on all three of them. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and go over my speech again." _

"_That bitch," Gabby muttered as she watched Hallie walk away. _

"_Gabriela," Marie scolded quietly. The last thing she wanted to do was draw attention to them. _

_Gabby's glare slid to her mother, her anger not at all letting up despite her mother's warning look. "It's the truth. That woman takes every chance she gets to belittle me at work so excuse me if I'm not happy to see her kissing your ass and you allowing it." _

"_That's enough, Gabriela," Marie demanded. "We are not going to argue here," she hissed. "This is an important night for your father so whatever childish things you feel the need to say, please, keep them to yourself." She huffed and turned her glare up to Matt. "You can expect a talk from me after tonight. But right now, I suggest you keep your ex as far away from Gabby as possible. Us Dawson women don't take to being scorned very lightly at all and I do not need Gabby making a scene. Understood?"_

_Unable to get his mind and his mouth to sync up, Matt just nodded. _

Getting stuck in heavy traffic from everybody leaving the ball at the same time, it took Matt nearly half an hour to get to his place. Parking in his usual spot directly in front of his house, Matt killed the engine and removed the keys. He wasn't sure Gabby would be happy that he'd stuck to their plan and brought them to his place instead of taking her home.

It was weird, since they'd started dating, she'd only been to his place once and that was just in passing because he had to get a tool for Severide to borrow. He knew there were a handful of people on Gabby's floor that spent more time gossiping than paying their bills and the last thing he wanted was Mr. Edwards from two doors down telling Ms. Kowalski one floor below that Gabby came home so wasted that she had to be carried in. According to Gabby, the crazy bat has just been dying to find some reason to call child protective services on her.

He sighed, focusing his attention back on Gabby. She hadn't moved once. "Gabby?" he whispered. "We're here."

Still nothing.

He climbed out of the car and went around to the trunk, opening it and grabbing Gabby's overnight bag. Shouldering the bag, he slammed the trunk shut hoping that would startle Gabby awake. Still nothing. Either the alcohol had really knocked her out or she was playing it up. He knew she was a light sleeper. She'd mentioned it to him once, saying that since Eli was born, even the smallest of noises could wake her from deep sleep.

Opening her door just a crack, he reached his hand and in and stabled her head before opening the door the rest of the way. She stirred from his touch, mumbling something incoherent. "Hey. We're here." Not even waiting for her to attempt to, he reached around her and released her seatbelt. "Let's get you inside, ok?" He helped her out of the car and quickly draped an arm around her waist as she started to sway.

_Matt followed Gabby across the room and over to the bar. Downing half the glass of wine in one drink, she glared at Matt. "Nice of you to speak up and tell Hallie she was wrong. Oh that's right, you didn't!" _

_He reached out for her, "Gabby." _

"_Don't." She bit out angrily. "FYI, it's hard to consider this a date when your current date's ex is present." _

_Matt scoffed, "tell me about it." _

_Gabby's lips pursed. "What are you talking about? My ex isn't here!" _

"_So Jay and you didn't date, then?" _

"_Jay? That was just a fling. Only lasted a few months." _

"_We've only been together a few months, is that what I am to you? A fling?" _

_Gabby scoffed, "don't be ridiculous! What I had with Jay was completely physical. We both needed sex with no strings so that's exactly what it was." _

"_Well there must have been at least some strings. Why else would he be talking about your cooking?" _

_Gabby looked at him as if he'd grown another head. "Because my cooking is good. And I do make a damn good pecan pie! Is this seriously the argument you're going to go with?" She finished off her glass of wine, picked up another one and took large gulp. _

It wasn't until they were standing on Matt's front porch and he was struggling to get the key in the lock and keep her upright did Gabby start to stir from her drunken stupor. She pushed herself out of Matt's hold and stumbled forward, thankfully she was coherent enough to reach her hands out and keep herself from going face first into his door.

"Gabby!" Matt yelled, his patience dwindling by the second. "Can't you stay still for like two seconds so I can open the door?" Yelling at her was the wrong thing to do and he regretted it as soon as he did it.

Her face flushed with anger. "I don't need you to hold onto me," and to prove a point, she let go of the door and stood up straight without any help from him. "See." She suddenly felt vulnerable under his stare and wrapped her arms around her midsection. Her bottom lip trembled. "I don't want to yell. I hate yelling."

Without saying anything, he focused his attention back on getting them into his house. Finally, getting his door unlocked, he pushed it open harder than necessary and reached out for her. "Come on, it's cold out here."

She shrugged him off, "I can walk." Somehow she made it up the single step into his house and continued on into the living room. Overcome by dizziness, she braced herself against the arm of the couch. "I'm spinning."

"Tends to happen when you've had too much to drink," he mumbled under his breath.

_Matt watched as Gabby made her way back to the table and plopping down next to Erin. Thankfully, besides Erin and Antonio, the table was empty. He nervously ran a hand through his hair unsure of what to do. So maybe he was a little jealous by Jay but he would have managed to keep his mouth shut about it had Hallie not been here. As soon as Gabby started throwing Hallie's name around, Matt couldn't help but bring up Jay. The bar tender offered him a drink and he shook his head. One of them had to be sober tonight and considering the way Gabby was downing her drinks, it looked as if it was going to be him. _

_Weaving his way through the guests he made it back to the table and avoided Antonio's gaze as he took a seat on the other side of Gabby. _

_He was surprised when Gabby looked over at him and met his eyes. "You know, I thought a fight would happen tonight but I didn't think it would be with you." _

"_I don't want to fight," he insisted. "Please, let's step outside, get some fresh air and talk." _

"_No. If I miss my father being honored, my mother will kill me." She laughed bitterly, "though, that would leave room for precious Hallie to jump back in. I'm sure my mother already likes her more than me. After all, she is a doctor." _

_Antonio snatched the wine glass out of Gabby's hand. "That's enough. I don't care what Hallie said to you, keep yourself composed until after dad's speech. Then Matt is taking you home before you can make a fool out of yourself, ok?" _

_Gabby rolled her eyes, "and this is how Antonio became the golden child. No matter what, it's always been all about pleasing mom and dad." _

_Despite Matt and Antonio's best efforts, Gabby continued her alcohol intake though she instead of getting angrier, she got sadder. At one point, Erin whisked her off to the ladies room in hopes of giving her a little pep talk and getting her back on track. It didn't work. But once her father had received his honor, Marie instructed Matt to get Gabby out of the ball and back home. _

"Oh good, a bed." Gabby plopped down and crawled into the center of it. "I'm sleepy."

Matt unzipped the overnight bag that Gabby had packed. Right on top was one of his old C.F.D. t-shirts that he must've left at her place and a pair of pajama pants. He grabbed them and tossed them to her. "Here."

She looked up at him in confusion, her eyes were glazed over and Matt wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or tears. Or maybe it was both. It was probably both. She put her arms up, groaning as she did so. Why were her arms so heavy? "Undress my dress." She scrunched up her face, "I mean, unzip my dress."

He sighed, his heart outweighing his head, he walked around the other side of the bed and unzipped her dress. He helped her out of her dress and couldn't help but admire her beauty as she sat in the center of his bed in nothing but a strapless bra and black lacey panties. He watched her struggle to remove her bra and groaned, "here, I've got it." He unfastened the garment, letting it fall to his bed and pushed the t-shirt over her head.

Once again, Matt could sense a shift in Gabby's emotions and braced himself for what was to come next. With her curls fallen and her make up smeared, she looked up at him, just as beautiful as ever. A tear slipped down her cheek and she didn't bother to wipe it away. "You're too good to me."

That was not what he was expecting. He hated when she belittled herself. "You really need to learn to give yourself more credit." Pushing her dress off the bed, he pulled down the covers and helped her beneath them.

He sighed, his anger for the disastrous evening had started fading as soon almost as soon as he'd felt it. He reached out wiped away the streak the tear had left. "We need to talk, Gabby." He sighed, "I feel like that's all we do these days. One big talk after another. We'd have that talk right now but you're drunk and I'm pretty sure you won't remember any of this tomorrow morning."

As soon as Gabby's head hit the pillow, she was nearly asleep. Matt sighed and pulled the covers up to her chin. Leaning forward, he brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. "I know you don't like hearing it, but I do love you," he whispered before standing up and one by one, discarding the pieces of his suit. Slipping into bed next to her, a tiny bit of reassurance coursed through his body when Gabby-though asleep-curled into his side.

A gagging noise pulled Matt from his less than restful sleep just a few hours later. The sun wasn't even up yet. Sitting up, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and winced at the bright light coming from the bathroom across the hall. He reached for his phone, turning it over to check the time. It was barely six in the morning.

Slowly pushing himself out of bed, his bare feet met the cold hardwood floor beneath him. Just like he had suspected, Gabby was on her knees and holding onto the toilet for dear life. He cringed as her head once again fell forward and he heard the contents of her stomach splash into the toilet.

Taking a seat on the tub directly behind her, Matt pulled her hair from her face. A good fifteen minutes went by before Gabby lifted her head back up, sure that there was nothing else left inside of her to throw up. She yanked a piece of toilet paper off the roll next to her wiped her face before tossing it into the toilet. Groaning, she used the toilet for support and pushed herself into a standing position. "Thanks," she muttered as she reached an arm out and practically punched the small lever on the side of the toilet.

He didn't follow her thanks with a response, instead he stood up and followed her over to the sink. He caught both of their reflections in the mirror and though she definitely looked worse than him, the bags under his eyes showed his lack of sleep. With no toothbrush to use, Gabby leaned forward and filled the palms of her hands with water. Swishing it around in her mouth for a few seconds, she spit it out and turned he water off.

She couldn't meet his eyes.

"I remember what you said last night."

"What are you talking about?"

"You said _we need to talk_." She dried her hands and left the bathroom. She walked across the hall back to Matt's bedroom, continuing to talk. "Translation:_ I'm breaking up with you._" Easing herself to the floor, she dug through her bag and pulled out the extra set of clothes she'd packed. One by one, she pulled out a pair of jeans, a bra, panties and an oversized sweater. She laughed bitterly, "and to be honest, after last night's events, I really don't blame you." She looked up and finally met his eyes, "now you know why I told you I don't really do relationships."

Matt shook his head and took a seat next to her, "I'm not breaking up with you, Gabby."

"You should," she mumbled emotionally.

"Why?" Matt bit out. "So you can go back to burying your heart so deep that no one will hurt you again? Do you really think that you don't deserve to be happy? To be _loved?_" He nodded, catching the slight flinch at his use of the 'L' word. "Yeah, I said it, _love." _

She dropped her gaze and pulled at the loose piece of thread on her sweater. "But what if I can't say it back? You deserve someone who can say it back. Like...like _her." _

"Like Hallie?" Again, he didn't miss the flinch from Gabby. "You're joking right? That girl is an absolute piece of work. I spent the last two years of our relationship trying to remember what it was that had attracted me to her in first place." He sighed, "Everything that she said last night..."

"About you wanting kids?" Gabby wiped wiped at her eyes, "did she not want any kids?"

Matt shook his head, "no. But you need to know, that's not why I'm with you."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "well give me a little bit of credit, I'm not that naive. I know you're not with me just because I have kids. Although, I do think that's what originally drew you to me."

"Well, technically it is." Despite the tension between them, he laughed. "I mean, Eli _literally _pulled me over to you."

"That's true," Gabby whispered. She looked over at him, "so what do we do now?"

That was a loaded question. A heaviness settled in his heart. He wasn't giving up on her, not by a long shot. But he had a feeling things were going to get worse before they got better. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know."

* * *

_**P.P.S Please don't hate me. I still have so much planned for this story. **_


	19. Chapter 19

First of all, I can't even begin to explain how mind-blowing it was to receive as many reviews as I did for chapter eighteen (thirty three reviews, if you're curious. That's fcking amazing). As I'm sure other writers will agree with...getting reviews is an amazing feeling. So, thank you, thank you, thank you! It means so much to me that you guys enjoy my writing and look forward to reading more. Soo...this chapter is longer than some of the other ones and it's definitely a transitional chapter for this story. So...I hope you like it just as much as you liked the last chapter. And, well...you know the drill. :)

How Will I Know

Chapter Nineteen

Standing underneath the warm spray of the shower, Gabby's fingertips pressed against her forehead as she tried to massage away her headache. A headache she'd had since waking up hungover and a complete emotional mess. Her mind and body were in a stress-induced overdrive. Putting one hand up against the shower wall for support she ducked her head as the temperature of the water started to cool. She'd been standing in the shower so long there was hardly any hot water left.

Everything was becoming too much.

Yesterday had left her with more questions than answers.

Her relationship with Matt had stalled.

"_I think, I think maybe…we should slow things down."_

That was as far as their conversation had gotten before Gabby's cousin called asking her when she would be picking up Eli and Gus. Knowing she was still slightly hungover, Matt offered to drive Gabby back to her place so she could take a shower and get herself together. Ok, so his truck was still at her apartment but he wasn't going to let her fall into her misery and shut him out.

Having promised Eli that they would all have breakfast together Sunday morning, Matt and Gabby had stuck to their word and picked the boys up from her cousin's together before heading out to breakfast.

She jumped, the cries of her youngest spilling over through the baby monitor she'd sat right outside the shower pulling her from her thoughts. She sighed, trying to regain control of her emotions and pushed her palm into the faucet handle, turning the water off. She hurriedly ran her hands over her face, pushing the tears and water away as one. Squeezing the excess water from her hair, she reached around the shower curtain and grabbed her towel, wrapping it tightly around her. The cries only getting louder, Gabby hurriedly stepped out of the shower and crossed the hall to the boys' bedroom.

When she pushed open the bedroom door, Eli was standing next to Gus' crib, trying his best to calm his little brother down. Gus wasn't just fussing, he was in actual tears. Gabby frowned and reached for the one year old. Cradling him in her arms, she kissed the side of his head, "what happened?" she asked Eli.

Eli shrugged, "he woke up screaming. Maybe he had a nightmare."

"Yeah, maybe." It seemed like they were all having one of those as of late, Gabby thought to herself. She swayed Gus back and forth until finally his cries subsided. She reached out and ruffled Eli's already messy head of hair. "Thanks for trying to calm him down. You're a great big brother, you know that?"

Eli grinned, "A big brother is supposed to protect. Just like Uncle Antonio does for you, right?"

Gabby managed a smile. Right now, though, she was pretty sure Antonio was tired of being the big brother who was constantly pulling her back onto the path every time she started to stray. "Right. Hey, why don't you go ahead and get dressed and if we have time, we'll go out to for breakfast before I drop you off at school, ok?"

"Okey dokey!"

Before Gabby left the bedroom, she reached down and grabbed Gus' pacifier from his bed. Carrying him back to her room, she sat him in the center of her bed. Just as soon as she dropped contact with him he started to fuss but she shook her head. "Mama has to get dressed, sweetie." Knowing there were always toys within arm's length, Gabby spotted a few trucks on her dresser. She felt her chest tighten as she realized one of the trucks was the fire truck Matt had gotten Gus for his birthday.

What was wrong with her? Matt was so clearly dedicated to making sure not only her, but her boys were happy. Why couldn't she just believe that?

Shaking her head, she grabbed the trucks and sat them in front of Gus. She watched as his eyes lit up and he immediately reached for the fire truck. He giggled to himself and held it up to her. "Tuck!"

Readjusting the towel she'd hastily wrapped around her, Gabby turned to her already open closet trying to find something to wear. She sighed, she needed to do her own laundry. For once. With so little time to spare, usually she just worried about washing the boys' clothes, her scrubs and other necessities. With very little motivation running through her, she reached for a Bears hoody and decided it would suffice.

After getting dressed, she turned her focus to her hair and once again, she found herself not really caring. Instead, she quickly ran a brush through it before throwing up her damp locks into a messy bun atop her head. She was just finishing putting her boots on when Eli came running into her room. Dressed, shoes on and hair halfway spiked, he grinned at his mom, "I'm ready!"

She smiled, looking over his choice of outfit. He had on a pair of jeans, his blue converse shoes and the long-sleeved C.F.D. shirt Matt had bought him a couple of weeks ago. Matt had even gotten 'Lieutenant' screen printed on the back of it. It was the first thing Eli would wear after laundry was done each week.

Once again, the feeling of self-loathing settled within her. God, why couldn't she just let Matt in?

"Do you see the shirt that I'm wearing?" Eli asked excitedly, pulling his mother from her own thoughts.

Gabby forced a smile, "I do. I think it's becoming your new favorite shirt." She ran her hand through his hair, trying her best to spike it more. "Teeth brushed?"

Eli's eyes went up as he feigned forgetfulness. "Oops!"

"Go brush your teeth while I get Gus dressed." Eli turned and ran back to the bathroom and Gabby turned to Gus. The one year old grinned, his dimples on full display. He was happy to have his mother's attention back on him. In one swift move, she scooped him up out of her bed. "Let's get you dressed, kiddo."

With just enough time to spare, Gabby took the boys out for breakfast before dropping Eli off at school. Normally, she tried to stick to a healthy breakfast—especially on school days—but Gabby had decided to mix it up and let Eli get a donut and chocolate milk from the little donut shop a few blocks down from their apartment.

With her headache still lingering, Gabby found herself driving in the direction of her favorite coffee spot she and Shay would regularly stop by after their shifts back when she worked for Fifty-One. With Gus squirming to free himself from her arms, she thanked the elderly gentleman that held the door open for them.

"I'm sorry, are you lost? Isn't this place a bit out of your way?"

Recognizing the voice instantly, Gabby couldn't help but roll her eyes. Looking up, she met her friend's gaze, "well hello to you too, Leslie."

"Morning, sunshine." Still eyeing her friend curiously, Shay took a bite of the breakfast sandwich she'd just ordered. She swallowed her food, "care to join me for breakfast?" She motioned to an empty booth in the corner of the café.

"Just let me get some coffee."

With just a few people ahead of her, it didn't take long for Gabby to order her coffee. She scooted into the booth across from Shay and sat Gus between her and the barrier, handing him his sippy cup. Feeling Shay's eyes on her, Gabby looked across the table at the blonde. "What?"

Shay raised a brow, already knowing exactly how Gabby was going to play this. "How are you?"

She averted her eyes, "fine."

So fine, in fact, that she had ignored both of Shay's calls last night. She knew Matt would probably confide in Severide who would then turn around and talk to Shay. Or maybe Hallie had said something about her at work and told Kendra who then told Shay?

"Instead of trying to figure out what I heard and whom I heard it from. You should just talk to me, Dawson."

Gabby focused her gaze down on Gus. She didn't know how to explain it, but just looking at her kids had a calming effect on her. Almost like it put things in perspective in some way. "Matt told me he loved me."

Shay already knew this. But it was a starting point. "And you couldn't say it back."

"No."

"Why?" Shay quietly urged.

Gabby shook her head and looked up at Shay. "Hallie was at the ball. Apparently she and my mother know each other. She told my mother that Matt was only with me because it set up a ready-made family for him that he's always yearned for."

"That bitch," Shay muttered. She searched Gabby's eyes, looking for any clue that Gabby didn't believe the words from Matt's bitter ex-fiance. "You don't believe that, do you? Matt is with you because he loves you. And because he loves your kids. He would never just be with you to get an instant family. That's absolutely ridiculous."

"Yeah, I know that it's ridiculous. I told Matt that I didn't believe it for even a second."

"Then why did you get drunk at the ball?" Shay pushed. She wasn't going to let Gabby shut down and distance herself like she'd done during the time she was dating Lance and several months after.

Gabby shrugged. "I guess it was just too much." Everything was becoming too much. She didn't understand it or her emotions. She hated talking about it because as soon as she voiced her feelings she was sure she sounded like some sort of angst-ridden teenager. "I'm not sure why Matt is even still putting up with me, to be honest," she said in a matter of fact tone and finally looking up to meet Shay's eyes. "I can't keep my emotions straight. I can't say what he wants me to say." She shook her head, "maybe it was a bad idea. Starting a relationship with him. I should've just stuck to it and turned him down the first time."

"Why?" Shay asked. "So you can still be building that wall around your heart? You've finally allowed someone who was _worth it_ into your heart. Don't push him out now."

Gabby shook her head, the tears threatening to fall. "I don't think I can do it, Shay."

"And why not?" She urged. Shay sighed and sat up straight, "you don't even know the answer."

"Mama, mama!" Gus climbed into his mom's lap and snuggled into her.

Shay watched as Gabby cradled Gus in her arms, cuddling him. "You spend all your energy comforting and caring for your boys…why can't you let someone care for you?"

Gabby shrugged, "Eli and Gus are my everything."

"And to Matt, you are quickly becoming his everything. In all the years he was with Hallie, I never once saw him walk into work with a pep in his step or a goofy grin on his face. He's always been very stoic, keeping his personal life private. But the minute he started dating you," Shay shook her head, a silly grin on her own face. "As corny as it sounds, it was magical. When was the last time you were in his office? Did you know he's got a handful of pictures hanging from the side of the file cabinet next to his desk? One of the two of you, one of you two and Eli at the Bears game and one of all four of you. Not to mention the array of hand-drawn firetruck pictures that Eli has made for him." Shay sighed, "when he says that he loves you, he _means _it with every ounce of his being."

"It's just hard," Gabby whispered, her eyes blurring from the tears that had gathered and threatened to fall. Shay's words were hurting instead of helping. Matt had invested so much in her and the boys and she couldn't even tell him how she felt.

"I know it is, sweetie." Shay assured. "I can't even begin to imagine how you've survived everything that you've gone through but if you can't talk to Matt about all of it yet…you _need _to find somebody _to _talk to."

Gabby's eyes snapped up, understanding Shay's words. "You mean the Chaplain?" During her time at Fifty-One, Chaplain Orlovsky had been her only saving grace. Calls gone wrong. Those patients that you just couldn't save. Everyone had certain calls that hit them harder than others. It was the calls with children that always hit Gabby the hardest.

There was one particular call they had went on and Gabby was convinced it was child abuse. Unfortunately, by the time anybody believed her, it was too late. She'd beaten herself up about it or weeks before chief Boden had insisted she go to talk to someone before her next shift. After that, Gabby had made it a habit of going to see the chaplain every couple of weeks.

Regrettably, it'd been almost two years since she last saw him. Right around the time she'd started dating Lance.

Shay nodded. "He's helped us all through something. And he's always had a soft spot for you, Gabs." She smirked, "but let's be real, who hasn't?"

Gabby managed a small smile and wiped at the stray tear that had fallen. "I haven't seen him in years."

"All the more reason you should go! It'll be good for you!"

"Maybe you're right," Gabby conceded.

"Honey, I always am," Shay quipped, leaning back into her seat. "Now, before you disappear and I have to practically hunt you down again, let's make plans. A girl's night, maybe?"

* * *

Gabby sat nervously in one of the chairs outside of the Chaplain's office. With Gus in her lap, her legs shook nervously, bouncing the toddler up and down and earning giggles from him.

"Ms. Dawson?" The Chaplain's secretary had said for the second time, finally pulling Gabby from her thoughts.

She snapped her head up and looked over at the older woman. "I'm sorry. What did you say?"

"The Chaplain is waiting for you."

"Right. Thanks." Gabby stood up and perched Gus on her hip. She walked over and knocked on the closed door, opening it as soon as she heard the muffled 'come in.'

"Gabriela Dawson! I wasn't sure I quite believed my secretary when she said you were outside waiting to see me!" Chaplain exclaimed. Pushing himself up out of his chair, he hurried around his desk he stopped right in front of the young woman. "Look at you! And who is this little guy? I know there's no way Elijah is still this small."

With his fingers in his mouth, Gus managed a shy grin and rested his head on his mother's shoulder.

Gabby grinned, "this is Gus." She ran her fingers through his curls, "can you say hi, Gus?"

Still grinning, he shook his head and turned away from them, instead choosing to bury his head in the crook of his mother's neck.

"He's not quite as outgoing as Eli is."

"Well that's perfectly alright. He looks just like you." He motioned for her to take a seat on the couch up against the far wall. "Please, sit down. It's been what, almost two years?" Gabby nodded took a seat. She sat Gus down next to her and pulled a few toys out for her purse. "Here, baby."

Gus grinned and eagerly settled the toys into his lap.

"I'm sorry it's been so long since I've last stopped by." She really had no excuse. "Things just got…." She shrugged, "out of control, I guess."

The chaplain nodded, "how so?"

"Bad choices on my part, mostly." She motioned towards Gus, "starting with his father. Don't get me wrong, I love Gus and I wouldn't trade him for anything but getting together with his father wasn't one of my brightest moments."

"So I take it you're not still seeing him?"

Gabby shook her head, eyes wide. "No. Definitely not." Gabby proceeded to fill the chaplain in on everything that had happened during her tumultuous relationship with Lance. Though she was certain he'd already heard all about it, the chaplain sat silently and let her tell her story. He wanted to hear her story. Not the hearsay that was gossiped around and contorted to please the eager ears of whoever was listening.

"Lance," she whispered. "I thought I loved him. Hell, I was stupid enough to believe that he loved me."

"Believing that someone loves you isn't stupid, Gabriela. It's brave. It's the bravest thing a person can do. To completely open up their heart and allow someone to see who they really are."

For the first time in quite a while, Gabby allowed herself to drift back to her time with Lance. The time before the anger and abuse ensued. Back to when she was just as vulnerable as ever. "I kind of met him by chance, to be honest. What can I say? He wooed me."

"How?"

She shrugged, "flowers? Buying me anything and everything. Not that I asked for anything," she quickly added. "But he made me feel special. Or what I thought was special. I didn't know he was a drug dealer when I started dating him, I swear, I never would have started if I had known that." She cast a glance over at Gus. Despite how he came about, she wouldn't trade him for anything. A blessing from a mistake, that's how she looked at it.

"I started putting him before Eli," she rasped, her voice thick with emotion and guilt. "I put him before my own son! What kind of mother does that?" She shook her head and wiped away a few tears with the back of her hand. "Antonio and his unit were investigating him. My brother got wind that I was hanging around him and absolutely flipped. He told me I had to stay away from him. Break it off."

The chaplain nodded in understanding, "but that's not in Gabriela's Dawson's make up, is it?"

Gabby scoffed, "my mother has always said that I'm too stubborn for my own good." She rubbed angrily at her eyes, her emotions completely draining her of any sort of will to continue on with the mental tug of war she currently found herself a part of. "It wasn't until he almost laid a hand on Eli did I get up the courage to leave."

"Can I ask you a question, Gabriela?"

Gabby shrugged, "sure."

"Do you feel that your life isn't as valuable as others?"

"I don't…I don't really understand."

"You wouldn't leave Lance even though he was abusing you but the minute Eli was threatened, you were running as far as you could. Why do you think you suffered through the abuse for so long?"

She didn't know, to be honest. It was something she still hadn't forgiven herself for. Why did she allow the abuse to continue? Why didn't she try to leave? "I don't know…" she whispered.

"Do you think that maybe you just wanted to be loved? And if being hurt in the process happened, it was ok because at least you knew somebody loved you? Or in this case, you _thought _somebody loved you?" When it was clear Gabby wasn't going to respond, he knew he'd stuck a cord within her. He cleared his throat, "Are you seeing anybody right now?" The shy smile that spread across her lips did not go unnoticed by him. He chuckled, "I'll take that smile as a yes. Tell me about him?"

She smiled, "you probably know him. Matt Casey."

"Lieutenant Matt Casey?" he asked, his left brow raised in slight surprise.

"You had the same reaction as my brother," Gabby mused.

"While I don't know much about him personally, he's one hell of a firefighter," the chaplain assured. "And he seems like a damn good fella outside of work, too. I've run into him quite a few times at different fundraisers. Always involved with building or fixing something."

Gabby smiled, "that sounds like him."

"He makes you happy, doesn't he?"

"He does. And he makes my boys happy. I just don't know how to tell him. It's almost like there's some sort of invisible barrier that keeps me from taking a leap of faith."

The chaplain nodded, he'd spent a lot of years talking to a lot of people. And over the years he's learned one of the hardest things for people to do is to trust themselves after they've made a mistake. It's one thing to trust someone else, but to trust yourself…especially when you know what you're capable of doing. It's hard. "Looking back on it now, would you say you were in love with Lance?"

Gabby shook her head and wiped angrily at her tears. "No."

"And would you say you are in love with Matt?"

A silence fell in the office as the chaplain gave Gabby the time to digest his words and really consider her answer. She looked over at him, a look of confusion and fear haunting her eyes. "How do you know what real love feels like? I mean, I know my parents love me, my brother and my boys. But the kind of love between two people that's so pure and true…how will I know?"

If anything, her talk—or cry, rather—with the chaplain had increased the obnoxious pounding in Gabby's head. She just wanted to go home and sleep. She wanted…she paused, bringing her own thoughts to a halt. She needed Matt.

* * *

With a sound asleep Gus in her arms, Gabby was too lost in her own thoughts as she walked up to her apartment that she didn't even notice Matt sitting on the steps. "Hey," he said, startling her from her thoughts.

Gabby shyly met his gaze. "Hey."

Matt stood up and held his arms out, offering to take Gus from Gabby so she could get them into the apartment complex. With a small nod, Gabby transferred Gus into Matt's arms. She guided Gus' head to Matt's shoulder and ran her hands through his curls before dropping her hand. "Thanks," she whispered.

Following her into the apartment complex and into her apartment, Matt couldn't help but notice the anxiety that was clearly running through Gabby's body. Her actions were slow and a little shaky as she dropped her purse onto the couch. She turned around and the sight of Matt cradling a sleeping Gus in his arms stirred something within her.

Matt smiled, trying to ease Gabby's nerves. He could tell she'd been crying. "Let me put him down and then we can talk?" Gabby nodded. "Does he have a bottle?"

Gabby shook her head, "no. But I'll make one."

"Ok. I think he needs his diaper changed. I'll meet you in the boys' room."

When Gabby walked into the boys' room carrying a full bottle of milk in her hand Matt had just finished changing Gus' wet diaper and was slipping off the toddler's shoes. Matt carefully picked Gus up, surprised that he had slept through all the movement. "He must really be tired," he whispered, walking over and placing him in his crib. Matt carefully covered Gus with a blanket and reached for the stuffed giraffe that had been discarded in one corner of the crib, sitting it next to the sleeping boy knowing it would be the first thing he saw when he woke up. He knew it was Gus' absolute favorite.

"Yeah." Gabby reached in and sat the bottle on the other side of Gus. She refrained from caressing his cheek, not wanting to wake him up. "He woke up earlier than usual this morning and was crying hysterically." She looked up at Matt and took his hand in hers and led him out of the bedroom.

"You take really good care of them," she said, dropping his hand and taking a seat on the couch. She watched as he followed suit and sat down next to her, his knee running into hers.

Matt nodded, "I wish you'd let me take good care of you, too."

"You already do," she whispered. "I just can't seem to reciprocate and that's not fair to you."

"You've been crying," Matt said, finally voicing the first thing he'd noticed as soon as he saw her.

"I went to visit Chaplain Orlovsky."

Matt nodded his head in understanding. While he'd never had to confide in Chaplain Orlovsky, he knew several other people in Fifty-One had. But this was good. She was talking. Not to him, but she was talking to somebody. "Is everything ok?"

"I don't know," she admitted.

The knots that had long settled in Matt's stomach since their unfinished conversation from yesterday, had tightened. "What do you mean?"

"I have to work on myself, Matt."

Matt nodded, "And I'll be right by your side every step of the way." He reached for her hand and frowned as he felt her tremble beneath his touch. "I'm not going anywhere, Gabby."

"I know," she took a deep breath. "Because I…I _need _you. I just don't know how to really express it. I don't trust myself and until I trust myself, I can't completely open myself up to you." She used her free hand to wipe away her tears. She laughed nervously, "I'm not even sure that makes sense."

"It does," he assure her. Dropping her hand, he cradled her face in his hands. "I'm sorry if I tried to push you, Gabby. And I'm sorry about what happened at the ball…" he cleared his throat and briefly dropped her gaze. "You know, with Hallie and the stupid argument about Jay."

Gabby smiled and placed her hands on top of his. "Don't worry about it. I wasn't exactly on my best behavior. Although, I must admit, you're kind of cute when you're jealous."

"Jealous?" Matt shook his head, his cheeks turning slightly red. "I wasn't _jealous._"

"If you say so," Gabby quipped. She turned serious again, "but you should know that with you, there's no comparison."

"And the same with you," Matt insisted. He leaned down and kissed her. "You'll be ok, Gabby. We'll be ok."

"I hope so." She took another deep breath as she felt another onslaught of tears come on, "but I still think we need to slow things down. I don't want to stop seeing you and I don't want the boys to stop seeing you but we _really _rushed things. And I think that's what scared me."

"So what you're saying is more dating? Send flowers to you at work, present you with breakfast in bed and bring you lots of coffee?"

Gabby laughed, "something like that." She bit her bottom lip thoughtfully, "let's just get back to the basics?"

Matt nodded, "I think maybe I can do that. But Gabby?"

"Yeah?"

"I still mean it. I'll always mean it."


	20. Chapter 20

Heyyyy guys. First, I am so so so so so sorry for my sudden hiatus. My grandma passed away a few weeks ago and honestly, she was my best friend. She was one of the people that raised me so I feel like I lost a parent. She was always my biggest fan and supporter. Constantly reminding me that things would all be ok. I've just been trying to find a new normal.

Second, thanks to each and every single one of you for reviewing. Some of you give such long and amazing reviews and I love reading them. I'm sorry you had to wait this long for another chapter. Third, thanks to Ducky2196 for kinda pushing me along, she sent me a few messages to see what was up and it reminded me that there are so many that enjoy reading this story. :) That and the season finale of Chicago Fire gave me the motivation I needed to start writing again.

Speaking of the finale, while I am super excited that Gabby is pregnant...totally could've been written better and as all of you writers know, sometimes ideas start to form a life of their own so I might write a one shot. BUT, beggars can't be choosers, so with that said, DAWSEY BABY IS A GO! Also, this whole not coming back until November thing is total b.s. If the story is going to start off where it stopped, crossovers are gonna be effed up and that means no Thanksgiving and Christmas episodes, right? Ugh, so confused. Why couldn't they have postponed another show...you know, one that doesn't tie in with other shows. Anyways, enough of my rambling. Here ya go!

P.S. sorry for any mistakes. One can only proof read a chapter so many times. lol.

How Will I Know

Chapter Twenty

Matt rolled his eyes as he poured himself another cup of coffee and listened to Otis and Cruz argue over some woman they'd met at Molly's last night. Otis was convinced the woman was legit flirting with him and was only paying attention to Cruz to be polite. While Cruz disagreed and said the one woman was sending him all kinds of signals whenever Otis wasn't looking. Pushing their voices from his mind he turned and headed back towards his office. He didn't get very far. He looked down to see who was blocking his path and met the eyes of one very serious Leslie Shay. "Uh…hey, Shay."

Shay crossed her arms. "So what's your plan?"

"I'm not sure I follow…"

"It's been a few weeks since your talk with Gabby. I've given you more than enough time to put together a game plan for you to once and for all woo her and now I would like to hear it."

_Two weeks and three days,_ Matt silently corrected.

Matt knew it was for the best.

He did.

But this whole 'slowing things down' thing was harder than he thought it would be. Instead of just acting on his emotions and feelings, he was second guessing whether every movement, word, gesture and look of his was considered moving too fast for Gabby. He understood Gabby's reasoning behind it and even agreed. But what was moving too fast and what was moving too slow?

Dinner with her and the boys, was that moving too fast?

Staying the night, was that moving too fast?

It's not like you can just ask a flower to stop blooming or the sun to stop shining, he thought to himself on more than one occasion during the past few weeks.

He talked to Gabby all the time, she almost always called him at night after she put the boys to bed and he made every effort he could to make sure he was available to talk. He took great comfort in knowing that she sought him out as the last person she talked to before falling asleep. Sort of like their own brand of pillow talk.

He'd seen her several times since their conversation and while there wasn't any awkwardness between them, there was hesitation on his part. And he knew she'd sensed it. Usually she'd lighten the mood by trying to talk about something Eli had said or something Gus had done that day. It always worked, too. He loved talking about the boys. He missed them. It seemed in Gabby's mind that apart of taking things slow was not involving the boys with their plans as much as she used to.

And it wasn't like she was exactly keeping the boys from him, he'd seen them a few times over the past few weeks but not as much as he did before.

Again, he understood. She needed to know that what was going on between them had a solid foundation that she could trust before letting her boys climb back aboard. He just wished she would take the plunge and learn to completely trust him.

The sound of Shay clearing her throat pulled him from his thoughts and couldn't help the slight warmth that fell over his face. He'd been caught and called out. He glanced around, catching both Otis and Cruz stopping their argument to listen in. On the other side of the table, Herrmann had dropped the newspaper from his face and focused his attention on Matt for his answer. "My office?" He asked Shay.

"Right behind you."

Once Shay walked in, Matt shut the door of his office but not before sending a glare towards the two gossip queens in the break room.

"So…again, what's your plan?" Shay asked, plopping herself down on his bed.

"I don't know," he admitted, taking a seat at his desk. "I don't wanna be too pushy." He met Shay's eyes, a look of complete loss on his face. "How exactly do you show the girl you love that you're there for her without actually being able to say that you love her?"

Shay nearly rolled her eyes, "oh, Casey, don't turn this into some tongue twister."

"Well that's what it feels like! It's…you know, jumbling my mind like a freaking riddle!" Matt huffed, not finding amusement in Shay's banter. "I don't know what's slowing it down and what's pushing her. Are flowers at work too much? What about cooking dinner?" He cringed, "nah, forget dinner. That's practically torture. What about a picnic date? Nevermind, it's October now. Or asking her and the boys to come over for a movie night? Or, just her…you know, so it can be an _actual _date. But please," he hurried once he heard his own words, "don't mistake that for me not wanting to hang around Eli and Gus because that is not the case."

"I know that, Casey," Shay assured him. "But…" she drawled thoughtfully, "maybe an actual date with just the two of you is a good idea. Take her to the movies or something. I can't even remember the last time Gabby went to a movie that wasn't animated or had to do with super heroes."

Matt's eyes lit up as an idea came to him. "What about I invite her to a movie and dinner by sending her flowers at work? It's romantic but not a _huge _gesture and that's what taking it slow is, right?"

"Oh my god," Shay laughed, "you are so giddy right now. It's kind of adorable."

"Yeah, can you just answer the question?" He was already being teased enough by Severide. "Good idea or bad?"

"Oh, it's definitely a great idea."

"Great! Does she have a favorite flower?" The last person he'd sent flowers to was his mother and that was for mother's day. And technically he didn't even _send them. _He'd picked them up before shift and had his sister pick them up on his way to visiting their mother with his niece.

Shay though about it. "Not really. But word of advice, no red roses. Lance used to send her red roses _all _the time. I saw him hand her roses so much that I started to fear he bought them for her as an apology after every time he…" she shook her head, her anger rising just thinking about it. "You know…every time he did or said something to her. Not to mention, it's so cliché."

Matt stomach knotted. "Are you sure flowers are a good idea, then?"

"Yes! I think it'll be good for her. Receiving flowers _just because_ and not because something was said or done. Just no red roses. She likes wildflowers. Assorted colors, anything that pops."

Matt nodded, "anything that pops. I think I got it." He stopped as he once again second guessed his plan. "Do you think it would be too much to send them to her at work?"

"No, of course not! Shows that you're not ashamed of her and honestly, maybe it'll put that bitchy ex of yours in her place."

"She told you about that?"

"Of course she did." Shay scowled.

Matt nodded, "She hasn't mentioned any incidents between the two of them at the hospital. Have you heard anything?"

Shay shrugged and broke eye contact, "nothing too specific." Gabby had mentioned a few glares and off handed comments that Hallie had made towards her since the Ball but nothing too serious. But Shay had taken it upon herself to throw glares right back at Hallie every time she crossed paths with her while dropping a patient off at Lakeshore.

"I'm glad she has a friend like you, Shay."

Shay smiled and reached up to pat his arm, "and I'm glad she has a guy like you, Casey." She dropped her smile and turned serious. "But you mess it up and I mess you up, got it?"

"Loud and clear."

* * *

With things finally calming down, Gabby took the opportunity to run to the break room and find _something_ that sounded even a bit appetizing in one of the vending machines. She had been thrown into the E.R. due to being short staffed and she was completely exhausted. The flu had it the City of Chicago at full force and there had been a constant flow of people coming in throwing up, dehydrated and complaining of other symptoms. Her eyes scanned over the choices in the machine and absolutely nothing looked good. She knew she had to eat, though. She'd skipped breakfast and she still had four hours left of her shift. Sighing, she decided on a granola bar and put in the right amount of change before punching the correct keys.

She forced herself to eat the granola bar and managed a few gulps of coffee before heading back out to the nurses station in the E.R. Though she was exhausted due to the sudden change of pace, she didn't mind it. Working in the E.R. definitely kept her more on her toes and she was excited to once again experience the adrenalin rush she had so often got when she worked as a paramedic. Though she wouldn't admit it out loud, it was actually making her miss working as a PIC more than usual. That and the growing childish behavior she was starting to see from her colleagues. As soon as she'd stepped foot into the E.R. there was a cold air that had settled around her. Unfortunately for her, Hallie was one of attending doctors in the E.R. and it seemed as if most of the nurses knew about Gabby's relationship with Matt and had decided to treat her to cold shoulders and nasty glares.

"Just a few more hours," she mumbled to herself as she pushed open the break room door with her back and headed back towards the nurses station.

"Hey girl, I've been looking for you!" One of the nurses that Gabby usually worked with was leaning over the counter with a vase full of flowers in her hands.

"Oh yeah? Miss me so much you're sending me flowers?" She joked.

Nina smirked, "while I do miss you, the flowers aren't from me. They were delivered upstairs by mistake so I thought I'd take it upon myself to give them to you myself." She grinned and handed Gabby's the flowers. "So here you go!"

Gabby ducked her head a bit as she felt her cheeks redden and searched for the card. She ignored the glares she was getting from some of the E.R. staff and pulled the card from its holder, quickly reading it.

_I hope these put a smile on your face. You deserve nothing but happiness._

_Dinner and a movie tomorrow night? Your choice, my treat-Matt._

It wasn't overly romantic, she could tell through his writing that he was holding back from once again expressing his love for her. He was taking things slow, like she had asked. Pocketing the card in front pocket of her scrubs, she looked up and met Nina's expectant gaze. "What?"

"I won't pry because I know you like to keep things on the down low but let me just note that this is the first time in a while I've seen a real smile from you, Gabs. Happiness is a good look on you." She smiled, "I'm happy for you, girl."

Gabby returned her friend's smile. "Thanks."

Nina nodded. "I've gotta get back upstairs but I'll call you later so we can catch up. Rico and Dante have been asking to hangout with Eli for a while now."

"Definitely. We'll get something worked out."

Though the looks she'd received from Hallie and the other nurses had become even icier, Gabby refused to let them ruin the good mood the flowers had put her in. She'd spent the last few hours attending to patients and staying away from the nurses station.

The minute Gabby finished shift and changed out of her scrubs, she headed straight for the nurses station to get her flowers. She frowned as she got close enough to see they were nowhere in sight.

"Hey, uh, Mandy," she said, getting the attention of one of the nurses that had just clocked in. "Did you see what happened to the bouquet of wildflowers that was sitting up here?"

Mandy shrugged, "Dr. Thomas said they were getting in the way. She said they looked kind of dead so she tossed them in one of the trash carts. Were they yours?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

Gabby shook her head, trying keep her anger at bay, "it's not your fault. Have a good shift."

Seriously? Hallie had been so angered by Matt's flowers for her that she'd really gotten rid of them?

As soon as she stepped out of Lakeshore she was calling Matt. He picked up on the first ring. "Well that was quick," she quipped, trying to keep the tone in her voice light. She wasn't sure she was going to tell him about the flowers being thrown away by Hallie.

Matt grinned, "sorry, am I supposed to let it ring a mandatory of at least three rings before answering?"

"Two would've sufficed," she joked. She walked through parking lot towards her car, too focused on finding her keys to notice the figure sitting in the car a few rows down and watching her intently.

Matt noticed her sudden silence. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, just looking for my keys." She breathed a sigh of relief. "Found them. I really didn't want to have to head back into the hospital."

"Rough day?" He asked.

"I've been thrown to the wolves in the E.R," she joked. "But _actually, _I did receive an absolutely beautiful bouquet of flowers this afternoon."

"Oh yeah? Should I be jealous?"

"Maybe. I've got a date tomorrow night with a really hot firefighter," she grinned. She climbed into her care and pulled the door shut behind her and tossed her purse to the passenger side. "I love the flowers, Matt." _Or loved_.

"You sure?"

"Absolutely! How did you know I love wildflowers?"

"Good guess?"

"If that's your story."

"It is," Matt insisted. "And I'm sticking to it. So does tomorrow night work for you?"

"It should but I have to ask Shay if she can watch the boys."

"Already taken care of."

Before Gabby could respond, she heard the sound of alarms blaring through the phone. "You got a call?"

"Yeah. I gotta go. I'll call you later, ok?"

"Ok..." she paused, "and Matt?"

"Yeah?"

_I think I love you. _"Please be careful."

"Always."

* * *

Movie and dinner had been a perfect idea and as Matt had promised, he let Gabby choose both.

She'd settled on a quiet restaurant that served mostly Dominican dishes-said she'd been craving a good home-cooked Dominican meal and with no time to cook, this was the next best thing. The movie was a comedy/drama with a bunch of actors he'd never heard of. But both the food and the movie was great. And he wasn't just saying that because of the company that he had.

After their movie, they'd ended up wandering around Navy Pier just enjoying each other's company and talking about random things. Matt could sense Gabby relaxing the farther along they got in their date. She'd been talking about work for the past ten minutes or so and Matt was content on hearing about her day.

Once again being sent to the E.R., it had been a very eventful day. Not wanting to upset Matt, she again didn't mention that she was working with Hallie or that the blonde doctor had thrown away her flowers yesterday. She'd instead mentioned running into her brother halfway through her shift because one of her patients who disclosed that she had been assaulted was apparently the girlfriend of a major drug dealer that they'd been watching for months.

And his question just kind of slipped out.

"Was that difficult?"

If Gabby understood the context of his question, she didn't let it show. Instead, shrugged her shoulders and answered, "The ER is definitely a different pace than what I'm used to. It's kinda like being back on ambo."

Matt sighed and stopped walking, gently tugging on Gabby's hand asking for her to do the same. "No, I mean, was it hard working on a patient that had a similar…" he wasn't sure of the right word to use, "_story?" _

"Oh…" Gabby dropped her gaze from Matt's and he could feel her hand tense in his. "I honestly felt like I had no right to treat her. Here I am telling this woman that I have to report her injuries when I did everything possible to avoid Lance getting into trouble for what he…" she cleared her throat, "for what he did."

"What did he do, Gabby?" Matt finally asked, immediately feeling her tense at his side.

"I don't really want to talk about this, Matt. It's in the past. It's done."

"It's obviously not in the past if I can't even get you to completely trust me," he bit out harsher than he intended. He watched as she pulled her hand from his and narrowed her eyes, her defenses rising. He sighed, panicking internally that he was going to push her away again. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to push you…I promise. I just….I don't want you to be afraid of me like you were or _are _of Lance."

His words startled her. Did he really think she was afraid of him? She shook her head, "Matt, I can promise you that I am not afraid of _you._" She could still see the doubt in his eyes. "I'm just….I'm just afraid of the relationship part."

"Because of Lance?" Matt urged. "And Ross?"

Gabby shrugged, "Bobby and I were never truly in a relationship."

"But it still hurt, didn't it?"

"Of course it did. When you tell a guy that you're pregnant with his child, the last thing you are expecting is for him to accuse you of being a whore." She sighed, briefly letting her mind wander back in time to when she had first met Bobby Ross. Several girls had warned her about his womanizing ways but in true Gabriela Dawson fashion, if someone told her to do one thing, she would do the opposite.

Gabby sighed and pulled Matt towards an empty bench a few feet away from them. She took a seat and pulled her legs up, tucking them beneath her. She waited until he sat down next to her before twisting sideways so she was facing him. She smiled as she took him in. Thought it was only the first week of October, he had a Bears' beanie pulled down over his hears and the gray hoody to match. She laughed quietly, thinking back on all the times Eli would tell anyone who would listen about the time he went to the Chicago Bears' game.

Red crept into Matt's cheeks but if anyone would ask, he would swear it was the brutal Chicago wind that was causing the sudden color change of his cheeks. "What's so funny?"

She tilted her head, "I was just thinking about the game you took us to. It's still Eli's favorite thing to talk about."

Matt's heart swelled. "Oh yeah?" Gabby nodded. "It was a great day. I can't wait until Gus is old enough so all four of us can go."

Gabby's response startled even herself. "Next year."

"Next year," Matt repeated. As soon as those two words fell from her lips, he felt something within him stir. Hope? Reassurance? _Trust? _

"That is, if you're still willing to put up with me at that point," Gabby joked, feeling the sudden shift of emotion between the two of them.

"Like I said before, I'm in this for the long haul."

There was a beat of silence and Gabby met Matt's sincere gaze before dropping her eyes to her hands. She sighed, "can I ask you something?"

He could see the look of trepidation in her eyes. "Of course. Anything."

"Does the future ever scare you?"

"Every day," he answered right away. "But it's worth it. Because how I look at it, a few seconds of uncertainty and fear is nothing compared to a lifetime of regret." Gabby nodded, acknowledging his answer but not saying anything back. Instead, she scooted closer to him and wrapped her arms around him, cuddling into his warmth. Matt returned the gesture and wrapped his arms around her, nearly pulling her into his lap.

They sat like that for sometime before Matt felt Gabby shiver. He sighed and kissed her forehead, "as much as I'm enjoying this...it's getting colder out and I would hate it if either of us got sick."

* * *

Once Matt pulled up to her apartment and put his truck in park, Gabby leaned across the console and met his lips with hers just as he turned to face her. Grinning, she pulled back, pleased that she had caught him off guard. "Thanks for dinner. And the movie. And the great company. It was nice."

He mirrored her grin. "You're very welcome." He leaned forward and kissed her again, chuckling when she moaned against his lips before pulling back.

"I have to go," she said regretfully. She leaned her forehead against his and looked down into his eyes. "Both boys were grumpy when I left them with Shay, I can only imagine what kind of mood all _three _of them are in now." She rubbed his nose with hers before pulling back, "let's see each other again soon, ok?"

"Most definitely," Matt agreed.

"Maybe do something with the boys? Eli has been feeling a bit left out," Gabby admitted. Although, _feeling a bit left out _was putting it mildly. As soon as Eli had found out that she was leaving him with Shay so she could spend some time with Matt, the boy had immediately begged to tag along. She'd tried to tell him that he would see Matt soon but that didn't keep Eli from crossing his arms and glaring at his mother before storming off. "And Gus, well, I'm sure he'll be happy to see you too."

Matt immediately agreed. "Definitely! Maybe a trip to the field museum, has Eli been there?"

"I'm not sure," Gabby admitted sheepishly. "He spent a lot of time with my brother over the summer and Antonio was always taking his kids and the boys on day trips throughout the city." She shook her head, "that's pathetic, isn't it? I don't even know where my son has and hasn't been in the city."

"No, no," Matt shook his head. "That's not pathetic at all. Eli is a very 'on the go' kind of kid, he always wants to be doing something. I'd have a hard time keeping track, too. Maybe just a night in? Movies, junk food and video games?"

"Sounds romantic," she quipped, giving him a cheeky grin. "But either plan is fine with me and as long as the boys get to see you, they'll be happy."

When Gabby walked into her apartment, the last thing she expected was for Eli to be standing on the other side, waiting for her.

She raised a brow, "hey, baby. Everything ok?" She looked across the room at Shay who was curled into one corner of the couch with a magazine resting in her lap. The blonde shrugged her shoulder but sent her friend a knowing smirk.

Eli's shoulders fell when he realized his mother was alone. "Is Matt with you?"

"No. He had to leave. He has work in the morning."

"Oh, I thought I was gonna see him," Eli pouted.

Gabby sighed as she dropped her things on the coffee table. "I'm sorry, sweetie. But you'll see him on Saturday."

Eli perked up. "I will? What are we going to do? Where are we going to go?"

"It's a surprise." Gabby held her hands out and motioned for Eli to come towards her. He obliged and giggled when she hoisted him up on her hip. She winced as his weight fell into her side and immediately regretted the action. Apparently Eli had put on weight since the last time she'd held him. She recovered quickly and rubbed her nose against his, meeting his eyes. "But you have to promise to be good. _All week._ Ok?"

"Ok!" He draped his arms around his mother and snuggled into the crook of her neck. "Do you think I can call Matt to say goodnight?"

"In a little bit. I want to make sure he gets home first. Have you brushed your teeth yet?" Eli shook his head and Gabby motioned toward the bathroom, "well go brush your teeth and then we'll call Matt." She watched as Eli went running down the hall before turning to Shay. "I hope they weren't too much trouble."

Shay shook her head and tossed the magazine down the coffee table. "No more trouble than you," she joked. "But really, they were fine. We watched Despicable Me and made popcorn. Gus went to bed about an hour ago and Eli has been telling me all about the different minions." She looked confused. "I didn't realize there were so many." She jumped up from the couch and observed Gabby closely. "Your clothes look to still be in one place. Lipstick is a bit smudged, though. No sex in the back of his truck?"

Gabby shook her head but was unable to hide her smile. "_No._ But I did have a great time."

"Now that's what I like to hear!" She said as she grabbed her jacket from the couch.

"Thanks for throwing in the wildflower suggestions and keeping him away from roses," Gabby whispered when Shay looked back up.

Shay smiled softly. "What are best friends for?" She raised a brow and looked around the apartment, "but speaking of the flowers...I don't seem them." Gabby avoided her gaze. "Gabs, what happened to the flowers?"

She sighed, "you know how I told you that I've been in the E.R. the past few days?" Shay nodded, silently urging her friend to continue. "Well Hallie is one of the attending doctors there..."

"What? Don't tell me threw them away when you weren't looking?" Shay joked. The laugh that played at her lips quickly turned into a scowl when she saw the look on Gabby's face. "That little..."

"I brushed my teeth!" Eli exclaimed, running back into the living room, effectively cutting off Shay's choice words. Eli stopped right next to his mother and looked up at her, "can we call Matt to tell him goodnight now?"

Gabby nodded and ran her hand through Eli's hair. "Absolutely." She looked back up at Shay, unable to meet her friend's eyes. "Thanks again for watching them tonight."

"It was my pleasure," Shay tried but failed to meet her friend's eyes. "I'll call you tomorrow."

Once Gabby changed and got ready for bed, as promised, she grabbed her phone and settled into her bed with Eli right at her side.

The phone rang several times and Gabby could sense Eli was worried that Matt wasn't going to answer. Finally, though, Matt's voice filtered through the phone. "Hey. Sorry, I was taking a quick shower."

"It's fine. I have somebody who wants to say goodnight." Gabby handed Eli the phone and watched as her son's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Hi, Matt!"

"Hey, buddy! How are you?"

"I'm ok. I wish I could have seen you tonight but mama said that I'll see you Saturday."

"That's the plan."

"She won't tell me what we're doing. She says it's a surprise."

"It is," Matt insisted. "I promise, though, it's a good surprise."

"I know," Eli replied. "Mama always has the best surprises." The five year old scooted down and snuggled farther into his mom's side. It was well past his bedtime. He yawned, "I can't wait."

Matt chuckled, sensing the little boy's struggle to stay awake. "I can't either. But hey, you should probably go to bed. You have school tomorrow."

"But I'm..." he yawned again, "not sleepy."

"Well, I'm sleepy and I have to get up early tomorrow. You mind if we call it a night?"

Eli shook his head, "Night-night, Matt."

"Goodnight, bud. Can I talk to your mom?"

"Mhm," Eli reached up and handed the phone to his mom. "For you," he mumbled.

Gabby smiled and put the phone to her ear. "Hey."

"He sounds like he's about ready to pass out."

"He is. Shay said he fought hard to stay awake until I got home. He was standing at the door waiting for me hoping to see you. He's really excited about Saturday."

"I am too." He heard Gabby hold back a yawn and chuckled again. "Sounds like someone else is sleepy."

"Maybe a little," she admitted. She sighed, content with how the evening had went. "I'm gonna go. I still have to coax Eli into getting into his own bed. Goodnight, Matt. Thanks for a great time."

"I should be thanking you," he whispered. "Goodnight, Gabby."


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys! Thanks soooo much for all the reviews and lovely words in regards to everything else. It's getting a bit easier. I took a trip to NYC to visit a friend and didn't get a chance to put this up before I left. I was trying to edit it last night but I fell asleep so I'm finally getting it posted! lol. I definitely had some inspiration while in NYC so you might see some one-shots pop up. ;) **

**You know the drill...if you liked the chapter, please drop me a review. They always brighten my day! Hopefully I have the next chapter up by the weekend. :)**

_**How Will I Know**_

_**Chapter Twenty One**_

Saturday morning was an early one for Gabby. She usually made an effort to get up at least half an hour before the boys normally woke just to give herself time to wake up and get ready. So when Eli came running into her room and scrambling up onto her bed like it was Christmas morning, completely startling her awake, Gabby thought for sure she'd slept through her alarm.

"It's time to wake up, mommy!"

The bounce of her bed caused her stomach to turn and she held in a groan. Reaching blindly for her phone, she flipped it over and checked the time. _7:03. _She settled her head back on her pillow and closed her eyes, "Elijah, why are you up so early?"

"Because the first number on the minion clock in my room is seven and Matt is done with work when the first number is eight. That means it's almost time for Matt to come over!"

Though her eyes were still closed, Gabby smiled at her son's attempt to tell time. "He doesn't get off work until eight thirty, baby. We've still got time." Eli moved again, crawling up next to Gabby and her smile faltered as her stomach once again stirred. "Eli, try not to shake the bed, ok?"

Eli settled next to his mom and curled into her side, "why? Does your tummy hurt? Was it Uncle Antonio's burritos from last night?" He reached down and grabbed the comforter that was draped around his mother's waist and pulled it up and over the both of them.

Gabby smirked, "maybe." Though she was starting to think she had picked up the flu or some sort of virus from work. She'd been feeling under the weather for the past few days but today was the first time she'd actually felt nauseas. Just another reason to hate working in the E.R.

She'd stuck to her decision not to tell Matt about what had happened to the flowers he'd sent her but every day she'd worked since then, the behavior from Hallie and some of the nurses was bordering on unprofessional. Ok, their behavior _was _unprofessional but now it was pushing limits that had Gabby reconsidering where she was working.

She'd had a few good years at Lake Shore but she was starting to miss the closeness and comradery from the people of Firehouse Fifty One that continued to hold them close to her heart. She missed feeling like part of a team.

"Uncle Antonio likes to put weird flavors in his foods," Eli noted, pulling Gabby back to their conversation.

Since his separation with Laura, Antonio had decided to spend what little free time he did have from work in the kitchen trying to perfect some of their grandmother's old recipes. Recipes that Gabby had perfected as a teenager and knew by heart. She'd even offered to help him out last night but he'd insisted on doing it himself.

So Gabby had respected his wishes and spent time in the adjoining living room catching up with her niece and nephew who were staying with their father for the weekend. She's was happy to see that both Diego and Eva were adjusting well to the change in their parents' relationship.

"Your uncle just needs to practice."

"But you still cook lots better, mama." He scooted up so he was face to face with her. "When will I know where we're going today?"

_Smooth, Eli. _Gabby thought. _Compliment me before you try to get information out of me._ "When we get there, baby."

"What about a hint?" Eli begged.

Gabby opened her eyes and met Eli's. "That would give away the surprise, silly."

"Not if it's a really small hint," Eli insisted.

"Nice try, Elijah." Her alarm went off and she hurried to turn it off. "I need to take a shower before your brother wakes up." She grabbed the remote to the small television placed on top of her dresser that she hardly ever used. The last time she'd used it had been a couple of weeks ago when she'd had a really bad day at work and the complete silence that had settled around her had become suffocating.

In fact, it had been one of the nights Matt had been on a call at a bad warehouse fire and she hadn't been able to talk to him before going to bed. It was the little things like that, that caught her off guard and made her realize how much she really did care for him.

"You want to stay here and watch something while I take a shower?" Though she knew Eli was fine to be left alone for a few minutes, she hated taking a shower when one or both of the boys were awake.

"Yes!" Eli grinned and scooted over to the spot his Gabby had just been occupying. He cuddled into the comforter and started flipping through the channels until he got to his favorite channel. "Look! Despicable Me is on!"

"Well there you go," Gabby grabbed the clothes she would be wearing for the day and her phone, "come get me if your brother wakes up and starts crying, ok?"

"Ok," Eli replied, his sole focus already on the movie.

Forty minutes later, Gabby had managed to get herself and both boys ready. She'd decided against the time consuming task of messing with her hair and just let it stay down in its natural state of curls. There was a little disagreement between her and Eli when she turned the tv off and told him to go get dressed. He pouted and she told him it was either Despicable Me or spending the day with Matt. That ended the argument real quick. It'd taken the five year old no time to get ready and once he slipped his shoes on, he wandered back into his mother's room and resumed watching the movie while Gabby had her attention focused on Gus.

Gus on the other hand, was another story. He'd woken up in quite the rambunctious mood and refused to sit still as his mother got him dressed. With on hand on Gus, Gabby used her other hand to brace herself against the changing table she had him on. Once again the nauseous feeling had returned, creating unpleasant waves in her stomach. "Augustus," Gabby practically begged as soon as the feeling was gone. "Please sit still so mommy can dress you, ok? We're gonna go see Matt today."

At the mention of Matt's name, Gus grinned and the few teeth he had were on full display. He clapped his hands, "Att! Att!"

Originally, Matt and Gabby had planned on Matt stopping by her apartment once shift ended and they would head out from there. But after Matt's sweet gesture with the flowers earlier in the week, Gabby wanted to surprise Matt by showing up with the boys at the station and taking him out to breakfast.

It was a few minutes before eight thirty when Gabby pulled up behind Matt's truck and killed the engine. Eli's head popped up and he met his mother's eyes through the rearview mirror. "Are we gonna go in?"

"We'll surprise him out here, ok?"

She knew if she took the boys into the firehouse it would be hours before she would be able to get them to leave and though she loved visiting 51, she wanted a day with just her three boys.

"Ok. By his truck?"

Having talked to Gabby earlier and knowing her plan to surprise Matt, Shay made sure she walked out of the firehouse the same time Matt did. Though she regularly teased Matt every time she saw that puppy love look flash across his features, it was actually pretty adorable.

Matt kept his head down to avoid the bright morning sun and didn't even notice Gabby and the boys until he looked up to cross the street towards his truck. He laughed, Eli was jumping up and down making sure he was seen.

"Have a good day, Casey," Shay nudged before heading the other way down the sidewalk and catching up with Kelly.

Matt's grin only grew as he crossed the street, "this is a nice surprise." He held his hand out to Eli and smiled when the little boy enthusiastically gave him a high five. "Hey, buddy!"

"Hi, Matt! Guess what?"

"What?"

"We're gonna go get breakfast!"

"That is," Gabby began, feeling a bit nervous for some odd reason. "If you haven't eaten already."

Matt shook his head, "I haven't. Otis tried his hand at cooking breakfast this morning and…" he shuddered. "It wasn't good," he admitted.

"I can imagine." She searched Matt's eyes for any sign of exhaustion. She didn't want him wearing himself thin just to please her and the boys. She knew from experience how hard it was to work a straight twenty four hours, clock out and then keep on going. "Was it a busy shift? Did you get any sleep?"

"Not a single call during the night. I'm all rested up and ready for a day of fun!" He chuckled at Eli's increased enthusiasm and caught Gus' big brown eyes watching him intently. He ruffled the toddler's hair. "Hey, Kiddo."

The one year old grinned as soon as Matt's attention fell on him and he bounced excitedly in his mother's embrace. Gabby winced as Gus' arms flailed around, coming in contact with her chest. She bit back a slight groan and captured both of his hands in one of hers. "As you can see, they're both excited to see you."

"Can we go to the waffle place?" Eli asked suddenly. "And can I get chocolate chips on my waffle?"

"I think the waffle place sounds like a great idea," Matt agreed. He motioned towards Gabby's car and looked over at her. "Want me to drive?"

Gabby nodded and the four of them settled back into Gabby's car. With Gabby struggling against Gus' refusal to get back into his car seat and Matt listening intently to Eli's nonstop chatter while he helped the five year old into his own car seat, neither one of them saw the car sitting idly down the street from them. Its single occupant was gripping the steering wheel with anger as they observed the four of them acting like the perfect little family.

Matt slipped into the car, adjusting the driver's seat to make room for his legs and waited for Gabby to get Gus buckled in. When Gabby settled into the car a few minutes later, he caught her off guard and captured her lips with his as soon as she turned to look at him. Eventually and reluctantly, he pulled his lips from hers and rested his forehead against hers. "It's a great feeling," he whispered.

"What is?"

"Knowing I have someone waiting for me once my shift ends."

* * *

"Can we _please _go see The Story of SUE?" Eli asked as he held tightly onto Matt's hand. They'd just finished lunch at the Explorer Café and were heading back towards the exhibits when Eli noticed the poster for the 3.D. movie. Through every exhibit they'd seen, Eli had the conversation going right back to the giant T-Rex.

"I don't know, buddy." Matt started, glancing at Gus who had just fallen asleep in his stroller. "Your brother just fell asleep."

Gabby shook her head, "you two go ahead. I'll sit out here so Gus can sleep."

Matt raised a brow, "you sure?" He could sense something was off with Gabby as soon as he laid eyes on her back at the station. She barely ate her breakfast and struggled through finishing her lunch. He finally met her eyes and silently asked her if she was ok.

She gave him a small nod, "Yeah. I think the movie might be a bit much for Gus so you guys should go while he's sleeping that way he won't put up a fight."

"Ok," Matt agreed. "It's only twenty minutes so we won't be too long."

Though he'd just fallen asleep, noise from another child crying not too far from them startled Gus from his nap and his mouth scrunched into a pout, none too pleased with disturbance. He found his pacifier resting discarded next to him and popped it back in his mouth before pulling himself up and grinning at his mother.

Gabby raised a brow, "awake already?" She'd really been hoping he would sleep for an hour or so. He was still young enough that if he didn't take a decent nap after lunch he was bound to spend rest of the day cranky and the evening would be an absolute nightmare.

Gus kicked his legs and reached for his mother, "mama!"

She sighed but gave in to his request and pulled him from his stroller. She was surprised when he tried to wiggle his way out of her embrace and instead of fighting him, she let his feet hit the ground and took a hold of one of his hands so he could wander around.

Maybe he would tire himself out and take a nap?

"That was so cool!" Eli exclaimed as he held tightly onto Matt's hand as they walked out of the theater. "I wish dinosaurs were still alive!"

Matt chuckled, "oh yeah?"

"Yeah! It would be awesome!"

As the two headed back towards where they'd left Gabby and Gus, Matt felt his phone buzz. He grabbed it from his pocket and checked the message. "Looks like Gus didn't take a very long nap. Your mom says they are in the gift shop."

"Oh! Can I get a new toy?"

"You'll have to ask your mom, buddy."

Eli frowned. "But why can't I ask you? Aren't you kinda like my dad now?"

Was it possible for one's heart to swell with pride while also drop in anxiety? Because that's exactly how Matt felt.

"What uh…what do you mean?"

"Well my friend at school, Jacob, his mommy got married to this guy and now Jacob calls him dad. So if you and mommy are together, doesn't that mean I can call you dad?" He shrugged, "I've never had a dad before. Uncle Antonio is cool but he is dad to Diego and Eva." He looked up at Matt expectantly. "You're not a dad to anybody else are you?"

Matt shook his head and swallowed hard. "Uh…no. But Eli, your mom and I aren't married."

"Well are you going to get married?"

"I hope. Maybe one day."

"Maybe if you buy her flowers she might marry you," Eli suggested. "Purple ones. That's her favorite color."

Matt raised a brow. He'd learned long ago that Eli was very observant, surely the boy had seen the flowers he'd had delivered to Gabby. "I did buy your mom flowers. Didn't you see them?"

Eli scrunched up his lips in confusion. "No. You did buy my mom flowers but she didn't marry you?"

"I didn't ask her to marry me."

"Well why not?"

"Because sometimes you have to take things slow," Matt answered. "Like school. You have to be in kindergarten for a whole year so you can learn stuff before you can move onto the first grade. You can't just be in kindergarten for one day and decide you're ready for first grade, can you?"

Eli shook his head, trying to understand Matt's explanation. "So you have to learn before you can get married?"

"Something like that."

"Ok," Eli said, content with Matt's answer. As soon as they got within sight of the gift shop, Eli was quick to spot his mom and brother inside. He dropped Matt's hand and went racing towards his mother. "Mommy!"

Gabby looked up from the toddler shirt she'd been checking the price on. "Hey! Did you like the movie?"

Eli nodded. "I did! And guess what?"

Gabby smiled. She never got tired of the wide-eyed look of wonder that was always appearing on her son's face. "What?"

"I'm going to be a dinosaur scientist when I grow up!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep!" He noticed the shirt his mother was looking at and his eyes widened. It was completely covered in assorted sizes of dinosaur prints. "Can I get one too?"

"I don't know, they're pretty expensive," Gabby admitted, almost somewhat embarrassed.

Matt reached for his wallet. "It's ok, I got it."

Gabby shook her head, "Matt, you don't have to do that."

"I know," he insisted. "But I want to. Consider it me paying you back for breakfast."

"But breakfast was not that expensive," she said, motioning towards the price tag. One shirt was nearly the cost off all four of their meals.

"Well then just consider it a gift, can you do that for me?" Matt asked though in his mind there was no question. Gabby reluctantly nodded. "Great." He looked back over at Eli, "so this is what I'm thinking, one shirt and one toy, ok?"

"A toy?"

"Yep. But just one so why don't you start looking." He met Gabby's eyes and sent her a wink. "He's gotta start somewhere in his dream to be a _dinosaur scientist, _right?" He was relieved when Gabby gave him a smile in return, for a while there he was worried that he had overstepped. He reached for Gus, and his heart swelled as the one year old gladly went into his arms. "Ok, Augustus, what kind of toy do you want? A stuffed animal? Maybe a little dinosaur?"

Eli being Eli, he had managed to sweet talk his way to not only getting a t-shirt and a toy but also a book. Because, as he had pointed out to the two adults, a book wasn't a toy, it was for learning. Usually good at standing her ground when it came to her son's debate antics, Gabby caved right away. She wasn't sure if she just wasn't up for arguing with him or if she was just happy that he had actually become really interested in reading since starting school.

But Gabby had made him promise to share the book with Gus.

They'd stayed the entire day and left right at five as the museum was closing for the day.

"My legs hurt," Eli whined as the four made their way to the parking lot. He had one hand gripping the side of Gus' stroller and the other in Matt's hand. "Can you carry me, Matt?" He asked, looking up at him. "Please?"

Matt met Gabby's amused look and she shrugged her shoulders, letting him know it was his decision. If he didn't want to carry him, then she knew Eli could suck it up and walk what little bit they had left. As Gabby secretly expected, Matt caved.

"Well, since you said please," he quipped. He reached down and hoisted Eli up into his arms. His heart once again swelled as Eli wrapped his arms around Matt's neck and settled his head on his shoulder.

Between the four of them, Matt wasn't sure who was more exhausted. As soon as Matt started driving, a comfortable silence fell between them. Gus had turned his head to the side of his car seat and didn't even fight his exhaustion as he closed his eyes and immediately fell asleep. Eli on the other hand, kept dozing off only to startle himself back awake. And Gabby, while she didn't fall asleep, she kicked her shoes off and curled her feet beneath her, turning towards the window and watching as they passed the city by.

On the way back to the apartment, they stopped and got a cheese pizza to take home for dinner. Continuing on with their day of fun, they set up dinner in front of the television and let Eli choose a movie to watch.

Once the credits started to roll, Eli looked up and giggled upon seeing that his mother had fallen asleep tucked into Matt's side. "Mommy fell asleep before me."

Matt nodded, "she sure did. What do you say you go brush your teeth and get ready for bed?"

"I am ready, I already have my jammies on."

"Well go brush your teeth and I'll tuck you in, then?"

"Can we read my new dinosaur book?"

"Sure. We just have to be quiet because your brother is sleeping."

When Matt walked back into the living room nearly half an hour later, Gabby had woken up and had her elbow propped on one arm of the couch and her head resting in it. He smiled, she was so cute whenever she's just woken up and trying to focus her senses. He lifted her feet up and sat down, placing her feet in his lap.

"Hey, sleepyhead."

"Hey," she mumbled. "Did you get Eli to bed?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah, not without reading his new book, though."

She gave a tired smile. "Sounds like Elijah, anything to stay awake a little bit longer."

He glanced at his watch, "I should get going. Herrmann wants me to help him with some brilliant idea of his at Molly's first thing tomorrow morning."

"You can stay."

"I thought we were taking it slow? Doesn't me spending the night kind of go against that?" Of course he would like nothing more than to crawl into bed next to Gabby and hold her tight against him as her rhythmic breathing lulled him to sleep.

Gabby nodded, "you're right. Sorry." She pulled her feet from his lap and swung them to the floor so she could sit up. She rubbed at her face and ran her hands through her hair before standing up. "You should go ahead and go then, I'm headed straight to bed." Feeling slightly rejected she wouldn't look at him and took to cleaning up the mess that had been left behind from dinner.

Matt knew what she was doing. "Gabby…" he started, grabbing rest of the dirty dishes and following her the short distance to the kitchen. He settled them into the sink with the ones she'd just sat down and slipped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. "Hey, hey," he whispered as he felt her relax into his embrace. "You know there's nothing more I'd like than to stay the night, right?" He felt a small nod against his chest and kissed the side of her head. "I just want to respect your wishes of taking things slow."

"I know," she whispered. "And I appreciate it." She shrugged and he loosened his hold on her so she could turn around to face him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and settled her head against his chest. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm kind of giving you mixed signals."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Gabby." As much as he didn't want to, he pulled away so he could look down into her eyes. "Is everything ok? You seemed a little distant today. Was it too much?"

She shook her head, "just tired. I think I might've picked up something while working in the E.R."

"Well, in that case," Matt joked as he dropped his arms from around her and took a few steps back. The little pout on her face was adorable. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." He returned his arms to her waist and kissed the side of her head. "You do feel a little warm," he mumbled.

"I'll be fine."

"I know. I have no doubt about it. How has the E.R. been, by the way?" A brief look flashed by Gabby's face and though Matt wasn't quite sure what it was, he knew it wasn't good. "I take it not good, huh?"

Gabby shrugged and slid out of Matt's arms, "it's just different. Not my usual routine. No big deal."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Gabby answered rather quickly. A little too quick.

"What's going on, Gabby?"

"It's just different. The environment, the patients…the people I work with."

"What do you…oh." Matt's eyes widened and he felt like an idiot for not putting it together sooner. "Hallie is an attending doctor in the E.R." Though it was a statement, Gabby's refusal to meet his eyes answered whatever question he had in his words. "Is she making it difficult for you?"

Another shrug. "Nothing I can't handle."

Matt sighed, "Yeah, but you shouldn't have to handle it. You're there to help people, the last thing you need to be doing is worrying about yourself on top of everything else going on there."

"But I am," Gabby insisted. "I'm handling it just fine, ok? It's only temporary. So until things slowdown in the E.R., I'll just continue to do what I've been doing; staying out of everybody's way and doing my job. Just, please, believe me when I say I'm handling it, ok?"

Matt nodded, "I do believe you." In one swift move, he wrapped his arms around her waist and hoisted her up on the counter top. He was pleased to see the smile that graced her features and pecked her lips. With their eyes now leveled with one another, Matt managed to catch Gabby's gaze. "I'll always believe you. But I'm guessing the flowers didn't help the situation, did it?"

There it was again. That look.

Gabby shrugged. "I thought it was a sweet gesture and really, my opinion is the only one that matters, right?"

"Always," Matt assured as he mentally mulled over his choice of words. He wasn't going to push her but he was going to find out what exactly she was keeping at bay. He was still working on the tearing down the brick wall she'd built before he'd met her…the last thing either of them needed was another layer of bricks piling up. "Just know the feeling is mutual. But out of curiosity, mind if I ask you something?"

Gabby hesitated. "What?"

"Did Hallie get rid of the flowers?"

Gabby dropped the act and looked fearfully at Matt. "How'd you know?"

"I mentioned the flowers to Eli today and he had no idea what I was talking about. And as we both know, Eli notices _everything._"

"Yeah, you've got a point." She bit her bottom lip nervously. "You're not mad, are you?"

"At you?" Matt shook his head, "absolutely not." He sighed, trying to keep his anger at bay. "But Hallie was way out of line. She has absolutely no right to be treating you the way she is."

"I know," Gabby agreed. "But hopefully I'm not in the E.R. much longer." _Or Lakeshore, for that matter_, Gabby thought to herself. She reached out and took his face in her small hands, "please don't stress about this, Matt."

"You know I can't promise that."

"I know."

"As long as we're on the same page." He leaned forward and captured her lips with his. The kiss didn't get very far before Gabby was breaking it with a yawn. He laughed, "I hope I'm not boring you."

Gabby shook her head, feeling the warmth spread across her face. "I'm sorry. I'm exhausted."

"Don't be sorry. I'm really happy today went so well." He kissed her nose, "but I think this is my cue to go." A thought occurred to him. "Shit," he muttered.

"What?"

"My truck is still at the station."

"Oh." Gabby didn't know what to say. He'd already decided he wouldn't be staying the night but it wasn't like she could exactly pile two sleeping kids into her car and drive him over to the station to get his truck. She was drawn out of her thoughts by her name being repeatedly called. "Huh?"

Matt smirked, "I asked if your offer for me to stay over still stands."

Gabby nodded, "of course."

When Gabby woke up alone the next morning she thought maybe she'd dreamed about falling asleep in Matt's arms. And honestly, it sounded like a reasonable explanation, it wouldn't have been the first time she woke up from dreaming about Matt. Stretching her arms out above her head, she groaned at the soreness that coursed through her body and rolled over, hoping to get a few more minutes of peace and quiet.

After just enough time to fall back into a deep sleep, Gabby was awoken by a slight nudge of her arm. "Gabby?"

Confused, she opened her eyes and met Matt's blues. "Matt?"

He smiled, "hey. Sorry to wake you but I've got to get going. I have a job in a few hours and need to get back to my place."

Gabby shook her head, "but I was just awake and you weren't here. I'm confused," she mumbled.

"Yeah, Eli woke up a couple of hours ago and Gus woke up a bit after him so the boys and I had breakfast and watched a movie. You were still completely out of it so I thought I'd let you sleep in." He paused, trying to read the expression on her face. "I hope that was ok. I know that it probably doesn't follow along with our terms of taking things slow, but I was thinking the extra sleep would do you good since you mentioned not feeling very well yesterday and I…"

"Matt," Gabby said, cutting him off. She gave him a sleepy smile and reached for his hand, "it was definitely ok."

* * *

"What the…" Matt removed his seat belt and jumped out of Gabby's car before she even put it in park. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he bit out as he got close enough to confirm what he was afraid of.

Someone had slashed his tires.

* * *

**Remember, reviews are my favorite. :)**


	22. Chapter 22

_**A/N: once again, thanks for all the lovely/amazing/wonderful reviews! Means a lot! So please keep reviewing if you like what you read! :) Oh, and I see I've gained some new readers, so thank you very much! Ugh, I was editing this on doc manager and my computer restarted so I lost all my edits. Hopefully I got everything looking good. I really wanted to get this up before I headed to work. So here ya go!  
**_

_**P.S. there's more foreshadowing...for several different events that are coming up. ;) **_

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Sunday night and into Monday morning continued to bring more chaos and put a damper on the wonderful Saturday that Matt, Gabby and the boys had experienced.

Gabby immediately felt the guilt for Matt's tires being slashed. After all, she was the one that had decided to meet up with Matt at the station thus leaving his truck available to be vandalized. Immediately, she called her brother and after he arrived, he summoned Officer Burgess to get an official police report.

Unfortunately, getting your tires slashed in Chicago wasn't exactly unheard of and there were other crimes that were taking priority. They did their best to gather evidence but there looked to be much of nothing to go on. Antonio said he would check for security footage but he doubted it would show much...if anything.

Though he was pissed at the situation, Matt made sure Gabby knew he was not mad at her. She'd apologized so much that he'd lost track. He'd noticed a change in her demeanor, almost like she feard he would blame her. Between her behavior and what little she'd mentioned, he was pretty sure she was used to being blamed for anything that went wrong in past relationships. After managing to find someone to tow his truck on a Sunday morning, he still had to get to Molly's to help Herrmann with some sort of _brilliant idea_—Herrmann's words, not his. So he pulled his tools from his truck before it was towed and asked Gabby to drop him off at Molly's.

Before climbing out of her car, he gave her a kiss and made sure she knew he was not mad at her. With the boys still worn out from Saturday's adventure, both had fallen asleep during the commotion and stayed asleep during the drive back to the apartment.

Though Gabby knew Matt wasn't mad at her, she's spent most of Sunday sick with worry. She couldn't shake the feeling that Matt's tires getting slashed were somewhat her fault.

She didn't hear much from Matt on Sunday which only caused her to worry more. He'd sent her a text letting her know he was able to get new tires and also a random text about mentioning a group thing at Molly's happening within the next week or so. Never one to sit still when she was anxious, Gabby channeled her energy into cleaning and had ended up getting a lot done around the apartment. A true rarity when both boys were home.

Dinner consisted of leftovers but Eli seemed to be the only one to enjoy his meal. Gus picked at his food and fussed until Gabby caved and gave him a bottle. Gabby didn't have much of an appetite either but forced herself to eat something.

After giving the boys a bath, Gabby had let Eli return to the living room to start on a movie while she went to put Gus to bed. Unfortunately, the one year old latched onto his mother and started to fuss as she tried to put him in his crib. She sighed and ran her hand through his wet hair. She frowned as her hand brushed up against his forehead and felt the warmth. "Don't tell me you're getting sick, too."

She took Gus' temperature, confirming her suspicions and after giving him a bit of pain reliever and a bottle, she let him settle onto her lap as she joined Eli on the couch to watch their Sunday night movie. Throughout the movie—101 Dalmations—Eli giggled away, oblivious to both his mother and brother's misery.

"Let's get a dog, mama," Eli suggested as Gabby used one hand to tuck Eli into his bed while still carrying Gus.

Gabby shook her head, "don't count on it, kiddo. I'll tell you what, though, we'll stop by the firehouse soon so you can play with Pouch, ok?"

Eli nodded, "ok." He rubbed at his eyes, feeling the exhaustion set in, "Te amo, mama."

"Te amo, Eli."

Monday morning found Matt and Gabby in two completely different places.

Gabby, hunched over the toilet emptying what little was left in her stomach.

Matt, standing outside District Twenty One's headquarters waiting for Antonio.

Matt checked his watch as he leaned against the brick building, nursing the warm cup of coffee he'd grabbed on his way there. He had an hour before shift started and he really didn't want to put this conversation off much longer.

"Hey, Matt." Antonio said as he approached him, "sorry I'm late. I took Eva and Diego to school."

"No, you're fine. How are they doing?" Though Gabby didn't mention it often, Matt knew the separation between Antonio and his wife had been hard on everybody, especially Diego and Eva.

"I think they're taking the separation better than me."

Matt nodded, "kids are resilient."

"No doubt," Antonio agreed. He motioned towards the entrance. "Let's head upstairs."

"Actually," Matt started, hesitant to walk into the building, "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind talking out here. I don't want my presence drawing any suspicion, Gabby wants to keep this thing on the down low."

Antonio nodded, not the least bit surprised. "She's always hated getting other people involved. I'm honestly surprised she even called me yesterday."

"I think she's worried that it's her fault."

"What do you mean?"

Matt sighed and anxiously ran his free hand through his short locks. "Do you remember Hallie? My ex?"

Antonio raised a brow, oh he remembered all right. "The doctor? The one at the ball? The girl who was talking to my mother and basically sent Gabby into a downward spiral for the rest of the night? Yeah, the name rings a bell."

Matt looked sheepish, catching the tone in Antonio's voice. "Yeah, well I guess ever since Gabby was transferred to the E.R. at work, they've been crossing paths a lot and apparently Hallie hasn't exactly made it easy for Gabby."

"She told you that?"

"Kind of. I had to practically force it out of her."

"That sounds like Gabby." Antonio sighed, "Hallie, though, is she violent?"

Matt shrugged. "I never witnessed any sort of violence from her but last week, I had flowers delivered to Gabby at work and Hallie threw them away."

"You're kidding? She threw them away? That's cold." He pulled his phone from his jacket pocket. "What's her last name?"

"Thomas."

"Ok, I'll look into it."

"Thanks, man."

"Not a problem." Antonio returned his phone to his pocket and met Matt's eyes. "So flowers, huh?"

Matt shrugged, suddenly nervous under his girlfriend's brother's stare. "Yeah. She asked if we could take things slow and I didn't want her to think I was upset with her. Unfortunately, I think it made things at work even worse."

"Well, like I said, I'll look into it. So uh, how are things? You know, between the two of you?"

"They're good." Matt nodded, enforcing his answer. "Yeah, things are good. I think she's starting to trust me more."

"She has real feelings for you, man." Antonio insisted. "She's just never been the best at communicating."

"Yeah," Matt nodded. "I'm definitely catching on to that."

* * *

"Mommy!" Eli yelled as he knocked against the closed bathroom door with his little fists. "I gotta pee!"

Gabby took in a sharp breath and pushed herself up from the floor in front of the toilet. "Just a sec," she called, wiping at her face. She flushed the toilet and moved to the sink, cupping her hands beneath the running water she managed to swish some water around in her mouth before spitting it back out. The taste of vomit in her mouth was doing very little to settle her stomach.

"Mommy!" Eli called again.

"Ok, ok." As soon as Gabby opened the door, Eli was rushing by her.

"I need privacy, mama."

"Right." She shook her head and exited the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Some days she thought for sure Eli thought he was five going on fifteen.

The morning just continued on downhill from there.

Of course, Gabby and Eli got into a bit of argument about what he was going to wear to school. He wanted to wear his new Chicago Bears shirt but because it was a short sleeved t-shirt, Gabby had told him unless he found a long sleeve shirt to go under it, he could not wear it. Eli countered with the argument that he had gym and he would get hot. "Well, then you can just roll up your sleeves," Gabby told him. "I don't want you getting sick like Gus and I."

Eli huffed but complied and found a long sleeved orange t-shirt to wear underneath. Every day, Eli was testing the boundaries of his independence and every day Gabby was having to put her foot down.

"Mama?" Eli asked as the two of them sat at the kitchen table eating breakfast.

Gabby pushed her full plate of food away, happy for the distraction. "What, sweetie?"

"How come I don't have a dad?"

Gabby paled. _Shit_. "Uh…why do you ask?"

"Well, I know some people don't have dads because they have two mommies and some people have new dads and I really want Matt to be my new dad, you know, like my step-dad but why don't I already have a dad?"

Though she cleared her throat several times, Gabby still couldn't seem to find her voice. In the back of her mind, she knew this day would come. Of course Eli had asked about his dad before, but she'd always managed to brush it off or find some lame excuse about how not everyone had an awesome uncle like he did but she knew that as he started school, he'd eventually ask about why he didn't have a dad.

"Because sometimes, people aren't meant to be parents."

"So my dad wasn't meant to be a dad? Why? Did he not want to be a dad? Did he not like me when I was born? Was he mean and scary like Lance?"

The look of sadness and confusion on Eli's face shattered Gabby's heart and she struggled to keep from falling apart. She shook her head, "It had nothing to do with you, Elijah. I promise." She pushed her chair back and reached out for him, "come here."

Eli eagerly obliged and slipped out of his chair before climbing up into his mom's lap. He wrapped his arms around her neck and his soft brown eyes looked into hers.

"You're the best son a person could ask for," Gabby insisted, meaning every word. "And I don't want you to ever think that it's your fault that you don't have a dad, ok? He just…sometimes people are given a gift but it's not the gift for them." Was she even making any sense?

"So my dad didn't want to be my dad?"

"He didn't want to be a dad at all. It had nothing to do with you, ok?" She knew she was just being repetitive at this point but she didn't know what else to say.

Eli nodded as he tried to process what exactly his mother was saying. "Because he wasn't ready."

Gabby nodded, "right. It was his fault, not yours."

"Oh. Do you think he will ever be ready?"

"I don't know." She sighed, "but like I've told you before, you'll always have your Uncle Antonio."

"And Matt?" Eli asked hopefully.

Gabby took a deep breath before nodding, "and Matt."

Eli smiled, "cool!" His smiled dropped into a concerned frown. "Mama?"

"Hmm?"

"Does my real dad live here in Chicago? Maybe we can try to find him and see if he's ready to be a dad?"

Gabby shook her head, "I don't know, sweetie. I don't think he's in Chicago." She knew he was, but Eli didn't need to know that. She was never going to allow Eli to even spend half a second with Bobby Ross.

"Oh, ok." Eli sighed and jumped down from his mother's lap. "Well, maybe one day I can meet him?"

"Maybe," Gabby whispered. She cleared her throat, "Elijah, did somebody say something to you about your dad or ask you about him?"

Eli shrugged. "Just someone at school."

"Oh, ok," Gabby managed a smile. "Well go get your shoes on and you can watch some television while I get Gus ready, ok?"

* * *

"Hey, girlie," Shay said, meeting Gabby's stride as she stepped out of the bathroom. "Ooh," Shay grimaced as she caught the lack of color and look of exhaustion on her friend's face. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like shit."

"Well, I feel like shit," Gabby muttered. "Gus was up half the night," she explained, massaging the soreness in the back of her neck. "Either he's teething or he's got whatever bug I have."

Shay shook her head, concerned for her best friend, "take a sick day, Gabs. Better yet, get a doctor's appointment for the both of you."

"If it's just a bug, they can't do anything about it. And besides, my cousin hasn't gotten a hold of me about Gus so he's probably feeling better." She reached for her phone in her pocket and frowned when she came up empty. She must've left it in her purse.

"But are you feeling better?" Shay asked. Though it'd been a few days since she'd last talked to Gabby, Matt had mentioned this morning at the station that Gabby was feeling a bit under the weather.

Gabby tried to shrug off her friend's concern. "I'll be fine."

"Fine?" Shay rolled her eyes. "I've lost count of how many times that's been your go to response whenever I've asked if you're ok." She narrowed her gaze, "and you and I both know that it's never been a truthful answer."

"Did Matt tell you somebody slashed his tires?"

"What? Are you serious?"

Gabby bit her bottom lip and nodded. "And I feel like it's my fault." She went on to explain how it was her idea to leave Matt's truck at the station and how she thought Hallie might have had something to do with Matt's tires being destroyed. The tears welled in her eyes as she finished telling Shay what had happened and she looked over at her friend, "and he didn't call last night. He _always _calls when he's not on shift." She shook her head, embarrassed. "And _now, _because someone said something to him at school, Eli asked me where his real dad was this morning."

Shay grimaced, knowing that conversation probably hadn't been an easy one to have. "Oh? How'd that go over?"

"I'm not sure." She shook her head, "I just explained to him that some people aren't meant to be parents but that it wasn't his fault." She huffed, "pretty lame explanation now that I think about it."

"No, no, definitely not," Shay urged. "I think it was a perfect explanation. You let him know that it wasn't his fault. That's the most important thing." Before Shay could continue, Gabby was being summoned back to the E.R.

As soon as Shay returned to the station, she sought out Matt. Unfortunately for her though, he seemed to be nowhere in sight. Spotting Kelly as his desk in his office, she pushed open the door and let herself in. "Hey, have you seen Casey?"

Kelly looked up, somewhat annoyed. "Well good morning to you, too."

Shay rolled her eyes. "You're the one that didn't come home last night." She crossed her arms, "but we can talk about that another time, this is important. Have you seen Matt?"

"I think he's talking to Antonio. Why?"

"Do you know where?"

Kelly shrugged. "I don't know. Did you try the conference room? What's going on?"

"Of course," she muttered, "the freaking conference room." Shay didn't stay to give Kelly an answer but instead headed straight for the conference room. She went to open the door just as it swung open and Matt nearly ran right into her. "There you are!" She looked over Matt's shoulder, "and you are with Antonio. Wanna tell me what's going on?"

Kelly halfway raised his hand in the air, "and uh, me too." Being the one who had helped Matt get his truck towed to the shop yesterday, he knew all about the tires but by the look on Matt's face, there was something his friend wasn't telling him.

Matt shook his head, "What?"

"You two." Shay motioned back and forth between the two men standing in front of her. "This secret meeting? And Matt? What the hell? I ran into Gabby at Lake Shore and she was practically in tears. She mentioned something about your tires getting slashed and how it's her fault."

"She was crying? But I told her yesterday that I wasn't mad at her. Damnit," he muttered, obviously frustrated with the entire situation.

"So you haven't talked to her this morning?" Shay asked.

Matt shook his head, "I sent her a text but she never responded."

"Did you talk to her last night?"

"No, but...shit. She probably thinks I am mad at her. I should go call her."

But before Matt could even pull his phone from his pocket, the alarm was ringing.

Antonio patted Matt on the shoulder, "don't worry. I'll head over to Lake Shore to see how she's doing. Maybe I'll run into Hallie and get a feel for how she reacts to being around police. You do your job and I'll do mine, ok?"

Matt nodded. "Thanks, Antonio."

* * *

As soon as Antonio stepped foot into the E.R. he caught sight of Gabby standing up at the nurses station. She had one hand supporting her head while the other was scribbling away at the paperwork in front of her. While he'd definitely seen her more stressed than she was now, he could tell things were taking a toll on her.

"Hey, sis."

Gabby's head popped up at the sound of her brother's voice. "Antonio? What are you doing here? Did you find out anything about…" she glanced around and lowered her voice, "Matt's truck?"

Antonio shook his head regretfully, "nah. Nothing but dead ends. I was in the area so I thought I'd stop in and see how you are?"

Gabby moved out from behind the nurse's station and motioned for Antonio to walk with her down the hall where it was less occupied. "I'm fine."

"Good. You think maybe you can spare a half hour for an early lunch?"

_Food_. Since throwing up this morning, Gabby hadn't even attempted to eat anything. Her lips pursed into a slight frown. "I'm not really hungry but I'll tag along. It'd be nice to get away for a bit."

"Yeah, Matt mentioned you weren't feeling well."

Gabby a raised a brow, "what? Do you guys share like daily texts about me and how I'm doing each morning or something?" Her words came out snappier than she intended but she didn't bother apologizing.

"Attitude much, sis?"

Gabby shook her head, trying to keep the tears away. "It's my fault, Antonio! What if the next time it's not just his tires? What if they mess with his brakes or…." She shrugged her shoulders hopelessly and pressed her hands to her forehead, trying to will away the lightheaded feeling that was starting to takeover.

"Hey, hey," Antonio guided Gabby to an empty chair and sat her down. "What is going on? You're all over the place, Gabs." He leaned down so he was at eye-level with her and tried to catch her gaze but she refused to look at him. "Gabby? Talk to me."

She felt like she was all over the place. Her emotions were being pulled into different directions. Gus being sick, Eli asking about his dad and Matt's tires being slashed.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I'm tired and I'm stressed. Gus hardly slept last night which meant I hardly slept. And now with whoever is…" she threw her hands out in frustration, "whoever is messing with him…I know it's my fault! And he says he's not mad at me but I think he is."

"Are we really going to play the blame game now?"

"It's not a game, Antonio."

"I know, I know. Hey, why don't-"

"Nurse Dawson, I've been looking for you."

Antonio didn't even bother to turn around to see who was talking. "Well can't you see she's kind of busy?"

"Antonio," Gabby muttered, refusing to meet Hallie's scrutinizing gaze. "Don't."

"She's got a job to do and sitting here having a personal conversation with some guy isn't a part of her job."

Antonio met the trepidation in Gabby's eyes before pushing himself up and turning to see who it was. "Oh," he raised a brow. "It's you."

Hallie crossed her arms and raised a brow. "I'm sorry, but do I know you?"

"Not personally. But you should know of me." He took a moment and tried to read Hallie's body language and it was nothing more than attitude. "Though, I'm sure you're not my sister's boss, if you must know, there is a private family matter that we need to take care of and she will be taking a personal day for the rest of her shift. Ok? Good, thanks. Excuse us." He blindly held his hand out for Gabby and once he felt her grab a hold of it, he helped her out of the chair.

"Antonio," Gabby called as she struggled to keep pace with him as they walked through the parking lot. "Just tell me where we're going and I'll meet you there."

"We're leaving your car here."

"What? Why?"

"If Hallie's the one who slashed Matt's tires, leaving your car here is the perfect opportunity for her to slash your tires."

"What? So you're just going to use my car as bait? Antonio! I don't have the money to get four tires replaced!"

Antonio shook his head, "chill, sis. I've got a few uniforms on it." He unlocked the doors to his car and pulled open the passenger door, motioning for Gabby to climb in. "In the meantime, you and I are going for breakfast. I think some brother, sister bonding time is way over due, don't you?" Not even giving her a chance to disagree, he closed the door and jogged around to the driver's side.

"Have you checked your phone recently?" Antonio asked once he started driving.

Gabby shook her head, "no, why?" Her eyes widened. Shit. "Oh no, I left my phone at home! What if Lucy's called about Gus or Eli's school has called? We have to stop by my place!"

Looked like their first destination would be back to Gabby's apartment.

"Any missed calls?" Antonio asked as Gabby climbed back into his car.

"A few," she mumbled, scrolling through her missed call log. "All from Matt. Nothing from Lucy so Gus must be feeling better and nothing from Eli's school." Gabby sighed and dropped her phone in the console to her left. "I'm just dreading Eli's school calling and informing me that he has gotten sick too."

Antonio watched as Gabby leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. It was the calmest he'd seen her since showing up at the hospital. "You gonna call Matt back?" Antonio assumed Matt must have tried to call Gabby as soon as he'd gotten back to the station after whatever call he'd went on had ended.

"In a minute," she mumbled. She just wanted to sit here for a few minutes in complete silence.

Without another word exchanged between the two of them, Antonio turned back so he was facing the front and shifted his car back into drive before pulling back out into the road. Getting an idea, he checked the time on the dash, their favorite brunch spot was still open for another couple of hours.

"You know where we're going?" Antonio asked after a few minutes went by. When he didn't get a response, he snuck a quick glance towards the passenger seat and smirked when he saw Gabby had drifted off. "Someone is definitely exhausted," he muttered to himself.

* * *

**_P.S. I know it kind of ended abruptly, but the next chapter will start right back where this ended. Just a lot to fit into one chapter. Something big happens next chapter. I'm loving all of your guys' reviews on what you think is going on. Hehe. But I'm not spilling so you'll just have to wait and see! Keep all the reviews and guesses coming! :)_ **


	23. Chapter 23

_**I can't even begin to thank all of you for your wonderful reviews and words. I appreciate the kind words so much. This chapter is a bit shorter than I would like...but as I hinted, something happens. Also, as for some other questions you guys have...they will eventually be answered. I'm a little iffy about this chapter, just didn't feel like my writing was up to par. Anyways, let me know what you think...I'm off to see Hozier! **_

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Twenty Three**

After a short meeting with Chief, Matt was headed back towards his office when Shay popped out of Severide's neighboring office, "hey! Perfect timing!"

"Hey..."

Shay grabbed Matt's arm and pulled him into Severide's office where Kelly sat, looking just as confused. "I've got a great idea!" A collective groan fell from Matt and Kelly's lips and Shay scowled, "hey! Not all my ideas are bad!"

"Well just for shits and giggles," Severide said, spinning around in his office chair so he was completely facing two of his closest friends. "Fill us in."

"So Dawson's birthday is coming up at the end of the month and-"

"Wait," Matt looked between the two of his closest friends, a clear look of confusion filling his features. "Gabby's birthday is coming up?"

"Yeah," Severide raised a brow. "You really didn't know?"

Matt shook his head. "No idea."

Shay rolled her eyes, "oh come on, are you two really surprised? Dawson is all about staying on the down low. _Which _is why I think we should go all out for her birthday. And I mean, I'm talking shut down Molly's for a night and throw her a party."

"Shut down Molly's?

"You really think Herrmann is gonna go for that?"

"Of course! Just like everyone else here at 51, Christopher Herrmann has got a soft spot for Gabs."

Matt frowned, trying not to dwell on the fact that Gabby hadn't even informed him that her birthday was coming up. "I don't know, Shay...like you said, Gabby likes to keep things low key." Regardless, though, now that he knew her birthday was coming up, he definitely wanted to plan a surprise for her. Just the two of them.

"But she deserves a night of carefree fun!" Shay argued. "The girl is so stressed I'm starting to worry she might snap."

"Snap?" Matt questioned. "Why do you say that?"

"You know Gabby, you saw first hand at the ball what happens when everything becomes too much. The self-destructive behavior begins and after witnessing it with Lance...I'd rather not ever witness it again."

"But she's in totally different place now," Severide countered, motioning towards Matt. "She's got something..._someone _who as brought stability to her life."

"Ok, ok, maybe you're right. But I still think she needs a night of fun and what better excuse than her birthday?"

* * *

The tiny diner-a place the Dawson siblings and their father would go to every morning following the nights their mother had to work and wait for her to join them for a family breakfast—wasn't too far from Gabby's apartment. But with Gabby easily succumbing to her exhaustion, Antonio decided to just drive around the city for twenty minutes or so and give her some time to actually sleep before finally pulling to a stop outside of _Morgan's Family Diner._

Once inside and seated in a booth, Antonio couldn't help but chuckle as his little sister rubbed tiredly at her eyes while trying to focus on the menu in front of her. "Oh come on, sis, don't act like you don't already know what you want."

She scowled playfully, "maybe I want to try something different."

"Yeah, sure…whatever you say, Gabs."

In the end, Gabby stuck with what she always used to order, a Belgian waffle topped with strawberries with a side of hash browns and bacon. Antonio also stuck with his usual order—a meal of which Gabby always joked that consisted of half the breakfast menu. As the waitress walked away, leaving the brother and sister to themselves, Antonio pulled his phone from his pocket.

"I'm gonna step outside and make a quick call." He slipped out of the booth and motioned to Gabby's phone that she was anxiously spinning around. "Maybe you should give Matt a call."

Gabby sighed, she knew her brother was right—though she'd never admit it to him. Waiting until Antonio was out of earshot, she stopped spinning her phone and brushed her hand across the screen effectively unlocking it. She smiled at the background image on her screen; it was a picture of Matt and the boys after a random trip to the park a little over a month ago. Eli was perched on Matt's back, his chin resting on one of Matt's shoulders while Gus was tucked in one of Matt's arms and giggling away as he tried to cover Matt's face with his chubby little hands.

Dialing Matt's number, she put the phone up to ear and listened as it rang.

And rang.

She was beginning to think maybe he was on a call but right before she was about to hang up, he answered.

"Hey," Matt answered, a little out of breath. Something that didn't go unnoticed by Gabby.

"Hey. You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah. I was in Severide's office when I heard my phone ringing. Didn't want to miss your call." Matt plopped down on his bed, a sigh of relief escaped his lips now that he was actually hearing Gabby's voice. "I've been trying to get a hold of you. Everything ok?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah. I left my phone at home."

"Oh. Are you home?"

"No. Antonio insisted I take a personal day. He stopped by my place so I could get it and now we're getting an early lunch." She sighed, "I guess they're trying to catch Hallie in the act?"

"Yeah, Antonio gave me a heads up on his plan."

"Do you really think it was her?"

Matt shrugged. "To be honest, I don't know what to think. I mean, she's never been violent before but then again, I never thought she'd be one to throw away someone else's flowers out of spite. I guess we'll find out, though." He paused and waited for Gabby to say something. When she didn't, he broke the silence. "You do know that I'm not mad at you about yesterday, right?"

"That's what you said," Gabby mumbled.

"And that's what I _meant._" Matt took a breath and silently hoped this conversation didn't go south. "I'm sorry I didn't call last night. When I got home, I took a shower and crashed."

"You don't have to call every night," Gabby insisted. To be honest, she was feeling slightly embarrassed that not receiving a call from him last night had upset her so much.

"I know. But I like talking to you right before I fall asleep."

"Me too," Gabby admitted quietly. She took a breath, "it didn't cost too much to get your tires replaced, did it?"

"No, it was fine," Matt tried to assure her. "Don't worry about it, ok?" He really needed to change the subject. "So what are your plans for your surprise day off?"

"Go home and sleep?" Gabby half joked. "Gus was up all night. I think he's picked up whatever bug I'm currently dealing with."

"Oh," Matt frowned. "You're still not feeling well?"

"No. It should pass soon, though." She shrugged. "I mean, I'm feeling ok right now. I actually think I might have a bit of an appetite. But it could just be because Antonio brought me to our favorite breakfast spot that our family made regular trips to when I was growing up."

"Oh yeah?" Matt asked. "And what spot is that?"

"Just this little mom and pop diner that's not too far from my place. It's actually pretty close to 51."

"You wouldn't by chance be talking about Morgan's, would you?"

Gabby sat up straighter, surprised that Matt had guessed right. She glanced out the window but only saw her brother pacing back and forth as he talked on his phone. "I am. Are you here?"

"I wish," he quipped. "It was just a wild guess. When I was attending the fire academy, one of the guys in my class was obsessed with their breakfast menu. And, as it turned out, he had good reason to be. Haven't been there in years, though. Do they still make those amazing peanut butter and chocolate shakes?"

Why a restaurant specializing in breakfast had an entire section of their menu just for shakes, he never understood. But he also wasn't one to question it.

"Of course they do. It's practically a staple. It's a wonder we've never run into each other here."

"I…" he was cut off by the bell. "Damn. I've got a call. I'll talk to you later, ok?"

Gabby nodded as she felt herself become anxious. She couldn't help herself, every time she knew he was going on a call, she could feel the worry that had settled at the pit of her stomach soon start taking over all of her senses. "Ok. Be careful."

"I always do my best." And he did always do his best. But she knew and he knew that he couldn't promise her anything.

"And Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"I…" she cleared her throat, chickening out. "Call me later when you get the chance?"

Matt felt his heart swell. He knew what she was going to say and even though she didn't say it….he knew she had felt those silent words. "Definitely."

Ending the call, Gabby pulled up her messages and sent a quick text to her cousin asking if Gus was ok.

_A little cranky but he seems ok. _Was the quick response.

"Everything ok?" Antonio asked as he returned to his seat across from Gabby.

Gabby nodded. "Yeah. Matt got a call." She discarded her phone in her purse and turned to her brother. "What about you? The conversation looked pretty intense."

Antonio shrugged, "yeah, just checking in with Voight." This stakeout on Hallie was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to his caseload. He had a handful of other investigations going on and while he knew Voight wouldn't question him about his priorities, he also knew he couldn't focus all his time on finding out who had slashed Matt's tires.

"So have you talked to mom or dad lately?" Antonio asked. Though it had been put on the backburner with their parents returning to the Dominican, Antonio was determined to help mend the relationship between his little sister and their parents—especially with their mother.

Gabby shook her head. "Dad sent me a text a couple of days ago, a picture of some meme that I'm not sure he quite understood the meaning of. And mom," she sighed, "I haven't talked to her since the officer's ball. She's probably still mad about the way I acted."

Antonio raised a brow, "ya think?"

"I know I messed up, ok?" Gabby grumbled. "That seems to be all I do."

"Not true," Antonio insisted. He didn't mean for Gabby to start berating herself. "There's a lot you don't mess up."

She scoffed, "like what?"

"Well, for starters, you're raising to wonderful boys all by yourself and you are doing one hell of a job. Both boys are thriving. Though I have no idea what he's ever saying, Gus chatters away like there is no tomorrow and Eli is so damn smart. All he could talk about the other night was everything he was learning in school."

Gabby's eyes welled with tears and she shook her head, "Antonio…don't."

"What? Don't praise you? It's the truth, Gabs."

* * *

A few hours later, Gabby had managed to sneak into the firehouse without anybody seeing her. Making her way over to Matt's office, she smiled as she found him hunched forward, head deep in paperwork. Only he could look adorable with this brow furrowed as he looked to be in deep thought, Gabby mused to herself.

She leaned up against the door frame and smirked. "You look awfully busy, maybe I should just leave and keep this peanut butter and chocolate shake for myself."

Matt jumped and his head popped up. He grinned at the sight of Gabby standing just a few feet from him. Popping up out of his chair, he tossed his pen down and made his way over to her. "Nah, I think I'm due for a break."

"Oh yeah?"

"Most definitely." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his office. With one hand still secure around her, he reached over and shut his office door, giving them some privacy. Leading them over to his bed, he sat down and pulled her onto his lap, earning a surprise squeak in return. "So what brings you here?"

Gabby settled into his lap and draped her arms over his shoulders. She feigned annoyance, "well, since I'm currently out of a car, Antonio said he needed to stop by the station and go over some things with Voight so I asked him to drop me off here." She shrugged, "I thought maybe I'd come hangout with my favorite guy but Severide was nowhere to be found so here I am," she quipped, a grin playing at the corner of her lips as she watched Matt's expression change.

"Ouch," he held his hand to his heart, pretending to be hurt. "That one hurt."

"Well I know just how to fix it."

"Yeah?" He raised his brows suggestively. "Maybe a kiss or two?" Not even giving her a chance to respond, he captured her lips with his.

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Gabby pulled away and rested her forehead against his. With her eyes still closed, she grinned, "I was actually suggesting the shake I brought but I think I like your idea better."

Matt grinned and gave her another quick kiss. "I've missed this."

"Me too," she murmured opening her eyes and meeting Matt's. "Though, I'm definitely battling some sort of bug so if you get sick, don't come blaming me."

"Nah," Matt shook his head. "I'd never blame you for anything." He brushed his nose against hers. "And I mean _anything._ Not for your flowers getting tossed, not for my tires being slashed…_nothing_, ok?" He paused until she finally met his gaze. "We're equals in this relationship, Gabby. I know that's probably not what you're used to but I don't want you to ever feel inferior to me or be afraid to talk to me about anything, ok?"

Gabby nodded as she once again felt her emotions start to get this best of her. "Ok," she whispered. "Thank you." She slid from his lap and settled next to him and finally handed him the shake, she'd almost forgotten about it.

"I should be thanking you," Matt said with a smile as he took a sip. "You look exhausted," he said as he observed her briefly closing her eyes.

She nodded. "Physically and emotionally," she mumbled. "Between Gus hardly sleeping and the interesting conversation Eli and I had this morning, I would like nothing more than to just return to my bed….preferably with you next to me."

"Sounds nice," he agreed. "So an interesting conversation with Eli, huh? What about?"

"He asked me why he didn't have a dad."

Matt frowned, remembering Eli's line of questioning when they were at the museum. "Oh?"

"Right?" She sighed, "I mean, he's asked little bits here and there but this was a full conversation about why he didn't have a dad and where he was. I should've had the perfect explanation planned out in advance but how do you tell a five year old that his father is a deadbeat asshole who completely denied his existence."

"You don't," Matt answered truthfully.

Gabby met his eyes. "I told him his father wasn't meant to be father and that it had nothing to do with him."

"That reminds me…" he looked away and scratched the side of his nervously. "When we were coming back from the movie at the museum, he asked me if I was going to be his new dad."

"He did?" Gabby asked.

Matt nodded, "yeah. I didn't really know what to say. He said you and I should get married so I could be his step-dad. I basically told him we had to take it one day at a time. I hope that was the right answer?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah, no…that was perfect. Thanks." She sighed, "I just wish I knew what was bringing up all these questions. He said somebody at school asked him. I'm assuming a classmate. I don't know, maybe I'm naïve for hoping that he would just never want a full explanation but a apart of me has always been secretly worried that Bobby would one day decide to pursue custody of him purely out of spite."

"But he can't," Matt insisted. "He's not even listed on the birth certificate. If he were ever to even attempt to do such a thing, he'd have a hell of a lot of mountains to climb." He shook his head, "and, yeah, I don't know much about the guy but if his motivation is anything like his work ethic then he wouldn't make it up the first hill."

"I know," Gabby murmured. "It's just…with Lance, at least I know he's locked up and can't come anywhere near me or Gus but with Bobby, it's like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder." She closed her eyes and took a breath as exhaustion once again started to take over. "I'm tired, Matt."

Matt looked down at her with concern, catching the double meaning behind her words. "Here," he shifted a bit and pulled her back into his lap so he could scoot them back up against the wall. "Better?" He asked as he tucked her back into his side and draped an arm protectively around her.

"Mhm," Gabby hummed her content as she felt herself relax for the first time in over a day. "I can't fall asleep…Antonio should be back soon."

Despite Gabby insisting she needed to stay awake, she once again fell into a much needed slumber. Matt was happy to see Gabby starting to relax...now if she would just start to feel better, he thought to himself.

An hour later, the Dawson siblings were back in Antonio's car and silently driving through the streets of Chicago.

Gabby checked the time on the dash and sighed, "Antonio, as much as I'm enjoying this impromptu brother/sister day of bonding, I need to go get pick up Gus so I…" her phone started ringing and interrupted her. She groaned when saw it was Eli's school. "Shit. It's Eli's school, I really hope they aren't calling me and telling me he's sick." She answered. "Hello?" Her stomach dropped and she felt like the wind was being repeatedly knocked out of her. "I don't…" she shook her head, "I don't….I don't…how is that even possible?"

Antonio immediately sensed the fear in his sister's voice. "What's going on?"

Gabby shook her head, frantic and not listening clearly to the person on the other line. "No! He wouldn't! I can't believe you guys are blaming him! Have you even called the police?" The tears didn't even wait. "I'm on my way!"

"Gabby? What happened? What's going on?" Antonio asked, already turning on his lights and heading in the direction of Eli's school.

An onslaught of sobs escaped from Gabby, making her words almost unable to comprehend. "Eli's missing!"

* * *

_...Excuse me while I go hide._ _Reviews?_


	24. Chapter 24

_Holy cow! You guys and your reviews! You are all so amazing! Even though I left you all hanging with that cliffhanger. Sorry! We're sooo close to 400! Think we can do it with this chapter? ;) This one took a bit longer than I thought to write. I wanted to make sure I did the situation and emotions justice. I hope nobody seems too out of character.  
_

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Twenty Four**

"He never came back from recess?" Gabby repeated in complete disbelief to the principal standing in front of her. "That's _all you know_?" Her son was missing and the only thing the principal could tell her was that he was last seen as recess.

"We're doing everything we can to find him, Ms. Dawson-"

"Well you should've been doing everything you could to keep him from going missing!" Gabby was completely beside herself. "And not to mention, the first thing you guys suggest is that he must've wandered off? My son _knows _better than just to wander off!"

A strangled noise fell from Gabby's lips. She didn't know whether to cry or scream.

"Gabby, Gabby?" Antonio pulled his sister aside and away from the swarm of law enforcement personnel and school officials. "Hey," he took her face in his hands and had her to look up at him. "Don't do this, ok? You need to stay strong, Eli needs you to stay strong." Wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs, he sighed, "I need you to do something for me Gabby, ok?"

Gabby nodded, "ok."

Antonio dropped his hands, satisfied that he wouldn't lose his sister's attention. "Can you remember what Eli was wearing?"

"He uh…" Gabby pressed her fingertips to her forehead and closed her eyes hoping the motions would jog her memory. "His new Chicago Bears' t-shirt that you got him!" She once again felt overcome with emotion as she remembered their disagreement that morning. She hadn't exactly yelled at him but it hadn't exactly been an easy morning, either. "I told him it was too cold to wear a short-sleeved shirt and he had to find a long-sleeved shirt to put under it. I think he put an orange shirt on underneath."

Antonio nodded, he glanced over Gabby's shoulder at Burgess and met her eyes, silently asking her if she was getting this. She held up the small notepad in her hand. Antonio turned back to Gabby, "good, that's good. What about his shoes?"

"I don't know," Gabby admitted after a few seconds. She shook her head, "I can't remember. Maybe his blue converse shoes? He's been wearing them almost every day." But she couldn't remember. "But I don't know, Antonio! I went and got Gus ready when Eli was putting his shoes on!"

"That's alright, we'll ask some of his friends and Halstead is working on getting security footage from the shops directly across the street from the playground. We'll find him Gabby."

"You promise?"

Her voice was so quiet and vulnerable that it took Antonio back to their childhood.

Even before she could walk, Antonio knew his baby sister would be an independent force to be reckoned with but throughout Gabby's childhood and into adulthood, there were those moments when her fear and vulnerability would slip through her tough demeanor. The things that little girls were supposed to be afraid of, never scared Gabby; she was constantly coming home with scraped knees and covered in mud…not once phased. But when it came to worrying about their dad not coming home in time to read her a story or their mother missing one of her singing recitals, that's when he would see Gabby's tough exterior falter.

He hated seeing her so scared and unsure. "I promise," he whispered with determination. He'd just crossed a line that he'd learned in his very first year on the force never to cross; don't ever promise something you weren't sure you could deliver. But he'd be damned if he didn't scour every foot of the city looking for Eli.

He caught movement behind Gabby and met Halstead's gaze. "I'm gonna go see if Halstead's had any progress on security footage, ok?"

Erin, who had been waiting patiently to talk to Gabby, stepped in, gently touching Gabby's elbow and garnering her attention. She gave the young woman a reassuring smile, "you think you can help me with something?"

Gabby knew she was being distracted but didn't have the energy to fight it and instead gave Erin a small nod. "I'll do anything that helps get Eli back."

"Send me a few of the most recent pics of Eli you have…we're working on an official Amber Alert but I want to get a head start and get Eli's picture out there to as many precincts, businesses and media outlets as I can, ok?"

Antonio motioned for Halstead to follow him out of Gabby's line of sight. "Please tell me you have something."

He'd immediately taken lead on finding his nephew. Having Jay canvas nearby places for security footage, asking Voight to take on the difficult task of looking up all offenders in the area and sticking Ruzek and Olinksy on talking to staff and students. Not to mention the several police officers that had been dispatched. Antonio would do or use whatever means necessary to get his nephew back.

Halstead nodded and brushed his thump across the screen of his phone, unlocking it. "You need to see this."

Antonio had to squint to watch the less than clear security footage. But it was enough. It was enough to make out Eli and the guy that was with him. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," muttered.

"You know him?" Halstead asked.

"I think it's Bobby Ross, Eli's father. Fucking son of a bitch." Though he didn't want to put his sister in more of a panic than she already was, he needed her to confirm his suspicions. He grabbed Jay's phone and hurried over to his sister. "Gabby!"

Her head snapped up from her own phone, "what? Did you find something? Did you get a lead?"

Antonio nodded and played the footage for Gabby. "Is that…"

"Bobby Ross!"

"It is him?"

Gabby nodded, "Yes! It's definitely him!" She covered her face in worry, "I don't even know…why would he do this?"

Antonio shook his head. "That's what we're going to find out. But this is good, Gabs. We've got a suspect now. That's a great lead." He could see the new mask of fear that was starting to glaze over her eyes and he shook his head; he needed her to stay positive. "I need you to stay focused, ok? You're the only one who really knows much about Ross. Eli needs your help. Are you hearing me, Gabby?"

Gabby nodded numbly. "Yeah…yeah, Eli needs me."

"Good. We're going to put a BOLO out on his car." He turned to Erin, "get her to the station." He knew that Erin would rather be hitting the pavement with the rest of the unit but until he could get a hold of Matt, Antonio needed someone to solely focus on Gabby. If there was one sure fire way for Gabby to self-destruct…it would be during desperation.

Erin nodded, "got it."

"We've got a lead!" He yelled over the crowd, gaining everyone's attention. "We're getting confirmation on his vehicle but until then, we're moving the search to the station!" Getting Voight on the phone, Antonio rushed into the cluster of officers and out of sight.

Gabby felt lost without her brother by her side and she started to get dizzy from all the fast movement around her.

"Come on," Erin whispered, once again got Gabby's attention, "I parked over here."

* * *

Having just returned from another small call, Matt stretched out on his bed, hoping to get a small nap in before some came looking for him or another call came in. As soon as his eyes closed, his phone rang. He groaned and reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone.

It was Antonio. Maybe the detective's little setup had worked.

"Hey Antonio, did it work?" Matt asked as he answered his phone.

"I need you to get to the station."

"Why? What happened?"

"Eli's missing."

"What?" Matt stood up abruptly, nearly knocking over the stack of reports on his desk. "He's missing? How? I mean…what happened? What about Gabby? And Gus?"

"I don't have time to explain all the details. We've got a lead, though….Bobby Ross took him from school. I don't know how or what he said, but by the footage, Eli looked to have went without any force. We've got a BOLO out for them and we're working on an Amber Alert but I need you to get here and be with Gabby…"

"Yeah, no….I'm on my way." Matt spun around in a complete daze and barged out of his office, grabbing the attention of everyone in the house. "Tell Gabby I'll be there as soon as I can."

Matt ignored the questioning looks from everyone and headed straight for Boden's office. Without knocking, he let himself in and nearly ran into the chief. "Chief!"

"I just heard," Boden's voice echoed with concern. "Go. We've got things under control here. Just keep us updated and let me know if there's anything we can do."

Matt nodded numbly. "Thank you….and I will." He spun around and nearly ran into Severide.

"Casey?"

"I can't, Severide. I gotta go!" He broke out in a run towards the locker room to go retrieve his keys.

Severide and turned to chief. "What's going on?"

Releasing a heavy sigh, he turned to his crew in front of him, all looking at him for answers. "Eli Dawson is missing. From the looks of things, Bobby Ross took him right off his school's playground."

"Oh my god," Shay gasped.

"What can we do, Chief?" Herrmann asked, stepping into the front.

Boden sighed, he didn't know what they could do. He barely knew what was going on.

"I've got a few pics of Eli on my phone, I'm sending them to all of you. Guys!" He looked towards his men on squad, "we're going for a drive!"

Herrmann nodded, "same with truck! Shay! You're coming with us!"

Boden nodded in agreement. "I'll call dispatch and let them know that we'll be hitting the streets."

* * *

At the sound of Voight's office door opening, Gabby was startled out of her daze and jumped up, "did you find…" she trailed off as she realized it was Matt and not her brother with good news. "Oh…" her face crumbled as the reality of the situation once again hit her.

Dropping his hand from the door knob and letting the door slam shut behind him, Matt rushed over to Gabby and wasted no time in pulling her fragile form into his arms. He was surprised when she didn't even put up an ounce of a fight and instead wrapped her arms around him. Her hands latched onto the fabric of his shirt as she held on for dear life. She sobbed into his uniform shirt, mumbling incoherent words with each strangled breath she took.

Matt tucked her head under his chin and stood quietly as all of her emotions turned into one steady landslide of tears. He let her cry it out, every once in a while whispering words in attempt to comfort her. Though her tears hadn't stopped, they'd slowed down enough and Gabby dropped her arms from around Matt and instead hugged herself.

Matt was afraid if they stayed there in silence for too long that Gabby would fall deep into her own thoughts and the worst case scenarios would creep into her mind. He needed to do something to help, he just didn't know what. "What can I do, Gabby?"

"Find him!" Gabby sobbed as she covered her mouth with her hands and tried to muffle her cries.

"Hey," he cupped her face in her hands and tilted her head up so she was looking at him. "Your brother and the rest of C.P.D. have got that covered. What do you need _me _to do?"

She dropped her gaze and Matt briefly worried he'd lost her in thought until she moved her eyes back up to his. "Just stay here?"

Matt nodded, "I'm not going anywhere."

Gabby nodded numbly, "ok." She inhaled sharply and stumbled backwards.

"Whoa, whoa," Matt slipped his arms around Gabby's waist and steadied her. He helped her back into the chair, still keeping one arm wrapped around her in fear that she would lose her balance or pass out. He bent down so he was at eye level with her. She was pale and her eyes almost looked like they lacked complete awareness. "Gabby?" His voice was laced with concern as he tried to get an idea of how she was really holding up. From the look of things, she was barely keeping it together.

"I'm fine…I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

Gabby pushed him away from her. "You don't get to tell me how I feel!"

"Anybody can see that you're not fine, Gabby!" Matt argued back, he wasn't going to let her push him away. "And that's ok," he insisted. "Nobody expects you to be ok but the last thing you need is to jeopardize your own health because I know for a fact that when we find Eli the first person he'll want to see is you."

"I just…I don't know what I'll do if…" she shook her head, unable to even say the words.

"Hey," Matt took her hands in his, "don't think like that, ok? Eli is a very smart boy and I bet you right now…wherever he is, those little wheels in his head are turning trying to come up with a way to come back home to you so I need you to do the same, ok?"

Matt accepted the half nod Gabby gave him, "good. Do you want anything to drink? Coffee? You mentioned before that you didn't sleep very well last night."

Gabby shook her head and wrapped her arms around her midsection, "I don't really think I can stomach anything right now."

"At least let me get you some water," he insisted. He knew Gabby's entire focus was on Eli's well-being (as would any mother's) but he wasn't going to let her completely forget about taking care of herself.

"I…" she was interrupted by sound of her phone and her heart couldn't help but skip a beat in hopes that it was either someone with information about Eli or possibly Eli himself. Before Eli had started kindergarten, Gabby had made sure he knew their address, her phone number and where she worked. She'd also taught him that places like the firehouse and police station were safe places.

"It's my mom," Gabby mumbled, pulling her phone from her purse. She groaned, "I can't handle her right now," she ignored the call and let it go to voicemail. Her phone soon beeped, signaling a mixed call but instead of a notification for a voicemail, her phone started to ring again.

Matt sighed, this was one of those times where he wished Gabby wasn't so stubborn. "Answer it, Gabby. Maybe she's heard about Eli."

Gabby shook her head, "she's probably just going to yell at me."

Going against her wishes and hoping that she wouldn't be too mad at him, Matt grabbed her phone and answered it. "Hello?" His head dropped, not wanting to face Gabby's glare.

"Is this Matt?" Marie asked after a moment of dead air.

"Yeah," he cleared his throat. "Gabby's in the bathroom," he lied. "Oh, she just came back. Here, I'll pass the phone off to her." He looked up and met the anger in Gabby's eyes. He held the phone out for her and very reluctantly, she took it from him.

Putting the phone to her ear, she dropped her head. "Mom?" She mumbled, her voice cracking.

"Gabriela! An old colleague of your father's just called him and informed us that Elijah is missing. Is this true?" Unable to form words, a sob escaped from her lips, giving Marie her answer. "Oh my god! That's it, your father and I are on the first flight back to Chicago. What the hell happened?"

Gabby shrugged as she tried to keep up with her tears. "His _dad_," she nearly choked out, "he took him."

"His dad? But you said Elijah was the result of a one night stand?"

"Well it's better than telling people that the guy freaked out and dropped me from existence the minute I told him I was pregnant," Gabby snapped. She couldn't do this. She couldn't handle one of her mother's lectures on how disappointed she was in her on top of everything else. "I can't do this right now, mom. I can't listen to one of your lectures."

"Oh Gabriela! I am not calling to lecture you! I'm calling to see how you are holding up. Of course I would of preferred to hear from you or Antonio about this but you two are both working on finding Elijah. And you _will _find him. He's just as stubborn and strong-willed as you, Gabriela."

"You think so?" Gabby whispered, taken aback by her mother's sincerity.

"Absolutely! I'll let you know when your father and I are boarding the plane. _Please _keep us in the loop."

Gabby nodded, "I will."

"Good. I love you, darling."

"I love you, too." Gabby hadn't realized it was no longer just her and Matt in Voight's office until she ended the call and looked up. She met her brother's eyes and shrugged. "Mom and dad are on their way."

Not giving Antonio a chance to respond, Voight cleared his throat, "Is there anything, and I mean_ anything_ that you can thing of about your time with Ross that might give us some leads? Where he spent his free time? Who he spent his time with? Any places in the city that might mean something to him?"

Gabby shook her head. "We didn't have much of a relationship. It was just…" she cleared her throat, somewhat embarrassed that she was even discussing this with her brother and his boss. "It was just sex. He had no interest in being a father when I told him I was pregnant. He even went so far as to deny that he was the father."

Antonio turned away from his sister and started to pace. During the time Gabby had gotten pregnant with Eli, he'd just been promoted to detective and had sort of lost track of what was going on his sister's life. And when he really sat and thought about it, he had no idea how she spent her days or nights, for that matter.

"Well where did you guys go when you did spend time together?" Voight pushed. "Even if you think it's some useless detail, it could be the key to finding Elijah. So anything that you can think of, don't be afraid to voice it."

Gabby sighed, to be honest, she didn't remember much of her time with Bobby Ross. "Usually his place. He lived with some other guys and I was still living with my parents." Her conversation with Eli that morning hit her like a ton of bricks. "Oh my god!"

"What? Did you think of something?"

"Yes…" she shook her head, "no! I mean, this morning, Eli asked me why he didn't have a dad and when I asked him what made him ask, he said someone at school had said something. I should've pushed for more details!"

Voight's phone rang, pulling Gabby and Antonio's attention towards him. Answering, Voight turned away from the siblings, "tell me you've got something." He stayed silent, listening to the person on the other side of the phone before mumbling a thanks and hanging up. He turned back towards Gabby and Antonio. "Does Eli have a friend named Jake Martin?"

Gabby nodded, not quite understanding what one of Eli's classmates had to do with the situation. "Yeah. They're in the same class. Why?"

"I guess this Jake Martin kid told his teacher that Eli said he was going to go find his dad today. Apparently today wasn't Bobby's first time showing up outside the school, Jake said he saw him talking to Eli last week. He said Eli said this guy was friends with you and knew where his dad was. But that they had to keep it a secret."

"What?" Gabby exclaimed. She shook her head in complete dismay. "How is it _strangers_ are even allowed near the playground?"

Erin stepped into the office and all eyes turned to her. "Lindsey, where are we with media outlets?" Voight asked. Time was ticking. They needed to get Eli and Ross' pictures streaming across every news station in the city.

Erin shook her head and frowned, she walked closer to Voight and leaned in, "it hasn't been long enough." She sighed, "and I got word from an old friend who works for one of the stations that it's not big news for a Hispanic child to go missing in a large city. They've seen the video and it looks as if he went willingly. They want a real timeline of events...actual facts before they jump to any sort of conclusions. Between custody disputes, gang violence and illegal immigration…"

"_Custody dispute!"_ Gabby nearly screamed, having overheard Erin. "He's not even listed on the birth certificate! This isn't a custody dispute! This has nothing to do with a gang and for God's sake! Eli was born here! Bobby _took _my son! It's as simple as that!" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. News outlets were reluctant to run the story because Eli was Hispanic. How could someone who wanted absolutely nothing to do with his child suddenly be given a free pass? She shook her head, her stomach dropping. There was a chance she would never see her son again.

"Gabby…" Antonio reached out for Gabby and wasn't at all surprised when she angrily slapped his hands away.

"No! I can't just _sit _here and wait while _my _son…not Bobby's son…_my son _is out there scared and alone!" Though she was in the confines of Voight's office, she knew everyone within the intelligence unit could hear her but at this point she didn't care. All she cared about was finding Eli. "If you guys want to sit here and speculate, then fine! Do it! But I will do whatever I have to do to find my son and I can tell you right now, sitting here and practically being held like a suspect is not helping!"

"You're right," this time Antonio managed to grab a hold of Gabby before she could push him away. "You're right," he whispered, getting her to look at him. "Let's go. Let's drive around the city and go search. We're not helping Eli while sitting here."

Gabby wiped away the cascading tears, taking a shaky breath. Her pleading eyes met Antonio's, "yeah?"

Antonio nodded, "yeah. I'm gonna call Burgess up and she's going to take you wherever you think you should look, ok?"

"Well what are you going to do?"

"We've got a BOLO out for him, Gabs. Somebody has got to spot his car. Not to mention, we've got Jin and a few other tech guys searching all of the cameras and satellites. We _will _find Elijah, you have to believe that."

"I believe you," Gabby mumbled. "You've always come through for me Antonio, even when I haven't deserved it."

"Hey," Antonio shook his head. "Don't do that." He sighed, "but I do need you to do one more thing for me." He waited until Gabby gave a slight nod. "I need you to think real hard…when you couldn't bring Bobby back to mom and dad's or when he couldn't take you to his place, where did you guys go?"

Gabby sighed, tired of the questions. She closed her eyes though and thought back to her short-lived 'relationship' with Bobby. "I mean…I guess sometimes he would drive to the park and…" she shrugged, embarrassed by what she was about to tell her brother. "He'd always find a secluded place to park where we would…." She looked away, "you know."

"That's good, Gabby!" Antonio encouraged. "Where was this park?"

"He probably doesn't even remember it."

"But it's worth a shot, right?" Antonio asked. "For Elijah?"

Gabby nodded, her tears starting to cloud her vision. "For Elijah."

"Do you think you can remember where this park was?" Voight asked. "This could really help us Gabby."

"I think so." She pushed the palm of her hand to her head, hoping to physically will herself to remember.

Ruzek came busting through Voight's office door, "we've got a hit on Ross' car! He was spotted about twenty minutes ago right outside Walker's Nature Preserve!"

"That's it!" Gabby cried, "there's a park over there!"

"Let's go!" Voight called.

Gabby reached for her jacket and nearly ran into Matt, she looked up at him, her eyes silently pleading with his. "Don't stop me from going."

He shook his head, "I'm not. I'm coming with you."

"You guys can ride with me," Antonio said, slipping into his jacket. "Let's go."

* * *

_Good? Bad? Loved it? Hated it? Let me know, let me know...(p.s. the tune to Let it Go just popped into my head)...but seriously, let me know what you think. :)_

_P.S. I know there wasn't whole bunch of Dawsey in this chapter but I really wanted to focus on Gabby's emotions. Also, I wish there were more Dawson sibling scenes in the actual show so I try to write as many as I can in my stories. :)_


	25. Chapter 25

._...So, my muse ran away. I've had the time here and there but for some reason, I just haven't been able to focus. I was basically stuck. This chapter is a lot shorter than most but I wanted to at least get something out to you guys. Hopefully I somehow keep this muse going and get another chapter out to you guys soon. _

_Once again, I can't even begin to express how much all your lovely reviews and comments mean to me. I know the story has taken a turn towards a specific plot involving Eli but other questions that you guys have had will eventually be answered. As always, let me know what you think. :)_

How Will I Know

Chapter Twenty Five

Though only separated by a seat, Matt couldn't help but feel so far away from Gabby as he sat in the back of Antonio's car as they raced through Chicago's traffic towards what would hopefully end up being Eli's current location. Inside, he was a mess. But on the outside he was trying to keep it together for Gabby's sake. Though Eli wasn't biologically his child, he'd developed such a connection to both him and Gus that Matt couldn't help but feel the part of a terrified parent who was stuck in a complete limbo of not knowing if their child was safe or not.

Yeah, he'd only known Gabby and the boys for a little more than three months and while he could definitely see why people would raise a brow at the fast pace of their relationship, Matt couldn't help the way he felt.

When he'd met Gabby at the station's Fourth of July celebrations, he'd felt an almost instant connection. Here he was, worrying about the lack of perfect timing in his life when Eli practically dragged him across the apparatus floor to meet Gabby. He'd immediately sensed the guard Gabby had up as soon as he met her and knew that maybe he should tread lightly. But there was something about her that drew him to her. The way she was with her kids, the way she smiled when she truly let herself feel happiness, the way everyone else at 51 had nothing but good things to say about her.

And though nobody from 51 would ever admit it, it was a tough house to win over. But once you did, you were family for life. Gabby hadn't worked for the station for a few years now but just days before, Matt was listening to Herrmann and Shay recount some story that had mainly involved Gabby. He honestly couldn't even remember what the story was about, but the way everyone lit up when there was mention of Gabby...she really was one of those people that could brighten your day or in Matt's case, brighten your life.

Though he hadn't shown it in his pursuit for Gabby just to give him a chance, he'd been a complete bundle of nerves. It'd been so long since he'd even been on a date, he wasn't quite sure how to begin the process of starting a new relationship.

It had been no accident that he was at Severide's the evening that Shay and Gabby had planned to have a girl's night. As soon as he'd walked back into 51 after helping Gabby and the boys back to their car that first night they met, Severide had called Matt out on his attraction towards the single mom. Knowing Severide was the one person that could read him like a book, Matt didn't deny it but admitted his hesitation in pursuing Gabby.

She was a mother, he repeatedly reminded himself. Not to one, but to _two _kids. One of which wasn't even a year old. Was she really unattached? It was questions like those, that had plagued Matt after his first meeting with Gabby.

After once and for all ending his relationship with Hallie back in April, Matt wasn't sure he knew what he really wanted anymore. For the longest time his goals were very clear and very much paired with Hallie's. Continue on with their career paths, get married and have kids. There were timeframes for school, for planning a wedding, and he'd even mentioned building the perfect house for them. With x amount of rooms and x amount of bathrooms. All this time spent planning for their future only for Hallie to admit that it wasn't something she really wanted.

All that time wasted on planning to have the perfect life together but not actually ever having the perfect life together.

He promised himself he would never do that again. He would never waste his time again, or anyone else's for that matter. And every second he spent he with Gabby and her boys was more than well spent. He never felt like he was wasting time when he was with them. Even if all they did was spend the morning lounging around eating cereal straight out of the box and watching movies. It was never a second wasted in his mind.

Never.

That's why he had been so adamant on telling Gabby how he truly felt about her. That he was in love with her. That he loved everything about her. Her sassiness, her independence, her boys…everything. And yeah, it had stung a little when his words had practically scared Gabby away but he'd promised himself that he wasn't going to let her completely push him away when he _knew _she felt something for him too.

But it wasn't until he'd started dating Gabby did he truly start feeling like his old self again. Being around her and the boys really reminded him that it was the simple things in life that made him happy. Spending all morning playing Mario Kart and hearing pure joy in Eli's laugh every time one of them accidentally ran over a banana peel. Or the first time he saw Gus walk was when the toddler had walked straight over to him with a smile on his face and his arms up in the air. And Gabby, though Matt knew she still had her guard up when it came to some things, her simple gestures like picking him up from work or dropping off a milkshake for him because she wanted to and not because she felt like she had to were her ways of showing him just how much she cared.

And he _knew, _he _definitely _knew that earlier in the day—before all the chaos had ensued—Gabby had been so close to telling him how she felt about. And for the time being, that was enough for him.

He was pulled from his thoughts by Gabby's panicked voice.

"How much longer?"

Having almost immediately switched on the lights and sirens as soon as they hit the road, Antonio knew they weren't far. "Just a few minutes." His voice sounded just as on edge as Matt felt. With his knuckles white from death grip he had the steering wheel, Antonio took a sharp turn, sending all three of them leaning towards the left.

Four hours.

Gabby didn't know the statistics-and she wasn't really sure she wanted to-but she was sure four hours drastically decreased the chances of finding a missing child alive. _Alive. _It was the one thought she'd refused to think about during the past four hours. But the longer and longer that she went without her baby boy in her arms, the more her worst fear started to surface and make its way to the forefronts of her thoughts. Her fears were soon voiced as a heart wrenching sob fell from her lips. Her hand shook as she tried to cover her mouth and prevent any other sobs from falling free but it was a lost cause.

"Don't go there, Gabby," Antonio said, knowing exactly where his sister's mind had went. "Don't." He spared her a quick glance, meeting her tear filled eyes. "We'll find him. _Alive._"

Matt's stomach turned as he listened to the conversation in front of him. They had to find Eli. They had to find him and he had to be ok. He just had to. The car jerked in a quick turn as Antonio entered the park. Matt had been silently praying during the entire drive that this would be it. This would lead them directly to an alive and perfectly healthy Eli.

"Shit."

Hearing the single word fall from her brother's lips, Gabby realized the car was coming to a stop and she glanced questioningly over at him before following his gaze out in front of them. "No," she whispered, her eyes wide with fear as she took in the wrecked car just a few feet ahead of them. "No, no, no!"

With her emotions taking over she struggled with getting the car door open but once she did, she was off running towards the wrecked car. "Eli!"

Just feet ahead of them, the car—Bobby's she assumed, had gone head first into a small ditch in front of a narrow clearing, just missing a row of trees. Tire tracks showed the zig-zagged trail, making it clear that Bobby had lost control of his car, sending it into the ditch.

Almost losing her balance due to the muddied terrain, Gabby stopped just long enough to catch herself before continuing on towards the wreckage. Each step she took felt like another life-time until she reached the driver's side of the car only to look in and find the entire car empty. Her head snapped up and her eyes filled with fear that turned rage as she noticed Bobby leaning against the trunk of the car with his head in his hands.

In front of him stood two police officers and a paramedic.

Matt followed Gabby's movements and caught up to her just as an officer stepped in front of her, holding her back from the scene. "Get off of me!" She screamed, pushing her way out of the officer's grasp. "Where the hell is he, Bobby?" Gabby cried.

The dark clouds that had been hovering over the city all day let loose and the rain came pouring down.

"I don't know," Bobby muttered as he pressed a hand to the side of his head, blood seeping between his fingers.

"You don't know!" Gabby demanded. She shoved Bobby and he staggered backwards before running his back up against his car. "You don't know! You kidnapped him and I'm supposed to believe that you don't know where he is?"

"It's the truth!" He yelled back. "He was in the car when I was driving but he must've gotten out as soon as it stopped! I hit my head and passed out so I don't know what happened after that!"

"Stopped?" Her arms flailed as she motioned towards the car, "does this car look like it just _stopped _to you? You lost control and crashed it! I hate you!" she screamed, pushing him again. With everything that had taken place in her life…she'd never felt such a mixture of fear and anger course through her body rendering her nearly inconsolable. "You had no right, Bobby! _No _right!"

"No right?" He screamed, getting in Gabby's face. "He's _my _son!"

Not liking the threatening stance Bobby held in front of Gabby, Matt moved to step in but was stopped by Antonio. He glanced over and met Antonio's gaze with a questioning one. Antonio just shook his head, "she needs to let it out. She needs to stand up to him."

Matt nodded, catching the double meaning behind Antonio's words. He turned his attention back to Gabby, still keeping his body on high alert just in case he did have to step in.

Gabby scoffed, "you wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, Bobby! Not when I was pregnant, not when he was born and not when he was six months old and I tried one last time to get you to care!" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She'd _tried _to give Bobby the right to be a father. "So, no, he is _not _your son! He's _my _son!"

"This wouldn't have happened if he'd just listened to me!" Bobby argued. "The kid is a brat! He started freaking out that he wanted to see his _mommy _and next thing I know, he's trying to open the damn door!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't have kidnapped him!" Gabby couldn't believe the words that were coming from Bobby's mouth. He was basically blaming Eli for what had happened. Nobody seemed to understand that Eli was just an innocent victim in this matter. He'd been too trusting and too curious about his father, that he had accepted someone who was a complete stranger to him.

"You can't kidnap your own child!" Bobby screamed as the rain started falling harder and swimming with the blood as it dripped down the side of his face.

Thunder rolling across the sky shook Gabby from her anger and she looked up as the rain started falling hard. "No, no, no…" she shook her head and spun around to face Antonio, her face one of pure fear. "It can't storm! It's too cold, Antonio!" Between her fears as a mother and her knowledge as a nurse, Gabby felt herself slip into a complete panic.

Her five year old son was out in the middle of the woods—most likely injured—and it was now raining. Hard. It was mid-October, the temperature had barely hit fifty and her son was out there all alone. Had he even taken his jacket with him when he went out to recess? Whatever condition Eli was in—physically and emotionally, the last thing he needed was to be thrown in an environment where he could end up with hypothermia.

Antonio wiped the rain from his face, his worries increased along with Gabby's but he wasn't going to let his sister see his fear. "Do you see all the men and women out here, Gabby? We are going to find him. There's no way he could have gotten very far so we're going to spread out and walk every inch of this park until we find him, ok?" He could see Gabby starting to lose herself in her own thoughts and grabbed her shoulders, "look at me, Gabby." Finally, she met his eyes, "we're going to find him."

She nodded numbly, "we're going to find him."

Antonio glanced over Gabby's shoulders and glared at the two officers standing in front of Bobby as if he were a victim instead of a suspect. "You two, you're handing him over to district 21, we'll take it from here."

"This isn't your-" One officer started to protest but was very quickly cut off by Antonio.

"Finish that sentence and I can guarantee that you'll no longer have a job by the end of the night," Antonio barked. He turned around and met Voight's eyes just as he was getting out of his car, Erin right behind him. He gave his supervisor a knowing look and received a slight nod in response.

Gabby had become numb to the noises around her that she didn't even hear the blaring sirens of two firetrucks and an ambulance pull up to the sight until she heard her name being called.

"Gabby!" She looked up just in time to react to Shay crashing into her and wrapping her arms protectively around her. Shay pulled back and gave Gabby an encouraging smile, "we're going to find him and don't you dare think otherwise."

"I don't..." Gabby shook her head, her eyes continuing past Shay's shoulder and over to the men of 51 as they jumped out of their trucks. Mill, Otis, Cruz, Mouch, Herrmann and along with everyone else were lining up and ready to help. "What?"

"Chief called dispatch...unless there's some crazy fire emergency that can't be handled without us, we're here to help you find Eli," Shay explained.

Severide met Matt and gave him a comforting hug, "I know you're keeping it together for Gabs, but I feel like I need to reassure you too. We will find him, Casey."

Matt nodded and ducked his head, trying his best to keep his composure. "Thanks, man." He motioned towards the firetrucks, "keep the sirens going. Maybe he'll realize we're out here looking for him and not Ross."

Severide nodded, "you got it."

Search teams were quickly organized and designated certain sections of the park. Not even waiting for directions, Gabby started off towards a path and ignored both Matt and Antonio's calls; giving them no choice but to follow her.

The two men struggled to keep up with Gabby as she rushed through the park, pushing aside anything and everything that looked big enough for Eli to hide next to. She continuously called out her son's name, each time getting louder and louder as her desperation grew. She had gotten so far ahead of the two men that she didn't even hear someone call through the radio that was attached to Antonio.

"_We found him!"_


	26. Chapter 26

_First of all, I want to apologize for my lack of updates on this story and for my lack of writing for Chicago Fire in general...I'm not quite sure what happened to my motivation. I haven't even focused on reading other stories for quite some time now. Second, I want to thank ALL of you for constantly reviewing this story. Each review I get inspires me to write more and write better. So thanks to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. You guys are lovely people. _

_This chapter isn't the longest. But I'm leaving for Chicago (of all places, lol) tomorrow morning for a concert so I wanted to get a chapter up real quick. I got a new (and much BETTER) job so it's sort of my last little bit of fun before I settle in with things. So maybe being in the city that our favorite shows are filmed, might give me a bit of inspiration. I keep having all these wonderful ideas for new stories and I go to outline them and then I question if I'm taking on too big of a story. And then the other ideas I have are usually Dawsey baby stories and I'm like...I don't want to bore people with the same stuff over and over. So, I'm gonna try to at least get some more one-shots out. _

_Thanks for reading this really long note when I'm sure you'd much rather being reading the update-Rebecca_

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Twenty 26**

Shay met Otis and Cruz at the bottom of the hill, her green bag in one and c-collar in the other. "You didn't move him, did you?" She asked, brushing by the two men and hurrying over to Eli. She noted Cruz's jacket was draped over the little boy and gave the fireman an appreciative nod, silently acknowledging the quick thinking of her coworker.

Otis shook his head, "no way."

Cruz nodded, "he was sitting up against the tree when we found him. I think his arm is broken."

She knelt down next to Eli, "hey there, Elijah." The five year old looked up at her, his big brown eyes that mirrored his mother's looked full of fear and anxiety. "How are you feeling, sweetie?"

"My arm hurts," he sobbed. "Is my mama here?"

"She sure is. We're going to meet her at the top of the hill." Shay grabbed the c-collar and held it up to Eli, "I'm gonna put this around your neck to keep it still, ok?"

"Is it gonna hurt?"

"Not at all. I promise." Shay smiled, gently placing it around Eli's neck. "See? Didn't hurt at all." She glanced over her shoulder just as her current partner on ambo came jogging down with a basket to place Eli in. "Let's go, let's go!" Shay turned back to Eli and gave him another encouraging smile before reaching out and wiping away his tears. "Hey, no more tears, you're safe now." She helped her partner settle the basket next to Eli, "we're going to settle you in this orange basket and then Cruz and Otis are going to help us carry you up the hill."

"To mommy?" He asked.

"To mommy," Shay assured.

It'd been raining for a good hour before Cruz and Otis had followed the sound of faint crying coming not too far off the path they'd been following. A few feet in and they found Eli at the bottom of a slight hill, curled up against a tree and crying. Besides the injury to his right arm and a few scratches on the side of his face, he showed no other physical injuries but both men had thought it best not to move Eli until Shay could assess the situation.

"Ok, Eli," Shay said, draping Cruz's jacket back over the top of him, "you ready to go?

The four of them carefully made their way up the muddied hill and handed Eli off to the men from squad who were standing at the top of the hill with a stretcher ready.

"Mommy!" Eli cried, catching a very brief glimpse of his mother.

"Gabby, Gabby…hey!" Matt had to wrap and arm around Gabby and hold her back so Eli could get hoisted up into the ambulance. "Let them settle him in," he reasoned, kissing the side of her head. But he should've known better than to even try though as Gabby slipped from his arms and pulled herself up and into the back of the ambulance.

"I'm here, baby!" Gabby settled on the opposite of the stretcher as Shay and ran her hand through Eli's wet hair and kissed his forehead. "It's ok, sweetie. I'm here. We're going to get you all warmed up and in dry clothes but we have to get this wet stuff off first, ok?"

"Ok," he hiccupped, trying to control his crying. With his non injured hand, he grabbed a hold of his mother's arm and held on for dear life. "Mama! I'm cold!"

"I know baby, I know. Shay's going to take good care of you."

As much as Gabby wanted nothing more than to hold her baby in her arms, she knew his health came first.

Shay smiled at Eli, "Your mom is right, getting these wet clothes off will help. It looks like your arm is hurt so I'm just going to cut your shirt off so we don't make your arm worse, ok?"

"But Uncle Antonio got me this shirt!"

"I'm sure he'll be happy to buy you another one, Eli. And…maybe I'll throw in a jersey of your favorite player, ok?"

"Ok," Eli mumbled, still not pleased that his shirt was about to be cut up. He turned his tearful gaze back over to his mother. "Is Tio gonna be mad at me?"

"Of course not!" Gabby assured Eli. "_Nobody _is mat at you, ok?"

"My daddy is," Eli whispered in fear, his brown eyes wide. "He got really mad at me when I told him I wanted to go home."

Gabby's stomach turned, just hearing her son refer to Bobby as his dad was torture in and of itself. "Well Bobby doesn't matter, ok?"

Shay glanced over her shoulder at her partner, "Jenson, we're good here. Let's get going. Call Lake Shore and make sure they know we're bringing in a pediatric patient with a slight case of hypothermia and a possible broken arm."

"Gabby!" Matt called before the doors shut, "I'll be right behind you guys, ok?"

Gabby gave him a quick nod but before she could say anything, the doors were being slammed shut. She turned her attention back to Eli and gave him another smile. She couldn't help the tears that filled her eyes and blurred her vision.

He was back. Her baby was back and nearly in her arms.

It'd been over an hour since they'd arrived at Lake Shore and Gabby had been pacing the small confines of the waiting room for nearly the entire time. Matt sat on the edge of his chair, his eyes never once leaving Gabby's form. He knew she was barely standing, let alone pacing. From here, he could see she was shaking with fear and a part of him was afraid that any moment her legs would just give out from underneath her.

Having been called to a multi car pile-up, the rest of the crew from 51 had left shortly after settling into the waiting room. Matt didn't even have to ask, he'd just looked over at chief who gave him a slight nod. Across from him, Antonio sat with his head down and his phone to his ear. He had no idea what Antonio was saying, given the fact that it was almost completely Spanish that he was speaking. Which led Matt to believe that it was probably his mother or father.

Matt's attention snapped back to Gabby when she lowered herself in the seat next to him. He frowned, noticing the lack of color in her face as she wrapped her arms around her stomach. He sat up straight and reached for her hand, "hey, what is it?"

She shook her head, "I got dizzy from pacing. I'm fine."

Catching Matt's eye, Antonio ended the call and moved across the room and to the empty chair on the other side of Gabby. "You're going to worry yourself sick, Gabs."

"He's my son! How am I supposed to _not _worry, Antonio?" Gabby snapped.

Antonio sighed and held a hand up in surrender. The last thing he wanted to do was fight with his sister. "You know that's not what I meant, Gabriela."

Gabby lowered her head in her hands and tried to take deep breaths. "I know," she muttered in between gasps for air. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about, sis."

Matt could see Gabby was on the verge of having another breakdown and reached out to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his embrace. He was relieved when she didn't struggle but instead wrapped her arms just as tight around him. He kissed the top of her head, "it's going to be ok," he whispered.

"Antonio!" At the sound of his name falling from his soon to be ex-wife's lips, Antonio's head popped up and he stood up, meeting Laura halfway across the waiting room.

"Laura, hey!"

In one hand, Laura held Gus and in the other, a bag full of dry clothes for both Gabby and Eli.

"Ma ma ma!" Gus babbled as soon as his wide eyes landed on his mother. Though he was only a year old, he knew by the change of routine that something was wrong. And all he wanted right now was to be in his mother's arms.

Gabby's head snapped up and in and instant, she was out of her seat and reaching for Gus. She held him close to her, relieved to have both of her boys within feet of her. "Hey, baby." Cradling the back of his head with one hand, she brushed her lips against his forehead. She took in the comfort of having at least one of her boys in her arms. "I bet you're confused, huh?" She whispered, catching his eyes.

Gus grinned, happy to be back with his mother. He raised his hands up to her mouth, "ma!"

Grabbing his little fingers, Gabby kissed them. "It's definitely mama."

Laura smiled, "he knew something was off the minute I picked him up from your cousin's but he didn't fuss. Diego and Eva kept him busy all afternoon."

At the mention of his kids, Antonio glanced over Laura's shoulder. "Where are Eva and Diego?"

"Downstairs in the gift shop. They wanted to get Eli a get well soon gift." She held up a duffle bag for Antonio, "as requested, there are clothes in there for both Gabby and Eli, along with a set of pajamas for Eli."

Gabby glanced between her brother and Laura. She knew it must have been awkward for her brother to have to call up his ex and ask for such a huge favor. As far as she knew, the two only spoke when it concerned Diego and Eva. "I'm sorry," she whispered to both of them. "I know I put you guys in an awkward situation."

Laura shook her head and reached a hand out to Gabby, giving the young woman's arm a reassuring squeeze. "Family is family, Gabby. And no matter what happened or will happen between your brother and I, we will always be family, ok? You're a wonderful aunt to Diego and Eva and I want to be the same for your boys. So don't ever apologize for needing our help." She smiled and ran a hand over Gus' head, catching Antonio's gaze over her nephew's shoulder, "and besides, I missed this little guy. He's gotten so big since the last time I saw him."

Gabby nodded, if she wasn't mistaken, the last time Laura had seen Gus was at his birthday party. Or maybe it was Eli's first day of school? As of late, everything seemed to be just blurring together for her. "He's getting big, that's for sure. Always on the go, too."

Laura laughed, "Oh trust me, I found that out real quick." Her smile faltered as her mind shifted to more serious matters. "How is he?"

"They haven't come back yet," Gabby voice wavered with emotion. "I think his arm is broken. And he was so wet and so cold….he was shivering…"

"But he's going to be ok," Matt said, stepping into the conversation. He placed one hand on Gabby's lower back and used the other take a hold of one of Gus' hands.

"The parents of Elijah Dawson?" Securing her hold on Gus, Gabby stood from the chair and hurried over to the attending doctor. "Gabby?" Dr. Meyers asked, immediately recognizing her. "Elijah is your son? I didn't even put two and two together."

"How is?" She asked, getting straight to the point. Now was not the time for small talk.

Dr. Meyers sighed, "Pretty well considering how far of a fall he took. A few scratched and bumps but the only real damage was his right wrist; he did break it. Fortunately, it was a clean break. We're going to cast it here shortly. I was more concerned about the possibility of hypothermia but the responding paramedics did a wonderful job of slowly raising his body temperature.

Gabby let out a sigh of relief and silently reminded herself to thank Shay _again _for getting the situation under control. "No concussion?"

"No concussion," Dr. Meyers assured. "I do have him on some warm fluids and pain reliever. And though it's not required, I would like to keep him overnight for observation."

Gabby nodded, "yeah, that's fine. Whatever needs to be done, I just want him to be ok."

"And that he will." He nodded his head back towards the direction, "he's been transferred to a room in pediatrics, if you'll follow me, I can take you straight to him." He gave her a stern look, "as you know, we like to keep the amount of visitors in the room at once to a minimum…"

"Yeah…." She glanced behind her and met her brother's gaze.

Antonio nodded, knowing what his sister was silently asking. He gave her arm a slight nudge, "take Matt. I'll stay with Gus."

"Thank you," Gabby whispered, trying her best to keep the sob from rising from her throat. She placed a quick kiss on Gus' forehead before handing her youngest back over to Laura. She looked over at Matt and tentatively slipped her hand into his before turning and following Dr. Meyers lead down the hall.

As soon as they entered the room, Eli was crying out for his mother, "mommy!" He threw up his non-injured arm, reaching out for her.

"Hey, hey, you're ok!" Gabby rushed over to her son's bedside, eager to finally have him in her arms and be able to comfort him. Settling on the edge of his bed, she leaned down and placed a dozen little kisses on the top of his head. "You're alright, baby. I promise."

Eli sniffled and lulled his head towards his mom, "mama?"

"Yeah, baby?" She watched as the look on her son's face turned from fear to focus as he thought hard about whatever was on his mind.

"I don't need a daddy. I just need you."

And that was it. What little grip Gabby had still had on her emotions had let go and the tears let loose. The endless tears continued to cloud her vision as she gathered Eli in her arms and held onto him. "I love you," she cried. "You're always going to be my baby. I'll always need you and always love you, ok?"

Eli nodded and curled into his mother's side. Burying his head into the crook of her neck, his tears soaked her already damp shirt as he finally let go of his own emotions knowing once and for all that he was back where he belonged. With his mother. He was right, all he needed was his mommy.

Cautious of his arm, Gabby cradled Eli in her arms until he fell into a deep slumber. Reluctantly, she settled him back into his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin, wanting to make sure he was in fact warm. She'd forgotten she'd entered the room with Matt until she saw movement out of the corner of her eye and looked over at him.

She managed a small smile in his direction and she couldn't keep her stomach from flipping as he returned her smile with one of his own.

Matt pushed himself off the wall and walked over to her, sitting in the chair she had once occupied. Before Gabby could protest, Matt pulled her into his lap and encircled his arms around her waist, holding her close to him. He reached up and wiped away her tears, "you ok?" he whispered.

Gabby nodded and sighed, "thank you." She leaned in and pressed her forehead to his, "thank you for being here." She took a strained breath, "it really means a lot to me."

"There's no place else I'd rather be," his insisted quietly. "I know we've only known each other a few short months but I…" he cleared his throat, trying to push away the emotions that were settling. "You and the boys are already such a bit part of my life that I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to one of you guys." He pressed his lips to hers and felt the saltiness of her tears as they continued to streak down her cheeks.

Pulling her lips from his, Gabby wrapped her arms around Matt's neck and dropped her face into the crook of his neck. She turned so the side of her head was resting on his shoulder, placed a soft kiss right below his ear and sighed. Right here, right now, she was content. "I love you," she whispered.

If it weren't for Gabby's lips being directly below his ear, Matt wasn't sure he would have heard Gabby's words. But he had. And for the third time that day, his heart swelled with emotion. He tightened his hold around her and turned his head to meet her lips in a passionate kiss. "I love you too," he breathed once his lips broke from hers. "I love you so much, Gabby. I love all of you so much. Until you three came into my life, I never truly knew how it felt to have a family. I don't think I can thank you enough for trusting me."

She brought her head up from his shoulder and instead placed her forehead against his. Her tear filled eyes met his watery blues and she shook her head, "I should be thanking you. You've put up with so much."

Matt smiled, he felt a sense of relief wash over him as he realized Gabby was finally understanding it. "That's what love is, Gabby. When you love someone you stick by them through their highs and lows."

"Even the interrupted dinner dates?" She joked, trying to lighten the mood. "A movie and dinner for two usually turns into a movie and dinner for four. It still boggles my mind that it never bothers you."

Matt laughed, "like I said, it makes me feel like I'm apart of a family. I love every minute of it."

* * *

_Hope you liked it! Yes, Gabby FINALLY said those three words! Review? _

_Love you guys!_


	27. Chapter 27

_I have no excuses for my lack of updates. I honestly just haven't had the energy or motivation and for that, I am sorry. I haven't even had energy to actually read other Dawsey fanfiction...idk, I'm losing it I guess. But...I did write a super long chapter and for those of you that are still following along, I hope you like it. Once again, I can't thank you all enough for the lovely reviews you constantly leave for me. :) _

_On a devastating side note, I'm completely saddened to hear that Monica Raymund's brother passed away. My thoughts and prayers are with the amazing woman who has brought Gabriela Dawson to life for us. _

How Will I Know

Chapter Twenty Seven

It took longer than they had expected for Eli to get his cast on so by the time he was set up in his own room for the night, it was well after ten and the five year old was struggling to keep his eyes open. After experiencing a bad dream during the nap he took while waiting to get his cast, he was fighting against his exhaustion. He didn't want to fall asleep and he didn't want to have another bad dream. He just wanted to stay with his mommy.

While Gabby hadn't been too excited for Eli to stay the night, she understood the precautions and had asked Laura if she wouldn't mind watching Gus for the rest of the night. Her sister-in-law didn't even hesitate in agreeing to take Gus back home with her and the kids.

Laura had even asked Antonio if he wanted to tag along. Though they were currently separated, Laura knew her husband well and she knew that the last thing he needed was to go back home to an empty place. He politely declined, though, reasoning that he had to wait until his parents' flight came in. In the meantime, he'd headed back to the station to see what Voight knew about Ross' impending case. He'd be damned if the sick son of a bitch slithered his way out of a long list of charges.

Gabby had settled in the chair next to Eli's bed and held tightly onto her son's uninjured hand, coaxing him into giving into his exhaustion, promising that she would be right there when he woke up. Matt had stayed by Gabby and Eli's side the entire time since arriving at the hospital but knowing Eli needed his mother more than anything, he'd kept his distance. He'd also sensed the anxiety his presence had created for Eli and was hesitant to step into the equation.

After leaving the room to return a call he'd missed from Severide, Matt slipped back into the room and frowned as he watched Gabby shift in her seat and press her hand into her back. "You ok?" He asked. He'd tried earlier to convince her to move to the cot that one of the nurses had brought in an hour or so ago.

"Yeah," she whispered, her eyes not leaving Eli. "Just sore." She was more than sore, her entire body ached. From head to toe, every movement she made felt like she was walking through fire. She couldn't comprehend it, let alone explain it to someone else. Her body had to be going through some last ditch effort to keep her from completely passing out.

Matt nodded, not completely believing her but not wanting to start a fight either. "You sure you don't want to move to the cot?"

"I'm sure," she said, her tone making it clear he didn't need to ask again. She didn't care if it would put her just a few feet away from her son, she wasn't going to allow him to wake up alone and panic that she wasn't next to him.

"Ok." Matt grabbed the blanket that folded at the bottom of the cot and took one of the pillows. "At least try to make yourself comfortable then." He sat the pillow on the side of Eli's bed directly in front of her and draped the blanket over her shoulders.

Gabby managed a smile and snuck a glance in his direction as she leaned into the pillow. "Thank you….for everything."

Matt shook his head, "didn't we already talk about this? You don't need to thank me." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, "try to get some sleep, will you?"

"I will," Gabby whispered. Her eyes followed Matt as he walked to the other side of the room where another chair was pushed up against the wall on the other side of Eli's bed. She watched as he settled into the chair, scooting down so the back of his head met the head rest and closed his eyes. "Matt?"

He opened his eyes, "hmm?"

"I love you."

He grinned, "I love you too." He'd never get tired of hearing those words come from her lips.

* * *

"Gabriela," Marie whispered, brushing her hand over Gabby's back until she stirred. "This is no way to sleep."

Startling awake, Gabby relaxed back into the side of Eli's hospital bed when she realized it was just her mother. She shook her head, "I'm not leaving him."

Marie smiled, sometimes she wondered where Gabby had learned to become such a wonderful and doting mother—because it certainly wasn't from her. "I'm not asking you to leave him, but I am telling you to get in the cot that was sent over here for you. You're going to be extremely sore in a few hours if you stay like this."

Recognizing the tone in her mother's voice, Gabby knew there was no point in even putting up a fight. She brought her head up and let out a small groan as her body argued against the sudden movement. She must've been asleep for a while. Wincing against the dim light in the room, she rubbed at her eyes and looked over at her mother. "What time is it?"

"Almost two."

"Oh," she mumbled. "Did you and dad just get in?"

"About an hour or so ago," Marie reached up and pushed the loose strands of hair from Gabby's eyes and cupped her face, making sure her daughter was looking right at her. She gave her a stern look, "your brother mentioned something about you not feeling well."

"Gus has been sick," she replied lamely, too tired to even try to put up some sort of front. "If he's not sleeping, then I'm not sleeping."

"Mhm," Marie murmured, not completely buying it. "Come on, now." She grabbed Gabby's hand and helped her up. But almost as soon as Gabby was on her feet, she was wavering. She reached her hands out and grabbed a hold of her mother's arm, trying to steady herself. "Gabriela!"

"I got her," Matt said as he came up to her and slipped an arm around her waist, steadying her against his chest.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Gabby insisted but didn't fight Matt's embrace and instead leaned her back into him and placed one of her hands on top of his, giving it an appreciative squeeze. She met her mother's concerned eyes. "You're really here?"

"Well where else would I be?" Marie asked in complete seriousness. "It may have taken me a while to figure it out, but my family is always first, Gabriela."

Gabby nodded as she tried to force away the slight fog that she felt like her head currently floating in.

With Gabby leaning against him for support, Matt could feel her body losing focus as she struggled not to go limp in his arms. "Hey, let's get you in bed, ok?"

With no energy to disagree, Gabby let Matt help her into the small cot and almost instantly she rolled onto her side and fell back asleep. Taking the blanket that had fallen to the floor, Matt draped it over Gabby's body before motioning for Marie to follow him out into the hall.

Once they were out in the hall, before Matt even had time to open his mouth to say something, Marie crossed her arms and gave him a look he couldn't quite read but he was sure he seen a similar look from Gabby once or twice. "We never had that talk."

Matt was instantly confused, "what talk?"

"The last time I was in town, when Gabriela first introduced me to you, I believe I mentioned something about us having a talk."

"Right," Matt swallowed hard, he wasn't sure he was prepared for a talk, let alone _the _talk with his girlfriend's mother. "What did you want to talk about?"

"For starters, when I first met you, I was a bit uncertain of your intentions. As I'm sure you've learned by now, Gabriela has never made the best decisions when it has come to men. Eli's father who as it turns out, is an absolute psycho and of course, Gus' father. Do you see the pattern? Meet a guy, get pregnant and get dumped. So forgive me for not really trusting you."

Matt nodded his understanding and he wasn't even going to try to put up a front. He was barely standing and every part of his body ached from exhaustion. He took a seat in one of the chairs and took a breath, "you just want to make sure your daughter and her kids are around someone who is going to treat them right. I get it."

"It's not just that, Matt. Gabriela needs someone who will be there for her."

Matt held back a comment about Marie's lack of presence in Gabby's life during the times some of Gabby's less than stellar choices had been made. "I know," Matt agreed. "I've been there for Gabby ever since I first met her." He chuckled. "You know, it's actually because of Eli that Gabby and I met. It was during the Fourth of July celebration at the firehouse. Eli was so excited to learn about being a firefighter that as soon as he met me, he stayed by my side the rest of the night asking anything and everything he could think of."

"It's no surprise that he spent most of his time asking about being a firefighter. Eli's always loved any kind of profession that involves driving something," Marie commented. "For the longest time he would insist that he was going to grow up to drive trains. Every time Gabriela's father and I came to town, Eli would insist on taking the train everywhere we went."

"Yeah," Matt chuckled, "Gabby mentioned that once."

The small smile that was on Marie's face dropped and she crossed her arms. "I don't want to see my daughter hurt again. I don't want her stumbling through another relationship only to come out of it pregnant, alone and broken."

Matt's stomach tightened. Just the thought of anyone considering he was capable of such a thing tore into him. "I would never do that. _Never." _He shook his head, "Gabby doesn't give herself enough credit and this may not be my place to say…but I don't think you give her enough credit either." The look that flashed across Marie's face confirmed his thoughts. She didn't appreciate him saying anything.

"What exactly does that mean?"

There was no going back now. "She's taken a little bit of a different path than Antonio. She got into some trouble, fell into some not so good crowds and has two kids by two different men. All her life, you pushed for her to become a doctor. She became an EMT and then a nurse without anyone's help but in her mind…that still wasn't enough for you." He shrugged, "and to be honest, I don't even think she likes being nurse but she sees that as being at least more successful than being an EMT."

Marie shook her head, "I have connections at Lakeview, Matt and I'm constantly being told that Gabby is always on top of things at work."

"She is. No matter what she does-whether she likes it or not, she puts her heart and soul into it." He shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets, uncomfortable from the stare down he was currently receiving. "I don't know, maybe I should've kept my mouth shut but Gabby knows she has disappointed you a handful of times and she's constantly worrying about doing something that will have you disappointed in her again."

* * *

Eli stood next to his mother, his uninjured arm wrapped around one of her legs as he waited as patiently as he could for her to finish with the papers the nurse was showing her. He rested the side of his head against her leg and yawned, "does this mean I can go home now, mama?"

Gabby thanked the nurse before looking down at Eli. She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair. "It sure does! As soon as Matt gets here, we'll leave, ok?" The slight look of panic that flashed through Eli's eyes didn't go unnoticed by Gabby. She'd sensed her son's demeanor change last night when Matt was in his room and had brushed it off as anxiety. "You ok, baby?" Eli shrugged. Gabby sighed and hoisted Eli back up in his bed so she could get a better look at him. "You know Matt is nothing like Bobby, right?"

"My daddy…er, Bobby, he said Matt would never love me like him. That he would never be my dad. But I like Matt better than Bobby and I don't want Bobby to be my daddy. Matt is cooler. He takes me to the park, he helped me learn how to ride my bike and remember when Matt took just me to the movies?"

Despite the tears threatening, Gabby smiled. She did remember. It was a couple of weeks ago when Gabby took Gus for a check-up and Matt had offered to take Eli to spend some quality time with Eli. They'd ended up at the movies and took a detour to the ice-cream shop before coming back home. "I do remember." She took a breath and pressed her hands against the mattress on both sides of Eli, "I don't want you believing anything that came out of Bobby's mouth, ok? Just because…" she paused, not quite sure how to best explain it.

How did you explain to a five year old that just because someone was your biological dad, that didn't make him your real dad?

Eli titled his head, curious as he watched his mother think. "Just because he is my daddy doesn't mean he is _really _my daddy? He helped you make me but he didn't help you take care of me so he doesn't count as my daddy?"

Gabby was taken aback by her son's logic and nodded. "Yeah…yeah, you're right."

Eli grinned, "I know! I'm very smart, mommy!"

"Yes you are!" She cupped his face and kissed his nose, "you're very, very smart."

With Gus in his arms, Matt pushed open the door to Eli's room. He smiled, happy to see Eli up and ready. "Who's ready to go get breakfast?"

Eli grinned and jumped down from his bed, "me!" He held up his unbroken arm, "can we go get waffles?"

Gus giggled at his brother's actions and started to squirm in Matt's arms as soon as he saw his mother. "I think waffles sound like a great idea." She reached out for Gus and eagerly took him into her arms. "Hey baby boy. Did you miss me?" She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his cheek. "I hope you were good for your aunt Laura."

"She said he slept the entire night. Didn't even wake up for a bottle until it was almost eight."

Gabby raised a brow, "well I hope this becomes a new habit."

Eli tugged on Matt's hand, effectively gaining his attention. "Can you carry me please?"

Matt was caught off guard by Eli's change of demeanor around him and looked back up at Gabby. She gave him an assuring smile and Matt nodded, turning his attention back to Eli. "Sure thing, buddy. So waffles, huh? Any specific place you had in mind?" He hoisted Eli up into his arms and settled his weight to his right side.

"Nope. Just a place with waffles and chocolate milk."

Matt chuckled, "well I'm sure we'll find a place with waffles and chocolate milk."

* * *

Gabby frowned as she read the text she'd just received from her mom. Matt noticed the less than excited look on her face. "Everything ok?"

"My mom just invited us all over for dinner tonight. She specifically mentioned that she wanted you to come along."

"Oh…" Matt had yet to mention his conversation with Marie from the previous night. He wasn't quite sure how to bring it up and a tiny part of him felt like he'd crossed the line last night with what he'd said to Marie. He believed she needed to hear it, he just wasn't sure it had been his place to say it. "And?"

Gabby shrugged, "I hope you didn't have plans tonight because now you do." She sighed and discarded her phone in the drink console next to her. "I was really just hoping for a nice night in. I think we've all had enough stress to last for another month. But I guess Laura will be there so in some weird way, yesterday's events might have helped out Antonio's marriage."

"Family is family," Matt said, briefly glancing over at Gabby. "I think a lot of people realized how important family is yesterday. I don't know, maybe dinner won't be so bad."

Gabby narrowed her eyes, "I don't even know how you can manage to say that with a straight face."

Making the turn onto Gabby's street, Matt sighed and decided to just tell Gabby about the talk he'd had with her mother last night. "Your mom and I talked last night."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She said it was long overdue. Quizzed me about my intentions with you." He shrugged, "I was terrified during the actual conversation but when I think back on it…I think it went well."

"Well, you're still here…so it must've not been too bad."

"She really does want what is best for you, Gabby."

Gabby scoffed. "Her dreams for me died the minute…." She shook her head, "I'll never live up to the full potential my mother saw in me."

Matt sighed but didn't respond. He could tell Gabby was already getting heated with just him tip-toeing around the conversation and the last thing he wanted to do was add extra drama on top of everything else that had happened.

* * *

"Why do you want to sign my cast?" Eli asked, his face scrunching up in confusion as his uncle held up a black marker.

"Ah come on, you know how many people in the city of Chicago would love to have my autograph?" Antonio quipped.

Eli shrugged, "not a lot? You're not famous, Tio."

"Ouch." Antonio held a hand up to his heart, feigning hurt. "That cut deep, Elijah. You're obviously your mother's son." He pulled the cap off the marker, "when I was a kid, I broke my right leg and all the kids in the neighborhood signed their name and covered my cast in pictures." He shrugged, "didn't make having a cast so bad."

That was a persuasive enough answer for Eli as he nodded and stuck his red cast out for his uncle to sign.

Just down the hall in the kitchen, the women of the Dawson family had gathered in the kitchen to prepare dinner. Having arrived later than they had intended, when Gabby strolled into the kitchen with Gus in her arms, Laura, Eva and Marie had already started. The overwhelming aroma of the cooking food caught Gabby off guard and but she quickly recovered before anyone seemed to have noticed.

"Smells good, guys!" She adjusted Gus on her hip and held out her other arm as Eva excitedly moved across the kitchen to give her a hug.

"Aunt Gabby! You're here!" Eva pulled away and reached for Gus' hand, "Hi, Gus!" She giggled when her younger cousin grinned and started babbling away. "I have no idea what you're saying." She looked up at her aunt, "can I hold him?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah. But I'll warn you, he moves around a lot more than he did when he was a baby."

Eva nodded, "it's ok. I can handle it."

"Ok." Gabby transferred Gus into Eva's awaiting arms and released a tired sigh as the weight was lifted from her arms.

Marie eyed her daughter carefully. She could tell something was still off with her. "How are you feeling, Gabriela?"

Gabby shrugged, avoiding her mother's eyes. "I'm fine. Tired, but fine. In fact, we probably won't stay too late tonight, neither one of the boys took a nap and I have a feeling they'll both crash as soon as dinner is over."

Laura nodded, "that's fine. It is a school night so both Eva and Diego will have to call it an early night, too." She smiled as she watched her daughter play peek-a-boo with Gus. "Have you decided when Eli will go back?"

"Physically, besides the broken arm and minor scratches and bruises...he's fine." Gabby sighed, "and I considered letting him stay home the rest of the week but he said he's ready to go back. He told me this afternoon that he's ready to go see his friends and learn his numbers with Mrs. Howard." In all honesty, she was a bit apprehensive about sending Eli back to school so soon but the more she'd thought about it, the more she'd decided that if Eli was ready, staying home longer and giving him the opportunity to think about going back to school probably wasn't the best thing.

Marie pursed her lips and sat down the knife she'd been using to cut up the vegetables. "Have you considered finding someone for him to talk to? What he went through was quite traumatic and him going back to the place it all started could trigger something inside of him."

Gabby scowled, she didn't want her mother's advice. "I think I know my son better than you."

Marie shook her head, "that's not what I'm saying. Of course you know your son better than I do. I have no doubt you know him better than _anyone_ but I'm just asking if you think maybe it might be too soon?"

Gabby shrugged, her anger subsiding. "I don't know. I thought about seeing if Chaplain Orlovksy would talk to him. It would be more of a laid back setting in an environment that Eli has been around before."

"There's always Father Lopez," Marie suggested.

"Father Lopez?" Gabby asked, thinking back to the priest who had started out as a youth minister when she was a teenager. "It's been months since I've been to church," she admitted. If she really thought about it, she'd have to guess it was probably around Easter when she'd last taken the boys to church.

"Well then maybe you're due for a visit, hmm?" Marie gave her daughter a knowing look, very much reminiscent of the conversations they'd had during Gabby's teenage years. The older Gabby had gotten, the harder it was to get her to attend church on a regular basis. "Your father and I will be leaving to head back to the Dominican on Sunday but before we go, we want to spend the morning with our children and their families." She turned her attention to Laura, giving her son's estranged wife the same look she'd just thrown Gabby's way. "If any of us have learned anything over the past few days it's that family is very important. Right?"

* * *

"You're staying, right?" Gabby asked Matt as she cradled a half sleeping Gus in her arms and headed down the hall towards the boys' bedroom.

Surprisingly dinner with her parents had gone better than she had anticipated. So the conversation during the preparation of dinner had been a bit awkward, once they'd all gathered around the table and sat the food out, it had turned out to be quite enjoyable.

"Absolutely." In his arms, Eli struggled to remain awake. Every couple of seconds he started to doze off before startling back awake. Matt smiled and brushed Eli's hair from his eyes, "I'm going to sit you down so you can go to the bathroom and brush your teeth, ok?"

"Ok," Eli mumbled. As soon as his feet hit the ground and he moved to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Giving Eli some privacy, Matt continued on down the hall towards Gabby's room. Even after all the emotional and physical calls he'd been on, Matt couldn't remember the last time he was _this _exhausted. The past thirty six hours had been a complete roller coaster and right now all Matt wanted to do was crawl into bed and pull Gabby close to him so he could drift off to the lullaby of her rhythmic breathing.

And that's exactly what he did. Both boys were asleep almost instantly and as soon as she climbed into bed, Gabby curled up to Matt's side and slipped an arm across his stomach, pulling him closer to her.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Matt had woke up to go to the bathroom. He hadn't heard anything on his way to the bathroom but on the way back he heard what sounded like very faint crying. Putting his ear up against the door to Gus and Eli's room, he listened carefully until he was sure that it was coming from their room. Turning the knob, he pushed the door open quietly and the light from the hallway illuminated the room enough for him to see Eli sitting up in bed.

"Hey, buddy," Matt whispered, taking a tentative step into the bedroom. "You ok?"

Eli shook his head, his one hand clutching his blanket while the other held on tight to the stuffed elephant he'd received from Diego and Eva that morning. "I'm scared."

Matt frowned and took a few more steps into the room. "Can I come in?" He asked, not wanting to startle Eli. The little boy nodded and Matt made his way across the room and took a seat next to Eli on his bed. "Why are you scared?"

"I don't wanna go to school tomorrow. I don't wanna go back there."

When Gabby had mentioned that Eli had said he was ready to go back to school that afternoon, Matt had kept quiet about his concerns as he'd silently wondered if it was such a good idea.

Matt sighed and cast a sideways glance in Gus' direction. Thankfully the tot's slumber remained undisturbed. "Let's go get a drink of water, ok?" He stood up and helped Eli untangle himself from his covers before taking his hand and helping him out of bed. Eli's small hand was sweaty and Matt couldn't help but wonder how long Eli had been up stressing over everything.

A couple minutes later, Eli was perched up on the kitchen counter, taking little sips from the glass of cold water Matt had gotten him. "You feel better?" Matt asked, recognizing the calming effect the simple task had had on Eli. His goal had been to divert Eli's complete attention away from his worries and give him a chance to calm down.

"Uh-huh." Eli took another gulp, finishing off the glass. He handed the empty glass over to Matt. "Thank you."

Matt smiled, "you're very welcome." Trying to make at least amount of noise as possible, Matt carefully discarded the empty glass into the sink next to Eli. "So you want to tell me why you don't want to go back to school?"

Eli dropped his eyes and shrugged, "I dunno."

"Eli, there's no wrong answer here. I promise, your mom won't get mad and I won't get mad. _Nobody _will get mad. You got that?"

"I don't want Bobby to find me," Eli whispered.

Matt sighed, he'd briefly debated waking Gabby up but she'd been completely exhausted and had fallen asleep within seconds of climbing into bed. In fact, they'd been a middle of having a conversation when Gabby had dozen off as Matt was talking. "Eli, you know Bobby is in jail, right?" Eli nodded. "Well, he's going to be in jail for a very, very long time so he's not going to be able to find you. I promise you, Eli…I promise you with my whole heart that I will never let him take you again, ok?"

"Ok…" Eli mumbled, not quite convinced.

"Eli, hey…look at me, buddy." Matt gently turned Eli's chin up so he was making eye contact. His eyes were identical to his mother's. "I promise, Eli."

"You promise for forever?"

Matt nodded, "for forever."

Eli managed a smile, "ok."

"Ok. So you ready to go back to bed?"

"Can I stay with you and mama tonight?"

"What does your mom usually say?"

"No." Eli pouted, "but just for tonight, please?"

Severide had joked once that with Gabby's stand her ground demeanor, Matt was probably the complete opposite when it came to parenting. In this case, he was right. Matt couldn't say no to Eli. Not after what he'd been through. He sighed, silently hoping that Gabby wouldn't get mad at him. "You'll be quiet?"

Eli nodded his head, "promise!"

"Ok, let's go." Matt lifted Eli off of the countertop and carried him to the bedroom. Matt sat Eli down by the foot of the bed and pulled back the covers so he could climb in up next to his mom. From the looks of it, Gabby hadn't moved a bit since Matt had left the bed almost half an hour ago. But between Eli's movement as he settled in next to his mother and the dip the mattress took when Matt settled back into bed, it was enough to stir Gabby from her slumber.

Eli cuddled into her side and settled his head directly below her breasts, she winced caught, off guard by the soreness. "Matt?" She whispered, her voice thick with sleep.

"And me," Eli whispered.

Gabby's eyes flew open and she pushed herself up, disrupting Eli's attempt cuddle up next to her. "Are you ok?" She glanced over at Matt, "what happened? Why didn't you wake me up?"

Matt shook his head, he didn't want to get into the full story in front of Eli. "It's ok, he's fine. I got up to go to the bathroom and saw Eli was awake. He was a little worried about going back to school but we talked about it and I think he's feeling a lot better."

Eli nodded, "I'm ok, mama. Matt got me a glass of water and we talked about it. I'll be ok at school tomorrow."

Gabby managed an encouraging smile and met Matt's gaze over Eli's head, silently asking him to reassure her. Matt gave her a small nod and Gabby relaxed a bit, "ok." She would ask him tomorrow morning when Eli wasn't within listening distance. She settled back into bed and shifted to her side so Eli could curl up to her. "Ready to go back to sleep?" She asked him.

"Mhm," Eli curled up into a fetal position next to his mother, "night, night mama. Te mo. Night, night, Matt. Te amo." Eli briefly opened his eyes and glanced over his shoulder at Matt, "that means I love you in Spanish."

Gabby laughed and Matt couldn't help but chuckle along. "Thanks for the Spanish lesson, buddy. And I love you, too." He met Gabby's eyes, "I love you, Gabby."

"I love you too, Matt." She let her gaze linger with Matt's before dropping her head and kissing the top of Eli's head. "And I love you too, baby boy."

"Mama! I'm not a baby!"

"You'll always be my baby, Elijah."

* * *

"Shit," Gabby cursed as she braced herself against the bathroom sink. She glanced at her pale complexion through the mirror as she racked her brain trying to recall the last time she'd had her period. She couldn't remember. The signs, though, they were definitely there. And they had been for quite some time if she really thought about it. The nausea, the constant lightheaded feeling, lack of appetite and the soreness in her breasts when Eli had brushed up against them last night. Honestly, she'd just pushed it all aside as stress and hadn't thought twice about it.

Concluding that she didn't currently have the time to dwell over the possibility that she could be pregnant, she pushed herself off the sink and reached into the shower to get the water running. Hopefully she could at least get a quick shower in before one of the boys woke up looking for.

As it turned out, twenty minutes later, Matt was the first one up and looking for Gabby.

With nothing but a towel wrapped tightly around her, Gabby stepped out of the bathroom and ran right into Matt's chest. "Oh my god," she yelped, as she felt his arms wrap around her and steady her. She brought a hand to her chest and looked up at him, her eyes wide. "You scared me."

"Sorry. I was trying to be quiet so I didn't wake up either of the boys."

Gabby nodded her head in understanding. "It's alright. You just…you caught me off guard is all."

Matt raised a brow, the fact that Gabby was avoiding his eyes concerned him a little. "You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah…I'm fine. It's just…" she shrugged, not really wanting to say anything to Matt unless she was certain. "A little nervous about Eli going back to school." It wasn't a complete lie, her eldest son had also been on her mind. She ran her fingers through her wet curls, "I'm going to get dressed and then you can tell me what happened?"

"What happened? Oh, right…" Matt nodded, catching on to what Gabby was talking about. "You mean with Eli? I'll get some coffee going. Meet me in the kitchen?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

As soon as Matt had told Gabby about finding Eli up and crying last night along with their little talk that followed, Gabby had immediately felt like a horrible mother. She should have known better than to assume that when Eli had said he was ready to go back to school, that he had really meant it. She thanked Matt for being there for Eli and then turned her attention on preparing breakfast for the boys.

Their normal morning routine was a lot quieter than usual. Breakfast was filled with Gus' babbling and Eli talking about beating Diego in Mario Kart the night before. Matt could tell Gabby was a bit preoccupied with her own thoughts so he kept Eli engaged in conversation until breakfast was finished. After cleaning up breakfast, all of Gabby's energy was focused on helping Eli get ready for school. After what Matt had told her, she was having second thoughts on letting him go back so soon. She wanted to take the time to really get a feel for Eli's emotions, to see if maybe he was hinting that he wasn't ready but to her surprise, he seemed to be in good spirits. She left him to to pick out what he wanted to wear and got Gus dressed.

"Can I have my friends sign my cast, mama?" Eli asked as he sat down on the floor to put his shoes on.

"It's fine with me but you'll have to ask your teacher."

* * *

Shay pulled open the door and narrowed her eyes, "ok, what the heck is going on?" She stepped aside to give Gabby room to come inside. "You sounded panicked on the phone."

Gabby sat Gus feet first down on the floor and straightened back up so she could look at Shay, "I think I'm pregnant."

"You're serious?" Gabby nodded her head and Shay sighed, she could tell Gabby had already had a few good cries at just the possibility of being pregnant again. "Oh, sweetie."

"Well…at least you know Matt likes kids," Shay joked, trying to lighten the mood. The look Gabby gave her was enough of a response to know now was not the time. "Ok, ok…no jokes." Shay sighed, "I take it you haven't taken a test?"

"No." Gabby held up the plastic bag, "I bought three. I don't want to take them at my place." There was a crash behind her and she jumped, spinning around to see what Gus had gotten into. He'd knocked over a toolbox Kelly had sitting on the floor but thankfully it was still shut tight. "Augustus," she scolded, walking over and scooping him up. "That's not yours. That's Uncle Kelly's." Speaking of Kelly, Gabby's eyes scanned the apartment.

Shay shook her head, "he's not here. He left early to go help teach a class at the fire academy."

Gabby nodded, "good, ok." She held Gus out for Shay to take. "I guess there's no time like the present…"

Thirty minutes and three positive pregnancy tests later, Gabby was angrily tossing the tests and their packages in the trash. She hadn't said a single word since the first one came up as positive, instead she'd silently sat it aside and ripped open another test. But now, now that there was no denying the fact that she was once again pregnant, Gabby was completely beside herself.

With her arms crossed, Shay leaned against the door frame of the bathroom door, silently giving her best friend time to digest the results. She stood at an angle so she could still see Gus who had plopped down in front of the television and had been glued to the cartoon almost as long as his mother had been in the bathroom. "Dawson?"

Gabby shook her head, the tears threatening. She was so disappointed in herself that she couldn't bring herself to look over and see the same look from her best friend. "I'm pregnant."

* * *

_Review? :)_


	28. Chapter 28

_Guys! Guys! With this chapter, I went over 100,000 words! I've dabbled in and out of fanfiction since I was in middle school (and we won't talk about how long ago that was...) and this is probably the longest fanfic I've written and that's all thanks to you guys! You guys all review on a regular basis (even when I don't update on a regular basis) and you all always have such encouraging things to say. _

_By my estimates, I'd say there are about ten chapters left...give or take. I've got a basic outline for the last chapter written it's just everything in between. I do have this other story that's been dancing around in my head but it is once again really, really AU and I'm not quite sure I could handle the load. So, we'll see. I swear, my mind is constantly bouncing with ideas and sometimes it's hard to focus. Ha. _

_So...here's chapter twenty eight, I hope you all enjoy it and please let me know what you think. Soooo close to 500 reviews! ;) _

_Love you guys!_

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

Gabby continued to shake her head as she paced the small distance from one end of the bathroom to the other. "This isn't good, Shay. This isn't good at all."

She was pregnant. Again.

Shay leaned against the frame of the bathroom door, her attention constantly dancing between Gus as he played in the living room and a panicked Gabby just feet from her. "Gabby..." Shay started, stopping as she watched Gabby stop her movements and the color drain from her face.

"I'm gonna be sick." Gabby's hand flew to her mouth and she turned and dropped to the floor next to the toilet.

Shay cringed as she heard Gabby empty the contents of her stomach. As a paramedic, she was able to handle just about anything but there was something about the sound of someone puking that she absolutely hated. It was like nails on a chalkboard for her. She sent a quick glance in Gus' direction just as he was about to climb up onto the coffee table. "Shit," Shay rushed over to Gus and plucked him just as he got his other leg up. "I don't think so, Augustus."

"Ball!" Gus yelled, reaching for the signed baseball that was displayed in the center of the table.

"Yes, that's a ball but trust me, Uncle Kelly would be really upset if you got a hold of it. It's apparently a one of a kind," she muttered. She sat Gus down in the playpen that was still set up from the last time she had watched him and handed him a few toys. "I'll be back."

Shay hurried back down the hall and when she rounded the corner into the bathroom, Gabby had already crumbled in front of the toilet half crying and half gagging into the bowl. "Oh, sweetie." Shay got down on her knees next to Gabby and pulled the hair from her friend's face. "It's going to be ok."

Gabby choked back a sob, "no it's not! I can't do this again, Shay! I can't be pregnant by another guy!"

"But it's not just another guy, Gabby! It's Matt!" Shay continued to brush the hair from Gabby's face, "he loves you and the boys and I can guarantee that he'll be excited about this baby."

But Gabby wasn't grasping anything that Shay was saying. All she could think was the fact that she was having another baby by another man. "You don't understand, Shay! Three babies by three different guys! You understand what that makes me, right? A whore! Oh my god! As if my parents weren't already disappointed in me enough as it was! My mother might just disown me this time around!"

"Gabby!" Shay exclaimed, finally pulling her friend from her emotional rambling. "I'm not going to sit here and let you talk about yourself like that! You _are _not a whore. Yeah, you've made some bad decisions but you've grown up and are an absolutely amazing mother. I know for a fact that Matt doesn't see you as a whore and you shouldn't either, ok? Could you honestly picture your life without Eli or Gus?"

Taking a shaky breath, Gabby shook her head, "no."

"I didn't think so...And I can promise you that this time next year, you'll be saying the exact same thing about this new baby. Come here, sweetie." Shay helped Gabby move away from the toilet and settle her back against the tub. Reaching over to the sink she grabbed the hand towel that was hanging next to it and handed it to Gabby. "First things, first, though...make an appointment and find out for sure. See if you can't get in this morning, ok? I'll watch Gus."

Gabby nodded and managed a smile, "thank you."

Shay bumped her shoulder with Gabby's, "anytime, girlie."

* * *

Gabby sat nervously in her doctor's office waiting for her to come back with the test results. Not that three positive pregnancy tests weren't confirmation enough but she needed the official word before allowing herself to really think about everything. Call it mother's intuition or being in touch with your own body...but Gabby was already sure she was pregnant.

She jumped when she heard the door open and glanced over her shoulder as the middle aged woman entered the office.

Dr. Cooper smiled, "well, you're definitely pregnant."

Gabby nodded, "I figured as much. I know you probably won't believe it, but I've been careful, _so _careful."

Dr. Cooper shook her head, "you've been coming to see me long enough that you should know by now that I'm not here to judge you. I never have and I never will."

When Gabby was fifteen and her mother had found out that she was sexually active, despite giving her daily lectures, she knew her daughter well enough to know she was going to do what she wanted to do and had started her on birth control. _No child of mine is going to have a child in such unplanned circumstance. Well, Marie's birth control method had lasted five years. _

Dr. Cooper had been witness to Gabby's first two pregnancies. The first time that Gabby had become pregnant, she was the one who had sat her down and was completely honest with her in regards to her options. She was blunt but supportive. Told Gabby this was her decision and whatever she chose, she would be there for her. She was the one who had insisted Gabby tell _someone. _If the father wasn't going to be in the picture, she needed to find support from someone else. She'd unintentionally became a rock for the terrified soon to be mother and had promised she wouldn't leave her side during the delivery room. And she'd kept that promise as she was the one to deliver Elijah and place him in his mother's arms.

After Eli's birth, Dr. Cooper didn't see or hear from Gabby for a few years and it wasn't until Gabby got a job at Lakeshore, did the young mother stop by for a visit. Her happiness to see Gabby had soon changed to concern when she caught the fearful look in her eyes. She'd tried to get Gabby to open up to her, but in normal Gabby Dawson fashion, she'd insisted she was fine.

Two weeks later and she was back in Dr. Cooper's office. This time, her arms were covered in bruises the shape of hand prints and she was confessing that she was afraid she might be pregnant again. Dr. Cooper had confirmed Gabby's pregnancy but also told her she needed to do something about the physical trauma that had been forced upon her. Even though had been fearful of the repercussions, Gabby had agreed. Unfortunately, those repercussions had turned into a very stressful pregnancy that eventually included an emergency c-section. And once again, Dr. Cooper had been the one to deliver the newborn, but this time instead of placing Augustus into Gabby's awaiting arms, she'd hurriedly handed him off to a NICU nurse.

Now, a little over a year later, they were once again discussing an unplanned pregnancy. "What about the father, Gabby?" She knew Gus' father was in prison and she'd heard of the incident with Eli's father. She was surprised to see a small glimmer of happiness flash through Gabby's eyes.

"He's amazing," she whispered, wiping at her eyes. "Not only does he love me, but he loves both Eli and Gus."

Dr. Cooper smiled, "he sounds like a good man."

"He's a great man," Gabby insisted. But she shook her head, "but this wasn't supposed to happen!" Not right now! You said it yourself after Gus' delivery that getting pregnant again would probably be difficult. And I was _still _so careful!"

"Things happen in mysterious ways, Gabby."

Gabby sighed, she didn't want to hear any of that 'maybe it's just meant to be' nonsense. "How far along do you think I am?"

Dr. Cooper sighed, "given the last time you remember menstruating and from what you've told me, my guess is about seven or eight weeks but I'd really like to do an ultrasound."

"Right now?"

"No time like the present, right?"

* * *

When Gabby stepped out of the hospital and pulled her phone from her purse to call Shay, it started ringing and with one quick glance at the screen, her heart dropped. It was Eli's school. She answered and went straight for the bad news, "what's wrong? How's Eli?" Apparently his demeanor had crumbled and he was an absolute mess, refusing to go outside for recess.

As soon as Gabby stepped into the office, Eli jumped from the chair he'd been waiting in and ran over to her with his arms out and ready to fall into her arms. "Mommy!"

Breathing a sigh of relief that he physically seemed to be ok, Gabby crouched down and welcomed Eli into her embrace. She kissed the side of his head, "hey, sweetie." She tried to pull back to look at him but he tightened his grip around her, not wanting to let go. "Elijah, it's ok. I've got you."

"I don't wanna go back outside, mama! I don't want him to get me!" Eli mumbled into the crook of her neck, his tears soaking into her sweatshirt.

Glancing up, Gabby met the principal's concerned gaze and managed a small smile. "He's not going to get you, baby. I promise." She pushed back a groan as she hoisted Eli up into her arms and stood up so she was facing the principal.

The principal gave an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry I had to call you but none of us seemed to be able to console him."

"No, I want you to call me when something is going on." She sighed, "I honestly shouldn't of brought him today but he said he was ready."

"I understand. If you'd like, we do have a counselor on staff that is willing to talk to him."

Gabby shook her head, "thanks but I've already got someone through my work lined up. In fact, I'll probably see if I can get him in for an appointment either today or tomorrow." After spending a few more minutes talking with Eli's principal, Gabby coaxed her son into letting her place him back on the ground and settling for his hand in hers.

"I'm sorry, mama" Eli mumbled as he walked with his mother out to the car.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetie."

"But I didn't mean to cry! I know Bobby is in jail and he can't hurt me but I was scared because when I was going outside I thought I saw a car that looked like his but I know it wasn't his because he crashed it."

"You know it's ok to cry, right? That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, baby."

Eli have a half nod and shrugged his shoulders. "But I don't want to be scared anymore...I don't wanna cry anymore."

"Do you think it would help to talk about it? Like maybe The Chaplain?" Gabby suggested, glancing sideways and trying to gauge the silent reaction from her son. "Sometimes when I need advice or when I just need to talk to someone, I'll go see Chaplain Orlovsky."

"Will you go with me?"

"Absolutely."

"But do I have to talk about all the bad stuff?"

"No...you can talk about whatever you want. The bad and the god if you want to."

Eli thought about it and gave a definite nod, "ok. I'll tell him about everything. Are we gonna go see him now?"

Gabby shook shook her head and opened the door to the back seat of her car. "Not today. How about you take tomorrow off from school and we go see him?"

"You mean I can skip school?" Eli exclaimed as he climbed up into his booster seat and pulled the seat belt across his body.

"Skip school?" Gabby asked, curious as to why her kindergartner would already be so enthusiastic to skip school.

"Yeah. That's what Eva calls it!"

"And does Eva skip school?" Gabby asked. This was news to her and probably news to her brother.

Eli shrugged, "I don't know. I was just listening to Diego and Eva talk the other day. Is it bad?"

"If you don't have a good reason, yes. You have a good reason to not go to school tomorrow but come Monday, you will be going back."

* * *

"You think you'll be stopping by tonight?" Gabby asked as she cradled her phone between her ear and shoulder. With both boys occupied by dinner, she was taking the opportunity to throw a load of laundry into the wash so she could actually have something clean to wear to work tomorrow.

"I don't know," Matt sighed, not happy with his own answer. "I'm still working on plans with the owner. He's got lots of ideas…some good and some not so good," he joked. "He's actually on the phone with his business partner so I thought I'd give you a call and see how you guys were."

Her stomach flipped, it was the perfect lead into the conversation she needed to have with him but she couldn't bring herself to say it over the phone or at all for that matter. She'd barely taken time to really absorb the idea of another baby with another man that she wasn't quite sure how to voice it to the father-to-be. "I had to pick Eli up from school right before lunch. I guess he was fine up until recess and he had a meltdown." She sighed, "I should've known better than to have sent him to school today. Obviously he's not ready to go back."

"Don't beat yourself up out it, Gabby. I saw him this morning and he seemed fine. It was probably just actually being there that set him off." He sighed, "you could've called me, you know? I would have packed my things up and come over."

"I know," Gabby whispered, "but you're not required to stop what you're doing every time something is going on with one of the boys and I don't want you to feel like you are."

"But I want to be," he insisted. "I want to be in the loop with what's going on with all three of you. As far as I'm concerned, you guys are my family. If Eli loses a tooth, I wanna know so I can hide some money under his pillow or if Gus learns a new word, I wanna know so I can pay attention for him to say it again. And you, if there's something going on with you…whether it be work related for something, I wanna know. And I really hope this doesn't come off as controlling because that's definitely not my intention, but I love all three of you and I want to stay in the loop when I'm unable to be around."

_Pregnant, _the single word echoed repeatedly in Gabby's mind as she tried to convince herself to just tell him. But she couldn't and instead she changed the subject. "You know, I never really got to thank you for comforting him last night. I'm a little mad at myself for not waking up and realizing something was wrong….I've always been able to wake up at the slightest sound from either of the boys."

"You were exhausted, Gabby," Matt reasoned. "Besides, I have no doubt that if I wasn't there, you would have woken up. But I think it shows that you trust me, that you allowed yourself to actually sleep because you knew that I'd wake you up if it was something really urgent."

"Yeah," Gabby cleared her throat and tried to push aside the emotions that were threatening to get the best of her. "I do trust you, Matt. I don't think I could've ever asked for someone more understanding and patient than you." _Just tell him_, she silently tried to convince herself. _He'll be happy. _"Matt, I…"

"It's…" he stopped when he realized he'd cut Gabby off. "Sorry, what were you going to say?"

She chickened out. Gabby shook her head, "nothing really, I was just on the verge of rambling."

Matt chuckled though he wasn't quite sure he completely believed her. He'd noticed the distance she'd been putting between them since that morning but he hadn't been able to find the right time to ask about it and he hated getting into a heated conversation with her right before bed especially since he wasn't even with her. "It's alright. I don't mind listening to you ramble." He sighed, catching sight of the owner coming back into the room. "I gotta go, though. I'll try to call you before the night is over. I love you."

"I love you, too." Gabby whispered. She waited for him to end the phone call before taking a breath and returning the phone to her back pocket. She rounded the corner and was back in the kitchen where surprisingly both boys were still behaving. "Ok, who is ready for bath time?"

Eli scrunched up his face in disgust, "I don't wanna take a bath, mama. I don't want everybody's drawings and writings to wash off my cast."

Gabby smiled as she started to clean up the mess from dinner, "we can't get your cast wet, sweetie so I can promise that none of it will wash off."

"Will my cast get soggy if I get it wet?" Eli asked.

"Something like that." She sat the dirty dishes in the sink, intent on putting everything in the dishwasher once the boys were asleep. "How about I give Gus a bath first and you can play for a little bit? Remember how much Gus likes to splash at bath time?"

Eli nodded, "ok! I'll play with my trucks!"

Giving the boys separate baths had made bath time take twice as long. After she'd finished with the ever wild Gus, she'd put pajamas on him and settled him in bed with a bottle. She knew he was still too wound up to actually fall asleep but there was no way she could focus on giving Eli a bath if Gus was up and roaming around.

"Is Matt gonna come over tonight, mama?" Eli asked out of the blue as he struggled to get his pajama shirt on. "If he hurries he might have enough time to read me a bed-time story."

Gabby shook her head, "I don't think he's gonna make it tonight, Eli. When I talked to him earlier he was still working."

Eli narrowed his brown eyes and stuck his bottom lip out, "you got to talk to him and I didn't?"

"Well you were eating when he called."

"But I wanna talk to him," Eli whined.

"And I'll call him but you don't need to whine about it, ok?" She knew she was being tough but she refused completely give up the discipline even with everything that had happened over the past couple of days.

Eli sighed but nodded nonetheless. "Ok."

After helping Eli finish getting his pajamas on, she grabbed her phone and headed to the kitchen with Eli just one step behind her. Gabby listened to the endless rings on the other side of the phone, afraid that Matt wasn't going to answer. She was just about to give up and tell Eli he would just have to wait and talk to Matt tomorrow when she heard him answer. "Hey."

"Hey, is it a bad time?"

"No, I just packed up my truck and I'm getting ready to call it a night." Matt hoisted himself up into his truck and shut the door. "Is everything ok?"

"Someone is a little disappointed that you aren't coming over tonight and he wants to say goodnight."

Matt couldn't help but smile as he rested his head against his seat. "Oh yeah?"

Eli climbed up on one of the kitchen chairs and stood up on it so he was the same height of his mom. "Can I talk to him? Please?"

"Get down from the chair, Elijah," Gabby scolded. After he did as he was told, Gabby handed her phone to him, "just for a few minutes, ok?"

"Ok!" Eli put the phone up to his ear, "hi, Matt!"

"Hey, buddy! How are you?"

Eli shrugged, "I'm alright. Mama came and got me from school today because I was afraid. I'm sorry."

"Well that's nothing you have to be sorry about," Matt insisted softly. "It's ok to be scared. What happened was definitely scary. I would have been scared, too." Matt's heart broke for Eli as he listened to him apologize for something that wasn't even his fault. "But remember what I said, Bobby will never hurt you again, ok?"

"Ok," Eli mumbled. "But I'm not gonna go to school tomorrow. Mama is gonna take me to see Chaplain Orlov…Orlovsky." He looked up at his mom, "did I say his name right, mama?"

Gabby nodded, "you sure did, baby." She ran her fingers through Eli's wet hair, "go ahead and tell Matt goodnight, ok?"

"Goodnight, Matt. Te amo. Do you remember what that means?"

Matt grinned, "I do. I love you too, buddy. Have a goodnight, ok?"

"Ok. Here's my mama." Eli handed his mother's phone back to her.

"Thank you, sweetie. Go head to bed and I'll be there in a few minutes."

Gabby waited until she saw Eli turn the corner into his bedroom before bringing her phone up to her ear, "hey. Thanks for talking to him, I think it helped."

Matt nodded, "I hope it did. So you're taking him to see the Chaplain tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I think it might do him some good and then it'll give him the whole weekend to kind of get back to some sort of normal." She sighed, "I want him to understand that it wasn't his fault and that Bobby is never going to hurt him. I actually talked to Antonio today to see what was going on with the case."

"Yeah? It's all good news, right?"

"Yeah. But unfortunately I've been through his before with Lance so until the judge hands down the sentence, I'm not trusting anything." She shrugged, "I know that sounds a bit cynical of me but….oh well…"

Matt shook his head, "you have the right to be hesitant, Gabby. But I'm going to promise you the same thing I promised Eli, I won't let Bobby hurt him ever again."

"I believe you." She headed towards her room, turning the lights off to both the kitchen and the living room on her way. She glanced in the boys' room, and surprisingly both boys were already asleep. Leaving the door open a crack, she crossed the hall to her room. "I think your talk really did help, Eli didn't even wait for me to tuck him in; he's already sound asleep."

"Well I'm glad I could help."

"Me too. You know, I was thinking that if things go well tomorrow, I might stop by the firehouse with the boys tomorrow afternoon."

Matt grinned, "I'd like that. I think all the guys would like to see all of you, too."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "well they'll be very disappointed when I show up with no food," she joked. "But Eli did mention during dinner that he wanted all the guys and _Shay_ to sign his cast. So I figured the boys could hang out with the house and maybe I could hang out with you?" _And tell you that I'm pregnant. _

"I'm definitely not opposed to that."

Gabby smiled, "good."

"Definitely good. But I can tell you're tired so I'm gonna go so you can get to bed."

After a few more minutes of small talk, the call did come to an end and Gabby took a deep breath as she set her phone down on her nightstand. "Tomorrow," she whispered. "I'll tell him when I see him tomorrow."

* * *

With Gus on her hip and her toothbrush in her mouth, Gabby glanced through the peephole before opening the door and stepping aside to let Matt in.

Matt couldn't help but grin at the sight in front of him as he stepped inside the apartment. Gus was in nothing but a diaper and perched on his mother's hip while Gabby was still wrapped in a towel and attempting to brush her teeth. "Busy morning?" He sat the breakfast and coffee he'd picked up on his way down on the coffee table and took Gus from Gabby's arms. She gave him an appreciative smile before heading back towards the bathroom to finish up.

Gus patted Matt's nose and giggled, "Att!"

"Yep, I'm Matt alright." He glanced around the living room looking for Eli. "Where's your brother?"

"I'm in the bedroom!" He heard Eli call from down the hall.

Matt smirked, "your brother has good ears, I'll have to remember that." With Gus content in his arms, the two of them made their way into the boys' bedroom. Eli was sitting on the floor in the center of the bedroom, already dressed and attempting to tie his shoes. "Hey there big guy, how you feeling?"

Eli shrugged, "I'm just trying to tie my shoes in double knots."

"Well how about I get your brother dressed and then I help you?"

"I can do it all by myself."

"Ok," Matt conceded, not wanting to push. He turned towards the dresser that had Gus' clothes and came up with a pair of pants and a long sleeve shirt that looked like they matched.

With Matt keeping the boys occupied, Gabby had managed to get dressed and had moved into the kitchen where she was attempting to eat a piece of toast. Giving up, she tossed it in the trash and took one of her prenatal vitamins before tossing the bottle back in her purse. Her eyes briefly landed on the sonogram pictures that were sticking out of her wallet and she once again reminded herself that she had to tell Matt.

Preferably today.

Like, right now.

She could hear his footsteps as he walked towards the kitchen and once again she chickened out and hurriedly pushed her wallet and the sonograms out of sight. Glancing over her shoulder, she gave him a half smile as he closed the distance between them.

"Thanks for getting them ready, it's been a chaotic morning." One that started a little after six when she scrambled out of her bed and hurried towards the bathroom.

Matt shrugged and slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. He kissed the side of her head, "it was no trouble. It never is."

Gabby jumped a little and looked over her shoulder as Matt closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her waist. She tensed as his hands settled on her still flat stomach. "Hey," she whispered, allowing herself to relax into his embrace. She gladly accepted the kiss he placed on her cheek and smiled. "That was perfect timing."

Matt laughed, "I'll say." He turned her around in his arms so she was facing him and settled his hands on her hips. "You ready to head back to work?"

Though she was only working a half day, Gabby was dreading going back to work. It wasn't that she was afraid to leave her boys with her cousin, she knew they were in good hands but she was starting to think that she liked the twenty four hour shifts at the firehouse than she did the stressful work environment that Lakeshore had turned into.

"Not really," Gabby grumbled.

"If you hate it that much, then maybe you should try to find something else," Matt suggested, pausing to let Gabby absorb his words. It was a topic that he knew he had to tread lightly with. When she didn't say anything back but instead dropped her gaze and turned her focus to the CFPD emblem on his shirt, he sighed and tried again. "You shouldn't worry about what other people think of your choice in profession, Gabby. I truly do think your mom is proud of you, despite what you seem to think." He shrugged, "and I think if you told her that Lakeshore isn't where you want to be….I think she'd be ok with that."

Gabby shook her head, "I don't think either one of you would think highly of where I have considered applying."

"Try me," Matt insisted.

"Well…" Gabby cleared her throat, "I heard 51 is still looking for a PIC…"

Matt's eyes widened. "You want to come back to 51?"

She shrugged, unsure of even her own thoughts. "Maybe…"

"Mommy! Gus is trying to climb out of his playpen!"

Gabby groaned and shrugged herself out of Matt's embrace, "I swear, he's way more mischievous than Eli ever was at that age." She grabbed her purse from the counter and shot Matt an apologetic look for cutting their conversation short. _She would tell him this afternoon, _she promised herself. "I'm coming!"

* * *

_Soo...I had to cut this chapter in half so I could post something for you guys. Hopefully I have 29 up this weekend. I know a lot of you were concerned about the whole three dads and three kids thing...I admit, I was a little concerned about writing it but then it sort of became symbolic to the point of the story. How will Gabby know if someone truly loves her? Neither Bobby or Lance wanted anything to do with Gabby once she got pregnant...and maybe by Matt's reaction (because, come on, I'm not spoiling anything by saying he will be excited...there will still be hurdles, though), she fully understands that when someone loves you...they stand by you and support you know matter what. So...ultimately, that's what made me actually write the pregnancy into the story line. Not sure if that made sense or it was a big rambling mess. _

_Review? :)_


	29. Chapter 29

_Hey guys, I know I said I would update almost two weeks ago but you know how life is...it tends to have it's up and downs. I kind of got stuck with this chapter so hopefully you guys like it. I can't thank you all enough for the amazing reviews you all constantly write. Can you believe we're so close to the season four premiere? I. Can't. Wait. _

_Oh, also, I'm glad you all like my portrayals of Eli and Gus. Writing kids is tricky...gotta make sure you get the dialogue and actions right with their age. _

_Also, I meant to get this up last night but I fell asleep while I was proofing it. So...finally, here is chapter twenty nine!_

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

"Hi there, Elijah," Chaplain Orlovsky greeted as the little boy entered the office, staying close to his mother's side. "It's been a while since I've seen you." He motioned to the couch, "if you'd like, you can sit down."

Eli's eyes shifted from the Chaplain and over to his mother, "are you gonna stay, mama?"

Gabby nodded as she adjusted Gus on her hip, "of course, sweetie." She took a seat on the couch and sat Gus down in her lap, occupying him with a toy and a bottle. She'd debated trying to find someone to watch Gus so she could take Eli to the appointment alone but she thought maybe it would be easier for Eli if it wasn't just him sitting in the office with the Chaplain.

Satisfied with his mom's answer, Eli nodded and climbed up on the couch next to her. He kicked his feet as they dangled from the couch and looked over at the Chaplain. "Mommy said that you are a good listener."

Chaplain smiled, "I'd like to think so."

"Is that your job? To be a listener?" Eli questioned.

"It's part of it, yes. But I think everybody should listen, whether or not it's their job. For example, you listen to your mom when she tells you to do something, right?"

Eli shrugged, "most of the time. Sometimes she tells me to pick up my toys and I don't do it…" his voice trailed as a Chicago Bears helmet that was displayed on a bookshelf in the far corner of the room caught his attention. "Do you like the Chicago Bears, too?"

Chaplain Orlovsky followed Eli's gaze and smiled, "well this is Chicago, isn't it?"

"Yep! Matt took me and mama to a game a while ago! It was my first football game!"

"Did you like it?"

"Yes! It was so much fun!"

"I'll bet." As he had hoped, the Chaplain had stumbled his way into the perfect lead up to the topic of their appointment. "Is Matt lots of fun to hang out with?"

Eli grinned and nodded, "yes! He's lots of fun! He's a firefighter but not just any firefighter, he's the lieutenant! That means he's the boss! And guess what? One time he let me get in the driver's seat!" He scrunched up his nose as a thought occurred to him. "Why is it Matt isn't my daddy but he treats me nice but Bobby who really is my daddy never treated me nice?"

Gabby sucked in a breath, the innocence and confusion in her son's voice hitting her like a ton of bricks. She met the Chaplain's eyes and silently begged him to fix it. To fix the self-doubt that Bobby had embedded in her son's mind in such a short amount of time. He was five for God's sake, way too young to be worrying about such things. "Remember what I told you, Eli?" Gabby whispered, gaining her son's attention. "Some people don't know how to be parents."

The Chaplain nodded, "your mother is right, Elijah. Just because he happens to be your father, doesn't mean he has to be your dad. When I was your age, I was adopted. Do you know what it means to be adopted?"

Eli shook his head, "no."

"Well, when I was your age, my real parents couldn't care for me so another couple let me come live with them and became my mom and dad. They didn't start out as my parents but they eventually became my mom and dad."

"Were your real parents scary?"

"A little but I knew my new mom and dad would protect me."

"Just like my mama and Matt will protect me?" Eli questioned, trying his best to follow along with what the Chaplain was saying. "Bobby won't take me from school anymore?"

The Chaplain shook his head, "he can't, Elijah. He's in jail."

"So I can go outside at recess and play with my friends and he won't come get me?"

Gabby shook her head, jumping into the conversation. "He definitely won't be able to get you, sweetie. I even talked to your principal the other day and she said they were going to have more adults outside when you guys are out at recess."

"To make sure we're safe?"

"Exactly."

Eli smiled, "so no more being scared?" Both Gabby and the Chaplain smiled and in response, Eli's smile widened. "Can I go back to school, mama?"

"On Monday," Gabby answered as she struggled to keep Gus in her lap. He could never sit in one place very long.

* * *

"Do you really have to go to work, mama?"

They'd stayed in the Chaplain's office for nearly an hour and a half; once Eli had warmed up to the Chaplain, he'd insisted on telling the older guy everything about everything. By the time they'd left, they barely had enough time to stop for lunch before Gabby was piling the boys back in her car and heading to her parents' house. A detail she'd apparently forgot to mention to Eli during her rush to get them ready that morning.

"Just for a little bit," Gabby glanced through her rear-view mirror, catching her eldest son's gaze and giving him a reassuring smile. "But when I'm done I thought maybe you, your brother and I could go see Matt at the firehouse?"

In an instant, Eli was grinning from ear to ear, "really?"

"Really."

"Do you think Mr. Herrmann and everyone else will sign my cast?"

Gabby nodded, "I'm sure they would love to."

"Yes!" With his non-broken hand, Eli balled his fist and pumped it up in the air. "Are we gonna go to Ana's until you get done with work?"

That had been the original plan, yes. But like her cousin so often did, she'd called at the last minute saying she had something she had to take care of. So with no other choice, Gabby had called her parents. More specifically, her mother. And to her relief, her mother didn't give her an ounce of grief and had immediately agreed to taking care of the boys for her.

"You guys are actually going to go see grandma and grandpa."

"Ooh, maybe I can get Abuelo to play video games with me!"

When Gabby turned into her parents' driveway and pulled up to the garage, the front door swung open and both her mother and father stepped down off the porch and headed towards them. Killing the engine, Gabby climbed out of the car and moved straight for the door to the backseat. She took a breath and met her mother's eyes, "I'm sure you guys probably had plans or something so I really appreciate this…"

Marie shook her head, "Gabriela, we're happy to spend time with our grandchildren whenever we get a chance, in fact, I'm disappointed we haven't seen them more since coming back. Our whole reason for flying back was because-"

Gabby hurried to interject, "I know, I know and…" she shook her head, "it's been hectic, mom." She felt like her mother could see right through her and was terrified that the older woman would call her out at any given second. Opening the car door she leaned in and unbuckled the restraints from Gus' car seat. He stirred from his slumber and started to fuss, "it's alright, sweetie," she whispered. She searched for his pacifier and found it underneath him before popping it back in his mouth. "Come on," she cradled him in her arms and turned towards her mother, not missing the softened look in her mother's eyes.

"Abuelo!" Eli came running around the other side of the car with his backpack in one hand and Gus' diaper bag in the other. "Do you think we can play video games?"

Gabby met her father's questioning gaze and gave a slight nod, "after he does his homework."

Eli huffed, "but I didn't have school today."

"Yes you did, you just didn't go to school today. But you'll be back Monday and I don't want you getting behind so I called Mrs. Howard and asked her what they did in class today." Stepping aside, Gabby shut the car door and looked over at her mother, "can you please just make sure he gets it done before he plays video games?"

Marie nodded as she held her arms out for Gus, "of course. Now let me see my youngest grandbaby."

Gabby's stomach turned at her mother's words but she forced a smile and kissed the top of Gus' head before passing him over to her mother. Thankfully, he didn't fuss and instead snuggled into his grandmother's arms and fell back asleep. She smiled and ran her hand over the top of his head, "hopefully he'll sleep about an hour or so."

"Should we feed them dinner?" Marie asked. "In fact, why don't you just plan on you and the boys having dinner with your father and I once you're back from work."

"I'm actually taking the boys to see Matt at the firehouse once I get off work."

"Oh, ok. Well, I suppose there's always the weekend. You're bringing the boys _and _Matt to church on Sunday, right?" Marie attempted to search her daughter's eyes but frowned when she couldn't read a thing.

"Well, I hadn't really thought about it…" honestly, she'd completely forgotten since her mother last brought it up a couple of days ago. An unexpected pregnancy will kind of toss some other stuff to the backburner. The look she was receiving from her mother let Gabby know she really didn't have a choice in the matter. She knew her mother wasn't above taking the kids to church herself. "I can't speak for Matt, but the boys and I will be there."

"Good. I've already made reservations for brunch." Marie turned and handed a sleeping Gus off to Thomas, "go ahead and take the boys inside, I need to talk to Gabriela for a few minutes."

Thomas gave his wife a knowing look, he knew exactly what his wife wanted to talk to their daughter about. "Don't get her upset right before work, Marie."

"Oh I am not going to upset her, Thomas."

Before her boys were out of sight, Gabby leaned down and captured Eli's face in her hands and kissed his cheek. "I love you. Please be good, baby."

Eli grinned, "always, mama. Te amo!"

Gabby smiled and stood up, she gently ran her hand over Gus' back and kissed his cheek. She looked up at her father, "thank you, dad."

"Anything for my star, you know that, Gabriela." He patted his hand on his cheek, "now where's my kiss." Standing on her toes, Gabby leaned up and kissed her father's cheek. "Thank you, darling. Be safe at work."

"Bye, mama!" Eli called one last time before turning and leading the way into his grandparent's house.

Trying to prolong the inevitable, Gabby waited until the porch door swung shut before turning and meeting her mother's ever questioning gaze. "What?" She asked with defensive tone.

Marie crossed her arms, "am I really going to have to drag it out of you?"

Gabby's stomach dropped. She knew, before she could even process the thought, her right hand slid from her hip and over to her flat stomach. "You know?"

Marie's eyes widened at the subtle gesture and soon her previous concern was tossed aside, "you're pregnant?"

"I…" Gabby's mouth fell shut. Shit. "I...I thought that's what you wanted to talk about."

"Well now it is!" Marie exclaimed. "I was talking about how much you seem to dislike working at Lakeshore but at this point, it doesn't really matter because with another child on the way, you'll have to keep working at the hospital! Have you not learned your lesson from your first two unexpected pregnancies?"

Gabby took a breath and rubbed her forehead. This was exactly why she couldn't talk to her mother about anything. She always reacted in a hysterical manner. She never took the time to breathe and let anything process. "You do realize snapping at me won't change a thing, right? So please, just don't."

"Well if you'd stop getting yourself pregnant, I might stop snapping at you. Gabriela! You can't afford to have another child! You've only known Matt for a few months!"

"You don't think I know that, mom?" Gabby argued back, "that's all I've been thinking about since I found out. That and how much more disappointed in me you would be." She couldn't do this right now. She reached for the driver's door and yanked it open. "So please, just don't, ok?"

Not giving her mother a chance for rebuttal, Gabby climbed back into her car and drove off.

* * *

Surprisingly, Gabby's four hour shift at the hospital flew by. Usually it was the short shifts that would drag out in a painfully slow manner. But there were enough patients that Gabby had managed to keep herself busy and away from the catty behavior of some of her coworkers. During what little downtime she'd gotten, Gabby had been entirely consumed by her own thoughts.

There was so much going on that she wasn't sure where to even stop and think. Now that she was pregnant again she wasn't so sure reapplying to be an E.M.T. was even a good idea. The twenty four hour work shifts were definitely stressful on the mind and body-something she'd been reminded of on those mornings that Matt would stop by after shift in a less than stellar mood. But even then, Matt would always put a smile on his face for her and the boys.

But she wasn't sure she could stay at the hospital, or at least not at LakeShore. If anything, the people she worked with created more stress than the actual job. Hallie had surprisingly kept her distance during the few hours they'd worked together but the looks she'd shot Gabby had not gone unnoticed.

So one thing was for sure, she definitely needed a new job. She just wasn't sure where.

Not wanting to give her mother another chance to lecture her, Gabby had been quick when she picked up the boys from her parents' house. She'd thanked them and once again confirmed with her mother that they would be joining them for Church on Sunday but that they really had to get going. She needed to get to the firehouse and tell Matt before she once again lost her nerve.

Having just gotten back from a call, Shay hopped out of the driver's side of Ambulance 61 and gave Gabby and the boys a quick wave as they made their way up the drive. She turned around just long enough to catch her new partner's gaze across the front and tell him she'd catch up with him in a bit before slamming the door shut. Pushing her loose hair her from her eyes and turning away from the wind, Shay met Gabby and the boys halfway down the drive.

"Hi, Leslie!" Eli exclaimed as he jumped up and down, excited to be back at the firehouse.

"Well hello, Elijah. You look like you're feeling better!" She hoisted the kid up and kissed his cheek before settling his feet back on the blacktop.

"I am! I'm going to back to school on Monday!" Not giving Shay a chance to respond, Eli spotted Severide and some of the other guys sitting around the squad table and went hurrying over to them.

Shay smirked and turned her attention back to Gabby and Gus, "I guess his talk with The Chaplain helped?"

Gabby took a breath and nodded, "it definitely looks that way." She waited until Severide noticed Eli and looked up and gave her a wave before pulling her attention away from her oldest. She shifted her gaze and met Shay's questioning look. "What?" She asked, her tone sounding somewhat defensive.

"Isn't it time for you to go have a talk with a certain someone?"

"Why do you think we're here?"

Shay smirked, "I don't know, I kinda thought it was obvious that you guys were here to visit me." She reached out for Gus, "come on, buddy. Let's go hangout while mommy has a talk with Matt."

Gus looked up, his eyes wide with excitement. "Att?"

It was Gabby's turn to smirk. "Sounds like I'm not the only one who'd rather see Matt."

"Hmm...I'm going to ignore that." She motioned towards the firehouse as she settled Gus on her hip, "you might want to go hunt down your man before we get another call. It's been pretty busy today."

Gabby sighed, "right." Walking side by side with Shay up to the firehouse, Gabby greeted the group of men that included Severide, Cruz and Otis before excusing herself into the firehouse and in search of the only guy she'd really stopped by to see.

When Gabby rounded the corner towards Matt's office, she nearly ran right into him. "Oh, shit," she cursed quietly.

Matt looked down at Gabby grinned, he held up his phone, "I was just getting ready to text you can see if you guys would still be stopping by." Slipping his phone into his back pocket he gave her a quick peck on the lips. "That was for the good-bye kiss that I missed out on this morning." His smile fell when he noticed the lack of one coming from her own lips. "What's wrong?"

"Can we go to your office?"

"Yeah…sure…" He reached down and took her hand in his, silently letting her know that whatever it was that she had to tell him…that he would be right by her side. "Come on…" Once they were in his office, Matt shut the door behind them to give them some privacy. "What's going on? Is everything ok?"

Gabby shook her head, "I don't know…" Dropping her gaze from his, she reached into her purse and pulled out one of the pictures. "I uh…." She cleared her throat and handed him the picture, "I'm pregnant."

Matt wasn't sure he could believe his ears _or _eyes. Gabby's words were corresponding with blurry black and white picture in his hand but he couldn't focus on any of it. He stared intently at the sonogram in his hands, not quite sure where to look or what to look for.

Gabby couldn't take the silence and crossed her arms over chest in a protective manner, she bit her bottom lip as she silently scrutinized Matt's reaction. "Say something….please…"

He pulled his eyes away from the picture and looked over at Gabby, his expression still unreadable to her. "You're pregnant?" He held the picture up, "this…this is our baby?"

"I…"

But before Gabby could get another word out the alarm was going off, signaling a call.

Could anything be timed right? For just once?

Gabby rolled her eyes, "you've got to be kidding me."

Matt took a breath and pulled Gabby to him, he held her face in his hands and kissed her quickly. "I love you. I know you're worried but this is happy news."

"Casey!" Boden called.

Matt briefly met the chief's eyes and gave him a nod before turning his attention back to Gabby. "No matter what…I love you." He met her eyes, "we'll talk later, ok?"

Gabby nodded, "love you…be safe…"

He grinned, "why wouldn't I? I've got a family to come home to." He winked and slipped the picture into his pocket before hurrying out of his office.

Shay met Gabby at Matt's office door and handed Gus off to her, with Eli right behind. She gave her best friend a knowing look letting her know she would be calling her later for details on the conversation

Gabby sighed as she listened to the entire crew she was once part of, rush out of the firehouse and speed towards their call. Eli looked up at his mom, "that was a short visit, mama."

"I know, sweetie but you'll see Matt tomorrow." Gabby wasn't sure if Matt had planned to do any construction jobs tomorrow but even if he had, she knew those plans were now scrapped and he'd most likely be showing up at their door as soon as his shift ended.

Satisfied with his mother's answer, Eli nodded, "ok. Can we go back to grandma and grandpa's for dinner?"

* * *

Marie couldn't keep the look of surprise off her face when she opened the front door.

"We're back!" Eli exclaimed, jumping through the front door and dropping his bag in the foyer before running towards the kitchen and calling out for his grandfather. "Abuelo! Let's play more video games!"

Gabby shrugged at her mother's questioning gaze and winced as Gus struggled to get free from her arms. She stepped into the foyer and sat Gus down on his feet and he was soon heading the same direction as his brother.

"What happened to dinner at the firehouse?" Marie asked, turning her attention back to her daughter. She shut the front door and reached down to pick up the bag that Eli had discarded in his hunt for his grandfather.

"I can't remember the last time it was just the two of us," Marie admitted, sitting the mug down in front of Gabby. Her daughter gave her a questioning look and she shook her head, a smile playing on her lips. "It's just tea. You look exhausted, Gabriela."

Gabby sighed and ran her hands through her hair before resting her elbows against the kitchen table and settled her chin into her hands. "I don't want a lecture, mom," she practically begged.

Marie shook her head and sat down in the chair directly across the table from Gabby. "I'm not going to lecture you, Gabriela. I should've learned a long time ago that lecturing you only pushed you farther away. I just want to talk."

"About what?" she mumbled.

"You, this baby, your boys, Matt, your job…." Marie shrugged. "I want to get to know my daughter again." She tilted her head and frowned, "though I'm sure one could argue I've never really gotten to know you…."

"What are you talking about?" Gabby asked, wrapping her hands around the mug and raising it to her lips for a sip.

"Well, your father and I had a bit of a talk after you picked the boys up."

Gabby's tired eyes went wide, "You told him, didn't you?"

"Of course I did."

"Is he mad?"

"Is your father ever mad at you, Gabriela?" Marie shook her head and answered her own question, "no, he never is. He's worried about you just like I am, but no, he's not mad. You know your father, Gabriela, he never really has much to say. So you know when he does speak up that he means it. You know what he said to me when I told him?"

Gabby shook her head, "what?"

"His exact words were, 'well at least she's got herself a good guy this time.' And as pained as it is for me to admit when your father has a point…" Marie managed a smile, "he does have a point. From what I've seen….which is _very _little," she gave her daughter a knowing look, "Matt seems to be a good guy."

"He is," Gabby whispered. She bit her bottom lip and lowered her head, turning her gaze into the tea. "He really is…but sometimes I think he's too good for me."

Marie was taken aback by her daughter's admission, "why would you ever think something like that?"

"I think my track record speaks for itself."

"Did you have time to tell him about the pregnancy?"

Gabby sighed and closed her eyes as she thought back to just an hour ago when she stood in Matt's office and handed him the sonogram photo; she couldn't shake the startled look in his blue eyes. Despite his words of reassurance before he kissed her and ran out of his office to join his men, she just kept worrying that once the reality settled, he would freak out and dump her. "Yeah…"

"And?" Marie urged.

"He didn't have time to say much…he got the call almost immediately afterwards." She shook her head, "I don't know…I don't know why I keep making the same mistakes over and over again."

Marie sighed, she'd been one of her daughter's worst critics for sometime now but she did not want to see her daughter beating herself up for past choices that had turned into blessings. She just wished her daughter would think before she acted a bit more. "But look at Elijah and Augustus, can you picture your life without them?"

Gabby shook her head, "no."

"And neither can I." Marie reached across the table and took one of Gabby's hands in her own. She was surprised at the light tremble of her daughter's hand but didn't voice it and instead gave a reassuring squeeze. "I may not say this enough…but you're an amazing mother and I have no doubt that you'll also be an amazing mother to this new baby."

"Why do I feel like there is a _but _not too far behind…" Gabby half joked.

"Because you know me well," Marie quipped. She sighed, "_But_ it's obvious you already have your hands full and another pregnancy will definitely add stress to the smallest of things so your father and I have decided to stay in Chicago for the time being."

Gabby's eyes widened, "you guys are staying in Chicago? But it's October and the whole point in dad retiring when he did was so you guys could get away from the Chicago winters…you guys _hate _the snow."

"But we _love_ you and don't you think it's about time I start putting you first?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Mama!" Eli came running into the kitchen and crashed into his mother's arms. He looked up at her, excitement shining in his big brown eyes. "I beat abuelo _three _times!"

"You did?"

"Uh-huh." He climbed up into his mother's lap and glanced over his shoulder as his grandfather made his way into the kitchen with Gus in his arms. "And the rule was if I won three times that abuelo would takes us out for dessert after dinner, right?"

Thomas shrugged off the looks he was currently getting from both his wife and daughter. "I didn't say what kind of dessert, I just promised dessert. I don't know, I figured maybe we could swing by Laura's after dinner."

Eli nodded and turned back to his mom, "abuelo said we're going to go to his favorite restaurant. You know, the one that has the giant tortilla machine maker thing?"

Gabby raised a brow and gave her father a questioning look, she had no idea what her son was rambling on about. "Ok, I'm lost."

Thomas chuckled as he bounced Gus in his arms, "he's talking about Uncle Enzo's. You used to love going as a child."

* * *

Though it was still early, Gabby had been up for a few hours thanks to her stomach that refused to settle. So when she heard the knock on her apartment door, it didn't take her very long to make her way over. Having an idea who was on the other side of the door, Gabby didn't have the energy to stand on her toes and look through the peep-hole. Her thought proved correct when she pulled open the door and met Matt's blue eyes.

"Hey."

Matt smiled, "hey."

Gabby took notice of the bouquet of wildflowers in his hands. A little confused by the gesture, she raised a brow and motioned towards the flowers. "What are the flowers for?"

Matt shrugged and handed them out for her to take, "just because I love you."

Gabby's smile grew and she took the flowers, "just because, huh?" She stepped aside so Matt could come in. Shutting the door behind them, she pointed the bouquet towards the kitchen. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Just some toast and a cup of coffee, to be honest I was kind of in a hurry to get out of there."

"Just kinda?" She joked. Knowing Matt, he probably didn't even come to a full stop as he walked through the common room to get some coffee and something to fill his stomach on his way out of the firehouse.

"Like I said, it's a great feeling knowing I have somewhere to be after work." Following her into the kitchen Matt went straight for the refrigerator knowing where Gabby kept the vases and reached to the top. He knew the pale blue one was Gabby's favorite and pulled it down, handing it to her so she could add some water.

Giving him a smile, she took the vase and settled it under the running water, "Thanks."

"For the vase or for the flowers?" Matt quipped, giving Gabby a knowing look.

"Both." Settling the flowers into the vase, she moved to the table and placed them directly in the center. "Without you I might not have been able to reach the vase," she joked, glancing back at him over her shoulder.

"Nah, you're pretty self-sufficient." Matt scratched the back of his head nervously, they were beating around the bush. "But the thing is...this time, you don't have to do it alone. You know?"

"I don't want to do it alone," she whispered. "I'm tired of doing everything alone."

Matt could hear the anxiety in her voice and could tell she was more afraid than she was letting on. He'd barely slept last night, his mind and thoughts too busy to let him settle down and go to sleep. A good portion of his thoughts were trying to understand the look of fear in Gabby's eyes when she'd told him she was pregnant. Yes, he was scared a little bit too but he knew that was normal. Gabby on the other hand, had looked absolutely petrified.

Taking a couple of steps forward, he slipped his arms around her waist. The way she tensed did not go unnoticed by him. He turned her around in his arms so they were facing each other. "Hey," he whispered as he dropped his arms from around her waist and searched for her hands. He found her hands—startled by the small tremble he could feel, he gave them a comforting squeeze. "I don't want you to be scared, Gabby."

Gabby sucked in a breath, "I don't want to be scared, Matt. I just…." She shook her head, "I've just been down this road too many times before." She looked up and brought her eyes back up to meet his, "can you honestly say you're excited about this?"

Matt sighed, was he excited? Absolutely. But along with that excitement came anxiety, a little bit of shock and some fear. He knew that whatever said, Gabby would read too deep into it and the last thing he wanted was for her to worry that for whatever reason, he would get up and leave her.

Matt's hesitation unsettled Gabby and she took a deep breath, her eyes searching his for silent reassurance. "Matt?" Gabby whispered, "please say something."

The anxiety in Gabby's voice snapped Matt out of this thoughts and when he met Gabby's eyes he frowned at the tears that were threatening. "Hey, hey…" he took her face in his hands and used his thumb to brush away the single tear that had fallen. "Of course I'm excited. I mean, yeah, I'm not going to lie, it's probably not the best timing but hey, what's life without a few surprises?"

Gabby huffed, not sure Matt was getting it. She was _pregnant_. They were halfway through October and they'd only known each other since July. "Yeah, but Matt, this isn't just some sort of little surprise!"

"I know that!" Matt insisted. "But I don't get it. Do you want me to be upset about this? Would you rather I tell you that I want nothing to do with you now that you're pregnant with my child?" With the look that flashed through Gabby's eyes, he knew he'd hit the source of Gabby's insecurities right on the head.

"Well it wouldn't be the first time someone's done that," she mumbled, crossing her arms and building up a wall.

"But I'm not like _them_, Gabby!" Matt bit out, frustrated to be arguing at a time that they should be celebrating. He sighed and closed his eyes, briefly tilting his head up, trying to sort his thoughts into coherent sentences. "I know you're scared, Gabby…" he reclaimed her gaze and held onto it. "And yeah, if I'm being honest I am too…but I can promise you it's not because I don't want this baby."

"But it's not exactly ideal, Matt. We've only been together a few months and while things haven't been rocky for us, I haven't exactly made things easy." She sighed, "trust issues, ex-boyfriend issues…" She refused to say the term _Baby-daddy. _

"But that's all in the past," Matt interrupted. "I can promise you that no matter what happens, I will always be by your side. I will never leave you to raise this baby alone and I will never leave you to raise Eli and Gus alone. _Never." _He sighed, admittedly, he did understand her fears. They'd only been together a couple of months and to most people, that was not enough time to truly get to know someone. He knew that. But he loved Gabby and he was convinced every new thing he learned about her only made him fall farther in love with her. He just wished she could see what he saw. "I love you, Gabby."

Gabby raised one of her hands up to grab Matt's hand that was cupping the side of her face. "I know you do, I really do…" She laughed between her tears, "Because any other guy would have started running as far away from me as possible by now." Standing on her toes, she reached up and pressed her lips to his, "thank you. I love you, too."

Matt watched as Gabby's smile fell and the color drained from her face. A look of discomfort settled on her face before she put a hand to her mouth and pushed herself out of his embrace. She rushed towards the bathroom and it immediately dawned on Matt was going on. Knowing Gabby didn't like to be fussed over, he decided to give her a couple of minutes.

Once he heard the toilet flush and the sound of running water, he knocked lightly on the bathroom door before pushing it open. Poking his head into the bathroom, he met her gaze through the mirror as she brushed her teeth. "You ok?"

She gave him a small nod before spitting out her toothpaste and rinsing out her mouth. "It's normal," she assured him.

Matt nodded and stepped farther into the bathroom, he leaned against the sink, mindful of the stack of bath toys that were sitting by his feet. "Does it happen a lot?" He knew the basics about pregnancy but he wanted to know as much as he could so he could be there for Gabby and understand what she was going through. Emotionally and physically.

She shrugged, "it depends. It's common throughout the first trimester but with Eli I was experiencing morning sickness throughout the entire time I was pregnant with him."

"Oh," Matt frowned. "And with Gus?"

"Not a lot of morning sickness but a lot of stress related hospital trips."

"Well I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen this time around, ok? Whatever you need help with, I'm here. I mean, I can go pack a couple of bags right now and I'll be set," it wasn't until after he heard his own words and the look of surprise that came across Gabby's face did he understand what he'd just said.

"You want to move in?" Gabby asked, completely taken aback.

It was another topic that he'd spent a lot of time thinking about last night. He'd spent enough time over at her apartment that it was almost like he was living there when he wasn't on shift but to actually consider it, he knew it was another conversation he'd have to tackle with Gabby. He just figured he'd bring it up another day. "I mean…" he shrugged, "when I'm not on shift, I spend most of my time here…" his words trailed, "and I don't know, I figured that if it wasn't something that happened right away…then at least before the baby is born."

Gabby nodded, not sure what to say. It was one thing she hadn't thought about. "It hadn't really crossed my mind to be honest." She gave him an apologetic smile, "I definitely don't want you to feel left out on anything that has to do with this pregnancy."

"Good," Matt smiled. "So it's settled? I'll pack a few things up this weekend and then we can go from there?"

"Yeah…." Gabby nodded, "I think that sounds like a good idea."

"Good." He motioned behind him towards the hallway, "where are the boys?" When he was headed down the hall to see if Gabby was ok, out of habit, he'd glanced in the boys' room and was surprised to see both beds empty.

"With my parents. We had dinner with them last night since our little trip to the firehouse didn't go as planned." She took a breath, "my parents actually know about the pregnancy."

"Really?"

"Yeah…"

"Have you told anybody else?"

She'd been waiting for Matt to ask that question. "Just Shay," Gabby admitted. "I kind of freaked out yesterday morning when I realized I might be pregnant and as soon as I got the chance, I picked up a few tests and headed straight over to her place."

Matt nodded, her distant behavior yesterday morning suddenly making sense. "You could've told me, you know?"

"I haven't had very good luck in the past with telling a guy that I'm pregnant." She shrugged, "I know you're different than Lance and Bobby but there was still some hesitation…"

"I get that, I do…" and he did. He knew that even though Gabby's trust for him had grown over the past few months, she still had her reservations and he couldn't blame her. "Just…I want to be involved. This is new for me and I don't want to miss out on anything. Appointments, food cravings, the baby kicking and everything else…I want to be by your side, Gabby."

"And I _want _you by my side," Gabby insisted. "I don't want to do this alone, I _can't _do this alone."

"You probably could but you'll never have to find out because I'm not going anywhere. Just uh…" Matt grinned shyly, "bear with me, I haven't spent a lot of time around babies. The Darden boys were older than Eli and I regrettably didn't spend a lot of time around Violet when she was first born."

Gabby grinned, surprised to see the vulnerability in Matt's admission. "You've been great with Gus. I mean, you practically won him over the day we met and he is a very stubborn little guy."

"Hmm…I wonder where he gets that from." Matt quipped, earning a poke in the stomach from Gabby. He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. "Hey, I never said it was a bad thing."

"The point is, you're a natural."

"Yeah?" Matt asked shyly.

"Mhhm…" she murmured, pressing her lips to his. She pulled back, grinning, "it's cute."

"Cute, huh?"

"Yep," she smirked and reached into the shower to get the water started. "Wanna join me?"

Matt grinned and kicked the bathroom door shut behind him, "I thought you'd never ask."

Not surprisingly, it was one of the longest showers Gabby had taken int quite sometime. Wearing nothing but Matt's t-shirt, Gabby ran her fingers through her wet curls as she strode into her bedroom. She grabbed her phone from her nightstand and checked her messages. She had several messages from her mother and a couple from Shay and her brother. Concerned that something was wrong with one of the boys, she immediately read her mother's texts.

"_Don't worry about picking the boys up right away. Your father and I are going to take them for breakfast."_

Not five minutes after that text, she'd sent another one. "_Actually, your father and I are also going to take them shopping. I'm going to spoil my grandbabies today."_

Running a towel over his hair, Matt walked into the bedroom and tossed the towel in the hamper next to the closet. He raised a brow at the amused look on Gabby's face. "What is it?"

Gabby looked up, "my parents are taking the boys out for breakfast and then shopping." Sending a quick response back to her mother, Gabby tossed her phone down on her unmade bed and looked over at Matt. "Sounds like you and I have the morning all to ourselves."

Matt grinned and slipped his arms around Gabby's waist, pulling towards him. "I don't know about you…but I've got a few ideas on how we can spend it."

"I've got a few ideas myself…" standing on her toes, Gabby captured Matt's lip with hers. Grabbing his face, she deepened the kiss and teased him with her tongue before pulling back and rested her forehead against his. "But unfortunately, I'm not sure we're thinking the same thing…"

"I don't know…if that kiss is any indication, I think we might be on the same page."

"I've got a morning without the boys…I'm going to get some cleaning done. Did you not notice the trail of toys that led from the living room all the way to the boys' room?" She tried to hide her smirk as Matt's shoulders fell and his smile dropped. "Aww…I didn't mean to make you sad."

"I'm not sad," Matt mumbled though it was obvious he was a bit disappointed. He shrugged and grinned, "we did have a good time in the shower, didn't we?" His grin widened when he saw the blush creep into Gabby's cheeks. "Awww," he said, mimicking her earlier tone, "I didn't mean to make you blush."

"You're something else, Matt Casey."


	30. Chapter 30

_Hey guys! Thanks again for all the amazing reviews you constantly leave me! It's been a while since I've written a story this long and it's all thanks to you guys. Also, thanks for all the positive reviews on my new one-shot, Hold My Hand. It meant a lot. Here's chapter thirty. Let me know what you think! :)_

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Thirty**

Wanting to get as much time with her grandbabies as she possibly could, Marie had called Gabby Saturday afternoon and had absolutely insisted on letting the boys stay for another night. According to her, both boys were in great moods and excited to be spending time with their grandparents. Gabby had been a little unsure at first, concerned about how well both Eli and Gus would do spending another night away from her.

It wasn't that she didn't think the boys didn't like spending time with their grandparents, because she knew they loved them. But Gus was at that stage where he'd get all clingy and cry until he was back in her arms and Eli was still dealing with some anxiety after what had happened not even a week ago. It was actually Antonio who had persuaded her to let the boys stay another night at their parents' house. According to him, Eva and Diego were also spending the night and he was secretly hoping the combination of all four kids would really exhaust their parents.

Gabby had stifled a laugh and muttered something about him learning all about cruel and unusual punishment during his early years in law enforcement before conceding and agreeing to shake off her anxiety and let the boys stay another night. Once she'd realized she was going to have another night without the boys, she'd started looking forward to a quiet night in with Matt.

It wasn't often that the two of them got time to themselves and when they did, it was usually interrupted by one of the boys. But whenever they were interrupted, Matt would just smile and happily engage with whichever boy was asking for his attention. He was perfect. And not a day went by that she didn't have to convince herself that she wasn't dreaming.

Wearing a pair of yoga pants and one of Matt's shirts, Gabby's bare feet carried her into the living room and with her phone in her hand, she plopped down on her couch and scrolled through her past calls looking for the number for the Thai Food restaurant about ten minutes away. Hopefully her order would be ready by the time Matt stopped there on his way back.

Sticking to their plan, Matt had left for his place a little over an hour ago to pack up some of his clothes and what other necessities he would need. Gabby's stomach was doing flips as she still tried to digest the reality that Matt was _sort of_ moving in.

As soon as she'd stopped scrolling and went to hit the dial key, her phone started to ring and Shay's face popped up on her screen. Gabby winced, she'd planned on calling Shay and had completely forgotten. She cleared her throat and answered, "hey."

"Gabriela Dawson! I'm extremely upset!" Shay exclaimed so loud that Gabby had to pull her phone away from her ear. "Did you forget you were supposed to call me and let me know how things went?"

Gabby sighed, "yes and no. I guess I kind of got distracted."

"So then the reaction was good?" Shay asked.

Gabby smirked, "Oh come on, you know Matt...he is absolutely thrilled."

"See! I told you he would be!"

"I know...I know." She sighed, "it's still a lot, though. But my parents are keeping the boys again tonight so I don't know...maybe we'll get a chance to talk some more about everything."

"You guys should come out to Molly's!" Shay suggested, the excitement in her voice evident. "Everybody's gonna be there! The Cubs are playing tonight."

"I don't know...I was starting to look forward to a night in..."

Shay smirked, "I'm sure you were. I just think it would be good for the both of you. I mean, can you even remember the last time you were at Molly's? I won't bug you to stay super late."

"Well it's not like I can anyways...we're all going to church tomorrow."

"Oh...are sure you won't burst into flames as soon as you step foot inside the church?" Shay joked.

"Haha...very funny," Gabby mumbled.

"Oh you know I'm just messing with you. But, hey, I've got to start getting ready, just think about it, ok?"

"Yeah, ok."

* * *

"Gabby?" Matt called out as he stepped into the apartment.

"Bedroom!"

Matt sat the bags of food down on the coffee table and headed towards the bedroom. On his way back, Gabby had called and informed him that they would be stopping by Molly's later that evening. Looking forward to seeing his crew outside of the firehouse, Matt didn't complain at all.

Leaning against the door frame to her bedroom, he crossed his arms and watched her intently. It was easy to tell that she was lost in her own world as she rummaged through her closet looking for the right shirt to wear.

With nothing but a black lace bra on and a pair of dark skinny jeans that hugged her hips perfectly, Matt couldn't help but admire the view in front of him. He found his eyes had settled on her still flat stomach as he began to wonder when he'd start to see the signs of their baby growing inside of her.

"You're staring," Gabby said, interrupting his thoughts.

Quickly covering the slight embarrassment of being caught, Matt stood up straight and cleared his throat. "How can I not? You know, you could just go like that….I'd have no complaints," he joked.

Gabby briefly glanced over her shoulder and rolled her eyes before turning back to her wardrobe. "I'm sure you wouldn't be the only one." Though she knew she was nowhere near showing, she was already starting to feel self-conscious and settled on something loose fitting. Grabbing the dark purple button up blouse, she threw it on and quickly buttoned it up. She grabbed her favorite hooded leather jacket that she'd tossed aside the night before and slipped it on.

"Wow," Gabby whispered as she stepped into Molly's with Matt, her hand resting tightly in his. Nearly everybody she knew from the firehouse and from District 21 was in attendance. "Everybody is here." She even caught sight of her brother and his apparently not-so-estranged wife up at the bar in deep conversation with Herrmann. "Including my brother."

Matt chuckled, not missing the way Gabby's hand tensed in his as she caught sight of her brother nursing a beer up at the bar. "Severide said it was going to be a full house tonight. He wasn't kidding."

"Definitely not," she murmured as the two of them stepped farther into the bar. With the amount of people present, they'd managed to get halfway across the room before their presence was even noticed.

"Hey!" Cruz called out over the crowd, holding his drink up, "look who it is! About freaking time you guys show up! Drinks all around!"

Otis raised a brow, "dude, this isn't even your bar."

"Are you really going to deny our lieutenant and his beautiful girl free drinks?"

"Well…no," Otis mumbled, somewhat embarrassed to be put on the spot.

"That's what I thought." Cruz grinned and turned back to the couple, "what will it be, beautiful people?"

Matt raised a brow, "whatever you haven't had."

Cruz laughed, obviously buzzed. "Good one, lieutenant!"

Gabby tugged on Matt's hand, gaining his attention. He looked down and met her eyes, noticing the worry. "You ok?"

"Yeah. I'm just going to make a quick trip to the bathroom, just uh…get whatever and I'll find you when I come back, ok?" If he was going to be drinking her drinks, he might as well get the choice as to what he was going to drink.

Matt nodded, "yeah, sure. I'll probably be over in the corner with Shay and Severide."

"Ok," dropping her hand from Matt's, Gabby weaved her way through the crowd of bar-goers. She briefly met Shay's concerned gaze from the other side of the bar before slipping down the hallway towards the bathroom.

Matt kept his eyes on Gabby until she disappeared out of sight and turned back to Cruz, he shook his head at the confused look Cruz was giving him. "Just get me the usual."

"And Dawson?"

"Same thing."

"You got it, boss."

"Matt!" Antonio called as he made his way through the crowd. Greeting the lieutenant with a slight nod of his head, he slapped Matt on the back, "I'm glad you managed to get my sister out of her apartment. It's not often she gets to have a night without the boys." He used his beer and motioned towards the hall that Gabby had disappeared down just moments ago. "How's she doing?"

Antonio's question caught Matt off-guard, "you know, don't you?"

"My mother told me first chance she got."

"How mad is she?"

"Surprisingly, not too mad. But I think that's more my father's doing than my mother suddenly becoming rational." He cleared his throat and his eyes darkened as his demeanor turned serious. "I like you, Matt. You're a good guy and I trust you with my sister and her kids but if I end up being the only one in the delivery room with her this time around, I will ruin your life. Got it?"

Matt swallowed hard and nodded, "Got it." He ran his hand nervously through his hair, brushing the short blond strands to the side. "But I can promise you that you don't have to worry about Gabby ever having to do anything alone ever again."

"You better be right, Casey," Antonio warned, not quite ready to let up on the protective big brother routine. "Because when I say I'll make your life hell...I mean-"

"You mean it," Matt finished. "Antonio, don't you think if I was going to run in the opposite direction of commitment and responsibilities that I would have done it as soon as I found out your sister already had kids?"

Antonio knew Matt had a point but he wasn't going to admit to it. No, right now he was trying to make a point of his own. "Well...I'm just saying..."

"Trust me, I hear you loud and clear," Matt assured Antonio. "Gabby and I actually talked about me packing up some of my stuff and moving in with her and the boys."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, the apartment is fairly small so hopefully somewhere down the line we can get a bigger place but I don't want to miss out on anything. I want to be there every step of the way for Gabby's pregnancy."

Antonio nodded and crossed his arms, "and what about Gus and Eli?"

Matt shook his head, not understanding Antonio's question. "What do you mean?"

"Well as much interest you show for Eli and Gus...this new baby is going to actually be _yours._ Won't that change your feelings towards Eli and Gus?"

"Absolutely not. Gabby's family is my family and as far as I'm concerned, her kids are my kids."

"That's good...that's good," Antonio nodded. He sighed, "now that we've gotten _the talk _out of the way, there's actually something else I need to tell you."

"Oh?"

"Bobby Ross. They're trying to work out a plea deal."

"What?" Matt exclaimed. "Why? Don't they have more than enough evidence to put that son of a bitch away?"

"If it goes to trial then Eli will have to testify and at this point, I'm not sure he could handle it."

Matt clenched his fists as the anger coursed through him, "you've got to be kidding me!" Garnering a few looks from a handful of people he took a deep breath and took a step closer, lowering his voice, "he cannot get away with everything that he put Eli and Gabby through!"

"You don't think I know that?" Antonio whispered back harshly, briefly glancing over Matt's shoulder towards the hallway that led to the bathrooms. He did not want Gabby hearing any of this. "He hurt my baby sister and my nephew. Trust me, when that son of a bitch was brought into the station it took all my self-control not to wrap my bare hands around his neck and watch him struggle to breathe. If it weren't for Voight, I probably would have found my way into Ross' cell and done some damage."

Having watched Gabby slip into the women's restroom, Shay had kept an eye on her phone, timing how long Gabby had been gone. Enough time had started to pass that Shay became worried for her friend and slipped away from the table unnoticed by Severide thanks to the blonde he was flirting with. She weaved her way through the crowded bar and into the bathroom. She wasn't at all surprised to see Gabby leaning up against the sink with her head hanging. "Hey, you ok?"

Gabby glanced up and met Shay's worried eyes through the mirror, "yeah. Just worried."

"Well aren't you always?" Shay joked, moving into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her, leaning against it so no one else would be able to come inside. "What's going on, Dawson?"

"It's just a lot to take in, you know?"

"Yeah."

"We aren't telling anyone yet and with all the drinks Otis and Cruz are sure to be throwing my way…" she shook her head, "I don't want anyone getting suspicious."

Shay waved off Gabby's concerns. "Don't worry about it, Gabs. I'll just down the drinks when nobody is paying attention."

"You're a good friend, Leslie Shay."

"Meh. Tell me something I don't know," Shay quipped, her signature grin on display. "Come on, let's get back out there before Casey starts up a search party for you."

When Gabby and Shay returned from the bathroom, Gabby was a little startled to see Matt and her brother in what looked to be a serious conversation. "Shit," she muttered.

Shay looked up, "what?"

"Antonio knows." Gabby motioned to the two men up at the bar, "I'd recognize that threatening big brother look from a mile away." She started to switch directions and head up to them when Shay reached out and stopped her. Gabby looked up, obviously confused. "What?"

"Let them talk, Dawson. It's probably good for the both of them. As long as we don't see any punches being thrown then we know things aren't going too bad."

Gabby sighed, Shay had a point. "Yeah, fine…ok."

Shay shook her head at the hesitance in her friend's response and looped her arm with Gabby's, "come on, let's go harass Severide."

"What are we harassing him about this time?"

"Haven't quite decided yet," Shay quipped, leading the way over to Severide and some of the other guys from Fifty-One.

"Dawson!" Severide exclaimed, standing up and pulling her into a hug. "I can't even remember the last time it was you were here!"

"Yeah, it's definitely been a while."

"Understatement of the year," Shay quipped, settling into the booth and scooting over to make room for Gabby. "So talk to me, girl. How are the boys? How is work? Are you still dealing with the dirty looks from she-who-must-not-be-named?"

Gabby settled next to her best friend and shook her head, "oh come on, it's not that hard to say her name, Shay."

"I know but she's a bitch who hurt one of my best friends and is taking it out on another one of my best friends. She doesn't deserve to have her name fall from my lips." Shay took another drink of her beer as she tried to silently convince herself to let the anger pass.

"Hey," Matt said, appearing behind them and taking a seat next to Gabby, "sounds like you guys are having a pretty serious conversation. What did I miss?"

Gabby shook her head, "nothing. Just Shay's usual banter." She glanced over her shoulder and did a quick scan of the bar, checking to see where her brother had went. Surprisingly, he was still up at the bar with one arm draped around Laura as the two of them caught up with someone she could only assume was from District 21. She turned back to Matt and met his gaze, giving him a small smile, "so how'd your talk with my brother go?"

"You saw that, huh?"

"Mhmm." Settling into Matt's side, Gabby tucked her arm around his back and looked back up at him. "And judging by the look that was on his face...it's safe to say that I have a pretty good idea of what you two were talking about."

Matt sighed and ducked his head so only she could hear him, "your mother told him."

"Not surprising," she grumbled, rolling her eyes.

"But he seems pretty cool about it. I mean, he did threaten me a few times but I wouldn't expect anything less from someone who has your best interest at heart."

"Hey, lovebirds!" Severide called from across the table, effectively gaining both Matt and Gabby's attention. "It's not often we can get you guys here...mind socializing with us?"

"Yeah!" Herrmann agreed as he joined them, raising his drink, "I mean...I see you more than enough, Lieutenant, but Dawson hardly ever makes any appearances."

Shay smirked, "nah, you just gotta do what I do...keep bugging her until she finds a babysitter."

"Speaking of babysitter," Otis asked, "who is watching the boys?"

"My parents," Gabby answered, earning a few surprised looks in return. Though she had never went into detail, most of her friends from Fifty-One knew of her less than stellar relationship with her mother. "They're actually staying in Chicago for a bit."

"Which means more time to hang with us at Molly's!" Cruz exclaimed, clinking his beer against Otis'.

As the night drew on, Matt had started to take note of Gabby contributing to the conversation less and less. They'd all congregated up by the bar, laughing at some story both Herrmann and Otis were attempting to tell when he saw Gabby prop her elbow up on the bar and settle her chin in her hand. He couldn't help but smile she tried to hide a yawn. "You ready to call it a night?" He asked, placing his hand on her lower back. He leaned down so his lips were just inches away from her ear, "I mean, we do have church tomorrow."

Gabby smirked and leaned in to Matt's side, "you have no idea what you're going to be in store for tomorrow." She shook her head and glanced up to meet his eyes, "but I'm fine. I don't want to leave so soon."

"You sure?" Matt asked, not completely believing her.

"Yeah. I can go another hour or so…at least."

"Well just let me know if that changes…" Matt

"I will," Gabby assured him. "Promise."

"Hey guys, mind if I still my baby sister away from your for a couple of minutes?" Antonio asked as he came up to the group and took his sister's arm, helping her down from the stool.

"Hey! Detective Dawson!" Cruz exclaimed, raising his drink, "you want another drink?"

Antonio held up his beer, "still working on this one but thanks, bro." He looked down at his sister and smirked as she did her best to avoid his gaze. "Got a few minutes for your big brother, Gabs?"

"Well it's not like I have a choice," she quipped. She followed Antonio across the bar and through the door of Molly's as they stepped outside into the Fall Chicago night. "Please don't lecture me, Antonio."

Antonio shook his head, a smile playing on his lips, "I'm not." He took a swig of his beer. "I'm just happy this time it's a guy that I can actually stand."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "you didn't even know the first two guys."

"Exactly."

Gabby's face fell as her thoughts turned serious. Stuffing her hands in jacket pockets, she sighed and met Antonio's eyes. "You don't think any less of me, do you?"

He shook his head, "why would I?"

"Three kids…three different guys." She shrugged and cast her gaze down at her feet, "you know what most people consider that, right?"

"Hey," the tone in his voice startled Gabby as her head shot up to look at him. "Don't you ever think so little of yourself. So maybe it's not ideal but who cares? You've raised two beautiful and amazing boys-"

"Thanks to you-"

Antonio shook his head, "no. Thanks to _you._ Yeah, I've helped out here and there but Eli and Gus are as happy and loving as they are because of you. So what if they have different dads. Not everyone is meant to be a parent and it's just taken you a bit to find the right guy who is ready to be a father. Not only is Matt excited about this baby but he wants to help you raise Eli and Gus. So please, Gabby, _please _don't overthink all of this. Ok?"

"That's what I do best, 'Tonio."

"I know, which is why I'm being proactive and lecturing you before you psych yourself out. Maybe you're more reserved about it, but I've seen a change in you these past couple of months. Allow yourself to be happy, Gabs. You deserve it." With the street light shining down on them, he could see the tears in his sister's eyes. "Hey, no crying."

Gabby shook her head and wiped at her tears, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Antonio said, pulling his sister into a hug. "I was there for your first two pregnancies…I'll be expecting out of the blue crying for the next seven months." He kissed the top of her forehead, "I've always got you, sis."

"Thank you," she wrapped her arms around him and tightened the hug. "Thank you for being the best big brother ever. Even when I didn't deserve it."

The heart to heart talk with Antonio had drained Gabby from whatever energy she'd had left. She followed her brother back into the bar and found Matt sitting in the stool she'd previously occupied. As soon as he met her eyes, he knew they were calling it a night.

After a few boos and groans from the group, Gabby gave everybody a hug before promising to stop by again soon. Just as they had walked into the bar, Matt and Gabby had left hand in hand.

When Matt came back from the bathroom, Gabby was already underneath the covers and curled towards his side of the bed. After hitting the lights, Matt dropped his clothes in the hamper and made his way over towards his side of the bed, slipping in next to her. He smiled when she cuddled up next to him and dropped her head into the crook of his neck.

Matt frowned, though she hadn't voiced it, he could tell something was bothering her. She'd seemed to have relaxed a little bit after the conversation she'd had with her brother but he could still see the worry in her eyes."You ok?" He asked, draping an arm around her and pulling closer to him.

Gabby sighed, her warm breath tickling the side of Matt's neck. Pulling her head back, she tilted it up so she could meet his eyes. "Aren't you worried? Even just a little?"

"About what?"

Gabby rolled her eyes, "this pregnancy…the baby."

Their relationship was still young, very young…if they were teenagers, they would probably still be considered to be in that _puppy love_ phase. But they weren't. She was just shy of turning twenty five and Matt was thirty. They were both adults who had experienced previous relationships but there were days that Gabby couldn't help but feel a little lost. Though they'd only been together a few months, it was probably one of the most balanced and stable relationships Gabby had ever been in.

But if she knew one thing, it was that an unexpected pregnancy could and would cause stress and tension in a relationship.

"Gabby?" Matt said repeatedly, trying to pull Gabby from her thoughts. Finally, his voice broke through and she flicked her eyes over to him. He could tell that she wasn't completely focused.

"Well yeah…but I think it's a good kind of worry." Matt scooted down so he was on his side and laying at Gabby's eyelevel. "You know…like, there are so many choices for a name. Or how we'll eventually have to get a bigger place and what about my truck? I think it's time I get a new truck with a bigger backseat." He smiled and gave half a shrug. "So, yeah, I worry. But I worry about good things. I'm not even sure that makes sense."

Gabby smiled, "it does."

"So what are you worried about?"

"It'll be different, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"This baby is yours. _Biologically._" She shook her head when Matt opened his mouth to protest, "just listen, ok?" She sighed, "No matter how much you fight it, there's still going to be a part of you that connects better with this baby than with Eli and Gus. This child will be yours in every sense of the word and I know you'd never purposely exclude the boys but I'm just afraid that you would accidentally show more interest in this new baby than either of the boys."

"I'd never do that, Gabby. Yeah, so biologically this baby is mine and that's something I'll never have with Eli and Gus but for me…." He shook his head, "it's not about the biology. It's about what's in my heart and in my heart, Eli and Gus will always be mine just as much as this new baby is."

Gabby took a breath, "it's easy to say now, Matt but when…"

"No buts, Gabby. I won't let it happen. You're just going to have to trust me on this…and I don't know, maybe one day in the future when things are settled, you won't be the only one to get my last name."

Gabby's eyes flicked back up to Matt's, "you think about that? Marriage? And adopting the boys?"

"Well…yeah." His fingers trailed down her bare arm until he found her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You know...it's kind of funny..."

"How so?"

"Your brother asked me the same thing tonight at Molly's." He smiled, "he wanted to make sure my love for Eli and Gus wouldn't change. That just because this baby..." dropping her hand, he moved his hand over body until he met her stomach. "Is biologically mine...that my love for Eli and Gus wouldn't change." He smirked, "you might have the scariest big brother ever, Gabby."

"Only when it comes to his baby sister," Gabby reasoned. "Otherwise he's just big, old teddy bear."

Matt laughed, "well, one thing is for sure...I'm going to do my complete best to make sure he never has a reason to want to hurt me."

"Well you've already done a pretty good job of that," Gabby murmured. Feeling some her anxiety start to alleviate, Gabby cuddled back into Matt's arms and let out a content sigh. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too. Now we better get some sleep so we make it to church on time."

* * *

"Mama!" Discarding the small toy car in his hand, Eli jumped up from his spot next to Diego and went running towards his mother. "I missed you!" He bounced up and down and reached his arms up for his mother to pick him up.

Gabby smiled and hoisted him up on her hip. "I missed you too, baby." She kissed the side of his face and searched his eyes for any signs of exhaustion or sadness. "Did you have a good day with abuelo and abuela yesterday?"

"Uh-huh! I got new church clothes!" Eli tugged at the collar of the dark red button up shirt he was sporting. Gabby nodded, and let her eyes wash over Eli's outfit, noting that besides the new shirt, he also had on new black dress pants and new black dress shoes. "I can see that. Did you thank abuelo and abuela for the new clothes?"

"Yep! I also got a new coat! It's green, blue and black and there's a secret pocket on the inside!"

"Oh yeah?" Gabby asked as she sat Eli back on the ground, he was starting to get too big for her to hold for long periods of time. She knew she'd even have a hard time holding onto Gus the farther she got into her pregnancy. "That was very nice of them. Did you get anything else?"

Eli shrugged, "some sweaters and new jeans. Abuela says they're new clothes for the winter. Oh, and new shoes! They're basketball shoes like Diego's! Only the colors aren't as crazy as Diego's. Abuela said they had to match most of my clothes so they are red and black but Abuela did buy me some Spiderman shoe laces to put in them. They're really cool!"

Gabby smiled, she was relieved to see Eli in such a good mood. "Well you'll have to show me later."

"I will!" Eli turned his attention to Matt. "Hi, Matt! Are you gonna stay with us all day?"

Matt nodded and lifted Eli into his arms with much more ease than what Gabby had, "I was planning on it, sound like a good idea to you?"

"Sounds like a great idea!" Eli draped his non injured arm around Matt's neck, "we're gonna go have brunch at Morgan's after church!"

"I heard."

Leaving Matt and Eli to catch up, Gabby turned her attention to Gus who was trying to wiggle his way out of his grandmother's arms and into hers. She smiled and reached out for him, "hey, baby boy!" She laughed when Gus bounced up and down in her arms, grinning from ear to ear. "Did you miss me?"

"Mama, mama!"

Marie smiled, happy to see a genuine smile from both her daughter and grandson. "He started asking about you last night but he was out like a light as soon as I put him down for bed. He's a very happy baby."

Gabby's smile widened as she briefly met her mother's eyes, "yeah, he's usually a pretty good baby." She kissed the tip of Gus' nose, "aren't you, Augustus?"

Marie leaned in and lowered her voice, "speaking of baby…" she tilted her head towards Matt, her eye-brows raising in question.

"He knows," Gabby whispered, her eyes darting around and making sure no one else was within hearing distance of them.

"And?"

"He's happy about it," Gabby assured her mother. She took a breath, "in fact, he's taking the news a heck of a lot better than I am." Not wanting to get into a heavy conversation with her mother while so many people were around, she changed the subject to the new clothes Gus was wearing. While not as formal as Eli's, Gus was also dressed in new clothes. He had on a pair of gray dress pants that matched well with a red and black striped sweater. "According to Eli, you guys went on a pretty big shopping spree yesterday."

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with your father and I spoiling our grandchildren."

"No, definitely not," Gabby agreed. "I really do appreciate it. I mean, I don't want you to think I'm hurting for money or anything…"

"Oh Gabriela, don't be silly! It's my job to spoil my grandbabies." Marie was quick to waive off her daughter's concerns, "it has nothing to do with finances."

Even though she wasn't completely buying her mother's reasoning, Gabby mumbled another thank you before dropping the topic. She cleared her throat, "So where's dad?"

"Inside with your brother, Laura and Eva." She leaned in farther, her eyes searching for information, "so what exactly is going on between your brother and Laura?"

"Heck if I know, I'm having a hard enough time keeping up with my own life let alone Antonio's," Gabby quipped. She smiled and titled her head, "but they were together at Molly's last night."

"You went out last night?"

Gabby rolled her eyes, "Oh come on, it's not like I drank or anything."

"Well of course not! I just figured you would take the opportunity to stay in and relax."

Gabby shook her head, "it'd been months since I'd actually gone out to see friends." She shrugged, "it was a big get together between everyone from Fifty-One and District 21. It was nice to catch up."

Marie gave her daughter a skeptical look as she looked closely at her daughter's features. "Well you do look like you got enough sleep."

"I did," Gabby assured her mother, almost finding humor in her mother's interrogation. A far cry from the annoyance and anger she usually felt whenever her mother started grilling her for information about her personal life. "But speaking of sleep, how did the boys sleep last night?"

Marie frowned, "Gus slept amazing. I put him in his crib and gave him a bottle and before long, he was sound asleep."

Gabby just knew there was a_ 'but'_ coming. "And Eli?"

"He's still anxious, Gabriela."

"I know." She shook her head, "that's why I was hesitant to let him stay another night with you guys." She saw the hurt flash through her mother's eyes and hurried to explain. "It's nothing against you and dad, I promise. But I keep reminding myself that it hasn't even been a complete week and he's still learning how to cope with everything that happened. Talking to the Chaplain helped but I think at this point, all we can really do is just let him know that we're always going to be there for him."

Marie tilted hear head, a knowing smile playing on her lips. "Those are some wise words, Gabriela. I think I know someone else who could benefit from hearing them."

Gabby ducked her head and averted her mother's eyes, "I'm fine, mom."

"Well just know, that if you ever _don't _feel fine, just remember that there are always going to be people here for you, ok?" Not sure what to say back, Gabby just nodded and Marie's smile widened, satisfied that they'd managed another civil conversation that had went behind trivial matters. "Good. Now let's go before your father and brother send out the search party."


	31. Chapter 31

_So I don't even know what my problem is. I haven't been able to write...at all. I have all these plots and ideas going through my head (especially after last week's episode) but I just can't seem to focus. This chapter is a bit shorter than others and I apologize the updates seem to be less frequent these days...I hope I still have lots of readers out there. For everyone that does review, you guys mean the world to me. I get so excited when I check my email and see I have reviews. So once again, thank you. _

_Also, I know a lot of people were upset by last week's episode and don't get me wrong, I was too. But I have to remind myself that plot wise...it could bring on some great story lines for Matt and Gabby as a couple. How do they grieve? How do they recover? And ultimately, how do they move on a as a couple? I have faith that one day we will see Dawsey as parents on our tv screens...we're just gonna have to wait a little longer._

_P.S. Hope you guys enjoy the cute daddy casey scenes. ;) _

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Thirty One**

The last week of October went by in a complete blur for Gabby.

Starting with her birthday.

Gasping for air, Gabby fell back against the bed and turned towards Matt as he collapsed next to her. Grinning she reached out and ran her fingers though his fussed hair and searched his eyes. "Thank you for the best birthday ever, babe."

Matt matched her grin, "only the best for the best."

When Matt had insisted on taking Gabby out to celebrate her twenty-fifth birthday, Gabby had figured it would be something simple like dinner and a movie. And knowing Matt had shift on the actual day of her birthday, she'd figured it would be the upcoming weekend when they were both off from work.

So when she'd woken up that morning to find that her alarm had been turned off and both boys were dressed, fed and ready for the day; she was more than a little surprised. Matt had informed her that he'd taken a vacation day at work so he could take her out that evening on a proper celebratory date.

And a proper date it had been.

Matt had gone all out; somehow he'd gotten reservations at one of the hottest new restaurants in the city and gotten tickets for _Million Dollar Quartet _at the Apollo Theater. As much as Matt knew about Gabby, he was still learning something new every single day and when Matt was running ideas by Shay for the perfect date, she'd mentioned Gabby's love for the Chicago theater scene. Not knowing much about Chicago theater, he'd remembered his sister mentioning something about Violet really starting to get into the theater scene and had asked her what was the current must-see show.

Afterwards, he'd surprised her by showing her the keys to Laura's Bakery where he took her to get a slice of her favorite homemade pie. Just the other day she'd mentioned how much she was craving a slice of the strawberry rhubarb pie and though he'd been focused on helping Eli with his homework, he'd taken note.

Originally, he'd called Antonio to ask if the boys could spend the night and had mentioned something about dropping the kids off at Laura's Bakery so he could buy a pie. It wasn't conventional for a birthday, but Matt knew that when they celebrated with her parents over the weekend that there would most likely be cake. So why not mix it up? Antonio had been so impressed by Matt's plans that he'd stopped by on his way into work and handed him the spare keys to the bakery with instructions on how to bypass the alarm.

Matt was sure he'd earned some points with Antonio and he hadn't even been trying.

After a successful birthday date, it was almost midnight by the time the couple had made it back to the apartment. In fact, they'd barely made it into the apartment before their clothes were falling to the floor in a trail straight to the bedroom.

"You're glowing," Matt observed as he reached out and pushed the hair from Gabby's face.

Gabby laughed, "are you sure it's not just the sweat?"

Matt shook his head, "definitely not. And this is more than an after sex glow." His hand dropped down to her stomach and he grinned, feeling the firm bump that he'd noticed for the first time this morning. While she was still too early in her pregnancy to be _showing_, Matt was absolutely giddy with excitement to be able to see the physical changes in Gabby's body. To him, it made everything so much more real. "No…it's that pregnancy glow," he insisted.

"All those pregnancy books you've been reading…any mention of the father having a glow?" Gabby joked. She was convinced Matt was the one walking around with a '_pregnancy glow'. _Ever since she'd told him about the unexpected pregnancy a week and a half ago, it was like a permanent smile had been glued to his face.

And considering they had yet to start telling everyone, Gabby could only imagine the commentary from the guys at the firehouse as to why Matt had a permanent smile on his face. According to Shay, most of the guys—in other words, Cruz and Otis—had assumed that Matt was basically getting all the sex he wanted, whenever he wanted it.

He turned so he was completely facing her, "I'll tell you one thing that I know for sure…"

"Hmm…"

"I'm the happiest I've ever been and it's all thanks to you."

Gabby dropped her eyes, "Matt…"

"It's the truth. Without you giving me a chance…" he shook his head, "a chance to show you the right way you deserve to be treated and allowing me to get to know your boys…" He inhaled deeply, "you took a chance on me after you'd been repeatedly burned and I can never thank you enough for trusting me."

Gabby turned her gaze up towards the ceiling as she attempted to keep the tears from falling. She laughed nervously, "you're gonna make me cry." She shook her head, "but who am I kidding? Everything has been making me cry lately." Tilting her head back towards him, she reached up and took his face in her hands, bringing it down to her level so she could kiss him. "Thank you."

Matt laughed against her lips, "for making you cry? I've never heard that one before."

"No…for just…for just being so good to me. To _us._"

"Well get used to it because I don't plan on ever stopping."

Gabby hummed, "I'm going to hold you to that." She settled next to him, draped an arm across his waist and rested her head against his chest, "but right now…sleep."

Matt chuckled, "did I wear you out?"

"Maybe a little," Gabby murmured, pressing her lips against his chest. "But only one of us has to work tomorrow and unfortunately I'm not going to be able to rely on coffee to get me through the day."

"You can always call off," Matt suggested.

"I wish," Gabby said before yawning as she felt herself slipping into dreamland. "Love you," she mumbled, "and thank you."

* * *

"Oh," Gabby stopped suddenly, just barely keeping herself from running directly into her mother. She was already running late thanks to hitting the snooze one too many times on her alarm clock. "Mom, hey…"

"I thought you didn't go into work until later today," Marie said, taking note of Gabby's scrubs showing underneath her jacket.

"Uh…yeah," Gabby dug through her purse in search of her keys. "I wasn't originally but one of the girls needed the morning off so she could chaperon her son's fieldtrip."

"You're working this morning along with your already eight hour shift?"

"Yeah…" she huffed, still unable to locate her keys and turned to her jacket pockets. "Where are my keys?"

The look of disapproval was clear on Marie's face, "so you're working a twelve hour shift?"

The apartment door opened back up, "hey, Gabby…oh…hello, Marie."

"Hello, Matt."

"Uh…" Matt turned his attention back to Gabby, clearly catching the look of annoyance on her face. He held up her keys, "these were sitting on the kitchen table."

Gabby gave an appreciative smile and took the keys, "thanks."

"No problem." Glancing between the mother and daughter, he felt awkward just standing there. "Uh…I'll leave you two to talk." He silently debated whether or not it would be appropriate to lean down and kiss Gabby good-bye in front of her mother but decided against it. "Call me on your lunch break?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah. Thanks again."

Matt shook his head, "you don't have to thank me…" He motioned into the apartment, "but uh, I've got to finish getting ready so I can pick Gus up from your brother's so I'll uh…let you two talk…" Giving Gabby a reassuring smile and Marie a polite nod, Matt disappeared back into the apartment.

"Has he moved in?" Marie asked as she met her daughter's stride through the hall and down the steps of the apartment complex.

Gabby sighed and ducked her head from the shining sun as it climbed the Chicago skyline. "For the most part, yeah."

Marie frowned, "for the most part? It's either yes or no, Gabriela."

"Fine. Yes, he moved in. I know, I know…it's not the traditional way of doing things but when have I ever been _traditional?_"

"I'm not judging, Gabriela," Marie insisted. "I was just checking in. That's actually why I'm here, yesterday was your birthday and I was hoping to take you out to breakfast."

Gabby raised a brow, "mom, it's been years since you've taken me out to breakfast for my birthday." During Gabby's childhood, it had been a mother/daughter tradition. One that was eventually broken once Marie had become Chief of Staff and Gabby had started high school. If Gabby really thought about it, she couldn't remember the last time her mother took her out for her birthday.

"I know, but I thought maybe we could chat."

Gabby sighed and leaned against the open car door. She knew she was taking her exhaustion out on her mother, "maybe this weekend? I have the whole weekend off and Matt works Saturday so…" she shrugged, "maybe we can figure something out?"

* * *

"Shit," Matt mumbled, realizing he'd forgotten to take the boys' car seats out of Gabby's car before she left for work. He checked the time on his watch, by the time he got to the hospital, hunted Gabby down, got her keys and got the car seats out of her car, he'd be way behind schedule. The plan had already been for Laura and Antonio to take Eli to school but he had to pick Gus up by nine so both of them could go to work. "Screw it," he muttered, "it'll save a hell of a lot of time if I just buy car seats to keep in my truck."

As soon as Matt stepped foot into the baby department, he was immediately overwhelmed. There had to be several dozen different car seats on display. He had no idea where to even start.

"Can I help you?"

Matt looked down at the young woman standing in front of him. "Uh…yeah. I need to get some car seats."

The young sales associate nodded, waiting for him to continue. When she realized he wasn't, she smiled, "ok. Well how many car seats are you looking for today?"

"Two."

"Ok, and how old are the kids?"

"Firs there's Eli. He's almost five and a half, I just need a booster seat for him. The one in his mom's car has a high back. And then Gus, he just turned one back in August so I need one of those convertible ones for him. We just recently switched it so he's now facing forward." He scratched his head, slightly embarrassed, "to be honest, I left the car seats in their mother's car this morning and I figured maybe it would just be easier to buy ones to keep in my car."

The sales associate again nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, sensing his anxiety. "That's very common for parents to do. What kind of price range were you looking at?"

Matt shook his head, "the price doesn't matter just point me in the direction of the safest and highest rated."

"Ok, well let's start with the booster seat first."

Matt started to follow the sales associate but stopped when another car seat caught his eye. "Are these for newborns?"

"Yeah. These usually work for the first year and then the baby transitions into a convertible car seat."

"Ok, I need one of these, too."

"Baby on the way?"

"Yep," his smile widened. Since he and Gabby had decided to wait until she'd started her second trimester to let people in on the news, it was exciting to be able to tell someone. Even if it was just the twenty-something sales associate that was helping him. "Just found out not too long ago."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"You and your wife should definitely consider signing up for our baby registry. It doesn't just include our items available in store but also everything online. Clothes, diapers, toys, bottles, receiving blankets…you name it, we've got it."

"Can you uh…show me the newborn clothes after this? The onesies and stuff?"

"Oh absolutely."

* * *

"How about oreos?" Eli asked as he hung onto the front of the grocery cart while Matt pushed it down the aisle. Once it was at a complete stop, Eli hopped off and reached for the blue package of cookies. "It's mama's favorite."

Yeah, Matt knew Gabby liked oreos but he couldn't help but think it was Eli's way of attempting to convince Matt to buy them.

"Yeah, ok…but that's the only package of cookies we're buying, ok?" He held up the list that Gabby had handed him before leaving for work. "Your mom gave me a list of things that we need to buy so we're going to try our best to stick to it, ok?"

Eli grinned and put the cookies down in the cart. "Ok!" he stepped back on the edge of the cart and gripped the top of it. "So what's next on the list?"

"Uh…eggs. Eggs, milk and shredded cheese."

"And chocolate milk," Eli said, pointing in the direction behind Matt. "We have to go that way."

"Right, ok. Let's go." Obviously Matt had been grocery shopping before but it was completely different task when you've got two little kids accompanying you. Eli was constantly reaching for different things as they went down each aisle while Gus wasn't too happy with the restraints keeping him in the front of the cart.

Matt was starting to realize it was impossible to just grab a basket, get in and get out like he'd always done before. But he wouldn't change it, not for anything. He loved every minute of this newfound fatherhood and couldn't wait for everything that was to come.

"After this, can we go to the costume store and buy my Halloween costume?" Eli asked casually as they rounded the corner and into the next aisle.

Matt stopped pushing the cart and frowned, "I thought you already got your costume?"

"We were supposed to the other day but I think mama forgot," he tilted his head thoughtfully, "she was in the bathroom a lot and I think she was sick so I didn't want her to have to go shopping when she was sick. I don't like going to school when I'm sick." He shrugged, "but Saturday is Halloween so tomorrow is my party at school and I'm supposed to bring in cookies."

Matt nodded, a little unsure of what to do. "Right." He sighed, "ok, how about this…we finish grocery shopping, we buy some cookies and then we go buy your costume, ok?"

Eli scrunched up his face, "mommy always _makes _the cookies."

"Oh?" _Right. _He sighed, he wasn't terrible in the kitchen but he also knew that he wasn't the greatest, either. "What kind of cookies?"

"Double chocolate chip!"

"Ok, then. We'll buy the ingredients for the cookies and make them tonight."

Eli grinned, "awesome!"

Surprisingly, rest of the evening went rather smooth. Matt and the boys managed to leave the grocery store without any major incidents occurring and dinner—leftovers-was a success. He'd even managed to successfully bake the double chocolate chip cookies that Eli had insisted he needed for his school's Halloween party. The kitchen needed a little attention and some spot cleaning but besides the one incident with the sugar, there were no major spills.

By the time Gabby got home from her twelve hours shift she was completely exhausted and very confused as to why Matt had gone out of his way to make cookies.

As soon as he explained the cookies to her, she was immediately apologetic. "Oh my god, I can't believe I forgot! I am _so _sorry!" Gabby shook her head, angry with herself that she'd forgotten something so important to her son.

Matt was a little surprised at how upset Gabby was, "hey, hey…" he reached for her and slipped his arms around her waist. "Don't worry about it, babe." He kissed her lips, "Eli and I have got it all covered. I'll remind you as many times as I need to…but you're not alone in this anymore."

Gabby took a breath and nodded, "I know, I do…I guess it's just sometimes I fall back into the whole single mom mentality…it's a habit, I guess."

"Well it's a habit we're going to have to break." Matt grinned, "like I said, everything has been taken care of."

"Costumes?" Gabby asked, though she already had a pretty good idea. He'd been batman for the last three years.

"A firefighter." She raised her brow and Matt put his hands up in defense, "I swear, he had no influence from me."

"You're kidding, right? How did you convince him not to be batman?"

"I didn't. We just walked into the store, went over to the kids' costumes and he picked out the firefighter one."

Gabby couldn't help but laugh, "my brother is going to be devastated. He's been trying to get Eli to be a cop for the past couple of years now. Last year, he even went so far as to suggest he be batman _disguised _as a cop and wear the batman costume underneath the cop costume." She shook her head, "I honestly can't wait to see his reaction. What about Gus?"

Matt laughed, "that one was a little bit more tricky."

"Did you ask him? Because you know his answer for everything is no, right?"

"I don't know, I thought maybe if he saw something he really liked, he might reach for it and then I would know we had a winner."

Gabby laughed at Matt's logic, finding it cute. "I guess that's true. So what did _Gus _decide on?"

"Well, he honestly had no interest in anything besides the giant inflatable pumpkin that was on display so I picked one out for him. He's going to be a cop. I figured it might soften the blow for your brother. I got him one of those one-piece costumes that are kind of like pajamas with a hood that way he'll stay warm while we're out trick or treating."

Gabby beamed up at him, "you're a natural, you know that?"

Matt shook his head, confused, "what do you mean?"

She waved her arm around the kitchen, "this. You spent all day with Gus, picked Eli up from school, took them grocery shopping, got their Halloween costumes, made cookies for Eli's party tomorrow, fed them dinner _and_ put them to bed." She shook her head in complete shock, "that's amazing!" She reached for him and wrapped her arms around his waist, staring up at him with admiration in her eyes, "_you're _amazing!"

Matt smiled and took her face in his hands, "well you know, I learn from the best." His smile fell as her eyes filled with tears, "what's wrong?" With the pads of his thumbs, he brushed away the stray tears that had slipped free.

Gabby shook her head and ducked her head, trying to regain control of her emotions. Her emotions were all over the place, more so than usual. When Matt had sent her a picture of the two boys earlier in the day, she'd spent a good ten minutes hiding away in a bathroom stall while she quietly sobbed. Sniffling, she wiped at her eyes, "it's just my hormones."

"So you're not upset about something?" Matt asked skeptically.

"No, I'm not upset about anything," Gabby answered, lifting her head back up to meet his eyes. "I'm happy…well, a little worried and scared, but for the most part, I'm happy." She sheepishly poked his side, "you make me happy, Matt. Thank you."

"Well the feeling's quite mutual. You and the boys…" he shook his head, "I can't imagine my life without you guys." He laughed nervously as he walked the unfamiliar territory of feeling vulnerable. Pulling her close, he draped his arms around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "I love you guys so much."

Once again Gabby could feel the tears threatening and turned her head against Matt's chest, hoping to grab a hold of her emotions before it was too late and she was bawling her eyes out. "Love you," she mumbled into his chest.

They stood in silence for a few minutes, each of them just savoring the moment in each other's arms and enjoying the rare quiet. Matt was the first to break the silence, "Hey, what do you say we pour a couple glasses of milk, taste test a few of these cookies and watch some of the game?"

Looking up at Matt, Gabby rested her chin against Matt's chest and smiled, "sounds perfect. I'm just gonna check on the boys and take a quick shower, ok?"

"Sounds good, it'll give me time to finish cleaning the kitchen."

"You're too good to me," she murmured before turning and leaving the kitchen.

When Gabby walked into the living room nearly half an hour later, Matt had already settled in one corner of the couch and had his feet propped up on the corner of the coffee table. His attention was solely focused on the game being broadcast in front of him that he didn't even know Gabby was in the living room until he felt the couch move as she took a seat next to him.

He turned his attention to her and took in her appearance. She was wearing an old, over-sized Chicago Bears shirt and a pair of dark gray yoga pants. She tucked her legs under her and settled into his side, turning her attention to the game. "Have I missed much?"

Matt draped an arm Gabby and pulled her closer, "not really. Boys still sound asleep?"

"Mhm…you must've kept them pretty busy." She reached forward and grabbed a cookie from the plate that was resting on the coffee table in front of them. She took a bite and looked up at Matt in slight surprise, "these are good, baby."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Maybe I'll leave the baking to you from now on," she joked.

"Nah," Matt shook his head, "I don't know about that. I think a part of my success was due to Eli's step by step instructions. He knew exactly where the recipe was, where everything in the kitchen was…seriously, he is one observant kid."

"Tell me about it. I'm just waiting for him to catch on to the pregnancy before we tell him."

"Speaking of…" Matt started, "when are we going to tell him? I mean…how did you tell him about Gus?"

Gabby sighed, thinking back to her pregnancy with Gus. It had been a tumultuous one from the start and half of it was kind of a blur. "Once I started showing, I really had no choice but to tell him. Not only is he observant, but he hears everything. I guess he'd heard me talking on the phone one night because when I went to tuck him in, he asked me if we were getting a new baby."

"And how'd he take it?"

Gabby shrugged against Matt's side, "I don't think he really understood what exactly was going on until he saw Gus for the first time. The first few months were definitely an adjustment for him _and _me but I think once he realized that just because there was a new baby that didn't mean I was going to stop loving him. Especially now, even though Gus is at this age where he's getting attention for constantly accomplishing new things, I make sure to give Eli just as much praise and attention as Gus. _But_…" she sighed, "there's an additional factor this time around." She looked up at him, "you."

Matt shook his head, confused, "what do you mean?"

"By the time Eli knew about my pregnancy with Gus, Lance was already out of the picture..." She reached forward, grabbed another cookie and took a bite as she tried to sort through her thoughts. "I guess I just worry that with everything that's happened…I don't know how much more change he can handle at the moment."

"But it is good change," Matt quickly countered, worried that Gabby was starting to have second thoughts about the direction of their relationship.

"But even good change can be stressful for kids." She shook her head, not having the energy to think about it at the moment. "But he's a little bit older this time and he does adore you," Gabby added. She looked back over at him, realizing her previous words might have worried him. "Both boys adore you and I just don't want Eli worrying that you won't love him anymore once this new baby is here."

"That would never happen, Gabby."

"I know that..." she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I just want to wait a bit longer until we start telling everyone."

Pulling her into his arms, Matt kissed the top of her head, "whatever you feel is best, I'll be right by your side."

Gabby smiled and settled back into Matt's side, "thank you."

Eventually, the couple turned their attention to the third game of the World Series. While Matt had really gotten into the game, it wasn't that long before the exhaustion caught up with Gabby and she had drifted off to sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

_Thank you to everybody who is still reading and reviewing! Honestly, I love every review I get and I always look forward to them! There are a few shout outs I have to give...JusticeRocks who checked in to see what was up and let me bounce some ideas off of her. Thanks so much! And __tekojuko, who always gives such amazing and long reviews. She informed me that I have now been writing this story for over a year and it's absolutely mind blowing that you guys are still reading and reviewing._

_I really need more Dawsey on my screen...I did love the scene in Matt's office on last week's episode but I would love to see a scene where they really sit and talk about the miscarriage. I don't know, maybe I'll try to write something. _

_Review? Pretty please? _

How Will I Know

Chapter Thirty Two

It had been another long night that went by way too fast as soon as sleep had been found.

At the sound of his alarm, Matt blindly reached a hand out and turned it off before rolling over and expecting to see Gabby curled next to him. He frowned, confused to see her side of the bed empty. He didn't get a chance to give much thought as to where she was because the bedroom door opened up and she came walking in with nothing but a towel wrapped around her. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't even seem to realize he was awake.

Matt tiredly stretched his arms up over his head and couldn't help but admire the growing bump that was outlined by the white cotton that hugged her body. It seemed like every day it was getting a little bit bigger and he couldn't wait for each milestone of her pregnancy. Hearing the heartbeat, finding out the gender, feeling the baby kick for the first time…he was so impatient to experience it all.

He'd never understand how Bobby or Lance lived with themselves. In his mind, there was no better woman to be the mother of his child, than Gabby. Not only was she giving him a baby, but she'd already given him two beautiful and amazing boys. He wasn't sure if he could every truly express how much it meant to him that she trusted him.

He was pulled from his thoughts as he heard Gabby curse under her breath. He blinked a few times, refocusing his gaze and propped his head in his hand. "You ok?" Her unruly wet hair was pulled up in a messy bun atop her head and even from the distance, he could see the exhaustion in her eyes.

She'd been up and down all night but the last time he could recall waking up to her scrambling out of bed and rushing across the hall to the bathroom was a little after three.

"I'm fine," she grumbled. She sifted through the basket of clean clothes in front of her closet, picking up each article of clothing only to silently scrutinize it and toss it aside.

Matt frowned and pushed himself up, "you sure?"

Gabby briefly stopped rummaging through her basket of clothes long enough to lift her head up and glare at him. "What's with all the questions? I said I'm fine."

"Ok, ok…" Matt held his hands up in surrender, "I was just asking."

"Well _don't." _Gabby settled on an oversized gray sweater and tossed it on the bed, nearly missing Matt's face. She moved over to her dresser and pulled open one of the drawers, digging to the bottom of it; clearly on the hunt for something specific.

Matt sighed and glanced at the time, he really had to start getting ready for work. Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, he stood up and made his way over to her. "Hey," he slipped his arms around her waist, stopping her movements and turning her around so she was facing him. He brought his hands up and held her face in his hands, making sure she was meeting his eyes. "You know I'm going to keep asking, right?"

Her eyes watered and she shook her head, "I'm just tired and grumpy. I woke up sick and couldn't go back to sleep. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to take it out on you."

Matt shook his head, "you can take your frustrations out on me all you want as long as you at least tell me what's going on, ok?"

Gabby nodded and with one hand keeping a tight grip on her towel, she reached her other hand up and wiped at her tears. "My hormones," she mumbled, feeling a tad bit embarrassed. "They're just all over the place."

"If you want, I can take the day off and spend it with you and Gus?"

"You don't have to do that," Gabby insisted. She sighed, "my mother is actually meeting Gus and I for breakfast at Morgan's…"

"In that case, I change my mind…I'm definitely going into work," Matt quipped, giving Gabby a cheeky grin.

Gabby playfully shoved Matt but his joke worked as a grin had appeared on her face. "Not funny."

"You sure? Because I just saw a smile." Gabby ducked her head as her grin widened and Matt slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him. "You know, I really am happy to see your relationship with your mother getting better."

"Yeah…" Gabby shrugged, "it's different…it's nice." She tilted her head thoughtfully, "well, most of the time."

"She's not giving you a hard time about anything, is she? The baby? Me?"

Gabby shook her head, "what is there to complain about?"

Matt smirked, "are you saying I'm perfect?"

"You're pretty damn close, that's for sure." A content sigh fell from her lips and she reached her free hand up to brush the bed head from his hair. "Compared to the other guys, there's nothing she can complain about."

Before Matt could respond, they were interrupted by Gus' cries coming through the baby monitor and Gabby groaned, "it's like clockwork."

Matt laughed, "go ahead and finish getting dressed, I'll get him."

Gabby shook her head, "Matt, you still have to get ready for work."

"And you're still in nothing but a towel," he countered. "It's fine, I've got an hour and a half. Take your time, get dressed…maybe take a nap," he joked. "I'll get the boys ready."

Matt was out of the room before Gabby had a chance to say anything else. When he stepped into the boys' room, Eli was curled up facing the wall obviously still sound asleep but Gus on the other hand was standing up in his bed finishing off his bottle.

The one year old grinned when he saw Matt. "Att!" He removed the now empty bottle from his mouth and started banging it on the side of his crib.

"Well someone was playing up those tears," Matt said as he made his way across the room and scooped Gus up out of his crib. He bounced him gently in his arms. "What do you say we change your diaper and get you dressed, huh? Then maybe we'll go find mommy and see what's for breakfast."

Surprisingly, Gus didn't fuss as Matt changed him out of his pajamas and into clothes. The tot absolutely hated being restricted and Matt was sure if allowed, Gus would gladly run around in nothing but a diaper all day long. Not wanting to take up a lot of time, Matt settled on a pair of red sweat pants and gray sweatshirt with little cars printed all over it.

"Car!" Gus exclaimed, looking down at the sweatshirt that Matt had just pulled down over his head.

"Yeah, lots of cars," Matt agreed. He grabbed a pair of socks and slipped them on Gus' feet before picking him back up and carrying him out of the bedroom.

From the looks of it, Gabby had just finished getting dressed and was standing in front of the floor length mirror that was hanging on the outside of the closet door trying to do something with her hair. She had on the oversized gray sweater that she'd tossed on the bed earlier and it did a good job of concealing her small bump. Matched up with it was a pair of black skinny jeans that Matt wasn't sure he'd ever seen before. Lately it seemed like whenever he saw her she was either in scrubs or pajamas.

"New jeans?" He asked, sitting Gus down on the floor and letting the toddler wander the bedroom.

Gabby shook her head, "they're maternity jeans. I swear, my stomach grew overnight. I had to cave and finally dig out all my old maternity clothes." She huffed and adjusted the gray material over her stomach, "I swear, it's like my body knows the drill…I never started showing this much, this early with Eli or Gus."

"There's nothing wrong with already showing, Gabby," Matt tried to assure her. He knew Gabby had self-confidence issues with her body but now that she was pregnant, he could see the anxiety in her had increased. On occasion, he'd catch her care-free and not concerned with hiding any part of her body but those moments were few and far in between.

"I just don't want to say anything until I'm officially in the second trimester. I feel like…if I say something that I'll end up jinxing it."

"Then we'll wait one more week before we start telling people." Walking up behind her, he slipped his arms around her waist and framed her stomach with his hands, "you're so beautiful." He placed a few kisses directly below her ear and smiled against her skin when he heard her sigh with content.

Gabby closed her eyes and tilted her neck so Matt had better access to her neck, "just wait, I'll look like a whale soon enough."

"Nah, you'll look pregnant." He smirked when his eyes caught Gus climbing into Gabby's basket of laundry through the mirror. "Looks like someone has found a way to entertain himself."

Gabby opened up her eyes and laughed at Gus' current position atop her clothes. "At least he's staying away from the toilet." Over the past couple of weeks, Gus had really taken a liking to the toilet and they'd started keeping the bathroom door shut at all times. She sighed, meeting Matt's eyes, "you've got to get ready for work and I've got to get Eli ready for school."

* * *

"Come on Eli," Gabby said as she hurried around the kitchen trying to clean up the mess from breakfast. "Go get your shoes on." Feeling a little lightheaded, she braced herself up against the sink and took a deep breath.

Slipping into his jacket, Matt walked into the kitchen just as Eli was rushing out in search of his shoes. "I can take him on my way to the firehouse."

Gabby glanced up from the sink, relieved that it had passed before Matt had time to notice. "You sure?"

"Yeah, it's on my way. Give us some guy time," he quipped.

Gabby nodded, "that would actually help me out a lot."

"Good," he walked over to her and dropped a kiss on the top of her head, "it's not just you doing this anymore, Gabby. I'm here to pick up at least half of the load."

"I'm ready!" Eli announced, running into the kitchen. He had his shoes tied, coat zipped up and book bag on his back ready to go.

"Awesome! How about I take you to school on my way to work?"

"Really?"

Matt nodded, "really. Give your mom a hug and kiss and we'll get going."

Eli bounced over to his mom and wrapped his hands around her waist, if he'd noticed the slight bump, he didn't say anything. "Love you, mama!"

Gabby leaned down so she was at Eli's level, "I love you too, baby." She ran her fingers through his hair making sure there were no loose ends standing up. "Have a good day, ok?"

Eli nodded enthusiastically, "ok!"

"Oh, don't you need Eli's booster seat?" Gabby asked as she followed Matt into the living room with Gus on her hip.

Matt grinned, he'd wondered how long it would take her to notice. "Don't need it."

Gabby looked at Matt as if he'd grown another head, "Uh, yeah you do."

"Nope. I bought car seats for the boys to keep in my truck."

"What?" Gabby shook her head, completely caught off guard. "When?"

"Last week. I forgot to take the car seats out of your car so instead of stopping by the hospital, I figured I might as well just buy some for my truck…make things a little bit simpler."

Gabby continued to look at Matt in complete disbelief, "Matt, car seats aren't cheap." It was one of the things she'd made a mental note to buy before the baby was born; a new infant car seat. Gus' old infant car seat had met a sudden demise when Eli had attempted to jump from the couch to the loveseat and instead landed on top of the car seat and breaking it.

"I know." He turned to Eli, "come on buddy, we've got to get going." He turned his attention back to Gabby, his smile growing from the look of complete surprise that was still on her face. "It was worth it."

Adjusting Gus on her hip, Gabby shook her head in disbelief, "you're the best, you know that?"

Matt shrugged as if it was nothing. "Only the best for the best," he quipped.

Gabby stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his, "I love you. Be safe."

Matt grinned, "I never get tired of hearing you say that."

* * *

Shay grinned and jumped out of the back of her rig, "hey hot stuff!"

Gabby rolled her eyes, "if by hot stuff, you mean hot mess…then yes, that's me." She adjusted Gus on her hip and holding on tight as he attempted to squirm his way out of her arms.

"Oh whatever," Shay shut the doors of the rig and reached for Gus, "hey big guy, come see Aunty Leslie!" As soon as Gabby handed Gus off, Shay's mouth dropped in surprise. "Geez, someone's been growing! How are you even lugging this kid around?"

"Well I won't be able to for too much longer…" she perched her hands up on her hips and frowned, "I had to dig out the maternity jeans this morning."

Shay shook her head in amusement, "I don't know why you're even trying to hide it, Gabby."

"Like I told Matt, I want to wait until I'm officially in my second trimester."

"Which is?"

"Next week."

Shay nodded, "maybe the morning sickness will finally subside."

Gabby narrowed her eyes, "Matt's been talking to you, hasn't he?"

"He's worried, Gabs. He's not familiar with everything about pregnancy like you are…he's afraid the nausea is a sign of a bigger issue…maybe stress or exhaustion?"

"Oh my goodness, this must be the famous Gabby Dawson!" Sylvie Brett approached the two women and held her hand out to Gabby and grinned, "Sylvie Brett."

A little taken aback, Gabby gave the blonde a smile and shook her hand. Shay had briefly mentioned something the night before during their phone conversation about finally getting a decent paramedic as a partner. Said the blonde was a bit too cheery in the mornings but the girl seemed to know what she was doing. "It's nice to meet you…Shay mentioned you were probably the best paramedic she's been paired with in months."

"Oh," Brett beamed, "I appreciate that! Chicago is a lot more fast paced than the small town in Indiana that I started out in but so far I'm really liking it here." She motioned towards Gus, "can I?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah, sure."

Shay handed Gus off to Brett and was surprised when the tot didn't even think twice about going into the other blonde's arms. Brett grinned and bounced Gus in her arms, "Hey there big guy!" She looked over at Gabby, "this is Gus, right?" Brett caught the look of surprise on Gabby's face and hurried to explain, "I promise, I'm not a creeper or anything, I only know this because you and the boys are basically all Casey talks about. He was showing Severide pictures the other day of some giant fort you guys built in the living room."

Shay nodded her agreement as she met Gabby's eyes. "She's not exaggerating, Casey will spend hours talking to Herrmann about the boys and everything they do. He's a _proud_ daddy."

"Hey! Look who it is!" Herrmann exclaimed as he walked through the garage, arms out and ready to embrace Gabby. Gabby smiled, she was always happy to see Herrmann. She gladly accepted Herrmann's hug and completely forgot about her protruding stomach. She panicked internally as her stomach met his but before she could even have a coherent thought, Herrmann was whispering in her ear, "congratulations, kid."

A brief look of anxiety passed through Gabby's eyes, "you know?"

"Don't be mad…Casey just needed someone to talk to about it…he's new to this and well, I'm clearly not." He motioned towards the group behind him, "and besides, they're all gushing over Gus…not even listening to what we're saying."

Gabby relaxed, knowing that Herrmann had a point. She sent a quick glance towards Gus who was now in Cruz's arms before turning her attention back to the guy who had been like a surrogate father to her. "He's excited, right? He says he is but-"

"No buts, Gabby. Just trust him." Herrmann laughed, "in the ten years that I have known Casey, I have never seen him so happy. You've literally given him the gift of life. I swear, if there was such a thing as pregnancy glow on a guy…then that's exactly what Casey has."

Gabby ducked her head as she laughed, "you're not the first person that's said that."

"See? He's happy, _you're _happy…."

"I guess my invite to the party got lost, huh?"

Gabby looked up over Herrmann's shoulder to see Matt grinning from ear to ear, Severide right by his side.

Shay laughed, "you can blame me, Casey. I ambushed her as soon as she walked into the garage. You're being greedy and keeping her all to yourself." She moved over to Gabby and draped an arm across her shoulders, "I've missed my bestie!"

Matt laughed as Gus was handed to him by Capp, "what can I say? I'm a bit selfish. Hey big guy!"

"Gabriela Dawson!" Boden's voice boomed through the garage and everyone looked in the direction of their chief. "It's about time you stop by again. I was hoping now that you'd reacquainted yourself with people in the firehouse that you'd be stopping by more often."

"I know, I'm sorry, chief. I've been working a lot."

_Too much_, Matt thought silently to himself. He cleared his throat, "hey, Mills should be just about done with lunch…what do you say we take this party into the kitchen?"

Everyone seemed to voice their agreements and started to head back inside the fire house and into the kitchen. Matt waited for Gabby to meet up with him and Gus before he started following the crowd inside. "Hey," he smiled, took her hand in his and leaned down to give her a quick kiss. "You feeling any better?"

She nodded, "a little."

"Good. We've better get inside with everyone else before lunch is completely gone."

Normally, Gabby would be all over the spread of food that Mills had prepared for lunch but unfortunately for her, as soon as she stepped into the kitchen and caught the aroma of the food, she immediately stopped walking and grabbed Matt's arm.

He stopped and looked over at her, concern evident on his face as he saw the color drain from Gabby's. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head, "I can't…the smell…whatever Mills has prepared for lunch…I can't." She inhaled sharply and her stomach turned, "shit," she mumbled before turning and hurrying towards the bathroom down the hall.

Thankfully, the only one that seemed to notice was Shay and she immediately took Gus from Matt's arms, "go on, I've got him."

Matt nodded, "thanks."

Halfway to the bathroom, Matt nearly ran into Antonio.

"Hey Matt, I talked to the A.D.A and-"

Matt shook his head and kept on walking, "not a good time, I think Gabby just got sick."

Antonio immediately turned and started following Matt. When they entered the bathroom, it was clear by the sounds coming from the stall what was going on.

"Gabby!" Matt called, shutting the door behind him. "Are you ok?" He went down the row of stalls and pushed each one open, making sure no one else was in there.

Antonio looked deeply concerned as he listened to his sister continue to throw up. "Gabs?"

With nothing left into her stomach, she had started to dry heave until her body had finally calmed down. She took a deep breath, confused by the familiarity of the other voice, "Antonio?"

"Hey, sis."

There was another lengthy silence from Gabby and both men looked at each other with matching looks of concern. The toilet flushed and the door to the stall popped open. Gabby glanced between Matt and her brother, she knew there was something that they weren't telling her. "What's going on?"

"I should be asking you the same thing," Antonio quipped. When he'd decided to stop by the firehouse and give Matt an updated on Bobby's case, he had not expected Gabby there.

"Morning sickness is a bitch," she grumbled before pushing her way past the two men and heading for the sink. Turning on the faucet, she washed her hands before lowering her head and splashing some water on her face and in her mouth.

Matt watched Gabby's movements closely, worried that it would worse before it got better. He noticed her hands shaking as she reached for the stack of paper towels. "You ok? Do you need to sit down? Or do you want me to get you a glass of water?"

Gabby briefly braced herself against the counter and glared at the two men through the reflection in the mirror before turning around and looking directly at them. "No. But I do need you two to tell me what's going on." A panicked thought occurred to her and her eyes widened in fear, "is it Eli?"

"No," Antonio hurriedly insisted. "Eli's fine."

"Then what is it? Why could you possibly be coming by the firehouse to talk to Matt?"

Antonio shrugged, "maybe I just wanted to catch up with the guy who has captured my sister's heart."

"That's bullshit, Antonio."

"Fine," Antonio conceded, sharing a quick look with Matt. "But can we at least talk somewhere besides the bathroom?"

Matt nodded, "we can use my office."

Gabby was the first in Matt's office and quickly spun around to glare at both Matt and Antonio. "Ok, one of you...spill, now."

Matt took a breath and decided to dive right in, "I asked your brother to keep me updated on Ross."

"What do you mean? He's in jail and he's going to trial...what else is there to keep you updated on and why couldn't you guys include me?"

"We didn't want to stress you out, Gabby," Antonio tried to reason with his little sister but already knowing he was in for one hell of a fight.

"No!" Gabby shook her head, "I am not a child. You two don't get to have these _meetings _without me to discuss what I should and shouldn't know about _my _son's biological father!" She started to pace the confines of Matt's office, her hands on her hips and her head down as she fell into her own thoughts. Her heart beat quickened, almost like it was trying to keep up with the speed of her thoughts.

Matt shared a worried look with Antonio, unsure as to what to do. He wanted nothing more to close the distance between him and Gabby, wrap his arms around her and stop her from pacing a hole in the floor. "Gabby…." he tried, reaching an arm out as she walked by him, his fingertips grazing her arm before she pulled away. "Your brother is right. We just didn't want you to worry until we knew for sure…you don't need the extra stress."

Gabby stopped and swung around, her eyes shooting daggers at Matt. "What I don't need, Matt, is for you to be making decisions for me!" She shot her eyes over to Antonio, "and you! You said after what had happened with Lance's trial that you were done keeping secrets from me! You oh…" she frowned and pressed her hand to her forehead, trying to push away the dizzy spell that was overpowering her.

Her actions didn't go unnoticed as both Matt and Antonio stepped towards Gabby, afraid that something was wrong.

"Gabs?" Antonio urged, beating his sister's boyfriend to the punch. "You ok?"

Gabby took a deep breath and moved towards Matt's desk as she continued to keep a hand to her head, "I'm fine…I'm fine," she insisted. Trying to take deep, calming breaths, she slid into the chair at Matt's desk and dropped her head in her hands.

Both Matt and Antonio were by her side in a second, each crouching down so they were at her level. Needing to see her, Matt pulled one of Gabby's hands from her face and held it, giving it a gentle squeeze hoping that it would grab her attention. "Hey, are you sure you're ok? Is something wrong? Is it the baby?"

Closing her eyes, Gabby tuned both of the concerned men out as she focused on what her body was trying to tell her. She released a breath she didn't realize she was holding and opened her eyes. Instantly, she was met with Matt's worried blues and shook her head, "I'm ok…I just got a little dizzy for a minute. It's fine, I'm fine…the baby is fine."

"You sure?" Matt asked. He was all ready to take her straight to the hospital if need be.

Gabby nodded and managed a small smile. "I'm sure." She pulled her hand from Matt's grasp and ran her fingers through his hair. To most it might seem like a gesture done purely out of habit but Matt knew otherwise. He'd caught on to not only her doing it to him but to both of the boys whenever she was anxious or nervous. It was a coping mechanism, a silent way to comfort and reassure herself that everything was ok.

Reclaiming her hand in his, he brought it to his lips and kissed it softly. "You know if it was something urgent we would have told you, right? They've already denied bail so we don't have to worry about him getting out anytime soon."

"But you still should've told me," Gabby insisted. "I have the right to know _everything…_" she shot her brother a look, "that is going on. I _need _to know everything that's going on."

Antonio sighed and uncrossed his arms. "Gabby…"

"_Don't, _Antonio." Gabby shook her head, "no excuses."

Dropping his head in defeat, Antonio stood up and started to retrace the steps his sister had previously paced. He stopped suddenly and looked over at Gabby, "the D.A. and Ross' attorney are working on a plea deal."

"What? Why?" Gabby jumped out of the chair and glanced back and forth between the two most important men in her life. "How is that even possible?"

"Gabby, if the case goes to trial, Eli will have to take the stand as a witness."

"You're kidding, right? He's a _victim, _not a witness! He's five! Besides, there's already so much proof! What about the video outside of his school? Or all the voicemails? He'd been harassing me for months and everything he'd done was premeditated!" She shook her head, "no! He doesn't get to do this! He…" he voice trailed, again feeling lightheaded. "Oh…" she stumbled and reached out for both Matt and her brother.

"Gabby!" Matt watched as Gabby stumbled towards him and in an instant he was holding her in his arms and keeping her from hitting the ground. Before he knew what was happening, her eyes rolled back and she fell limp in Matt's arms. "Gabby! Hey!" He slid them down to the ground and cradled her head in his lap, "come on baby, open your eyes."

In seconds Shay and Brett were rushing into the office followed by the rest of the firehouse.

Shay dropped to the floor next to Gabby and immediately started checking for a pulse, "what happened?" She motioned for Brett to move to the other side of Gabby, "let's get an I.V. going."

Matt shook his head, "she just…she just stumbled and passed out."

"She was a little unsteady on her feet earlier," Antonio said as he stood back to give Shay and Brett room to look over his sister.

"Her blood pressure is low," Shay noted as she removed the device from around Gabby's arm. "My guess it's a mix of stress, exhaustion and dehydration."

Brett nodded, "definitely common in the first trimester." She heard a collective group of mumbled questions behind her and glanced over her shoulder before turning to look back at Matt. She gave him an apologetic look, "sorry…I thought it was common knowledge."

Matt shook his head, "it's fine. Will she be ok?"

Shay sighed, "has she complained of any kind of cramping or pain?"

"No…but you know Gabby, she-"

"Doesn't like complaining," Shay finished with another sigh. "Yeah, I know."

"Otis and Cruz, can you guys go get the stretcher?" Shay asked.

The two men didn't even stay long enough to give Shay an answer as they pushed through the crowd that had gathered and dashed out of the office. Severide sighed, his worried gaze shifting from Gabby and up to Matt. He gave his best friend a reassuring look before turning and gently urging everyone to back up, "come on guys, let's give them some space."

"Ma..Matt?" Gabby mumbled as her head rolled to the side. There was a slight panic in her voice as her eyes popped open, "Matt?"

"I'm here…I'm right here," he tried to give her a reassuring smile, somewhat relieved knowing she was awake.

Shay leaned over Gabby so she was in her best friend's line of sight, "Gabby? Hey, it's Shay…I'm about to ask you some questions and I need you to be as honest as you can, ok?" Her head started to drop again and Shay shook her head, taking Gabby's face in her own hands, "no, Gabby…stay with us. I need you to tell me if anything hurts. Your stomach? Your back? Your head?"

Gabby shook her head, her eyes moving a mile a minute as she tried to keep them open. "No…nothing hurts….just…tired…Matt?"

"I'm still here…I'm not going anywhere."

"Coming through!" Cruz called as he and Otis pushed their way through with the stretcher. "Oh hey, Dawson, you're awake just in time for your ride," he joked.

Gabby looked confused, "where am I going?"

"The hospital and don't give me any of that refusing treatment crap," Shay quipped as she settled the stretcher parallel to Gabby's body. "You think you can help us move you?"

Antonio watched as Gabby attempted to move to the stretcher before Matt took charge and all but lifted her into it. "Which hospital are you taking her to?" He was already planning on using the lights in his car to keep up with the ambulance. "Lakeshore?"

Brett shook her head, "Chicago Med just opened up their new emergency room and it is a hell of a lot closer."

Shay nodded her agreement with Brett, "you're right. Call it in once we get to the rig." She turned her attention back to Gabby, "there's some color returning to your face…that's a good sign."

Gabby dropped Matt's hand and reached for her stomach as a dull ache settled in her abdomen, "it hurts," she mumbled.

Brett and Shay shared a look, "what does?" Shay asked.

"My stomach," Gabby cried, "the baby! It hurts!"

* * *

_P.S. Too soon? _

_Don't hate me. If you really want to be spoiled and know what happens before I post the next chapter (will most likely be after Thanksgiving...just message me and I'll tell you). I basically have the story outlined out...but if there are any little scenes you guys would like to see...I can always try to add them in. :)  
_

_Also, I'm considering starting a second twitter and tumblr specific for my writing where I can post how chapter updates are going and interact with you guys. But in the mean time, my personal twitter handle is rebeccabecabee. I usually just lurk through the Chicago fandoms. _


	33. Chapter 33

_First things first, I owe all of you a huge apology for the long delay after a cliffhanger like that. Between work, life and the holidays, I've had no time to write. Then once I did start writing my computer did one of those automatic updates and nothing saved. Soo...I finally got this finished! I'm not sure it is my best but I wanted to get something up before Christmas. Thank you so much for all the reviews, follows and favorites! It means so much to me! I've always started a writing twitter where I will try and post updates about my fics. The handle is NowWriteItOut. _

_Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Enjoy! _

_Rebecca_

_P.S...review?_

How Will I Know

Chapter Thirty Three

"Gabby!" Shay yelled, finally gaining her best friend's attention. She softened her gaze as she met Gabby's eyes, trying to offset the fear being conveyed in the young mother's eyes. "You've got to calm down, honey. You're getting yourself all worked up and it's just going to make things worse." With Gabby seemingly having a panic attack and gasping for air, Shay had no choice but to secure the oxygen mask over Gabby's face.

Climbing into the rig before Brett could shut the doors, Matt moved to the other side of Gabby and settled next to her. Careful of the I.V. trailing down her arm, Matt took a hold of Gabby's hand and intertwined his fingers with hers, hoping to calm Gabby's nerves along with his own. The clammy, cold feeling of her skin against his startled him but he didn't let it show. "Gabby," he called softly, hoping the calmness in his voice would sooth Gabby. "Shay is right…you need to calm down."

Gabby turned her head towards Matt and reached up with her free hand to push the oxygen mask away but Shay knocked away Gabby's hand. "Uh-uh, leave it on."

"I'm sorry," Gabby cried to Matt, her words muffled by the mask.

Matt shook his head, "you've got nothing to be sorry for."

"The baby-"

"Will be _fine,_" he insisted, trying to reassure Gabby and himself. "Deep breaths, ok? Are you still having cramps?" Gabby shook her head and Matt smiled, "see? That's a good sign." He glanced up at Shay, silently asking for the paramedic to agree with him. "Right?"

Though it was a good sign, Shay didn't have the ability as a paramedic to know what was really going on with the baby. An ultrasound was needed to really know what was going on. "Yeah, it's a good sign. Just keeping taking deep breaths, Gabby." There was as slight jolt as the ambulance was put into drive and sped off towards Chicago Med. She turned her wrist to check her watch and situated herself next to Gabby. "We'll be there soon."

The rest of the ride to Chicago Med was a complete blur for Matt and it wasn't until he was being stopped by a nurse did he realize they'd made it to the hospital and Gabby was being released into the care of the medical personnel. He could only watch as she was wheeled away from him and into an exam room down the hall.

"I'm sorry, but you can't go back there, sir," one of the nurses gently told him, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "But as soon as we know what's going on, I'll let you know."

Matt nodded numbly, briefly meeting the eyes of the nurse, "thanks."

The nurse nodded, "I'm April by the way. If you need anything, feel free to ask any of us." She gave him a reassuring smile before stepping aside so he could move towards the waiting room. Catching the rush of people running through the entrance, she raised a brow at one familiar face. "Kelly? What are you doing here? Are you ok?"

Severide nodded, clearly out of breath and anxious. "Yeah…yeah, I'm fine." His eyes softened when he dropped his gaze and met April's worried one. "Really, I'm fine. Did you see them take Gabby back?"

"Gabby?" April questioned, briefly confused before it clicked. "The patient that was just rushed back? First trimester?"

"Yeah. Is she ok? Is the baby ok?"

April shook her head, "I'm sorry, I don't know anything but I told the lieutenant that as soon as I did, I would let him know. From what I gathered, he's the father?" She'd recognized Matt from Molly's but it hadn't registered with her that the patient was Gabby Dawson.

Before Severide could answer, the rest of the men from Firehouse Fifty One were swarming around Matt and the two blonde paramedics, asking for an update on Gabby and the baby. Herrmann was the first to reach Matt, resting a comforting hand on his lieutenant's shoulder, "how you holding up, lieutenant?"

Matt shook his head, "I won't be fine until I know the both of them are ok."

"They will be," Herrmann insisted. "For as long as I've known Dawson she has been one hell of a fighter and if that baby is anything like its parents…then it is one hell of a fighter, too."

"Thanks Herrmann but until I can see for myself that they're both ok…"

"I know, man, I know…" Herrmann took a deep breath and sat down next to his lieutenant.

Just feet away in the exam room, Gabby's eyes were wide, not wanting to miss anything as she watched the movements of the medical personnel that were moving methodically around her. There was a nurse to her right checking her I.V and from the looks of it, another nurse was approaching her other side with a cart. She could hear them talking and understood all the medical lingo quite well but none of it was registering with her.

"It's Gabby, right?" The nurse asked. Gabby nodded and the nurse smiled sweetly, "Hi, Gabby, I'm Ali. Dr. Johnson will be here in just a few moments and we're going to do an ultrasound, ok?"

Again, Gabby nodded. Having calmed down, the oxygen mask had been removed but the fear seemed to have taken over her ability to even form a coherent thought, let alone, a sentence. "Matt?" she managed to get out.

"Is he the baby's father?" Ali asked.

"Yeah…he came with me." Gabby's hand moved to her barely there bump. "He's in the waiting room."

Ali smiled, "I'll go get him for you."

As Ali was leaving the room, a middle aged red-headed woman entered. Just as Ali did, the woman had a warm smile. "Hi, Gabby. I'm Dr. Johnson. I hear you've been experiencing some cramping, is that correct?"

"I was…but not now."

"Well that's a good sign." Sitting the tablet with Gabby's medical information aside, Dr. Johnson moved to the other side of Gabby's bed where the cart with the sonogram equipment was. "How long had you been experiencing them?"

Gabby shook her head, "that was the first time. It's just been a lot of exhaustion and morning sickness. I've been having a hard time keeping food down and…" she took a deep breath, getting herself worked up, "and I know it is mostly my fault-"

Dr. Johnson shook her head, "we're not going to place blame, Gabby. We're going to do this ultrasound, see what's going on and go from there, ok?"

"Look who I found!" Ali said as she returned to the room with a very anxious looking Matt following close behind.

Gabby's head shot up and as soon as her eyes met Matt's, the tears were forming. Matt rushed over to Gabby's side and took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips, "hey, hey…it's ok."

Dr. Johnson cleared her throat, gaining the couple's attention. "Let's go ahead and get started." She pushed Gabby's shirt up so it rested just above her stomach and carefully applied the gel substance. "First thing's first, we're going to check for a heartbeat…"

A thick silence filled the room as Dr. Johnson searched for a heartbeat. Matt felt Gabby's grip on his hand tighten and he returned it with a reassuring squeeze. A rhythmic beat filled the room and Matt's head snapped up and stared at the blurry image on the screen before he quickly shifted his gaze over to Dr. Johnson. "That's the heartbeat, right?"

Dr. Johnson nodded, smiling at the couple, "it most definitely is." She turned her attention to Gabby who seemed to still be in a daze, "the heartbeat is strong and so are all the other vitals. You're eleven weeks, right? From what I can tell, the baby's growth is right on target. Sounds to me like the cramping was due to dehydration." She motioned to the I.V. in hooked up to Gabby, "as soon as this one is finished, I'm going to have the nurse start up another one." Turning the ultrasound machine off and pushing it aside, she gently wiped the gel from Gabby's abdomen. "I think what we really need to discuss is the source of all your stress and something to possibly ease the morning sickness."

After a long lecture from Dr. Johnson and a prescription for something that would hopefully keep the nausea at by, Matt and Gabby had been left alone for the time being. Turning onto her side, Gabby met Matt's worried face. "Are you ok?"

"I should be asking you that."

Gabby shrugged, "it's not my first pregnancy. Dr. Johnson said as long as the morning sickness eases up and I can keep the stress to a minimum, things will be fine. You…" she reached out and poked his stomach, "you, on the other hand are new to this and I just want you to know that any questions you have…about _anything_, you can ask me."

Matt nodded, "I know."

"So…" Gabby prodded, "what's on your mind?"

Matt shook his head, "just thinking. Thinking about all the different ways I can help lessen the stress for you. You know, grocery shopping, laundry and helping with the cooking..." he chuckled, "even though you and I both know that you're a way better cook than me."

Gabby grinned, "there's no denying that. But you do make some damn good pancakes." She took his hand in hers and pulled him so close that their noses were nearly touching, "you're the best, you know that, right? And trust me, I do recognize that I need to remind myself that I'm no longer doing this alone. This is the first pregnancy that I've had someone by my side and I guess sometimes I just get into such a do-it-myself mode that I forget I can ask you to do something for me."

"Well every time you forget, you can trust that I will be right at your side reminding you...no matter how much it annoys you."

They continued the small chatter and eventually Gabby fell asleep. Once he was sure she was sound asleep, Matt let go of Gabby's hand and went to let everyone know both Gabby and the baby were both fine. When he returned to the waiting room he was surprised to see only Antonio and a sound asleep Gus. "Did they get a call?" He asked.

Antonio nodded and stood up, cradling Gus' head against his shoulder. "Yeah. I told them one of us would let them know what was going on." He sighed, "what is going on?"

"They're both fine," Matt answered, taking a deep breath as the good news was still settling with him. "The doctor did an ultrasound and she found a heartbeat. There was a picture but it was all blurry and to be honest I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking at." He shook his head, grinning, "but it was amazing."

"It definitely makes everything so much more real." Antonio sighed, the guilt had been weighing heavy on his heart, "Listen man, I should've called before showing up at the firehouse. The whole reason I had been avoiding tell her was because I knew how much it would stress her out."

"No…you can't blame yourself, Antonio. Gabby has been stressed for weeks…in fact, I don't ever think I've seen her _not _stressed. The morning sickness has been a daily occurrence and not to mention her habit of thinking she needs to do everything herself."

Antonio chuckled, "that girl has always been to damn independent and stubborn…even before she knew how to walk. She's not the best when it comes to asking for help."

"Trust me, I noticed," Matt replied.

"But what you're doing man…" Antonio said, his tone turning serious again. "Not a lot of guys would do."

"Love is love. I'm not saying it was love at first sight, but I knew right when I met Gabby that if I wanted to purse something with her that her boys would be a part of the relationship." He met Antonio's eyes and hoped his sincerity showed through in his own eyes, "and I've never second guessed my decision to do so. And I never will."

"You better not," Antonio halfway joked. He adjusted the sleeping toddler in his arms, "damn, this kid is heavy. I have no idea how Gabs lugs him around as much as she does."

"Yeah, well hopefully it is going to be one of the things she cuts back on. Dr. Johnson really made a point about cutting back the stress. She said between the stress and dehydration, that it was no wonder Gabby passed out. She wants to give her another I.V. after this one finishes and makes sure she gets something to eat. Do you think you can watch Gus this afternoon?"

"Oh no problem, man. And like I told you before, I already got Laura to pick Eli up from school. All you need to worry about right now is Gabby and the baby."

When April walked into Gabby's room she was surprised to see Gabby awake; on her way in Matt had mentioned she was sleeping. She smiled, "hey, Gabby. Your husband told me you were sleeping."

Gabby gave a tired smile, she'd only been awake for a few minutes. "I just woke up." She shifted in her bed, trying to stretch out. "And uh...he's not my husband." She wasn't quite sure why she felt the need to correct April.

"Boyfriend? Or if he's just your baby daddy that's cool too, I'm not judging," she quipped, obviously trying to ease Gabby's nerves.

"Boyfriend," Gabby answered.

"I thought I'd recognized you when you were brought in but I couldn't quite place it until Kelly told me who you were."

"Kelly?" Gabby asked, "how do you know Severide?" Then it clicked and her jaw dropped, "you're April? You're _the _April Sexton?"

April laughed as she finished with Gabby's new I.V. "I take it you've heard about me, then? Only good, I hope."

"I've heard more about you from Shay than I have from Severide," Gabby admitted. "In fact, Severide would probably kill me for tell you this but according to Shay, he actually seems happy."

"Well he makes me very happy so the feeling is definitely mutual." April didn't want to admit it so someone she barely knew-especially when that person was such good friends with Kelly-but she'd been slightly concerned that the relationship was one-sided. "Now that I think about it, he's mentioned you before. You have the little boys, right?" Gabby nodded. "So baby number three, huh?"

"Yeah. I have to be honest, at first I wasn't too excited about the pregnancy but after the scare I just had..." she shook her head, "all I kept thinking about was how much I wanted this baby. I guess I just needed a little jolt to remind myself of what really matters. Now if I could just find a way to keep work from stressing me out..."

"What do you do? You used to be a paramedic, right?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah, but I'm a nurse now."

"Oh, really? Where?"

"Lake Shore."

"Eww..." April's face scrunched up, "I'm sorry. The staff there is definitely the friendliest especially some of the uppity doctors."

"Tell me about it." Gabby sighed, "I don't know...I've got the next two weeks to figure it out."

"Well you're worried about being overworked, I've got it on good knowledge that everyone that works here is all about looking out for each other. One of the doctors just gave birth a month ago and throughout her entire pregnancy, everybody from the chief of staff to the janitors were constantly checking in on her."

"Really?" Gabby asked, completely stunned. The last time she had worked for a place where people actually seemed to care about her well-being was the few years she was at Fifty-One.

"Really," April promised. "We may not be the firehouse but we are a family here."

* * *

As soon as she stepped into the apartment, Gabby unzipped Matt's coat that she'd put on before leaving the hospital and looked around at the empty living room. She knew her mother had the boys but she'd just assumed that they were all here. "Are the boys at my mom and dad's?"

Matt nodded as he helped her take off the coat, "yeah. When I called your mom to let her know we were leaving the hospital and would be picking the boys up, she asked if they could take them out to dinner first." He glanced at his watch, "so I'd say we've got about two hours before the boys are dropped off."

Gabby nodded, she was too emotionally and physically spent to even ask for details and instead sat down on the couch so she could take her boots off. "Speaking of dinner, can we order something?" She glanced up at him as she moved her boots aside, "I really don't feel like cooking."

"Great minds think alike," he quipped. He pulled his phone from his pocket and took a seat next to her, "anything sound particularly good?"

"Thai?"

"Works for me." He scrolled through his contact list until he found the number for Gabby's favorite Thai restaurant that was about fifteen minutes away. "You want your usual?"

"Yeah." Gabby placed a hand on Matt's leg and pushed herself up off the couch. "I'm going to go take a shower." Not waiting for Matt to respond, Gabby disappeared down the hall and went straight for the bathroom.

* * *

Just as they were finishing cleaning up from dinner, there was a knock on the apartment door and Gabby glanced at the time being displayed on the oven, "that's probably my parents with the boys." She sat the plates in the sink and wiped her hands dry with the towel before heading towards the living room.

"Hi, mama!" Eli exclaimed as soon as door was pulled open. He practically bounced into the apartment and discarded his backpack next to Matt's boots.

"Hey, sweetie. Did you have a good day at school?" She held her arms out as Gus nearly dived into her embrace. "Hey, baby boy." She kissed the top of Gus' head and settled him on her hip. She watched as Eli sat down to take off his shoes and sit them neatly next to Matt's.

"Uh-huh," Eli answered. "Auntie Laura surprised me when she picked me up from school."

"I'll bet."

"And then Abuela and Abuelo took us to dinner and then we had ice-cream!"

"Oh wow," Gabby met her mother's concerned gaze with an appreciative smile, "did you say thank you?"

"Yep!" Eli grinned as soon as he saw Matt enter the living room, "hi, Matt! Guess what?"

Matt ruffled Eli's hair and hoisted him into his arms so the boy was at eye-level with him, "what, buddy?"

"Today was library day at school and guess what book I got?"

"What?"

"A book about firetrucks! It shows all the important parts on a firetruck, like where the tools are kept, the hose and the ladder!"

"Really? I think I know what we're reading for your bed-time story then."

Eli grinned, "yes!"

Settling Eli back on his feet, Matt returned Eli's grin, "how about you go get your pajamas on, ok?" Without even responding, Eli went running out of the living room and down the hall. Matt chuckled and waited until he no longer saw Eli before turning his attention back to Gabby and her mother. He was a little startled by the look of admiration he was getting from both Gabby and her mother. He cleared his throat, suddenly nervous, "uh…he's gotten really good at reading."

Gabby smiled, sensing Matt's anxiety. "Well he's got a great teacher." She turned back to her mom, not missing the look on her mother's face. "I think Matt has turned Eli into a book lover. Every night, they read a different story."

Marie smiled appreciatively at Matt, "I don't say this enough but it really is great that the boys have such a positive male figure in their lives."

Matt gave a nervous nod and an even more nervous smile, "thanks. They're wonderful boys."

"That they are." Marie removed Gus' diaper bag from her shoulder and sat it down on the ground next to Eli's backpack. She turned her attention to Gabby and narrowed her eyes, "ok, your brother briefly filled me in over the phone earlier but what did your doctor say? You already had an appointment scheduled with Dr. Cooper next week, you're still going, right?"

Gabby tried not to roll her eyes as her mother continued on with several more questions. Once her mother stopped and stared expectantly for answers, Gabby turned to Matt and motioned for him to take Gus out of her arms. "Would you mind changing him and getting him ready for bed?"

Gabby glanced up from the television as Matt returned to the living room and joined her and Eli on the couch. Eli had propped a pillow up next to his mother and had cuddled up next to her as he watched the movie. "Is he asleep?"

Matt nodded and draped an arm across the back of the couch, "sound asleep. I think it was quite an eventful day for him." Reaching around Eli, Matt took Gabby's hand in his and met her eyes before giving her an encouraging nod.

She returned his nod with a nervous smile before dropping his hand and running her fingers through Eli's hair. "Hey, sweetie, can we pause the movie so Matt and I can talk to you?"

Having seen the movie at least a couple dozen times, Eli shrugged his shoulders and sat up, "ok. What are we going to talk about?"

Gabby cleared her throat and reached for the remote. She paused the movie and returned the remote to the coffee table before turning her attention back to Eli. "Do you remember back before Gus was born? When it was just the two of us?"

Eli nodded, "uh-huh. And then it was me, you and Lance." His face scrunched up in disgust, "but then Lance went away and instead it was me, you and Gus!"

"That's right," she smiled, "and then we met Matt and now he spends a lot of time with us."

"That's because he's your _boyfriend_, duh!" He laughed, and smiled up at Matt. "I like you lots better than Lance! Now it's me, mama, Gus and you! The four of us!"

"Well how would you like it if there were soon five of us?"

Eli shook his head, obviously confused by what his mother was trying to say, "well who is going to be number five?" His eyes lit up, "are we gonna buy a turtle? Diego got a turtle and named him Donatello! Or what about a dog?"

Gabby laughed, "no, sweetie. I'm not talking about a pet, I'm talking about a baby brother or sister."

"But I already have a baby brother."

"Well, come this summer, you might have another baby brother," Gabby said. "Or maybe a baby sister." She watched and waited for a reaction from Eli as he processed what she'd just told him. "You're going to be a big brother again, how does that sound?"

His eyes narrowed as he thought hard about what his mother had just told him. _No._ He didn't want his mom to have another baby. He didn't want Matt to be someone else's daddy. He wanted Matt to be his and Gus' daddy.

Gabby watched as the look on her son's face changed from confusion to sadness. "Eli, what's wrong?" She briefly glanced up at Matt and met his own concerned look before turning back to Eli. There were several different reactions she'd pictured from Eli when she told him the news but complete silence hadn't been one of them.

"Is Matt going to be the baby's dad?" He asked.

Gabby nodded, "yeah."

Eli angrily crossed his arms, "then I don't want another baby here."

"What? Why not?"

"Because if Matt is the baby's daddy then he won't want to be mine and Gus' daddy." He huffed and climbed down from the couch and glared at Matt. "I don't like you anymore."

Gabby's mouth dropped, "Elijah! That was not very nice. You need to say you're sorry."

Matt shook his head, "no, it's ok." He sighed and met Eli's eyes. He saw no dislike in the brown orbs of the five year old; only hurt and sadness. "Hey, Eli…even with this baby coming, I'm still going to be here for you and Gus. No matter what, I love you guys. Always. When Gus was born, your mommy didn't stop being your mommy, did she?"

Eli shook his head, "no. But-"

"No buts. Besides the fact that you'll be a big brother for the second time, nothing else is going to change. I promise, ok?" Matt searched Eli's gaze, hoping to find at least a glimmer of understanding. His heart fell a little as he was still met with a look of uncertainty from Eli.

"Can you tuck me in?" Eli asked, settling in Matt's lap.

Matt nodded, "I will but first you need to tell your mom goodnight."

After Eli snuggled up to his mother for an extended goodnight hug and some encouraging words from her, he grabbed the firetruck out of his backpack before heading towards his bedroom to wait for Matt. They both watched the five year old continue down the hall until he was out of sight. Matt turned to Gabby, "you headed to bed?"

"Yeah, I'll wait for you there."

Half an our later, Matt walked into the bedroom wasn't surprised to see Gabby curled up and facing the center of the bed.

Feeling the mattress shift beneath her, Gabby startled awake and rolled over to meet Matt as he settled in next to her. She'd been dozing in and out of sleep for the past half hour, catching bits and pieces of the story Matt was helping Eli read on the other side of the baby monitor.

"Sorry," Matt whispered, pulling the comforter up over his body and settling on his side so he was facing Gabby. "Didn't mean to wake you."

Gabby shook her head as she yawned and scooted closer to him, "I wasn't completely asleep." She rested her head on Matt's chest and draped an arm lazily across his stomach. "Did he go to sleep?"

"Mhm…" Matt murmured as he settled his lips on the top of Gabby's head. "I think he's still a little bit worried and to be honest, it is completely understandable."

"Yeah, I guess…" Gabby took a deep breath and exhaled as her thoughts and concerns danced around in her head.

"What are you thinking?" Matt asked, immediately picking up on Gabby's anxiety.

"He's been through so much in such a short amount of time that one of these days I'm afraid it's going to be too much for him to handle. As soon as he seems to settle into some normalcy or a routine, something changes."

"He's a very resilient kid, Gabby. I think as long as I continue to show him that I love him and I'll always be there for him, he'll start to realize that I mean it." He smiled, "sort of like with you…it took you awhile, but you eventually realized that I wasn't going to leave you."

"Yeah..." Gabby sighed as she briefly mulled over Matt's words. "Despite the nap I took while waiting for the I.V. to finish up at the hospital, I'm exhausted." Yawning against Matt's chest, she leaned up and pressed her lips against his neck, "I love you," she whispered.

Matt grinned, "I love you, too." Slipping his hand up her shirt, he settled the palm of his hand against her stomach. "I'm so happy the both of you are ok."

"Me too," she murmured.

"And even though you've made it very clearly you don't like people to baby you…I'll do whatever I have to do to make sure the both of you stay healthy and safe."

"I know you will." Tucking her head in the crook of his neck, Gabby sighed in content and let her eyes fall shut, "goodnight," she murmured.

"Goodnight."


	34. Chapter 34

_I am so, so, so sorry for the delay in updating. I moved and had to wait to get my internet up and then I got side-tracked with real life...really, I don't have any big excuse for taking this long to update. I hope you guys are still with me and this story. I can't thank you all enough for sticking with me, reading and reviewing.  
_

_This is a shorter chapter than usual...I was having trouble writing the last two scenes so instead of making you guys wait longer, I decided to cut it into two chapters. Again, so sorry for the delay. _

How Will I Know

Chapter Thirty Four

Closing the bathroom door behind her, Gabby turned around and faced the full length mirror that was hanging from the back of the door. Combing her fingers through her heavy locks, she pulled her hair back from her face and up into a tight ponytail. She twisted sideways ever so slightly and examined the small baby bump that pressed against her t-shirt, stretching the fabric and making its presence known. While it most likely wasn't the first thing a complete stranger would notice, at fourteen weeks, the bump was visible to anyone looking for it. It'd been a couple of weeks since she'd been rushed to the hospital and since then, she'd definitely noticed a bit of a difference—though it probably had something to do with taking two and a half weeks off from work.

It had helped though—something Gabby hadn't wanted to admit to Matt or Dr. Cooper. For the most part, the nausea had subsided and according to Dr. Cooper during her appointment the day before; she had gained three and a half pounds.

She jumped when she heard a knock on the other side of bathroom door, "Gabby?" Matt called.

"Yeah?" She called back, turning to the sink and grabbing the extra black hairband and slipping it onto her wrist.

Matt pushed the door open just enough to stick his head through. He sought out Gabby's gaze, "you ok?"

It was her first day back at work and if that wasn't enough to make her feel anxious, she would be putting in her notice. After talking it over with several different people—namely her mother, Matt, the Chaplain and Sharon Goowdwin—she'd decided leaving Lake Shore and starting a new chapter in her career was the best decision for her and her kids.

Gabby nodded and gave Matt a smile, "yeah. I was just putting my hair up."

"You sure?" Matt asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame. "It's ok to be nervous, you know."

So she was a little nervous—that was to be expected—but she was feeling good about her decision. She settled her back against the counter and propped both hands up next to the sink and stared up at Matt, "I know, but I'm ok," she insisted.

Matt nodded and he couldn't help but drop his eyes to the small bump and brushed his hand over her stomach, "you know, you definitely look pregnant now."

She put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes, "what exactly are you trying to say, Matt? That I've gained weight? That I'm _fat?_"

Matt's face fell—Antonio had warned him of this very moment, the moment when Gabby would start to feel self-conscious due to the weight gain. But he'd just thought he meant towards the end of Gabby's pregnancy when her emotions and hormones would be at an all-time high. "I uh…" he shook his head, "I didn't…" his voice trailed and his shoulders relaxed when he realized Gabby was biting back a grin. "You're messing with me, aren't you?"

Gabby laughed, "maybe just a little." She reached up and cupped his face in her hands and stood on her toes so she could capture his lips with her own.

"It was a little mean," Matt mumbled against Gabby's lips, feigning hurt.

"I'm sorry, baby," Gabby murmured, still smiling. "The look on your face was absolutely priceless, though."

"Yeah, yeah…" reaching his arms around Gabby, he settled the palms of his hands underneath her and hoisted her up on counter next to the sink. He leaned in and rested his forehead against hers; her eyes remained closed and he grinned in response to the huge grin on her face. "I guess I can accept your apology…"

"Oh you guess, huh?"

"Yeah…I mean, who else is going to do my laundry?" He joked. It was his turn to laugh at the look that appeared on Gabby's face. "See? I can joke around, too."

Gabby couldn't keep the smile off of her face as she shook her head, "you-"

"Mommy! Matt!" Eli called from the other side of the bathroom door.

The couple shared a look and a grin. Matt chuckled and reached behind him to open the bathroom door, he stepped out of the way so Eli could see both him and Gabby. "What's up, buddy?"

Eli scrunched up his face in confusion, "why are you sitting on the counter, mama?"

"I uh…" Gabby slipped down from the counter, "I was trying to reach something." She caught the smirk on Matt's face before turning to Eli. "Everything ok, baby?" She placed a hand on his shoulder and ushered him out of the bathroom.

"I was just wondering what was for breakfast?"

"Well what sounds good?" On their way to the kitchen she stopped and glanced in the boys' bedroom to make sure Gus was still asleep before continuing on. "Nothing that takes a lot of time though because Matt is going to take you to school."

"Matt's taking me to school?" Eli questioned. "Why aren't you taking me to school?"

"I go back to work today, baby."

"Oh," Eli's shoulders fell as he climbed up into one of the chairs that surrounded the kitchen table. "Well are you going to pick me up?"

Gabby shook her head, "Matt is. But I'll be back home in time to cook dinner." She opened the freezer door and grabbed the box of frozen waffles and held it up for Eli to see, "waffles?"

"Yeah!" Eli leaned against the back of the chair and watched as his mother put the waffles in the toaster. "What are you going to make for dinner?"

Gabby laughed, it seemed like all Eli ever thought about sometimes was food. "I'm not sure yet. Do you have any ideas?"

Eli shrugged, "no. I'm sure you'll make something yummy." He sighed, noticing the slight growth of his mother's stomach; he vaguely remembered her stomach doing the same thing when Gus was in there. "Hey, mama?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"When will the new baby get here?"

Having not brought up the baby since the night she and Matt had initially told him the news, Gabby was caught off guard by Eli's question. Ever since she and Matt had broken the baby news, his feelings towards Matt had been up and down. One minute he was just as friendly and outgoing as before and other times he was distant. Gabby knew Matt wasn't taking it personal but she could tell he was definitely making more of an effort to show Eli that just because there was a baby on the way, his feelings for Eli had not—and would not—change.

She straightened her back and turned her head sideways to meet his eyes. "Sometime in May."

"Is that a long time from now?"

"About six months." The waffles popped and Gabby hurriedly removed them from the toaster and sat them on Eli's plate. "So right before summer break." She opened the drawer in front of her and grabbed a fork before pushing it shut with her hip and walking over to the table. She sat the plate in front of Eli, "be careful, they're hot." She reached out and grabbed the bottle of syrup from the counter and opened the lid, "do you want me to pour?"

Eli shook his head, "I can do it."

Gabby handed the bottle to Eli and watched as he methodically made sure each little tiny square was filled with syrup. "Are you still upset about me having another baby?"

"I don't know," Eli mumbled.

Before Gabby had a chance to push the subject farther, Matt came walking in with Gus in his arms. "Look who is awake, changed and dressed!"

"Ma, ma, ma!" Gus babbled as he eagerly swung his legs, kicking them against Matt's hip.

Gabby grinned and reached for Gus, "good morning, baby boy."

With his arms free, Matt retrieved the orange juice from the refrigerator and grabbed a couple of glasses. "You want some orange juice, Eli?"

Eli shook his head, "I want milk."

The tone in Eli's voice didn't go unnoticed by Gabby. "Use your manners, Elijah," she said, briefly looking up from putting Gus in his highchair and meeting Eli's eyes.

Eli dropped his gaze to his plate of waffles, "please?"

Matt nodded and got the milk out of the refrigerator, filling up a glass for Eli and filling up a sippy cup for Gus. He sat the glass down in front of Eli, "there you go, buddy."

"Thank you," he mumbled.

"You're welcome." Matt replied. He cleared his throat, "did your mom tell you that I'm going to take you to school today?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well I figure if we leave early enough then maybe we can swing by the firehouse, I need to pick up a few tools that I let one of the other firefighters borrow." Glancing in Eli's direction, he looked closely for any sort of reaction; so far there wasn't one. "What do you say? You wanna stop by the firehouse with me?"

Eli tilted his head as he seemed to carefully mull over Matt's question. "What are you going to do with the tools? Do you have to build something? Or fix something? Do you think maybe I can help after you pick me up from school?" Eli asked. "I'm a real good helper."

Matt smiled, "I know you are, buddy. But I'm just going to stop by my old neighbor's house and help him with a few things around his place. Do you remember Mr. Benjamin?"

"Yeah! He was in the army!"

Sam Benjamin was an army veteran that lived directly across the street from Matt's house—he'd been the first one to welcome Matt to the neighborhood four years ago when he'd moved in. Sam lived alone; his wife had passed away ten years ago and both of his children lived out of state so Matt had started making an effort to strike up conversations with Sam and check in on him every now and then. He'd quickly realized that usually the older gentleman just wanted someone to converse with. Now that Matt was living with Gabby and the boys, he regretfully hadn't had as many opportunities to stop and check in on Sam.

Since a fair amount of his possessions were still at his house, Matt still made trips—just not as often as he would like. In fact, he'd been considering asking Gabby if she and the boys would want to move into his house and out of the apartment. He hadn't mentioned it to her, but the living quarters in the apartment were very cramped and he wasn't sure there would be much of any room once the baby came. He honestly wasn't sure where the baby was going to sleep. The boys' bedroom was technically the master bedroom so his room with Gabby wasn't big enough to add a full sized crib.

"Well I told him I'd stop by today and do some maintenance for him."

"Like what?"

"Well, he needs help cleaning out his gutters and he mentioned something about a new mailbox. I'll tell you what, though…after I pick you up from school, we can swing back by his place. I know he'll be happy to see you."

* * *

An immediate grin spread across Gabby's face as she saw Matt approaching the nurses' station with his hands nervously shoved in his coat pockets. Returning the file she'd just finished back to its previous spot in a stack to her left, she discarded her pen and stepped out from around the desk. "Hey! What are you doing here?"

Matt smiled and leaned into place a quick kiss on Gabby's lips. "I have some time to kill until I go pick Eli up from school so I thought I'd stop by and surprise you."

"Well this is definitely a very welcomed surprise." She motioned for him to walk with her down the hall and out of sight from several of the other nurses. "I just got back from lunch otherwise I'd see if you wanted to walk down to the cafeteria with me."

"Did you eat ok?" Matt asked.

Gabby glanced up at Matt and gave him a slightly annoyed look, "_yes_, I ate ok. In fact, one of the other nurses went across the street and to that little café and bought a cookie cake for me."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep." Gabby took a seat in a secluded area of the waiting room and watched as Matt sat down next to her. "She said it was a congratulatory cookie cake for moving on to bigger and better things. I guess her sister works at Chicago Med and she loves it…her sister actually said to let her know when I start so she can show me around."

"Look at you, already making friends and you haven't even started working there."

She scoffed, "something I wasn't able to do here. Seriously, there were some days that I questioned whether I was at work or back in high school."

Matt draped an arm around Gabby pulled her closer to him, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. "All the more reason to leave. The last thing you need is the added stress of an already stressful environment."

She leaned her head on his shoulder and exhaled slowly, "I know, I know."

"You have plans with Shay this Friday, right?" Matt asked out of the blue, causing Gabby to lift her head up and look at Matt in curiosity.

"Yeah, why?"

"Severide's got two extra tickets to the Blackhawks' game this Friday and I thought about taking Eli but with you having plans I didn't know if-"

"We'll find someone to watch Gus," Gabby interrupted. She grinned, "After how much Eli loved the Bears game you took us to, I think taking him to a Blackhawks game would be a great thing."

"Maybe ease his fears a little bit?" Matt hoped.

Gabby nodded, "I think so. He asked me this morning when the baby would be here. I think he's coming around, he just has to make sure you're not going anywhere."

"I'm not," Matt insisted, his voice low as he tried to keep the conversation just between the of them despite the other visitors and would be patients that were filling up the waiting area.

"I know." Gabby hunched forward placed her elbows on her knees before resting her head in her hands. "Things have been so inconsistent for him...something that is entirely my fault." She sighed, "but I think once he realizes that just because this baby is yours, that it doesn't mean that you'll stop caring for him and Gus...he'll be ok."

"I know. I just hate seeing that look of uncertainty I've seen him give me every once in a while."

"It'll go away. I promise." She bumped her knee with his, "but I think going to the hockey game will really help."

"Yeah?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah."

"Good." Leaning in, he rested his forehead against hers, "anything you want me to get prepped for dinner?"

"Haven't really thought about it. I guess whatever you can find in the kitchen."

"I'll see what I can come up with." He kissed her, "I should go. Love you."

"Love you, too."

* * *

Halfway across the employee parking lot, Gabby noticed her brother leaning against the hood of her car. Taking a breath, she continued on towards her car until she was close enough to actually make eye contact with him. "I get the feeling today was check on Gabby day," she half joked, referring to Matt's surprise visit—which she very much enjoyed—and her mother's two phone calls. She pulled her keys from her coat pocket and unlocked her car, "what are you doing here?"

Antonio stood up and uncrossed his arms, "damn. What a way to greet your favorite big brother, Gabs."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "you're my only big brother, Antonio."

"Ok, so maybe I'm your favorite by default but I bet if you had another big brother, I would still be your favorite."

"Oh yeah?" Gabby opened the driver's side door and tossed her purse across the console and into the passenger seat. "Why is that?"

"Well, for starters, I got a call from a source who works for the D.A."

Gabby's head popped up and she met her brother's eyes. She took a deep breath as she tried to keep herself calm; she hadn't heard anything about Bobby's case since the day at the firehouse and in all honesty, she had been too afraid to ask. "Please don't tell me he's getting out."

"Hey, hey…" he reached out and squeezed Gabby's shoulder, "would I just refer to myself as your favorite and then deliver bad news?" He shook his head, grinning, "they set a court date for Ross' trial to begin and so far, Eli's name has not come up on any preliminary lists."

"So they're not offering him a plea deal?" She didn't miss the look that briefly flashed over Antonio's face, "what? What aren't you telling me, Antonio?"

"He turned it down."

Gabby scoffed, "probably because he thinks he can beat the charges! Their case is weak, isn't it? Bobby is going to go to trial and then end up walking!" She shook her head in disbelief, "I can't believe this! My son's kidnapper is going to freaking _walk!_"

"Gabby, Gabby, hey!" Antonio grabbed Gabby's arm before she could climb into her car and drive off in anger. "Listen to me!"

Shrugging her arm from Antonio's loose grip, she crossed her arms and glared at Antonio, "ok, ok, I'm listening."

"According to my source, the D.A. has a pretty solid case without putting Eli on the stand. He's not certain they won't change their mind but at this point, they won't be calling him to the stand and obviously Ross' attorney won't be putting Eli on the stand. That's for damn sure."

Gabby looked up at her brother in uncertainty, "they've got a good case?"

"They've got a _great _case." He smiled and wrapped an arm around Gabby's shoulders, pulling her in for a hug, "I promise you, Gabs…he won't get away with anything."

"You can't promise that, Antonio," she murmured into his chest.

"Well I just did." Kissing the top of her head, he dropped his arm from around her and took a step back. He noticed her stomach and motioned to it, "it's about damn time you start actually looking pregnant," he joked.

"I swear, did you and Matt have some sort of meeting today to make sure you two both talked about the same things?"

Antonio laughed, "what are you talking about?"

Gabby shook her head, "nothing."

"Ok, well I've got to get going…Diego has a basketball game in an hour." He grinned, "you're looking good, sis. You've got that pregnancy glow going on. Tell Matt and the boys that I said hi?"

Gabby nodded, "I will." She took a breath, "and Antonio?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for always having my back…even when I didn't deserve it."

"Oh come here," he pulled her into a tight hug, slightly catching her off guard. "I'm proud of you, you know that?"


	35. Chapter 35

_Once again, it took me forever to update and I'm sorry. Life got in the way. Thank you all so much for always reviewing and your patience. Hope you all enjoy this. Please let me know what you think. Sorry for any typos or errors...really tried to get this done today. :)  
_

How Will I Know

Chapter Thirty Five

"You sure it's ok?" Gabby asked into her phone, pressing it against her ear and keeping it in place with her shoulder. "I know it's kind of last minute but Antonio didn't find out until about an hour ago that he has to work undercover and I know Laura would watch him but-"

"Gabriela," Marie interrupted her daughter, "_it's fine._ Yes, it's a little last minute but you know I'll jump at any opportunity to spend time with my grand-babies."

"I know. It's just Gus, though. Matt's taking Eli to a Blackhawks game." She heard the soft sigh fall from her mother's lips and despite not being in the same room as her, she had no doubt she knew the look that was currently on her mother's face. "What was that sigh for?"

"Nothing," her mother insisted.

"_Mom?" _

"Ok, ok. It's nothing bad." She sighed, this time it was the sound of defeat. "It's just…._maybe _I was a little bit wrong about Matt. He seems to be great with the boys."

"That's because _he is_." Gabby raised a brow, it wasn't often her mother admitted to being wrong. "Wait, hold on…did you really just admit to being wrong?"

"Don't rub it in, Gabriela."

Gabby laughed, "oh come on, I have to really soak in the moment. You _never _admit to being wrong." It wasn't the first time Marie had complimented Matt's presence in the boys' lives but it was the first time that she had admitted to being _wrong_.

"Yeah, well…it happens to the best of us every now and then. But seriously, sweetie, not only is he great with the boys but I think he's really, really good for you."

"Ok, ok….who is really on the other end of the line and what have you done with my mother?" Gabby joked. She wasn't used to so much sincerity from her mother in one conversation.

"Oh don't be silly, Gabriela!"

"Oh whatever. Hey, I've got to finish getting the boys ready. Matt and I are taking Eli to get his cast off. I'll talk to you later?"

"Absolutely. Let me know how Eli's appointment goes and give the boys kisses for me. Love you, darling."

Gabby smiled and stood up straight, Grabby a hold of her phone before it fell from her shoulder. "I will. And I love you, too."

After hanging up, Gabby tucked her phone in her back pocket and grabbed her work shoes from the floor by her hamper where she'd discarded them the night before. Hearing the commotion from both boys, she rushed into the living room and sighed in frustration. Both boys were still in their pajamas. Not like Gus was exactly old enough to dress himself, anyways. "Elijah, I thought I told you to go get dressed."

"Go, go, go!" Gus yelled as he smacked his hands against the coffee table, his eyes glued to the television sitting just feet in front of him. 'Go' had become the one year old's new favorite word and he'd quickly picked up on his brother's habit of yelling at the television screen even though he had no idea what was going on. Up on the couch behind him, Eli was sprawled out with his own eyes glued to the screen and his fingers dancing across the video game controller in his grasp.

"But why do I have to get dressed if I'm not going to school?"

"The only reason you're not going to school is because you have an appointment at the hospital to get your cast off."

Eli pushed himself up and looked over at his mom with excitement. "You mean I'm finally gonna get my cast off today?"

"As long as we don't miss your appointment." Gabby side-stepped a pile of toys and scooped Gus up into her arms despite his protests. "As soon as Matt gets here we're going to head straight to the hospital and meet with Dr. Mabry."

"Is Gus coming with us?"

"He is." She motioned to the controller in Eli's hand, "come on, pause the game and let's go."

Eli had overheard his mother telling his teacher yesterday that he wouldn't be in school today but he'd been too preoccupied with the new book he'd gotten from the library to really ask why. So the news that he was getting his cast off was a great surprise for him. Gabby knew if she'd told him sooner, he would've driven himself crazy in anticipation. The same went for the hockey game that Matt was taking him to tonight, Gabby figured she'd just tell him after she got home from work.

* * *

"You think mama's gonna be surprised that we bought her favorite shake?" Eli asked as he slurped from the shake he was speaking of. With both hands holding tightly onto the shake, he made sure to stay close to Matt as they walked through the parking lot of the hospital.

Matt laughed, "well not if you drink it all!"

Eli giggled, "oops!"

Gus matched his brother's laugh and attempted to repeat him, "oos!"

Matt and the boys had left the apartment with plenty of time to spare before Gabby's shift ended so after much begging on Eli's part, Matt agreed to stop at a new bakery they had passed on the way home from dropping Gabby off at work that morning. Eli was ecstatic that Matt had actually said yes and it had taken him a good ten minutes to decide what it was he wanted from the picture menu that covered a good portion of the wall behind the counter. He'd decided on a chocolate cupcake that had strawberry filing on the inside and was topped off with chocolate icing and rainbow sprinkles. Matt got a cupcake of his own to share with Gus knowing the only part of the cupcake the toddler would be interested in was the frosting. Before leaving, Matt had ordered a peanut butter and chocolate shake to surprise Gabby with when they picked her up.

He should've known that letting Eli carry it would result in a few sneaky drinks. After all, the shake was Eli's idea.

"Matt?"

Matt tensed at the sound her voice and silently cursed to himself. He glanced up and forced a smile, meeting his ex's eyes. "Hey."

Hallie plastered a smile on her face, "Really? Just hey? No 'Hi, how are you doing' or 'Longtime no see.'"

Matt shrugged, "asking those questions would insinuate that I care."

Eli watched the exchange with great confusion. "Who are you?" He asked the woman standing across from him and Matt.

"She's just someone that your mom sometimes works with," Matt hurriedly answered.

"But not for long, right? Mama got a new job!"

Matt smiled at Eli and gave Hallie a knowing look, "that's right. I think she's going to like her new job _a lot _better."

"And mama says it's closer to home!"

Having changed out of her scrubs and into a pair of jeans and a sweater that hugged her expanding baby bump-effectively showing it off-Gabby grinned when she walked out of the break room and saw her three favorite boys standing up by the nurses' station. Her smile fell and her jaw clenched as soon as she realized who it was that was standing directly across from them with her signature bitch grin. Smoothing out her sweater and making sure her stomach was noticeable Gabby strolled across the floor with purpose.

She was halfway there when Eli looked up and saw her, "Hi, mama!"

Both Matt and Hallie's head snapped over in her direction. "Hi, baby!" Gabby knew by the look in Hallie's eyes that she'd definitely seen her bump.

Hallie's eyes drifted back to Gabby's stomach and lingered there, "I didn't realize you uh...you're pregnant?"

"Well you know, the scrubs kind of hide it and besides, it's really none of your business."

Hallie cleared her throat, "well, uh…I've got patients to see."

Reminding herself that she was in front of her kids, Gabby bit back a rude remark and forced a fake smile on her face. "Enjoy the rest of your shift, then," she muttered. After Hallie walked away, Gabby rounded on Matt, "seriously?"

"She approached us and I really didn't think you'd appreciate me making a scene in front of your coworkers and kids."

Gabby sighed and rubbed her forehead, "yeah, you're right…sorry."

Matt kissed the top of her head, "don't worry about it." He held out a squirming Gus, "I think someone is really excited to see their mom."

Gabby smiled and took Gus into her arms, kissing the side of his face, "hey there, baby boy. Mama missed you." She settled Gus on her hip and looked down at Eli, running her fingers through his hair, "hey, sweetie. Were you good for Matt?"

Eli nodded, "yeah." He watched as Hallie disappeared down another hallway. "I don't like that lady. Her face looks mean. I think she's grumpy."

Gabby held back a smirk, not wanting to encourage her son to say negative things about people but in this case, she couldn't really disagree with him. "Well some people are just grumpy all the time." Wanting to change the subject, she turned her focus on Eli, "did you do anything fun today?"

Eli nodded, "uh-huh. We had grilled cheese and soup for lunch, then we all took naps, then we played video games…." He scrunched up his face, "but only after we cleaned up all our toys. But we had lots of fun!"

"Sounds like it," Gabby's grin widened and she met Matt's eyes, giving him an appreciative smile.

Matt laughed and motioned to the shake in Eli's hand, "aren't you forgetting something, buddy?"

Eli looked down at the shake in his hands and smiled sheepishly, "oops." He took one last sip before handing the shake out to his mother, "we stopped to get a snack so we got you a peanut butter and chocolate shake."

Gabby took the shake from Eli's hands, "aw, that was very nice of you. Thank you." She took a long sip, "mmm….that's so yummy." She handed it back to Eli, "I've got my hands full with your brother so do you mind holding onto it for me? I'll share it with you."

Eli grinned, he'd been hoping his mom would share her shake with him. "Thanks, mama!"

* * *

Gabby finished putting on her earrings as she headed out of her bedroom and down the hall towards the apartment entrance. Out of habit, she glanced through the peephole and smirked as she spied Shay on the other side of the door.

"Open up, skank!" She called out.

Opening the door, Gabby glared at Shay, "you wanna say that just a bit louder? I'm not sure the people down at the other end of the hall heard you."

"Yeah, yeah…" Shay side-stepped Gabby and let herself into the apartment. She raised a brow, the apartment floor was surprisingly void of any toys. "Where's all the toys?"

"Matt and Eli did some cleaning this afternoon." She laughed, "Matt hasn't quite mastered the art of remembering to look to see where he's stepping. As soon as he took his boots of this morning, he stepped right onto Eli's pile of cars. If it weren't for little ears, I'm sure a few choice words would've flown from his mouth."

Shay snorted, "it must've really hurt…Casey isn't really a potty mouth."

"I thought the exact same thing." She sighed, "I think it's just an adjustment for him…it's definitely small quarters than what he's used to." She grabbed her short black boots and plopped down on the couch so she could put them on. "So what's the plan? Obviously alcohol is out of the question for me but don't feel like you have to keep from drinking."

"Nah, I figure I can stand with you in sober solidarity for one night." Shay shrugged, "besides remember Jen? She got us reservations at her restaurant."

Gabby laughed, "so basically you want to make sure you put on a good impression for this new girl and the best way to do that is to keep alcohol out of the equation?"

Shay nodded, "yeah, pretty much."

"Bummer, I was hoping you would down a few drinks for me."

"Bad day?" Shay asked, moving around the coffee table and taking a seat on the other end of the couch.

"Not completely…just an uncomfortable couple of minutes today at the hospital after my shift ended." She sighed, "Matt and the boys picked me up after shift and while they were waiting for me to get my things together guess who they ran into?"

"No way." Shay narrowed her eyes, "that bitch had the nerve to approach Matt while he had your kids with him?"

"Yep," Gabby angrily zipped up the back of her boot and huffed. "And to top it off, what do I do? I get an attitude with Matt."

Shay waved off Gabby's concerns, "wouldn't worry about that. He's gonna have to learn to get used to it for the next six months."

* * *

With Eli sound asleep in one arm, Matt used his free hand to insert the key into the lock before turning the knob and pushing the apartment door open. Besides the light coming from the television, the apartment was completely dark. So dark that at first Matt didn't even see Gabby curled up on the couch sound asleep.

From the looks of it, she must've been watching the game. Before he and Eli had left the apartment, Eli had asked his mother to make sure and check to see if he made it on the television. He winced when the door shut louder than he had intended it to and waited with baited breath for sudden movement from either Gabby or Eli. Neither one of them did. With Eli, he wasn't at all surprised but Gabby was usually a light sleeper so for not to even move in the slightest definitely meant she was sound asleep.

He dropped the bag of several Blackhawks items they'd acquired throughout the night and briefly fumbled blindly with the lock on the door before carrying Eli down the hall to his bedroom. Halfway down the hall, Eli started to stir in Matt's arms.

"Are we home yet?" he mumbled.

"We sure are," Matt whispered.

"Good, I'm sleepy."

"I'll bet you are…it is way past your bedtime."

"But it was super fun," Eli murmured as he rubbed at his eyes. "Can we go back?"

"I'm sure we'll eventually make it to another game."

With Gus at Gabby's parents' house, Matt wasn't too concerned on trying to be quiet. "I'm going to turn the light on," he warned Eli. He chuckled as Eli hurriedly turned his head and buried it in the crook of Matt's neck. "Come on, let's get you changed into your pajamas." He lowered Eli to the floor but didn't remove his arm from around Eli's waist until he knew the boy was steady on his feet.

"Will you tuck me in?"

"Of course."

After helping Eli change into his pajamas, Matt sent the boy across the hall to the bathroom to brush his teeth and went to the kitchen to get a cup of water he knew Eli would be sure to request. When he returned to Eli's room, Eli had already climbed into bed and was cuddling a stuffed penguin. Matt sat the cup down on the night stand next to Eli's bed and pulled the blanket up to Eli's chin, tucking it around him. "How's that?" He asked.

"Good," Eli murmured, the sleepiness once again taking over. He turned to his right, his head lulling as his eyes started to close. "Thanks for taking me to the game."

"You're very welcome."

"Love you," Eli mumbled.

Though Eli had said it before, Matt's heart swelled with happiness hearing Eli mumble those words while half asleep. He leaned down and kissed the top of Eli's head, "I love you too, buddy. Sweet dreams."

Standing up, Matt exited Eli's bedroom; leaving the door open behind him just a crack. He walked across the hall, entered his and Gabby's room and quickly changed out of his clothes and into a pair of sweats and old C.F.D. t-shirt. When he returned to the living room, he made his way around the couch and took a seat on the coffee table directly across from Gabby. He carefully took the remote from her grasp and turned the television off before discarding it next to a pile of blocks on the table.

He sighed and took in her sound asleep form as he internally debated on waking her up. He knew she needed the sleep but he also knew the couch wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep. Quickly making up his mind, he decided he would just carry her to the bedroom. He pushed the blanket off of Gabby and he couldn't help his eyes as they landed on her stomach. The pregnancy was very much obvious now, with the bump becoming more apparent as each day went by. Slipping his arms underneath her, he lifted her into his arms and cringed when she startled awake. "Hey, it's just me," he whispered.

At the sound of his voice, Gabby relaxed in his arms and settled her head against his chest. "Matt?" She whispered, her voice thick with sleep.

"Hey, sleepyhead."

"When did you guys get back?"

"About ten minutes ago."

As soon as Matt laid Gabby down, she was rolling towards the center of the bed and eagerly awaiting his warm body to settle in next to her. As soon as she felt the mattress shift, she blindly reached and arm out and found his stomach, "is Eli asleep?"

"Yeah, he fell asleep on the way home. He woke up just long enough to change into his pajamas but as soon as he climbed into bed, he was out like a light." He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him.

"That's good," Gabby murmured into Matt's chest. With her breathing evening out, Matt thought for sure Gabby had fallen back to sleep so he kissed the top of her head and closed his own eyes. He was surprised when he felt her startle awake in his arms and take a deep breath, "did you guys have fun?"

Matt smiled, "lots of fun." He pulled her closer to him, "you can go back to sleep, Gabby. I'm sure Eli will be excited to be the one to tell you all the details tomorrow."

"No," she protested though by the softness of her voice, Matt knew she was seconds from drifting back to sleep once again. "I'm awake…tell me all about it…was Eli good? Did they win?"

"Yes he was and yes they did win." Matt didn't bother to elaborate as he once again felt Gabby relax in his arms. "Goodnight, love you."

"Love you," she breathed before drifting back into a deep sleep.

* * *

Rolling onto her back, Gabby stretched her arms up over her head before dropping them back at her side. "Morning," she murmured while attempting to hold back a yawn. With her shirt having raised up from stretching, a small part of her abdomen lay bare and despite the warm temperature in the room, she shivered from her newly exposed skin and slid her hand over her bump.

Matt smiled and slid his hand next to Gabby's, admiring the bump that he could swear had grown since yesterday. "Good morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?"

"So good that I don't even remember coming to bed last night."

"That's because I carried you to bed." He sighed, he knew the couch probably wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep; especially while pregnant. "You know you didn't have to wait up for me."

"I know, I wanted to." She rolled her eyes, "not that I actually did, though. I must've fallen asleep as soon as I hit the couch." She curled towards Matt, wrapped an arm around him and settled her head on his chest, "this kid is getting good at draining what little energy I have left at the end of the day right out of me."

Reaching down to his side, Matt found Gabby's hand and intertwined his fingers with hers, "well if things start to get too overwhelming and you need me to help out with more things…let me know."

"I will," Gabby assured him.

"Good," Matt dropped a kiss on top of Gabby's head and let his lips linger, "so how was dinner with Shay last night?"

Gabby tried but failed to hold back another yawn, "It was good…it was nice. We went to that new Italian place a few blocks from the firehouse. Jen, Shay's _'she's not my girlfriend, girlfriend' _is the lead chef there and managed to get us reservations." She closed her eyes, just enjoying being curled up him Matt's arms.

Matt raised a brow, "Jen? I thought Shay was with some girl named Annie?"

"No, that was just her guest to the Halloween party at Molly's. She's moved on from Annie."

"Ok, ok…" Matt shook his head, "between her and Severide…I can't keep up." He laughed, "sometimes I wonder if it's a competition between the two of them."

"Tell me about it. My very first shift at Fifty-One and I was learning all about Shay's personal life on the way to our first call. That girl is an open book," Gabby sighed, "I don't know, I'm not saying it was divine intervention or anything like that, but it was like I was assigned to Fifty-One for a reason. Meeting Shay and Severide…especially Shay, I don't think either one of them ever realized how much their friendship helped me through Eli's first year."

Matt wasn't sure if it was because of Gabby's still sleepy state, but she was opening up to him without any prodding from him and he wasn't about to stop her. "He was a couple months old when you started, right?"

"Yeah. I'd passed all my exams right before I had him and as soon as I was given the all clear, I started looking for a job. I didn't care what part of Chicago it was in or what hours I had to work, I knew I had to find a secure, well-paying job to be able to provide for Eli."

"I thought you and Eli were living with your brother at the time?"

"Exactly. For as long as I can remember, Antonio has always been there to pick up after me or pull me out of self-destructive situations that have put me in way over my head…I wanted to prove to him and my parents that I could do it."

Matt kissed the top of Gabby's head and rubbed her lower back, "and did you?" He had no doubt in his mind that Gabby had but he wanted to hear her say it herself.

"Briefly," she muttered. "Just long enough to screw up again."

"Maybe so. But I'd say you've managed to land on your feet just fine…two amazing boys and you've also found yourself a really good looking guy."

Gabby laughed, "oh yeah? And who is this _good looking guy_ that you speak of?"

Matt placed his free hand to his chest, feigning hurt, "ouch. That one hurt."

"I'm kidding," Gabby pushed herself up way from Matt's chest so she was staring down at him. "I love you."

Matt smiled, "I love you too." He took a breath, "since we're here and talking...there was actually something I wanted to run by you..."

"Hmm?"

"I think you and the boys should move in with me."

"What do you mean? We already live together now."

"We do." He sighed, "but I don't want to sound rude or anything because I love living here with you guys but it's a little bit cramped and I'm afraid that once this baby is born, it'll be even harder to move around without running into one another."

Gabby pursed her lips in thought and leaned back against the headboard, "I guess things are a little tight. And to be honest, I'd really like to give Eli his own bedroom." She'd be lying if she told Matt that it hadn't crossed her mind to maybe find a bigger place to live but moving into Matt's house…she wasn't so sure. "Your house…didn't you and Hallie live there together?"

Matt shrugged, "yeah…but the place is only in my name. It wasn't too long after I bought the place did we break up…why?"

"But you and Hallie went house hunting together when you found that house, right?"

"Yeah…"

"And together you guys were going to raise a family in that house?"

"Yeah but ohh…" Matt couldn't help but grin at the hint of jealousy in Gabby's eyes. "You don't want to move into a place where Hallie and I had planned on spending the rest of our lives together?"

Gabby nodded, slightly annoyed that it had taken him so long to get it, "yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Makes sense."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I think we should find a place together."

Gabby grinned, "yeah?"

Matt laughed, "_yeah!_ Maybe a fixer-upper? Four bedrooms, a finished basement that we can turn into a game room and toy room for the kids. A huge kitchen so you can do all the cooking you please. A master bedroom with a connecting master bathroom."

Gabby laughed, "woah!" She couldn't help but feel giddy as Matt expressed his vision for a house they would find together and make their home. "You're planning like we don't have a budget." She tilted her head thoughtfully, "but a master bathroom sounds amazing!"

"Yes it does." He pushed himself up and settled against the headboard next to Gabby, turning his head towards her and meeting her gaze.

"And Eli would absolutely love to have a backyard with a swing set."

"Then we'll get a a place with big enough backyard to build a swing set and tree house."

"A tree house?" Eli exclaimed. He'd been just inches from stepping foot into the bedroom when he heard the tail-end of what Matt had said. He climbed onto the bed with a sudden burst of energy and settled himself between his mother and Matt. His wide eyes shifted between the two of them, eagerly waiting for one of them to explain.

Matt laughed and met Gabby's eyes before turning his attention back to Eli. "You like tree houses?"

"Yeah! Diego has one at his house and we always play in it! One time we turned it into a pirate ship!"

"A pirate ship, huh?" Matt asked, amused by Eli's excitement. It seemed like the Blackhawks' game last night had definitely done wonders for Eli's trust towards him. He was once again becoming the animated and bubbly kid that he'd first met.

"Uh-huh." Eli sighed, "I wish I could have a tree house."

Shifting a little, Gabby reached her hand up and ran her fingers through Eli's fussed hair. "Well maybe one day you can."

"But we don't have a backyard, mama. We don't even have a _front yard." _

"How about we get one?"

"How?"

"What do you think about finding a house to live in?" Gabby asked. "One with a backyard, a front yard _and _your _own _room?"

Eli gasped, "a bedroom all for myself?"

Matt nodded, "yep! You're the oldest, it's only fair that you get your own room."

"Can I paint the walls green?"

Gabby laughed, "I think we can do that."

"Yes!" He jumped up so he was on his knees and turned back around to face his mother and Matt. "Where's our new house gonna be?"

"Well we haven't exactly found one yet but we're working on it."

"So are we gonna go shopping for a new house?" Eli asked. He angled his head towards Matt and looked at him curiously, "you already have a house."

Matt nodded, "I do. But I'm going to sell it so we can all find a house together. One that is big enough for me, your mom, you, Gus and the new baby."

Eli scrunched up his face, thinking back to when his mother had first brought Gus home, "babies cry a lot. Gus cried _all _the time. Is the baby going to share a room with Gus?"

"Probably," Gabby fought back a yawn. "Gus slept in my room for the first few months so this baby probably will too." Without even realizing it her free hand found her stomach and she ran her hand over the small bump.

Eli watched his mother's hand and hesitantly reached out and touched her stomach, he frowned. "I don't feel anything. Gus always kicked."

Gabby smiled, "the baby is still too little for us to feel it kicking. Once it gets a little bigger I'm sure it will be kicking nonstop."

"Oh, ok." He yawned and scooted himself down so he could snuggle between his mother and Matt, "I'm still sleepy."

Lifting her head just enough just to check the time on the clock on Matt's nightstand she shrugged, "we've got another hour before my mom is supposed to drop Gus off…I'm all for staying in bed until then." Following in Eli's actions, she scooted down so she was lying down and turned to her right so she was facing both Eli and Matt.

Matt grinned, "sounds good to me!" He slid back down and turned to his left, draping his arm across Eli and reaching for Gabby's hand. He felt her give it a little squeeze, "I love you guys."

"We love you too," Gabby whispered back.

"Lots and lots," Eli mumbled, already half asleep.


	36. Chapter 36

How Will I Know

Chapter Thirty Six

_Thanksgiving _

Gabby shivered slightly as she stepped out of the shower and turned around so Matt could wrap the warm towel around her. She leaned back against his bare chest and briefly closed her eyes, "I wish you didn't have to work today."

"I know," Matt mumbled, burying his head in the crook of Gabby's neck. "Trust me, on a day that's all about giving thanks…there's no place I'd rather be than with you. Honestly, before this year, it's never really bothered me to spend my holidays at the firehouse. But this year…for the first time in a long time…I find myself with a damn long list of things to be thankful for. You, Eli, Gus and…." His hands moved from her sides to her stomach, "this baby." He chuckled, "if someone would've told me last year what my life would be like in exactly a year…never would I have believed it."

Gabby smiled and dropped her gaze to Matt's hands, "It's crazy, right? I mean, God knows these past couple of years have been one long ass roller coaster…I kind of feel like things are starting to level out for me and a lot of that has to do with you."

Matt planted several kisses along Gabby's bare neck before standing up straight and spinning her around in his arms so they were facing each other. "You know…you say it like that and I just might be inclined to think that you're thankful for me," he teased.

"I'm _very _thankful for you." She stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his. "More than you'll ever know."

"I don't know…you did a good job of showing me just a couple of minutes ago." Gabby felt her cheeks go red and ducked her head in embarrassment but Matt wasn't having it. "Oh come on, don't get all shy on me now," he quipped. Placing a finger under her chin, he brought her head back up so she was looking at him again. "I thoroughly enjoyed your decision to join me in the shower."

"I thought you might." She slipped her arms around his neck and pulled his face down to hers, their lips nearly touching. "It's just one of the many ways I plan on showing you how thankful I am," she whispered.

Matt placed a quick kiss on Gabby's lips and then again on her nose before putting some distance between the two of them. If they kept going he would most definitely be late for work and he always, _always _prided himself on getting to work on time. "If we keep this up I'll be late to work."

"I know, I know."

Matt couldn't help but smile as Gabby's own smile turned into a pout. She'd been more affectionate than usual the past couple of days and he wasn't sure if it was her hormones or what. After putting the boys to bed last night, instead of cuddling on the couch and watching a movie like she'd talked about; Gabby had led Matt into their bedroom and practically jumped his bones.

And then this morning, as soon as his first alarm had went off, Gabby stirred awake next to him and wasted no time in picking up where they'd left off the night before. Once they were finished, she rolled off of him and cuddled back into his side, instantly falling back asleep. He took the couple of minutes before his next alarm went off and just enjoyed having Gabby in his arms. He'd eventually convinced himself to climb out of bed and head across the hall to take a shower where after a couple of minutes he was being joined by Gabby.

* * *

Heading towards his locker, Severide smirked as he passed by Matt; he knew that look on Matt's face all too well. "Dude, you totally got laid this morning."

Matt's eyes widened and he glanced around the locker room, checking to make sure they were alone before turning his attention back to his best friend. He was never really one to brag about such private matters but over the past couple of weeks, Gabby's unpredictable hormones had been working in his favor. He held up two fingers, "twice," he whispered. "Once in bed and then again in the shower. And honestly, who knows how many times more if I wouldn't have had to put an end to things to get ready for shift."

Severide laughed, "dude! I've always been told that pregnant women are extra horny but I can't say I've ever experienced it firsthand."

"You mean you actually have limits? All the books say it's because she's now in her second trimester." He shrugged as he slid his bag from his shoulder and dropped it in the bottom of his locker. "The morning sickness is gone and now that she's no longer working at Lakeshore her stress has gone down tremendously…things are great right now."

"That's great dude, I'm really happy for you." He chuckled, "you and Dawson are absolutely perfect for each other. You guys really balance each other out."

Matt raised a brow, "we balance each other out? Ok, what self-help book have you been reading?"

Severide rolled his eyes, "_no._ April had this talk show on the other day and…" he trailed off once he saw the look of complete amusement on Matt's face. "Oh fuck off!"

"Hey, I think it's great that you're really trying to take an interest in things that April likes. That means you're serious." He chuckled, "and dude, it's about damn time. I was having a hard time of keeping track of names and faces. At one point, Shay and I had joked about making a deck of cards."

Shay came strolling into the locker room, hands in her pockets and a look of suspicion on her face, "ok, heard my name. Someone explain."

"Paranoid, much?" Severide joked.

Matt laughed, "I was congratulating Severide on actually being in a relationship. I told him about our plan to create a deck of cards."

"Ha!" Shay grinned as she opened her locker, "it was definitely a great idea."

* * *

"You got it?" Gabby asked as she walked closely behind Eli with Gus in her arms while they walked up the path towards her parents' front door. With Gus filling up her arms, Eli had begged her to let him carry in the chocolate chip pie they'd made last night.

"Yes, mama. I got it," Eli insisted. The tip of his tongue poked out between his teeth as he walked in deep concentration.

"Ok, ok…" they reached the front door and Gabby opened the door, stepping aside to let Eli in before her.

"There you guys are!" Marie rushed into the foyer and eagerly took Gus from his mother's arms, kissing his chubby cheek affectionately. "Hello, sweet pea!" Gus grinned and reached for his grandmother's nose. "Oh, did you miss me too?" She settled Gus on her hip and looked down at Eli, "and you brought pie!"

Eli grinned, "I made it all by myself!"

"All by yourself, huh?"

"Well, mama helped me find the ingredients but I mixed it up."

"Well I can't wait to try a piece."

"It's super yummy. I made another one to take to the firehouse today. Hey guess what, Abuela?"

"What, dear?"

"Mama, Matt, Gus and me are gonna go shopping for a new house!"

Marie shifted her surprised gaze over to her daughter, "is that so?" Gus reached out for his mom and Marie handed him back off to her daughter, her gaze not wavering.

Oblivious to the look his mother and grandmother were sharing, Eli continued on. "Yep! Mama says I can have my own bedroom and Matt says he'll help me build a tree house!"

"Well that sounds very exciting, darling." She reached down and held her hands out for the pie, "here, why don't I take this into the kitchen for you and you head into the living-room where your cousins are."

Eli handed the pie off to his grandmother, "don't forget to put it in the refrigerator."

"Oh, I won't." Marie waited until Eli was out of sight before narrowing her eyes, "when did you guys decide on this new…venture?" Not waiting for an answer, she headed for the kitchen knowing Gabby would follow her.

Gabby sighed and did just as her mother knew she would; she followed her into the kitchen. "A couple of weeks ago. We've looked at a couple of places online but yesterday Matt and I went to the bank to see what kind of loan we can qualify for."

Just as she had promised, Marie placed the pie in the refrigerator. "So you two are having baby together…buying a house together…" Marie shrugged, "it just seems like something is missing, don't you think?"

"And there it is," Gabby muttered.

"There's what?" Marie challenged. "Is it so wrong for a mother to want to see her daughter get married?"

"No but…" Gabby sighed. "There's just so much going on right now that I don't think it's the right time."

"But you do plan on marrying Matt, right?"

"One day….sure. Just not right now."

"Hmm…I see."

Gabby huffed and readjusted Gus on her hip as he attempted to squirm out of her grasp, "I know you're disappointed in me but-"

"I am most certainly not disappointed in you, Gabriela," Marie interjected, clearly upset that her daughter would even think such a thing. "I want you to understand that while I have not always approved of your choices and behavior, I have _never _considered you to be a disappointment. Ok?"

Taken aback by her mother's words, all Gabby could do was nod.

"Good. Now, then…just promise me that when you and Matt do get married, you at least keep me in the loop with all the planning. Your father and I have money set aside for things like this-"

"You and dad have money set aside for my wedding? Seriously?"

"Well yes, we had money set aside for Antonio's wedding, too. Tradition may say it's the bride's parents' responsibility but a traditional Catholic wedding is not cheap." Gabby looked away instantly and Marie propped her hands on her hips, "please tell me you do plan on having a traditional Catholic wedding?"

Gabby shrugged, "I don't know..."

"Well..." Marie shook her head, "we'll definitely pick this conversation up another time."

* * *

Thankfully—and surprisingly—it had been a quiet evening at the firehouse, giving the men and women of Fifty-One a chance to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with their extended families. By the time dinner had been cleaned up and leftovers had been packed, sorted and handed out it was well past nine. With Matt's help, Gabby bundled up two very sleepy and slightly grumpy boys.

"I feel like we've done this before," Matt joked as he carried Eli in his arms and walked side by side with Gabby out towards her car.

Gabby grinned as she nodded her head, "now that you mention it, it does feel a bit like déjà vu, doesn't it?" She adjusted Gus on her hip, Gabby pulled her keys from her pocket and pressed the button to unlock the doors. The single beep echoed in the silence of the night but neither Gus nor Eli was even the slightest startled by it. "If I'm not mistaken…the very first night we met, you walked us out to our car."

"And then again after pizza at Shay and Severide's."

"You know that was totally a setup, right?" Gabby asked.

"I had an inkling that something like that was going on," Matt said as he opened one of the doors to the back of the car. He hunched down so he could settle Eli into his booster seat without waking him. He fastened the seatbelt across Eli and quietly shut the door. He took Gus from Gabby's arms and walked around to the other side of the car. "Shay's not as slick as she thinks she is when it comes to her _brilliant plans_."

Gabby laughed and leaned against the driver's side car door and watched as Matt gave her his signature grin before ducking down and putting Gus in his seat. Turning around, she pressed her back up against the car and slipped her hands into the pockets of her coat, waiting for Matt to come back around.

Matt walked back around the car and stopped in front of Gabby. He slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, pressing his forehead against hers. "I must admit, though…it kind of worked."

"Only kind of? That was…" she paused to do the quick math in her head, "not even five months ago and we're already expecting a baby and looking for a house," she quipped. "Speaking of looking for a house…Eli told my mother all about it."

His smiled slipped as he started to fear that from the lack of Gabby's enthusiasm, some tension might've resulted from Eli's announcement. "Oh? How'd she take it? I hope it didn't cause a fight or disagreement between the two of you because that's the last thing I want."

Gabby shook her head, "it didn't. It just brought up the topic of some other life events that most people usually experience before buying a house and having kids."

"What are…oh…" Matt's voice trailed as the realization hit him.

Gabby dropped Matt's gaze as soon as she knew he'd realized what she was referring to. She cleared her throat and focused her attention on the collar of his fleece CFD pullover. "If she says anything to you, don't be afraid to tell her to mind her own business."

"Well, I'm not gonna lie if she asks…it is something I've thought about." He raised a brow, "haven't you?"

Gabby shrugged, "I mean…right now we've already got a lot on our plate…I can't say it has never crossed my mind but-"

"It's not something you want right now?"

"I just don't think right now is the time. We don't need to get married just because I'm pregnant and-"

Gabby was cut off by the sound of the alarms going off signaling a call, Gabby sighed and met Matt's eyes, catching the slight look of dejection. She stood on her toes and captured her lips with his. "I love you…be careful, ok?"

Matt mumbled a quick I love you in return before dropping Gabby's hands and rushing back towards the station.

* * *

Gabby was restless.

Despite the aches in her muscles and heaviness of her eyelids, her mind would not stop running. Her conversation with Matt at the firehouse had been left unfinished and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the look in his eyes when she'd said marriage wasn't something on her mind at the moment.

It wasn't that she didn't see marriage happening for them…she just didn't see it happening anytime soon. Despite the pregnancy and their search for a new house…their relationship wasn't even six months old. It wasn't that she didn't trust Matt or her relationship with him because she definitely did; learning to trust again was one hurdle she'd worked to overcome since meeting Matt.

No, trust wasn't the issue.

She just didn't think now was the time to even consider planning a wedding.

Making up her mind, she swung her arm out and blindly felt around for her phone before wrapping her hand around it and bringing it just inches from her face. Her thumb danced along the screen as she put in her code and swiped to her previous calls; finding Matt's name instantly.

* * *

Glancing around the empty common room, Severide opened the refrigerator and pulled out one of the pies Gabby had brought over. This specific pie only had two slices left; he'd just finish it off, dispose of the pan and nobody would ever have to know. He grinned excited and immediately dug in with a fork.

"Seriously, dude?"

Severide jumped and turned around at the voice of his best friend. "Dude, no need to get upset, I'll share."

Matt shook his head, "the pie is all yours…I'm pretty sure there's still at least two sitting in the refrigerator at home."

"In that case, I'll make sure to stop by tomorrow," Severide joked. Matt's phone went off and he observed his fellow lieutenant check and ignore the call before returning it to his pocket. He raised a brow, "Did you just ignore a phone call from Dawson?"

Matt sighed and slid into one of the stools at the counter, "I'm not so sure we're on the same page like I thought we were."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't think Gabby wants to get married."

Severide nearly choked on his mouthful of food. "You asked her to marry you?"

Matt shook his head, "no, I didn't. But I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been thinking about it…I mean, I have looked at rings…" He sighed and ran his hand through his hair anxiously. "But today…after I had her walked her and the kids out to her car, she'd mentioned her mom asking about marriage and Gabby basically said it wasn't something she wanted right now."

"If I'm honest...I'm not surprised."

"Why do you say that?"

"Dude, since you and Gabby have started dating I've seen her actually look happy. I mean, yeah, there were a few road bumps along the way—and I'm sure there will be a lot more—but just the fact that Gabby hasn't gone running in the opposite direction is basically a miracle. I'm not saying she's got commitment issues or anything but…you know…"

"Really, guys?"

Both men glanced up and met Shay's death glare. Uncrossing her arms, Shay walked up to the two of them, slid into the stool next to Matt and reached out, grabbing the fork full of pie from Severide's hand just as he was about to put it into his mouth. She popped it in her mouth, "mm…so good," she mumbled, briefly closing her eyes and enjoying the taste. She opened her eyes and continued to shift her glare between the two men. She stopped at Severide, "you're definitely not someone who should be giving out relationship advice." She turned to Matt and pointed her fork at him, "_and _you, next time you ignore someone's call, don't press _end._"

Matt's eyes widened, "I didn't! I just ignored it."

"No, you didn't…you ended the call and sent it straight to voicemail. FYI, she didn't leave a voicemail. She called me, practically in tears and asking if you were ok."

"Shit," Matt cursed. He groaned and rubbed the palms of his hands against his forehead. "I knew this was going to blow up," he mumbled.

"So this is about the marriage conversation you two had earlier?"

Matt sighed, not even caught off guard that Shay knew about the conversation, "yeah. The topic of marriage came up and I don't know…I guess we're not on the same page."

"About marriage?" Shay rolled her eyes. "Marriage might be considered the ultimate form of commitment but I'd say having a baby together and buying a house together are pretty big signs of commitment too."

"I know but-"

"No _buts_, Matthew Casey. If you have an issue about something you need to talk to her about it, not ignore her phone call. It's almost one in the morning and she's almost four months pregnant…her emotions have got to be out of whack."

Matt knew Shay was right, ignoring Gabby's phone call was wrong and he'd felt guilt tighten inside his stomach immediately after he'd done so. But he'd done it because he wasn't exactly sure what to say to her at the moment. He wanted marriage. He wanted marriage with her. "You're right," he whispered. "I'm going to go call her back-" he groaned as the alarms went off. "After we get back."

* * *

Gabby had eventually fallen asleep out of pure exhaustion but it was a restless sleep. She woke up every other hour checking her phone to see if Matt had called or texted before tossing it to his side of the bed and falling back asleep. By the time her first alarm went off a little after six, her head hurt, her eyes were still heavy with sleep and her body was letting her know she had not gotten nearly enough rest. Unable to fall back asleep, she shoved back the covers and climbed out of bed.

Having no intentions of leaving the house until later in the afternoon, Gabby changed into a pair of leggings and Blackhawks hoody. She ran a brush through her unruly hair before pulling it up out of her face in a messy bun and made her way into the living room. She was headed to the kitchen when there was a knock on the apartment door. She frowned and glanced at the time on her phone, only then noticing the four missed calls from her brother and three missed calls from Shay.

Her heart dropped.

Matt.

She bolted to the door, one hand finding the lock on the doorknob and the other finding the deadbolt above it, her hands moved in unison and she pulled the door open. She met her brother's concerned look and shook her head as the very worst started to play out in her mind. She shook her head and covered her mouth, attempting to mute the strangled sob that fell from her lips.

"Gabby-"

"No, _don't!" _

Antonio shook his head and grabbed his sister's shoulders, securing her spot in front of him. "_He's fine!" _

But Gabby didn't hear her brother's words as her emotions started to take over, "I can't do this without him!"

"You won't have to," Antonio insisted, trying to break through to Gabby. "Listen to me, Gabby!" He moved his hands up to her face, cupping it and gently forcing her to look directly at him. "Matt is fine!"

Gabby froze, "he's fine?"

Antonio nodded, smiling, "yes. Besides some smoke inhalation and a few stitches in his side…he's fine."

Gabby angrily shoved her brother in the stomach, "don't ever scare me like that again, Antonio!"

"Then answer your phone!" Antonio bit back. "Besides, knowing you like I do, I knew you'd still insist on heading over to Chicago Med to make sure for yourself and I figured I'd save you the hassle of having to drag the boys along with you."

He shook his head, waving his arm up and down Gabby, "and no offense, sis. But you look like shit."

When Gabby got to Chicago Med she could barely make it through the sliding double glass doors. There were so many people—fire fighters and paramedics—standing around that at first she didn't even see everyone from Fifty-One. "Shay!" She called out, hurrying over to her best friend. The dry blood on the side of her the blonde's face startled her, "oh my god! Are you ok?"

Shay nodded grimly, "it's not mine. Or Matt's," she hurried to add. Shay took a deep breath, motioning around the lobby of Chicago Med. "There was a huge warehouse fire…" she shook her head, "there were three firehouses that showed up, Fifty-One is the only one that didn't have any casualties."

"Oh my god," Gabby whispered as she once again looked around, suddenly realizing why there were so many men and women in uniform standing around. She took a closer look, every single one of them was covered in blood and soot…grim faces of mourning on their faces. As selfish as it was, she shook her head and her thoughts snapped back to Matt. "But Matt?"

"He's fine," Shay assured her. "Had a run in with a falling wall and was pierced in the side. He just needed a few stitches."

Gabby breathed a sigh of relief, "where is he? I want to see him."

"I'm headed in that direction so I'll take you to him," April said as she approached the group. "I'm on my way to check on a patient that's a few curtains down from Lieutenant Casey."

Gabby nodded, "thank you."

April shook her head and gave Gabby a reassuring smile, "it's not a problem."

Gabby followed close behind April and as soon as April motioned to the curtain that Matt was behind, Gabby rushing over to it. "Matt!" Gabby yanked back the privacy curtain just as Matt was attempting to put his shirt back on.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he insisted, seeing the tears in Gabby's eyes as she rushed over to him.

Gabby shook her head and leaned down to inspect the wound herself. Her fingers brushed along Matt's skin, careful of the redness and stitches. Once she was satisfied that whoever had stitched him up had done a decent job, she looked back up at him. She took his face in her hands, her thumbs wiping away the soot and dirt. "You're sure you're ok?" She whispered, searching his eyes for any sign of pain or discomfort.

"Yes, I promise." Slipping his arms into the sleeves of the shirt, he pulled it over his head and pushed it carefully down his torso.

"I'm so sorry," Gabby cried. She moved her hands over every inch of his face, still not completely convinced he was really ok.

"Gabby," Matt grabbed Gabby's wrists, stopping her movements. He found her eyes, "you have nothing to apologize for."

"But this afternoon-"

Matt shook his head, "no. I should be apologizing. I jumped to conclusions when you were trying to explain…and I ignored your call. I'm sorry." He sighed, "I didn't handle it very well-"

"One day….one day, I do want to marry you," Gabby interjected. She took a breath, "just not now. There's so much going on and I'm afraid if we pile too much on our plate then we won't be able to give any one thing the amount of attention it deserves. I guess…" she groaned, frustrated that she was having trouble explaining herself. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that when the time comes, I want to be able to focus on actually planning a wedding and right now I'm having a hard time focusing on everything that's going on right now. This pregnancy, I start working on Monday, Christmas is a month away and not to mention our search for the perfect home-"

"Gabby-"

Gabby shook her head, refusing to let Matt interrupt her. "I know, you said before that we don't need to be in such a rush to find house but you're right, my apartment is really, really small for the four—almost five—of us. Not to mention, Eli is insisting that we find our new house in time to spend Christmas in." She smiled shyly, "and to be honest, I would too. I think it would be a great way to spend our first Christmas together…"

Happy for the distraction, Matt grinned in amusement at Gabby's ramblings. He raised a brow once she finally took a breath, "can I say something?"

"Oh, yeah…go ahead! Sorry!"

Matt shook his head, "don't apologize." He took a breath, not really sure where to begin. His thoughts had already been all over the place before the call and now he couldn't even think straight. "Today definitely puts things in perspective. One minute my biggest fear was that we weren't on the same page and then a couple of hours later I'm surrounded by fire and a wall is caving in right in front of me…"

Gabby's heart hurt as she watched the emotions move over Matt's face. Reaching up, she ran her fingers through his fussed blond hair. "It's ok, baby," she whispered encouragingly.

"It's just a lot, you know?"

"Yeah…I do."

Matt ducked his head in shame, "we were doing one last sweep for bodies and the guys I was with…I was at the end of line…" He took a breath, "Lieutenant Ford from Firehouse 23 and Lieutenant Gomez from Firehouse 47 were in front of me when the wall came down…they were crushed, Gabby. If I'd just-"

Gabby frowned, and took Matt's face in her hands, forcing him to look up at her, "hey…don't you dare start blaming yourself. This is _not _your fault." He opened his mouth to protest and she shook her head, "I'm serious, Matt." She sighed and glanced around for his chart, "no concussion, right? Let's see how long until we can get you home."

Matt shook his head, "I can't go home."

"Yes you can."

Both Matt and Gabby looked over in the direction of the booming voice. Boden had slipped into the makeshift room undetected by them. Still in his gear, he had a grim look on his face. "Shift's over, Casey. Go home and be with your family."

"But Chief-"

Boden shook his head, "there's nothing more to be done, Matt. Normally I'd try to convince you to stay a bit longer for observation but I trust Gabriela will make sure you take it easy."

Gabby managed a small smile, "you know I will, Chief."

"Give those two munchkins a big hug for me, will you?"

* * *

When Matt and Gabby stepped into their apartment, both boys were running towards them. Eli went straight to Matt and was startled when Matt didn't scoop him up. He frowned, "you look sad. Are you sad?"

Matt sighed and ruffled Eli's hair, "I'm a little less sad now that I'm back home with you guys."

"Was it a bad fire?" Eli asked, following Matt back into the living room.

"Eli-" Gabby started but was cut off by Matt.

"It's fine," he insisted, meeting Gabby's eyes and giving her a small nod before easing his way onto the couch. He watched as Eli climbed up on the couch next to him, "it was a bad fire."

"Did anybody get hurt?"

"Several people did."

"Did anybody die?"

"Unfortunately, a few firefighters did."

"Oh." A look of genuine sadness fell across Eli's face as he sat and contemplated Matt's words.

Gabby, Matt and Antonio all shared looks as they allowed Eli to process what Matt had told him. Gabby chewed her bottom lip nervously as she watched Eli closely. They'd talked about death and what happens when people die but he'd thankfully never experienced it firsthand. "You ok, sweetie?"

Eli shrugged his shoulders, "I'm sad about the firefighters that died but I'm happy that Matt didn't die." He looked up at Matt, his brown eyes filling with tears, "I don't want you to die, Matt!" He jumped up and threw himself into Matt's lap, wrapping his little arms around Matt's neck and settling his face in the crook of his neck.

Was it possible for your heart to break and swell with pride at the same time?

Because Matt was sure that was exactly what was going on.

Matt kissed the top of Eli's head, "I try my hardest every day to make sure I come back home to you guys."

* * *

The day had been a solemn one. One that was spent just lounging around the apartment playing toys, watching movies and eating Thanksgiving leftovers. It didn't go unnoticed by Gabby that Eli had practically glued himself to Matt's side and taking it upon himself to make sure Matt was feeling ok.

After tucking in both boys and making sure they were asleep, Gabby made her way back out into the living-room. Matt was sitting up straight on the couch with his eyes on the television in front of him. Sports Center was on but Gabby knew he wasn't paying attention. "Matt?" she whispered, surprisingly gaining his attention on the first attempt.

He glanced over at her, "both boys asleep?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah. I uh…will you be ok while I go take a quick shower?"

"I'll be fine," Matt insisted.

"Ok…" she started to turn away and head for the bathroom but reversed her direction and rushed over to Matt, stopping directly in front of him. She leaned down and captured his face with her hands, ignoring the confused look on his face she pressed her lips to his. "I'm so happy you're ok. I love you so much," she whispered.

"I love you too," Matt murmured. He discarded the remote on the couch and brought his hands to her face. "I meant what I told Eli this morning...every day I try my hardest to make sure I come back home to you guys."

Gabby nodded, "I know."

"Good," Matt mumbled. He kissed her, "now go take a shower, you're starting to smell," he joked.

Gabby rolled her eyes in amusement, "yeah...whatever."

Matt watched as Gabby left the living room. He turned the television off and listened carefully as he waited for Gabby to step into the shower. Once he heard the water start running and the shower curtain close, he dropped his face in his hands and took a deep breath. Unable to control his emotions any longer he let the tears fall. He cried for his fallen firefighters, he cried for their families and houses. Their lives would never be the same. He felt guilt and remorse but most of all, he felt relief. As he laid trapped under the wall all he could think about was Gabby and the boys.

He'd experienced some close calls before; they all had. It was a part of the job. You knew that when you signed up for it. But all those other close calls he'd had—before he'd met Gabby—it was his own life that had flashed before his eyes. This time it was different. All that he saw was Gabby and the boys standing above his grave; Gabby sobbing, Eli crying and Gus confused but well aware that something was wrong. And then the image changed. A vision of Gabby in the hospital giving birth alone—again. As soon as she'd told him she was pregnant, he'd promised her that he wouldn't let her do it alone. She wouldn't go through the pregnancy alone, she wouldn't deliver the baby alone and she would not raise the baby alone.

He'd almost broken his promise.

Unbeknownst to Matt, down the hall, Gabby was also falling apart.

Standing under the spray of the warm water, Gabby had both hands pressed against the shower wall as she braced herself for her breakdown. She'd stayed strong all day, only allowing herself to cry in private. She'd taken a few extra trips to the bathroom—something easily reasoned by her pregnancy—whenever she'd felt her emotions getting the best of her. Each time she'd return back to what she was doing before, she'd reluctantly meet Matt's gaze. She knew he knew what was going on but each time he would just silently welcome her into his arms.

As far as she was concerned, she had no right to be crying. Matt had walked out of that fire alive. Her family was still together. It was the six other families that had every right to breakdown and mourn. Not her.

Eventually, she pulled herself together to actually take a shower.

When Gabby stepped out of the bathroom, she was surprised to see all the light turned off. Tightening the towel around her body, she glanced in on the boys making sure they were still asleep before moving towards her bedroom. The door was half open and the only light in the room was the lamp on her nightstand.

Matt glanced up from his phone as Gabby entered the room. "Hey."

"Hey," Gabby whispered. She shut the door behind her and moved over to her dresser, pulling the top drawer open to get a pair of panties. She stepped into the panties and let the towel drop to the ground as she moved over to the closet. She reached up and grabbed one of Matt's old t-shirts and slipped it over her head. When she turned back around, she was a little surprised that Matt's attention was not on her but back on his phone. She frowned and climbed into bed next to him. "You ok?" She asked.

Yeah, she knew it was a stupid question but she refused to let him bottle up his emotions.

"Yeah," Matt whispered without taking his eyes off of his phone. "Count is now up to seven."

She followed his gaze to his phone to see what had captured his attention. Her stomach dropped as she read the title of the news blurb he was staring at. _7 Firefighters Confirmed Dead in Warehouse Fire. _"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry."

Matt shook his head, "it's not your fault." He looked up at her and frowned. "You've been crying," Matt whispered, reaching up and brushing a strand of Gabby's unruly hair back behind her hear.

Gabby reached up and placed her hand over his, giving it a reassuring squeeze, "so have you." She took a breath, "I am here for you, Matt."

"I know," Matt whispered. He took a shaky breath, "we all know the dangers of being a firefighter…"

Gabby nodded, understanding what Matt was trying to say as his words trailed off. "Is there anything I can get you?"

Matt shook his head, "you're all I need."He slid down so the back of his head met his pillow and gently pulled Gabby down next to him. He waited for her to settle into his uninjured side before wrapping an arm around her pulling her closer to him. He dropped a kiss on top of her head, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Gabby whispered.

Both of them settled into their own thoughts, hoping sleep would find them soon. After what Matt guessed to be about fifteen minutes, he could tell by Gabby's breathing that she was still awake. He cleared his throat in attempt to reign in his emotions before speaking, "all I could think about was you and the boys…and the baby…" He felt Gabby tense beside him and pulled her a little closer, "I've had close calls before…but that's the first time I saw something besides my own life flash before my eyes."

"Matt…"

"Please let me finish…" he insisted. "I know we've decided to hold off on marriage until things have settled down but there's something else that I think I need to do…" he cleared his throat, "something that I _want _to do. I want to legally adopt Gus and Eli."

Gabby glanced up at Matt, completely surprised by his words, "you do?"

"If something happens to me I want to make sure Eli and Gus are taken care of financially and that can only happen if I'm legally their father." He waited for a response from Gabby and started to get nervous as she stayed silent, "Gabby? Is that ok?"

She sat up and looked down at him, despite the darkness, her eyes had adjusted enough that she could see the glimmer in his eyes. "I know I don't say this enough…but you are so amazing." She laughed, just imagining Eli's reaction, "do you know how excited Eli will be to finally have a dad that really wants to be his dad?" She shook her head, grinning, "honestly, he'd be happy if that was his only Christmas present."

Matt smiled, "so it's really ok with you then?"

"Absolutely! I mean, we'll definitely have to get a lawyer and neither Gus nor Eli's fathers are listed on their birth certificates but I'm not really sure how all that works…" she shook her head, not wanting to plague her thoughts with the technicalities at the moment. "But we'll figure it all out." Sliding back down next to Matt, she wrapped an arm across his stomached and rested her chin on his chest, "you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and the boys."

Matt opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Gus' cries coming through the baby monitor.

Gabby groaned and started to push herself up but was stopped by Matt, "I got him."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'll just hold him on my right side." Gabby watched with great concern as Matt climbed out of bed. He sent her a quick wink, "I'll be fine."

When Matt returned a short while later he wasn't at all surprised to see Gabby curled up in the center of the bed and sound asleep. Bracing a hand on his side, he eased himself back into bed and settled on his back. He slipped an arm under Gabby's body and pulled her close to him. He felt her snuggle into his side and he dropped a kiss on the top of her head before taking a breath and closing his eyes.

His physical exhaustion outweighed is emotional state of mind and it didn't take him long to fall into a deep sleep.


	37. Chapter 37

_Say what? A new chapter so soon? Haha. Again, thanks to each and every single one of you who reads and reviews. I try to remember and respond to reviews but I'm gonna be honest...my mind is always going a hundred miles a minute and I usually end up forgetting. I had mentioned something on twitter about the topic of the baby's gender coming up in this chapter and stayed true to that tweet. Also, I've gotten better about tweeting-I think. You can always bother me over there if I'm slacking. My handle is NowWriteItOut. I also tweeted a preview of this other short Dawsey story I'm working On. And yes, I know I need to update 'All I Need' and I have been looking at 'Silence in the Dark' but I feel like since it was my first Dawsey story the writing isn't that good...so I don't know. *Sigh*. Ok, for those you that actually read this long ass message, I apologize...here's the new chapter. Review? Because, you know, tomorrow is Monday and Mondays suck so you should make my Monday suck less and leave a review for me to wake up to. Even if it is a complaint. Haha. _

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter 37**

Eli stood against the frame of the door to his mother and Matt's bedroom and watched as Matt buttoned the collar of his uniform shirt. It had been exactly ten days since the devastating Thanksgiving fire that had shaken the entire city of Chicago and left several families heartbroken.

Today was Matt's first day back on shift.

It wasn't until Eli let out a sad sigh did Matt notice him. He briefly glanced at him through the mirror before turning and walking over to him. "Hey, buddy." He lowered himself so he was at eye-level with him. He frowned in reaction to the somber look on the five year old's face. "What's wrong?" Eli shrugged and looked down at his shoes. Matt placed a finger under Eli's chin and tilted his head back up so he could meet his eyes. "Are you worried about something?"

"I don't want you to go back," he mumbled.

"To work?" Matt asked. With Matt not working and Gabby starting her new job at Chicago Med last Monday, they'd definitely developed a bit of a different routine. Insisting on making Gabby's transition into a new workplace as smooth as possible; he'd offered to take Eli to and from school, help him with his homework and had even cooked dinner a couple of times. During the day he was so restless that he'd usually end up taking Gus with him over to his house as he continued to go through things and get it ready to sell.

"Uh-huh…" Eli sighed, "I don't want you to get hurt again."

Matt sighed, ever since the fire, Eli had been practically glued to his hip. He didn't know how to explain to a five year old that although he would try his best to come home from work every day…it wasn't something he could promise. "I don't want to get hurt again, either. You know I try my hardest every day at work to be careful, right?" Eli nodded and Matt smiled, "sometimes that's all you can do, buddy. Is try. Just always try your best."

"You promise to always try your best?"

"I promise." He checked the time on his watch, "how about we stop for donuts on the way to school, huh?"

Eli grinned, "and chocolate milk?"

Matt nodded, "and chocolate milk." He stood back up and looked down at Eli, ruffling his hair, "did you brush your teeth?" Eli shook his head, "well go brush your teeth and I'll see if your mom has finished getting Gus ready, ok?"

Just as Eli was leaving the room, Gabby was entering with Gus on her hip. Judging by the look on Gabby's face, Matt knew she'd heard his conversation with Eli. He gave her a smile, "donuts for breakfast ok with you?"

Gabby smiled, "sounds great."

Reaching out, Matt tucked a loose strand of hair back behind Gabby's ear and let his hand linger against her cheek. "I can't lie to him, Gabby."

"I know. I don't want you to." She sighed, "and I know he doesn't want you to, either. It's just…it's just still hard."

"I know it is. And I wish I could make it easier."

"But you can't."

"No…I can't. And listen, I know I've said this before but I think it is worth repeating…knowing that I have a family…" he grinned excitedly and reached his other hand and placed it on her stomach. "A _growing_ family waiting for me at home gives me more incentive and determination than ever to make sure I come back from every call in one piece."

"I love you so much," Gabby murmured, standing on her toes and pressing her lips to his.

Feeling left out, Gus reached his free hand out and started patting Matt's head, causing Matt to laugh and break the kiss. "Ok, ok, I see someone else wants to be acknowledged." He gave Gabby one last quick peck on the lips before pulling back and taking Gus into his arms. "Good morning, big guy!"

Gus grinned and reached for Matt's nose, "no!"

Matt raised a brow, "are you saying _no _or _nose_?"

"No!"

Gabby shook her head as she walked over to her the nightstand on her side of the bed where she'd left her phone to charge. "Come on, we've gotta go if we all want to get to work and school on time."

* * *

"Already a rough morning?" April asked as she joined Gabby in the break room.

Gabby sighed, "am I that obvious?"

"Well, even though this is only your second week here…you've already developed a routine. You walk over to the coffee, stare longingly at the pot of regular coffee before scowling and reaching for the decaf. Girl, if that regular pot of coffee had feelings, you'd have some explaining to do," she joked. April gave her a knowing look, "not to mention you completely ignored me when I greeted you as you walked in."

"I did?" Gabby frowned, "I'm sorry. I've just got a lot on my mind."

April crossed her arms "well go on, let it out before shift starts. I'm all ears. What's up?"

"It's Matt's first day back on shift," Gabby explained. "And I'm fine,_ I am. _I know the dangers of the job but this morning, Eli took it really hard as he watched Matt get ready for work." She rubbed at her forehead, already feeling a headache coming on. "Matt's the closest thing he's ever had to a father and I think when he saw Matt had injuries because of the fire…it just really, really scared him."

"Aw, I'm sorry, honey. As a grown woman, I have a hard enough time dealing with someone I care for working as a firefighter…" she shook her head, "I don't know how I'd handle it as a child. Were you able to ease his worries at least a little?"

"Matt was." Gabby laughed lightly, "He's the reasonable one between the two of us. Always level headed and knows just the right thing to say. It still boggles my mind how I managed to get so damn lucky."

April shook her head, "nah, you're thinking about it all wrong, Gabby."

"She's right," Maggie said, letting herself into the conversation. "You've gotta start thinking with some confidence. He's just as lucky to have you as you are to have him. Don't sell yourself short, girl."

April nodded, "she's right, Gabby. I've seen the way you turn heads and drop jaws…baby bump and all."

Gabby laughed, "I gotta say, it's nice to have coworkers that aren't plotting their next move against me."

Maggie raised a brow, "was Lakeshore that bad?"

"Yes," April and Gabby answered in unison.

Maggie raised a brow, "ok, then…"

Gabby grimaced as she swallowed a mouthful of her _decaf _coffee, "When I was moved to the Emergency Room, one of the attending doctors was Matt's former fiancé."

"Ooh…" Maggie shook her head. "Enough said."

"No, it actually gets worse. When Matt and I first started dating, he'd had some flowers delivered to me during my shift and when I went back to the nurse's station to get them on my way out, Hallie had thrown them away."

"She didn't?"

Gabby nodded, "she did."

"What a bitch," April muttered.

"Good morning to you too, April." Sharon Goodwin said as she entered the breakroom, giving the three nurses a knowing look. She turned her attention to Gabby, "how are you, Gabby?"

"Oh, uh…I'm good thanks. How are you?" Gabby couldn't help but trip over her words, she was completely thrown off by Sharon's genuine interest in her well-being.

"Good, thank you. Is Lieutenant Casey doing better?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah. He went back to work today. If you ask him, he'd tell you taking more than a week off was absolutely unnecessary."

"That's a typical male for you," Maggie muttered before her phone went off. "And here comes Monday, ladies."

* * *

Over at Fifty-One, the morning was starting off a bit calmer. It seemed like every member of the house was busy planning something or another. Shay glanced up from her laptop just as Otis walked into the common room. "Hey, Otis! A word?"

Otis cringed, he knew that look in Shay's eyes. She meant business. "Uh sure…just let me get some coffee." He took his time over by the coffee pot before eventually making his way over to Shay and settling in next to her at the table. "What's up?"

"What's on the calendar for Molly's on April 17th?"

"Off the top of my head?" Otis raised a brow, "not a clue."

"Well it's a Sunday morning so I'm going to assume nothing is going on. Mark your calendar, I'm booking Molly's for that morning and early afternoon."

"Uh…for what?"

"None of your business," Shay said in a matter of fact tone as she turned back to her laptop. "Just make sure the place is clean and there is room in the refrigerator for a giant cake."

Shay's words seemed to further confuse Otis and Severide finally butted in, "it's for Dawson's baby shower, dumbass."

"Kelly!" Shay exclaimed.

"Ok," Otis shrugged, confused as to what the big secret was. "Well why didn't she just say that?"

"Because you can't keep your mouth shut," Shay muttered. She narrowed her eyes at him, "and if you blow this, I will make you so damn paranoid of repercussions that you're constantly looking over your shoulder. Got it?"

"Got it. You need Molly's on April 17th for no damn reason." He shook his head and stood back up. "Now excuse me while I go find someone who won't threaten me."

Shay rounded on Severide, "thanks a lot, Kel. April and I have been working really hard on making this baby shower perfect."

Severide rolled his eyes, "you guys just started planning like a week ago. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, you interrupted our date night-"

Shay scoffed, "oh _please_, you two were watching the Blackhawks game half naked and eating pizza. If you think April will accept that as a date night, shit, you're in for a very rude awakening, my friend." Shay closed her laptop shut, grabbed it and stood up, "now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta make a phone call to inquire about balloons."

Down the hall, Matt was buried in paperwork that he hadn't gotten finished before he'd been forced to make medical leave. He was trying to focus but he couldn't get the scared look on Eli's face out of his mind. He looked up just in time to see Herrmann walking by. "Hey, Herrmann!"

Herrmann stopped and nodded at Matt, "hey, Lieutenant. How's it going?"

Matt shrugged, "just digging myself out of this mountain of paperwork." He dropped his pen and swiveled in his chair so he was completely facing Herrmann. "Hey, uh…can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure…what's up?" He stepped into Matt's office and right away had a feeling that this would be a private conversation so he shut the door behind him. "Everything ok with the uh…" He motioned to Matt's side.

"Oh yeah," Matt waved off Herrmann's concerns. "I'm totally fine." He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck in trepidation. "Can I ask you a…uh…sort of personal question?"

Herrmann didn't even hesitate, "shoot."

"How do you explain the dangers of your job to your kids?"

"Ah…" Herrmann nodded in sudden understanding. "Elijah didn't want you to leave for work today, did he?"

Matt shook his head, "no. How do you…promise something that you can't promise?"

"You don't." Herrmann sighed and crossed his arms, "you promise _everything _you can promise, though. You promise to do your best…you promise to be safe and careful…you promise to do everything in your power to come home…" He shook his head, "but you don't make a promise you know you can't keep."

"It sucks, man," Matt muttered, running hand through his hair. "And Gabby didn't handle it very well, either. Not that she would admit it, though."

"Yeah, for as long as I've known Dawson, she's never been big on showing emotion. But Casey, I gotta tell ya…there's been such a change in her since you two have gotten together. She's become…." He paused, searching for the right word. "She's become independent again. I know that probably doesn't make sense but you've given her this confidence back that I haven't seen on her since I first met her. She's back to being able to stand on her own two feet again and I think it's all because of you. She knows that if she does stumble, you'll be right there to catch her."

Matt smiled, "you can't tell anybody because I'm not sure how long the process will take but I'm going to adopt Eli and Gus."

"Oh man!" Herrmann didn't hold back and pulled Matt into a hug, "that's fantastic news!" He stepped back, still grinning from ear to ear. "Look at you! Going from expectant father to dad of two with one on the way! That's crazy!"

* * *

Gabby snuck a quick glance in Matt's direction as he kept his eyes on the road in front of him. He'd been awfully quiet since shift had ended and though he'd assured her it had been an easy shift, she knew something was on his mind.

"Are you nervous?" She asked out of the blue.

Matt briefly turned his head to meet Gabby's eyes before returning his focus back on the road. "Nervous about what?"

"The doctor's appointment. It's a pretty important appointment."

"I thought all of them were important," Matt teased.

Gabby rolled her eyes, "you know what I mean, Matt. Dr. Cooper might be able to determine the gender." She brushed her hand over her stomach, "that is…if the baby cooperates." She cleared her throat, "but I was actually thinking about keeping it a surprise."

"Keep what a surprise? The gender?"

Gabby nodded, "yeah." She watched Matt's face carefully for any sort of negative reaction but was relieved when he just smiled.

"So you just want to wait until the baby is actually here to find out if it is a boy or a girl?"

"Yeah….but if you want to go ahead and find out-"

Matt shook his head, "I think I'd be too tempted to tell people if I knew. No, let's keep it a surprise." He laughed, "you know Shay is going to have a fit, though, right? She's..." he stopped himself, remembering that the baby shower Shay was planning to throw Gabby was supposed to be a surprise.

"She what?" Gabby asked.

"She's gonna bug you nonstop about it."

"Well I guess it's a good thing I don't work with her," she quipped.

Matt chuckled, relieved that Gabby seemed to buy his response.

* * *

After her physical exam, Dr. Cooper gave Gabby some privacy to change out of the plastic exam gown and back into her clothes. Knowing the ultrasound would be next, Gabby settled herself back up on exam table and leaned against the stack of pillows behind her. A few minutes went by before Dr. Cooper returned with the sonogram cart in tow.

"Now time for the part I'm sure both of you guys have been waiting for."

Gabby looked over at Matt and silently asked him if he was still ok with keeping the gender a surprise. He gave her a small nod and she smiled in return before switching her attention to Dr. Cooper. "We're actually going to keep it a surprise."

Dr. Cooper smiled, "you're going to wait until the baby is born to find out?"

Gabby nodded, "that's the plan!"

"Well ok, then. Let's at least see if the baby is doing ok, shall we?" Gabby nodded and Dr. Cooper pushed Gabby's shirt up just enough to reveal the small bump. She grabbed the gel and gave Gabby a knowing look, "I'd warn you but you already know the drill…"

Though she knew it would be cold, Gabby still tensed as the cool gel was applied to her stomach. Matt frowned, "what? Is something wrong?"

Gabby shook her head, "it's just cold."

"Oh, ok." He could feel his cheeks warm with slight embarrassment.

Gabby could sense Matt's anxiety and reached out to take his hand in hers. She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, hoping to calm him nerves. Having been pregnant twice before, Gabby usually didn't have a lot of questions about what was going on. She was constantly reminding herself that this was Matt's first child and everything about pregnancy was new to him.

"You ready to see our baby?" She asked.

Matt started to say something but was cut off by the heartbeat that echoed through the exam room. His eyes shot to the screen on the other side of Gabby's bed and he stared in complete awe. It wasn't like this was the first time he was hearing the heartbeat or seeing an image of the little life growing inside Gabby's stomach but it just seemed so much more real than last time.

At seventeen weeks, he could actually make out the baby on the screen and didn't have to have Dr. Cooper point anything out to him. And the heartbeat, it sounded so much stronger and more defined than the last time.

"It's amazing," he whispered, forcing his eyes away from the screen to look over at Gabby. Her head was turned to the side and there was a wide smile on her face; he could tell she was deep in thought as she continued to stare watch the movements of their baby on the screen. He turned back to Dr. Cooper and cleared his throat, "uh…just out of curiosity, _can _you tell if it is a boy or a girl?"

Dr. Cooper laughed and looked over at Matt, "I most definitely can." She glanced between the expectant parents. "You guys sure you don't want to know?"

Gabby tore her eyes away from the screen and looked over at Matt, "you can find out if you want to, Matt."

"Like I said earlier, I'd be too tempted to tell the entire city of Chicago." He shook his head and smiled at Dr. Cooper, "we'll keep it a surprise."

* * *

After a quick phone call with her mom to check up on Gus and Eli, Gabby returned to the living room to find Matt watching Sports Center. Grabbing the remote from Matt's hand, Gabby turned the television off and blindly tossed the remote on the coffee table behind her. Settling herself on his lap, she straddled him and pressed her forehead against his and grinned, "you know…it's not often we get the place to ourselves in the middle of the afternoon."

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah," Gabby whispered. Not wasting anytime, she fiddled with the bottom of Matt's sweater and in one swift move she pushed it up over his head and tossed it aside. Dipping her head down she found his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

Matt gladly let Gabby take control and slipped his hands around her waist, pulling her closer to him. He could feel his jeans tighten as he grew against her. He pulled away and gasped for air before dropping his head and letting his lips dance across her neck in an attempt to kiss every inch of her caramel skin that was visible. He stopped just above her breasts; even with her shirt and bra on, thanks to the pregnancy, her cleavage was impossible to completely cover up. Lifting his head back up, his eyes met hers and he found her lips again as he slipped a hand up the back of her shirt and unclasped her bra.

Gabby laughed against his lips, "smooth. How long did it take you to master that?"

He laughed and took the brief parting from Gabby's lips as an opportunity to catch his breath, "not as long as it's taking me to get your damn shirt off. You've got more clothes on than me, this isn't fair," he grumbled impatiently. He'd never been so thankful that all she had on was a long sleeve t-shirt and not some complicated sweater/cardigan contraption thingy. Pulling back, he met her amused gaze and pushed her arms up. He pulled her shirt off and tossed it out of sight before grabbing her face and kissing her again.

"Bedroom..." Gabby mumbled in between kisses.

Matt grinned and pulled back, his eyes twinkling, "What exactly are you suggesting?"

Gabby tilted her head thoughtfully, two could play at this game. "Hmm...a nap?"

"Just a nap, huh?" Tightening his arms around her and securing her legs around his hips, Matt pushed them off the couch and grinned mischievously when Gabby let out a startled gasp. Gabby encircled her arms around his neck, holding on as he moved them to the bedroom.

A couple of hours later, the alarm on Matt's phone had pulled Gabby out of her deep sleep and she groaned in annoyance. "You set an alarm?" She complained, wincing against the light.

Matt laughed as he blindly reached behind him on the nightstand where he'd put his phone and turned off the alarm. "As soon as we were done, you rolled over and went straight to sleep. You were completely out, babe. I was afraid I'd fall asleep and the both of us would sleep the rest of the day through."

"That actually sounds really nice." Shivering, she reached for the comforter and pulled it up over their nude bodies. She settled her head against Matt's chest and yawned, "what time is it?"

"Almost three."

"Hmm…my mom said she would give the boys dinner…we've got a few more hours."

"Your mom actually called while you were asleep."

"Oh?" Gabby rubbed at her eyes, "Was everything ok?"

"Yep." Matt combed his fingers through Gabby's hair, playing with her fussed curls. "I guess there's some sort of fundraiser carnival of sorts taking place at her church tonight and she wanted to take all her grandkids."

Gabby laughed, "she totally wants to show them off to all her church friends."

"Can you really blame her, though?" Matt asked. "I'm guilty of showing the boys off." He cleared his throat, "speaking of the boys…have you started looking into what it's going to take for me to adopt them?"

"Mmm…kinda. April mentioned the other day that her cousin works in Family Court so I was going to ask her if I could get her cousin's contact info but I forgot all about it." She sighed, "I'm hoping there aren't a bunch of stupid legal hoops we have to jump through."

"I'll jump through however many hoops I need to in order to legally become Gus and Eli's dad," Matt murmured before dropping a kiss on top of Gabby's head.

"I can't wait to see the look on Eli's face when we tell him."

"You and me both." Content, Matt settled his head back against his pillow and closed his eyes. "This is going to be the best Christmas ever."

Gabby's stomach rumbled in hunger, interrupting the sentimental moment and she laughed against Matt's chest. "I think Baby Casey is hungry."

Matt grinned, "Baby Casey, huh?"

"Well what else do you suggest I call the baby?"

Matt shrugged, "I don't know. I guess I haven't really thought about it. Have you thought about names at all?"

Gabby shrugged, "not really. There's still a lot of time left."

"How did you settle on Eli and Gus?"

She laughed, thinking back to the hours after she'd given birth to Eli. After nursing him for the first time, she'd settled him in his bed next to her and flipped through a baby book Antonio had brought her. She'd said name after name, testing how it rolled off her tongue, how it sounded and how it matched the tiny baby just inches from her. "With Eli it was kind of trial and error and I guess it just came down to the fact that I liked how Elijah sounded…he looked like an Elijah." She shrugged, "and as for his middle names, Antonio Nicolas? Well, the Antonio is pretty self-explanatory."

Matt nodded, "and Nicolas?"

"It's my dad's middle name." She sighed, "I think deep down, I knew he was disappointed in me and I was hoping the gesture would soften the blow of me waiting so long to tell him I was pregnant."

"And did it?"

"I mean…Eli wooed you at first meeting," Gabby quipped. "He's had that effect on people since the second he was born."

Matt laughed, "and what about Gus?" He raised a brow, realizing he wasn't even sure he knew Gus' full name. "Does he have two middle names, too? Augustus Samuel…"

"Vincent," Gabby finished. "Augustus Samuel Vincent. You know, my due date was originally at the end of September but…" her voice trailed as she thought back to the amount of stress she was under when she'd gone into premature labor with Gus. "Things happen…" she cleared her throat, not wanting to go down memory lane. "Anyways, originally his first name was going to be Samuel and that's honestly all I'd had picked out. Did you know Augustus actually means magnificent? And Vincent means conquering. I wasn't even awake when Gus was born…they had to do an emergency c-section. It was hours after he was born before I could even see him. He couldn't even breathe on his own…there were so many wires and machines hooked up to his tiny little body…"

"Hey, hey…" Matt reached out and took Gabby's hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "But think about how healthy he is now. He's a thriving one year old that is always on the go and is learning new words every day." He laughed, "although, _no _still seems to be his favorite. I can't wait until I hear him say dada for the first time."

* * *

"Hey, you up to going to Molly's tonight?" Gabby asked over her shoulder as she climbed out of bed.

Matt watched as Gabby stepped into a pair of clean panties. His eyes settled on the very obvious bump just above the elastic line of the lacy, black material. His eyes wandered a little farther up as he watched her clasp her bra back together, smirking as he—

"Matt!"

"Huh?" He snapped out of his daze and met Gabby's gaze. "What'd you say?"

"You're staring."

"Well you're beautiful," he said back.

Gabby rolled her eyes, "just wait five more months when I'm the size of a whale and struggling to tie my shoes." She grabbed a black maternity sweater from the closet and pulled it over her head. She smirked as her head popped through just in time to see Matt's smile fall. She raised a brow, "are you listening now?"

"I was listening before."

"No you weren't." She sauntered over to him and slid back into his lap, taking his face in her hands. "You're cute, you know that?"

He frowned, feigning displeasure, "just cute? I call you beautiful and you call me _cute_? Babies are cute, puppies are cute, baby giraffes are cute but-"

"Ok, Ok…." Gabby tried her best to keep a straight face, "Matthew Casey…you're beautiful." The look on his face was completely priceless and she threw her head back in laughter.

"Seriously? What about handsome? Or…you know, so good looking that I could replace Ryan Gosling in those _Hey Girl_ pictures on the internet or…" Gabby laughed even harder and Matt scowled. "Do you really find this that funny?"

Gabby managed to reign in her laughter and met Matt's eyes. "Baby, I'd take you over Ryan Gosling any day…"

Matt sat up straighter, "really?"

"_Yes_." She smiled as her fingers danced across the faint stubble along his jawline, it was obvious he'd skipped out on shaving that morning. "There's _nothing_ more attractive than a guy stepping up and making the decision to become a father to two kids that aren't biologically his." She tilted her head and drew her hands up to his eyes, "not to mention your gorgeous baby blue eyes…they're absolutely mesmerizing…"

"Mesmerizing, huh?" Matt repeated. "Now that sounds more like it…" he tilted his head up and kissed her. "Keep going…"

Gabby laughed but before she could actually say anything, her phone buzzed again. She sighed and glanced over Matt's shoulder and over towards her phone on the nightstand. "That's probably Shay getting impatient waiting for me to respond. Everybody's getting together at Molly's tonight and according to her, we _must _make an appearance."

* * *

"Hey!" Herrmann called out over the crowd, throwing his hands up, "look who decided to make an appearance!"

Matt laughed, Gabby's hand in his as she walked next to him. "Well we couldn't turn down an offer to see the whole gang."

Herrmann waved off Matt, "I wasn't talking to you, Lieutenant. I see more than enough of you." Herrmann discarded the towel in his hand and grabbed a clean glass and filled it with ice-water. He smiled at Gabby as she climbed into a stool on the other side of the counter from Herrmann, "I was talking about Dawson." He sat the glass in front of her, "how are you feeling, kid?"

Gabby smiled, "I'm good." Instinctively, her free hand went to her stomach. "The baby is healthy and right on target."

"And you?"

"Doctor gave me a clean bill of health, too."

"Good! That's what I like to hear!"

"Sooo…." Shay urged as she settled on the other side of Gabby at the bar, "what's the verdict? Are you having a boy or a girl?"

Gabby shrugged, "I don't know."

Shay raised a brow, "what do you mean, _you don't know_? Was the kid not cooperating?"

"No. Dr. Cooper said she could most definitely tell the gender."

"Then why don't you know?"

"Matt and I have decided to be surprised."

"You what?" Shay exclaimed, unable to hide the look of disappointment on her face. "Why?"

Gabby raised a brow, "I think you're taking this harder than my mother. What's the big deal?"

Shay forced herself to settle down, not wanting to raise Gabby's suspicions. She sighed, "ok, I might've made a bet with Severide. He said girl, I said boy."

Severide raised his drink and nodded at the expectant parents. "I think the odds are in my favor," he quipped.

Otis raised a brow, "dude, the odds are fifty/fifty."

"Yeah, but she's already got two boys so I'm thinking this time it will be a girl."

Matt draped an arm around Gabby's shoulders, "honestly, as long as the baby is healthy, we don't care whether it's a boy or a girl."


	38. Chapter 38

_Holy shit, guys! 700 reviews! That's more than I ever even imagined. I never thought this story would capture so many readers/reviews/followers! I can't say thank you enough! But I can say thank you with a new chapter, right? Haha. It's a little shorter than most of my chapters but it's moving the story along. Also, I'm so happy I put my twitter handle up...I've made so many new friends in the Dawsey fandom! But before I start rambling again...here's the next chapter... :)_

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Thirty Eight**

When Matt walked into the apartment a little after six, he wasn't at all surprised to see the living room empty and the lights turned off. If it hadn't been for Gabby's purse and coat sitting on the couch, he would've figured nobody was home.

After finishing up a construction job on the other side of the city, he'd gotten concerned when he'd called Gabby a couple of times only for each attempt to go to voicemail after ringing several times. But after calling Antonio, Matt had learned that the boys would be staying with their uncle for the night and when Antonio had spoken to Gabby over the phone she'd mentioned something about going home and taking a nap.

Matt groaned, feeling the soreness of a long day as he sat his toolbox down on the ground next to the door and kicked his boots off. A nap sounded really damn good right now. With Christmas just three and a half weeks away, Matt had been picking up odd construction jobs here and there. Though he wasn't exactly hurting for money, he'd also never had to buy presents for two kids as a parent and as Santa. So with Gabby leaving at 4:30 in the morning and working a twelve hours shift—something he didn't exactly agree with—he'd gotten the boys ready and dropped them off at Antonio's on his way to his construction job.

He moved slowly down the hall towards their bedroom and wasn't at all surprised to see Gabby curled up on his side of the bed and sound asleep. For some reason whenever he wasn't home, Gabby would always sleep on his side of the bed. He'd asked her about it once and she'd ducked her head in embarrassment and explained that she just found his side of the bed comforting. Taking a closer look, he chuckled to himself as he realized Gabby hadn't even take the time to pull back the covers before climbing into bed. As tempted as he was to climb into bed, curl up next to her and pull her close to him; he was covered in a mixture of paint and sawdust and desperately needed a shower.

After showering and slipping into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, Matt called and ordered dinner to be delivered. He had no doubt that whenever Gabby woke up, she'd be hungry.

Over the past couple of weeks her appetite had definitely increased. Though he'd never say it to her for fear of it coming out the wrong way and offending her; every day she was looking more and more pregnant and he absolutely loved it. Up until recently, it was just this little bump but now…now her stomach was starting to round out and there was no denying that she was with child.

_His child._

He'd been home for nearly an hour and was sitting in front of the television watching Sports Center's preview for tomorrow's football games when he heard footsteps approaching. Sitting his Chinese takeout down on the coffee table, he muted the television and glanced over his shoulder to see Gabby walking his way. He smiled, she was adorable as ever, still out of it and rubbing her eyes from the bright light. "Hey, sleepyhead."

"Hey," she answered, her voice thick with sleep. She lowered herself to the couch, curled her feet beneath her and leaned into Matt's side. "When did you get home?"

"About an hour ago." He wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head, "I talked to Antonio…he said the boys are staying with him for the night?"

Gabby yawned, "yeah…" A content sigh fell from her lips, "I guess there's a kids Christmas party at the police station and Antonio thought the boys would like it." She rubbed her hand over her stomach, "he called and asked me as I was leaving work if it was alright if he kept them for the night. I told him to let me know when I should pick them up tomorrow morning."

Matt grinned, "so it's just the two of us tonight, huh?"

Gabby laughed, knowing exactly what was going through Matt's mind, "mmm…but don't get any crazy ideas...all I wanna do is sleep."

"Sounds like the twelve hour shift really took it out of you…" Matt was convinced Gabby had told him about her twelve hour shift last night right before they were going to bed just so he wouldn't argue with her. And while he definitely didn't want to argue…he did want to have a conversation with her.

Catching smell of Chinese she sat up and spotted the take-out boxes sitting on the coffee table. "You got Chinese?"

Matt wasn't sure if Gabby was deliberately changing the subject or if the smell of food had actually captured her complete attention. He decided to drop the topic for now; but he'd definitely bring it back up before the night was over. Getting a job at Chicago Med was supposed to lessen her stress load, not increase it. "When Antonio told me you'd said something about going home to take a nap, I kinda figured dinner hadn't been at the forefront of your thoughts."

Gabby shook her head and leaned forward, grabbing one of the unopened boxes of food. "No…it was definitely on my mind, though." Her stomach growled and she laughed, a little embarrassed. "And apparently on Baby Casey's mind, too." She opened up the box and grinned, "my favorite!" She looked over at him, meeting his amused eyes and kissed him. "Thanks, babe!"

Matt smiled, "you're very welcome."

After they'd polished off dinner, Gabby mumbled something about having to pee _again _and disappearing down the hall. While Gabby was in the bathroom, Matt quickly cleaned up the dinner mess and was back in front of the television by the time Gabby had returned. He took note of her new attire, having switched out her jeans for something more comfortable.

When Gabby settled back against the arm of the couch opposite from Matt and propped her feet up in his lap. He couldn't help but give her a look of amusement as he pulled his eyes away from the television. "Foot rub?"

She stuck out her bottom lip and gave her best innocent pout, "please?"

"Anything for you." Taking her right foot in his hand, Matt started to slowly massage her foot. He glanced up over at her and smirked as a small smile formed on her lips. "Long day, huh?"

"_Very_ long," Gabby murmured.

"Hmm….I guess being nineteen weeks pregnant and standing on your feet for twelve hours can kind of tire you out."

"Matt…" Gabby whined, "please don't start…I'm too tired to argue."

"I'm not trying to argue with you, Gabby."

"Well it certainly sounds like you are." Gabby huffed in clear annoyance and pulled her feet away from Matt. "I'm tired. I think I'm just going to go back to bed." Sitting back up, Gabby swung her legs over the front of the couch and stood up.

"Gabby…" Matt started but stopped as soon as Gabby glared at him. He threw his hands up in surrender, "fine." He rubbed his forehead and grumbled something about hormones under his breath before grabbing the remote and turning the television off. He silently debated between following her and continuing the conversation or letting her just go to bed.

He was tired. She was tired and obviously emotional. He'd drop it for now.

This time when he entered their bedroom, Gabby was under the covers and curled up on her side of the bed, her back facing his side of the bed. Closing the door behind him, he walked over to his side of the bed and groaned as he slipped under the covers. He was going to feel it tomorrow, that's for sure. He turned so he was facing Gabby's back and scooted close to her, wrapping an arm around her. He found her right hand resting on top of her stomach and took it in his hand. He felt her tense and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Hey…" he whispered, "I don't want to go to bed with you mad at me."

Despite getting annoyed with him just a couple of minutes ago, Gabby felt herself relax at the sound of his voice and from the warmth of his embrace. "I'm not mad at you," she mumbled. "I really am tired…"

"I know…" he pressed a kiss behind her ear, grinning when her hear a pleased sigh fall from her lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," she murmured. She leaned back into his chest and gave into her exhaustion.

When Matt woke up the next morning he was a little confused to find Gabby's side of the bed empty. Rubbing at his eyes, he lifted his head up just enough to read the clock on his nightstand. It was a little after eight. Figuring Gabby was probably in the bathroom he rolled over on his back and decided to wait for her to return. A couple of minutes dragged by and Matt frowned, it'd been a while since Gabby had experienced any sort of morning sickness. Pushing the covers back, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and climbed out.

With the bathroom door opened ajar, Matt pushed it all the way open only to find it empty. A quick walk through the small apartment and Matt soon realized he was alone. He moved back to the bedroom and grabbed his phone from his nightstand, checking for any messages or calls. Nothing. With things being a little tense between them as they went to bed last night, Matt convinced himself to take a deep breath. In all likelihood, she'd left to go pick up the boys from her brother's house.

"Oh this is ridiculous," he muttered before swiping his thumb over Gabby's name and calling her. Surprisingly, it only ran twice before Gabby answered.

"Hey."

"Hey…" Matt cleared his throat, "where are you?"

"The grocery store," she answered casually. "I woke up an hour ago and couldn't fall back asleep. I figured I might as well take advantage of the boys still being at my brother's so I decided to go grocery shopping."

"Oh? I must've missed the invite."

Gabby shook her head, "you were completely out of it, Matt. I thought maybe for once you deserved to sleep in."

"Well the thought is very much appreciated but I'm not the one that's pregnant."

"And I'm not the one that sees being pregnant as a handicap," Gabby muttered, clearly annoyed that their conversation from last night was picking up right where it had dropped off at. She huffed, "you know, I get that you're worried and while I appreciate it…you can't wrap me in bubble wrap and force me to stay inside all day."

"Well, I can try," Matt grumbled. He sighed, knowing Gabby had a point….but so did he! There was no reason she needed to be pulling twelve hour shifts when they had enough money coming in. "I just worry…"

"I know you do, baby." Trapping her phone between her ear and shoulder, Gabby grabbed two gallons of milk and placed them in the cart. Between Matt and two growing boys, it seems like they were always running out of milk. "And maybe I should've passed on picking up the extra four hours but Christmas is just a couple of weeks away and with us deciding to buy a house…"

"Hey, you've got another income besides yours coming into the house now, remember?" Running a hand through his fussed hair, Matt plopped back down on the bed and sighed. "With the job I finished yesterday, I think we'll be fine for Christmas."

"Matt…"

"No-" Matt hurried to cut Gabby off. "I'm adopting Eli and Gus, Gabby. That means their expenses become _our _expenses…not _yours._ Christmas, birthdays, groceries, new clothes for school…I'm all in."

Gabby frowned, she knew Matt was right. It's just…sometimes it was hard to keep from falling back into the single mom mentality. "You're right…" she admitted sheepishly.

Matt tried to bite his tongue but the moment was just too good to pass up, "I'm sorry…I didn't quite catch what you said. There was some static…can you say that again?"

"_Matt_," Gabby whined as she bit back a smile. "Don't make me say it again."

"Please?"

"Ok, fine…only because it hardly ever happens." She sighed, "you're right."

"I'm going to remember this moment forever," he quipped. Standing back up, he moved across the hall towards the bathroom. "How much longer do you think you'll be at the grocery? If you want, I can pick the boys up from your brothers and then just bring them back here. We've still got a couple of hours before we have to meet the real estate agent. You sure you don't want me to ask your brother if he wouldn't mind keeping them for the day?"

Gabby shook her head, "Eli has been dying to go look at houses and I feel always leaving Gus with my brother or mom. I'll just pack a few toys that will hopefully keep his attention."

* * *

Gabby was starting to regret bringing the boys—at least Gus—with her and Matt to look at houses. She could only carry the one year old for so long and when she did let his feet touch the ground, all he wanted to do was run around. And being just a week shy of hitting the halfway point in her pregnancy, it was becoming a lot harder to keep up with her youngest son.

"Augustus," she scolded as she scooped him up before he threw his hands into the toilet. "_No_ toilet!" She huffed, clearly out of breath, and settled Gus on her hip. "How about we go find your brother and Matt, OK?"

Matt glanced over and met Gabby's gaze as she returned to the kitchen with Gus in her arms. He could tell by the look on her face that this was not going as planned. He'd gotten so deep in conversation with the real estate agent about the crown molding in the kitchen that he'd left Gabby to focus on the boys. Though Eli was doing pretty good…he was currently walking around the living room pointing out where each piece of furniture should go.

This was the fourth house they'd looked at today and they still had one more left on the itinerary. But if Matt had his say, this one was the one.

"Hold on, Alan." Pausing the conversation, he met Gabby halfway across the kitchen and took Gus into his arms, sending Gabby an apologetic smile in the process. "Hey there, buddy. Looks like you're giving your mom a rough time." Settling Gus in his arms, he turned back to Alan, "I know you said there was one more house to look at but do you mind if we reschedule a showing for another time?"

Gabby shook her head as she propped her hands up behind her back, "no, it's just one more house, let's just look at it now. I don't know when all of us will be able to work our schedules out again." She took a deep breath, wincing slightly.

Matt wasn't having any of it and shook his head back at her, "It's fine. If we have to wait until after Christmas to find the perfect house...I'm OK with that-"

"But I wanna find our house before Christmas," Eli whined, crossing his arms. "I want Santa to see our new house!"

Gabby sighed, "baby, I don't know if we're gonna find a new house before Christmas. It takes a lot of time to find the right house."

"But I really like this one! The backyard is huge!" He stretched his arms out for emphasis, earning a small smile from his mom. "It's perfect for a giant tree house!"

"You like this one, huh?" This was actually Gabby's favorite house of the group they'd spent the day looking at. It needed a little work but because it had been foreclosed on, it was in the price range of the loan they'd been approved for from the bank. She looked over at Matt and shrugged, "you're the expert, what are your thoughts?"

Matt smiled, "it is definitely one to consider."

Normally, Matt wouldn't speak so freely in front of a real estate agent but he'd known Alan Parkerson for over ten years now. In fact the guy had helped Matt flip his first house. And he was even in the process of getting Matt's old house back on the market.

"It's a great find, isn't it?" Alan clapped his hands together, "we'll definitely move this place to the top of the list. Now, I should let you know that I am showing this place to another couple tomorrow afternoon so..."

Matt nodded and met Gabby's eyes, "understood." He turned back to Alan, "we will let you know tomorrow morning."

After exchanging a few more words and shaking Alan's hand, Matt led Gabby and the boys back outside. As the four of them walked down the sidewalk towards Matt's truck, Matt couldn't help but shoot concerned glances Gabby's way. With one hand, she was holding onto Eli's hand and the other was pressed against her back.

"How about we stop by Laura's Bakery on the way home, huh?"

Eli jumped, inadvertently tugging at his mom's arm, "yes!"

"Elijah, be careful, please," Gabby said, wincing in pain. She stopped walking and moved her hand to the front of her stomach. A clear look of discomfort had settled over her features.

"You OK?" Matt asked, reaching out a slipping his hand around Gabby's waist and pulling her closer to him.

"Yeah..." Gabby took a deep breath, "I'm fine. I think I've just been on my feet too long." She gave Matt a reassuring smile, "but Laura's Bakery sounds like a great idea. I could definitely go for a double chocolate chip cupcake. What about you-" Gabby frowned when she met Eli's watery eyes. "Oh sweetie, don't cry. You didn't do anything wrong." She took his hand again, "come on, baby." She walked with him over to the truck and pulled the door open. "Climb up for me?"

Eli pulled himself up into the front seat of the truck and plopped down so he was close to eye-level with his mother. "I didn't mean to hurt you and the baby, mama!"

Gabby shook her head, "you didn't, I promise." She reached out and cradled his face in her hands. "I've just been walking a lot today and I think the baby is just moving around and trying to tell me to slow down."

"So you're not hurt? And the baby isn't hurt?"

"Definitely not," Gabby kissed the tip of Eli's nose. "How about Laura's Bakery and then we go home and play?"

"Video games?"

Gabby smiled, "sure." She motioned towards his booster seat behind her passenger seat. "Buckle yourself in for me?"

"Yep!" Eli crawled into the back and settled into his booster seat and proudly reached for the seat belt. At the same time, Matt was settling Gus in his own car seat and the toddler giggled as he reached for his brother's hat. Eli squirmed, "not my hat, Gus!"

True to word, as soon as they got back to their apartment, Gabby got down Eli's video game console and let him hook it back up to the television. The four of them had spent the remainder of their Sunday playing video games and toys. When it came time for dinner, Matt had suggested ordering pizza instead of cooking.

Gabby glanced up as the bathroom door opened and Matt popped his head in. She smiled, "is Gus finally asleep?"

Matt nodded and slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He sat the baby monitor down next to the sink and pulled his shirt over his head. "Is there any room in there for me with all those bubbles?"

Gabby pretended to think about it, "mmm…I think maybe you can squeeze in."

Matt laughed and removed the rest of his clothing before carefully slipping behind Gabby in the tub. "So I've been thinking about names," Matt began as he ran his hands up and down Gabby's back. He'd actually downloaded a baby name app on his phone the other night during shift when he was having trouble falling asleep.

"Oh yeah?" Gabby asked as she pulled her hand up out of the water and poked one of the bubbles in front of her. "Boy and girl?"

"Yep."

"Care to share?"

"For a boy…I was hoping to include some form of Andrew in the name…" He sighed, he could physically feel his heart getting heavier just thinking about his fallen best friend and fellow firefighter. "Drew, maybe? And I don't know, I kind of like the name Colin, too."

"I like both names." She smiled, "and we do have to stick with tradition and give the baby two middle names. What about for a girl?"

"There's a few names that stuck out…"

Gabby could hear the hesitation in Matt's voice and glanced over her shoulder, meeting his eyes. "I'm all ears, Matt."

"Well, I really like the name Leona…it just sounds nice. I also like Maya. And I was thinking maybe we could have Penelope somewhere in the name? Maybe one of the middle names. I know it's not a common name but it was my great-grandmother's name…"

Gabby smiled, "then if this little one is a girl, Penelope will definitely be a part of her name."

It wasn't often that Matt spoke of his family but Gabby distinctly remembered the few times Matt would talk about his summers in Indiana with his great-grandmother, Penelope. If she remembered correctly, his great-grandfather had actually been a firefighter and it was all the pictures and stories that had first peaked Matt's interest in the profession.

Matt shrugged, "but who knows? Maybe once we meet Baby Casey, it will be a completely different name that we come up with."


	39. Chapter 39

_**Hey guys! I'm so sorry it took me a bit to get this chapter up! It's just been one thing after another! Not to mention my muse is bouncing between about four stories right now. But I know so many people love this story so I wanted to make sure I got a new chapter up. Thank you sooooooo much for all the reviews and I hope you guys like this chapter. **_

_**I am working on the next chapter of Back at One and a few other things. :) **_

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Thirty Nine**

"Hey!" Matt discarded his pen and jumped up from his chair, moving quickly across his office to greet Gabby. Wrapping his arms around her expanding waistline, he pulled her close to him and kissed her. Pulling back enough to meet her eyes, he raised a brow and licked his lips, "tastes like peppermint."

"Christmas baking with my mom," Gabby explained as she moved farther into Matt's office and took a seat on the edge of his bed. She dropped her purse on the floor next to her feet and settled her hands on her stomach, "I tried to sneak a few cookies for you but my mom gave me that look I give Eli when he knows better."

Matt laughed and took a seat next to Gabby, "well I'm sure there will be plenty left when we go over there for Christmas next week."

"Probably." Gabby took a breath and sought out Matt's eyes, already gearing herself up for the possibility of having to beg. "I kind of need a favor…" she paused, "well two. Ok, maybe just one…I think the other thing you will actually enjoy but-"

"Gabby," Matt interrupted, letting out a soft chuckle, "what is it?"

"My dad wants to see the house before we sign for it." She bit her bottom lip nervously before continuing, "he said he wants you to give him a tour."

Matt raised a brow, "a tour? Why?"

Gabby shrugged and looked away, "I _might've_ mentioned that it was in foreclosure and he just wants to make sure we're not getting screwed over."

"Alan wouldn't screw us over, Gabby. I've known the guy for ten years…he taught me everything I know about real estate and flipping houses."

"I know, I know…if you trust Alan, then I trust him. But…" she sighed, "can you please just show him around tomorrow morning? He did work construction while he was attending the Police Academy so he _does_ know a little bit about what goes on." She tilted her head slightly to the right and gave Matt a pleading look, "pretty, pretty please?"

"You don't have to look at me like that…you know I'll do anything for you."

Gabby grinned, "thank you, baby." She leaned in and rested her forehead against his, "if it's any consolation, he does like you."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm."

"He's hard to read," Matt admitted. "Sometimes I think he likes me and then there are other times where I feel like he's scrutinizing every little thing I say or do to you and the boys."

"He's just being overprotective." She poked him in the stomach, "something you can definitely relate to."

"Yeah…yeah." He pulled Gabby into his lap and settled his hands just below her back, "but speaking of talking to your father…have you told your parents about the adoption plans?"

Gabby shook her head, "not yet." She rolled her eyes, "I'm not sure if it's just because Christmas is in ten days or because I've officially developed pregnancy brain…but I keep forgetting." She sat up straighter, "oh! That reminds me about the other thing I need to ask you. When I picked Eli up from school this afternoon he gave me a note about his class Christmas party on Friday…"

"Don't you work?"

"Exactly. So…" she nervously ran her fingers through Matt's hair and avoided his gaze, "I was hoping you would go? They just need some extra help for the party and I told myself that unlike my mother…I would make it to school functions but clearly that's not turning out to be the case."

Matt shook his head, "don't beat yourself up about it, Gabby. It's one class party…I'm sure you'll make the next one."

Gabby sighed, "yeah…I know. It just sucks." She settled her hands over Matt's shoulders and smiled, "I was actually thinking it might be a good conversation starter for the adoption. When I had told Eli I wouldn't be able to make it he said he wished you could go but that the party was only for mommies and daddies." Just thinking about what her son's reaction would be like put an instant smile on her face, "I'm telling you, he is going to flip."

"You think so?" Matt asked. He wasn't as confident as Gabby was about the whole thing. He wanted to adopt the boys—more than anything. There was absolutely no question about it. But he'd been looking into the fine print and he was worried it was going to be tougher than he'd originally thought. And the last thing he wanted to do was add more stress on Gabby and the boys. Eli was more than old enough to sense when something was going on and the five year old was never shy about asking questions.

"I _know_ so," Gabby answered, recapturing Matt's complete attention. "_And_ Eli already knows a little bit about adoption…did you know that Chaplain Orlovsky was adopted?" Matt shook his head and Gabby continued, "yeah, I didn't either. But when I took Eli to visit him after the whole situation with Bobby, the Chaplain explained to Eli that sometimes your real parents—the ones that helped create you—aren't necessarily the people that are meant to raise you."

Matt smiled, "the Chaplain always has a way of making things a little bit clearer."

"That he does." She dropped her eyes as her thoughts wandered back to some of the times she'd found herself sitting on the couch in the Chaplain's office crying her eyes out. As much as it pained her to admit it, there had been days where she'd felt like she couldn't trust a single person. Not her parents, not her brother, not Shay….the only person who really seemed to be on her side was the Chaplain. But then again, that might've been because it was the Chaplain's job to listen and not lecture her on what she was and wasn't doing.

The faraway look in Gabby's eyes didn't go unnoticed by Matt and he cleared his throat, wanting to bring her thoughts back to the present before they got too distant. "Hey," he whispered, slipping his hands back around her waist and settling them right below her back. He searched her eyes, "everything ok?"

Gabby put on a smile, "yeah. I was just thinking about all the times the Chaplain has been there for me." She shrugged, "too many times to count, if I'm being honest."

Matt smiled, "he's a good man, that's for sure." He checked his watch, "so where are the boys?"

"Napping at my parents' house," Gabby explained, throwing Matt an appreciative smile as she pushed herself up off the couch. She needed to move. Staying in one position for an extended period of time was starting wreak havoc on her muscles. She rested her hands against her lower back and took a deep breath, "I've gotta make a quick stop for some diapers but then I'll be headed back over there. My mom mentioned something about baking for the Children's Christmas party that's taking place this weekend at the hospital."

Matt nodded, his eyes washing up and down Gabby as he tried to read her body language. She'd definitely been trying to slow down—had even turned down a few extra shifts at work that would've paid overtime—but Matt was still intent on keeping a close eye on her. "You and the boys have any plans this evening?"

Gabby shook her head as she yawned, "thankfully, no."

"You tired?"

"I'm always tired, Matt." She moved her hands to her stomach and rubbed it, "it comes with the territory."

Matt grinned, "you're twenty weeks now. You've officially hit the halfway point."

"It's crazy, right?" She took a breath, "and we've still got so much to do. I've been trying to come up with a list of things we'll still need once we're settled in our new house. Gus needs to stay in a crib at least until he's two so we'll have to buy another one. I think I still have his old bassinet somewhere in storage at my parents' house but I'll have to check. Not to mention, if we have a girl, we are absolutely screwed in the wardrobe department."

"And whose fault is that?" Matt teased.

Gabby rolled her eyes, "I told you that you were more than welcome to ask Dr. Cooper if it is a boy or girl." She shrugged, "I would just rather be surprised."

"Oh I'm more than happy with being surprised," Matt assured Gabby. "Besides, we'll just buy two outfits. One for a girl and one for a boy. The baby carrier is gender neutral as I'm sure a lot of the other big items will be too."

* * *

Gabby was restless. Between the stress that always came with Christmas, getting ready to sign for their new house and the normal qualms that went along with pregnancy...she found her thoughts going a mile a minute and leaving her unable to fall asleep. And right now, her sleepless thoughts were on Matt.

Regretfully the thought hadn't really occurred to her until hours after she'd visited Matt at the firehouse, but she was starting to worry that Matt had been genuinely hurt when she'd asked him to give her father a tour of the house before they signed for it. She trusted Matt and his knowledge of everything that had to do with buying a house but she also valued her father's opinion and had greatly appreciated when he'd asked to check the place out. And the more she replayed the look on Matt's face, the more she started to fear that she'd offended him.

After another useless trip to the bathroom, instead of going back to bed, Gabby headed for the kitchen. As quietly as she could, she popped the lid of the tin Christmas cookie canister on the island counter and took out two wildly decorated sugar cookies. "I mean, I am eating for two," she mumbled lamely. She moved through the kitchen and back out to the living room where she plopped down on the couch. Putting one of the cookies in her mouth, she grabbed the remote and leaned back against the couch, propping her bare feet up on the coffee table.

She turned the volume down to the second to last setting as soon as she turned the television on changed the channel from the news to Sports Center. The last thing she needed to be watching was the news; she already got herself in enough of a panic whenever she'd text Matt and not get a response because he was on a call. She rubbed her stomach affectionately and sighed, "I need to sleep." She felt a small flutter and stopped moving her hand, grinning as she realized she'd just felt the baby really move for the first time. "Hey you...you can't sleep either, huh?"

There had been a couple of times over the past week or so that she'd felt little movements here and there but nothing that she could distinctly say was the baby actually moving. For all she knew, it could've been gas. But no, this time it was definitely the baby moving. She felt herself start to relax, finding the movements of her unborn child soothing and reassuring. It was the same with her two previous pregnancies; the moment she could feel movement the first time was the moment when her excitement would start to win the ever fluctuating see-saw battle with fear.

"I can't wait until your dad is able to feel you move." Feeling another solid kick, she smiled and let her head fall back against the back of the couch, her eyes closing as she felt herself start to relax. Soon, she felt herself starting to doze off and somehow managed to get herself back to bed before she fell asleep on the couch. But as soon as she'd settled back in bed, she was once again wide awake. She spent the next five hours dozing in and out of sleep. Each time she'd startled awake, her hands instantly went for her stomach in anticipation of feeling the baby move again.

When Gabby woke back up a little before seven, she grabbed her phone and checked for the time—she had another half hour before her own alarm went off. Rolling onto her back, she lazily rubbed her stomach and settled her eyes on the ceiling while concentrating for even the slightest noise to filter through baby monitor on the nightstand next to her.

_Nothing. _

"Sounds like both of your brothers are still asleep," Gabby murmured as she continued to rub her stomach. "I wish-" Her words trailed and her hand stopped as she once again felt the baby kick. With a little bit of struggle, Gabby pushed herself up and placed both hands on her stomach waiting as patiently as she could for it to happen again.

_Nothing. _

Gabby sighed and dropped her hands, "ok, I get it…you're going to be a little prankster, aren't you?" Silently deciding there was no point in lounging in bed when she had to get up in twenty minutes, she reached for her phone and cancelled the alarm before scooting out of bed. She pulled her unruly hair up out of her face and fixed it atop her head as she moved across the hall to the bathroom.

As soon as she lowered herself on the toilet she felt it again and gasped. "Ok," she murmured, "that was definitely a kick." With both hands now on her stomach, she waited in anticipation for it to happen again.

But once again, _nothing._

Knowing how excited Matt would be to hear the baby was kicking, Gabby wanted to make sure the baby actually _was _kicking before bringing it up. She could already imagine the dejected look on his face if she told him the baby had kicked only for him to place his hands on her stomach expectantly and for nothing to happen.

Managing a quick shower, Gabby was headed across the hall and back into her bedroom just as she heard noises coming from the boys' room. With the door already open a crack, she glanced in and smiled as she found Gus sitting up in the corner of his crib playing with one of Eli's old stuffed animals. She turned her attention to Eli on the other side of the bedroom and wasn't surprised to see him still sound asleep.

As if he'd sensed her presence, Gus looked up from the stuffed animal and grinned at the sight of his mother, "mama!"

Knowing she couldn't leave without Gus now that he'd seen her, Gabby took him out of his crib and carried him back to her bedroom. She plopped him in the center of her unmade bed with a handful of toys and thankfully he'd stayed there while she got ready for work.

Just as she'd just finished getting both boys ready and had ushered them into the kitchen for breakfast, Matt came home. Dropping his bag by the door, Matt wasted no time in joining his growing family in the kitchen just in time for breakfast. As soon as he'd met Gabby's eyes, he knew it had been a rough night for her.

"Hi, Matt!" Eli greeted, his mouth half full of cereal. "Mama says you can take me to school today because she doesn't want to be late to work."

Matt nodded, his eyes shifting across the kitchen and landing on Gabby's turned form before turning his attention back to Eli. "Sounds like a plan, buddy!" He moved across the kitchen and slipped a hand around Gabby's waist, pulling her into his side and kissing the side of her head, "good morning."

Gabby smiled but kept her attention on the dirty dishes in front of her, "'morning, Baby. How was shift?"

"It was good. You know, not too long after lunch yesterday I had a visitor."

"Oh yeah?" Gabby asked, a small smile playing on her lips as she went along with him.

"Mmhhmm…" he mumbled into her hair. "She was absolutely gorgeous…made my day."

"Well next time she stops by, tell her I said hi," Gabby joked. She glanced over her shoulder at both boys to make sure they were still preoccupied with their breakfast to pay attention. "So…" she turned her attention back to Matt, "yesterday when I asked you to show my dad around the place today…you know it has nothing to do with me not trusting you, right?"

Matt nodded, "yeah." He frowned, "why?"

Gabby shook her head, "just me being paranoid. I just kept replaying the conversation over and over in my head and realized maybe my request had come out wrong."

"No, not at all. I know you trust me, Gabs." He chuckled, "but your dad…that's another story. I guess we'll find out…" he checked his watch, "in about an hour."

"Are you taking Gus with you?"

Matt shrugged, "yeah…it's been a couple of weeks since your father has seen him."

Gabby laughed, "ohh…I see what you're doing! Brownie points with my dad, huh?"

"Can you really blame me?"

"No," Gabby admitted.

"So…was that what kept you up all night? Worrying about how I felt when you asked me to give your dad a tour?"

Gabby sighed, "that's part of it. Honestly, I'm just having a hard time getting comfortable and if I can't get comfortable then it's just me and my thoughts." She shook her head, "and honestly, some days I'd rather not be left alone with my thoughts. I _stress_ so much."

"Well don't," Matt insisted. "We've got this."

"Come on, Matt!" Eli exclaimed as he hurried over to the two adults with his empty cereal bowl in his hands, "I can't be late to school!"

* * *

"Come on, buddy." Matt said as he lifted Gus out of his car seat and settled him at his side. He grabbed the toddler's sippy cup and one of his toys before shutting the back door of his truck. He saw Alan approaching him from across the street, "thanks for doing this, Alan. I really appreciate it." He glanced around to make sure Gabby's dad hadn't arrived. "Gabby's dad wants to see it before we sign for it." He shrugged, "it won't change anything, though. Even Eli is set on the place."

Alan chuckled and handed the keys off to Matt, "I trust ya, Casey! But hey, I've got another showing a couple of neighborhoods over so lock up afterwards, will ya?"

Matt nodded appreciatively, "will do. Thanks, again!" Pocketing his truck keys, Matt carried Gus up the small pathway towards the porch, "let's head on inside while we wait for your grandpa, ok?" He pushed open the front door and sat Gus down, letting the toddler wander through the empty living room.

Matt still couldn't believe their luck. They'd actually found a historic house in their neighborhood that was in decent condition. According to Alan, it had been in the same family since it had been built in 1913. It had been passed down from generation to generation but after the last owner had passed away a couple of months ago...it had been left to the bank. In Alan's opinion, the reason it was still on the market was because everybody seemed to be in the market for something that was modern and ready-made. A lot of house hunters weren't looking for something that needed a little TLC. That took too much time.

And that was just fine for Matt. It left them with a great find at a great price.

Of course there was some interior and exterior work that needed to be done but mostly it was just cosmetic. The only thing that really stood out to him as eye sores were the basement and the downstairs bathroom. He also wanted to get everything switched to central air but he had a bit before they would need to worry about air conditioning. The basement was huge and could easily be turned into a rec-room of some sorts.

The backyard was huge—giving Matt more than enough room to build Gus and Eli the grandest swing set. With a privacy fence already up, Matt didn't have to worry about building one and instead could make building a deck his next to project before summer came around. The house had so much potential and he really hoped Gabby's father agreed.

On the first floor there was a huge kitchen that gave Gabby plenty of room to do whatever she wanted and connected to it was a dining room. Matt was already planning on putting a breakfast nook in the empty corner of the kitchen. There was a small hallway that led to a small den that could be turned into an office and next to it was a small bathroom. Going farther…

"Matt!"

Hearing the sound of his name, Matt glanced up from watching Gus happily roam around the empty living room and met Thomas' eyes. "Mr. Dawson," he held his hand out and gave Gabby's father a nod, "it's nice to see you again."

Thomas nodded, "Come on, you know you can call me Thomas." He motioned towards Gus, "are you on Gus duty today?"

Matt chuckled, "yeah, it's just the two of us until I pick Eli up from school." He scooped Gus back up and looked over at Thomas, "how about that tour?"

After a detailed tour through each room where Matt voiced his ideas to Thomas, the three of them eventually made it back to the living room. Matt had just finished up talking about the hardwood flooring in the dining room and sat Gus back down on the ground.

"So what's your plan?"

"With the flooring? Well, it definitely needs to be stripped and I was thinking..." Matt trailed off when he looked up and met the look on Thomas' face. He cleared his throat, a little embarrassed. "You're not talking about the floor, are you?"

Thomas shook his head, "no, I'm not." He cracked a small smile, "but I do think stripping the floor is the way to go. No, I'm talking about what are your plans for settling down with my daughter. You guys are having a baby together, you're buying house together and not to mention, you're helping her raise Gus and Eli...I don't know about you, but there is this giant elephant in the room."

Matt sighed, "I know. And I've tried to bring it up with Gabby but she's hesitant. I don't know if it's because there's so much going on that she's afraid everything will become too overwhelming..." He rubbed the back of his neck and met Thomas' eyes. "And I haven't told anybody this...but I'm looking at rings. Marriage is in our future, there's no doubt in my mind...buy I feel like it's a decision that has to be on Gabby's terms. But I figured once I buy the ring...whenever I feel like it's the right time..."

"You'll pop the question?"

"With your blessing of course."

"Son, you had my blessing the minute I met you." He chuckled, "no, it was Marie who was on the fence when you first started seeing Gabriela. As I'm sure you know, she and Gabriela haven't always had the greatest relationship but all Marie has ever wanted was for her to be happy." He sighed, "and while Marie won't admit this, Gabriela took after her with her stubbornness and headstrong attitude. The two of them butted heads from the word go and by the time Gabriela started high school, every conversation between the two of them led to some sort of disagreement. Marie took Gabriela's first pregnancy really hard."

"Because she wanted Gabby to go to Med School?" Matt asked.

Thomas shrugged, "partly. But also because Gabriela was so scared to tell her mother that she waited until she could no longer hide it." Thomas sighed, "and the harder Marie pushed…the farther she drove Gabriela away; and it's been like that ever since. Up until now, that is."

Matt caught the look Thomas was giving him and shook his head, "you think?" He shook his head again, laughing nervously. "No…it's not me. I haven't done anything."

"Maybe not directly but ever since you came into the picture, there's been a change—a good one, mind you—in Gabriela and Eli. After Lance, Eli was afraid of every guy that came near him and his mother. But not you."

"I just…all I did was give him a tour of the firehouse."

Thomas chuckled, "if I remember correctly, you also let him sit in the driver's seat and made him the Lieutenant."

Matt laughed and ducked his head in slight embarrassment, "yeah, ok…that happened too."

"The point is, you gave him some much needed attention. After Augustus was born, Elijah unfortunately took a backseat due to his brother's medical problems. Not to mention everything with Lance…" He sighed, "What I'm trying to get at is that I appreciate what you're doing for Gabby and the boys."

Matt shook his head, "you've got it all wrong. Not to say that my life was nothing before I met them…but they've definitely made life worth living. Gabby's the strongest woman I've ever met and I can't imagine my life without her _or_ the boys."

"I just wish she'd give herself the same credit," Thomas admitted, knowing quite well his daughter didn't have the greatest confidence or respect in herself.

"She'll get there," Matt assured Thomas.

* * *

Maggie grinned as she saw Eli jog through first set of automatic doors of the emergency room, briefly stopping and turning around to wave at Matt and Gus to hurry up before turning back around and bouncing into the emergency room through the second set of automatic doors.

"This has got to be Eli," Maggie said, catching Gabby's attention and causing her coworker to look up from the paperwork she was filling out. "He looks just like you and from the looks of it…he's got your personality."

Gabby laughed, "I'm not so sure that's a good thing," she quipped. She sat the paperwork aside before walking out from behind the nurses' station. She made it over to Eli just as Matt and Gus caught up to him. "Hey! What are you guys doing here?"

"We're here to surprise you with lunch, mama!" Eli held up the take-out bag that was in his hands. He looked at her sheepishly, "I ate some of the fries in the truck and I gave Gus some, too."

Gabby smiled appreciatively as she took the bag from Eli's hand, "that's ok, baby. I doubt I would've been able to eat them all by myself anyways."

"Well we got the large size 'cause Matt said-"

"—because Matt said that mommy didn't eat a lot of breakfast this morning," Matt hurriedly covered, giving Gabby a sheepish look. He could feel his cheeks turning red from both embarrassment and a little bit of fear for being indirectly called out by a five year old.

Maggie crossed her arms, pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at Matt, "mmhmm…nice save, Lieutenant."

Gabby shot Maggie an amused grin—the lead nurse had quickly become quite protective of her during the short time she'd been working at Med. She opened her mouth to say something but was quickly cut off by Gus launching himself into her arms, "oomph…" She quickly recovered and settled him on her hip, something she knew she wouldn't be able to do for very much longer. "Hey there, sweetie." She kissed the top of his head, running her fingers through his curls. "Did you miss me?"

"I missed you, too!" Eli announced, bouncing up and down and attempting to wrap his arms around her waist.

Gabby smiled down at Eli and ran her fingers through his hair just as she'd done with Gus, "oh yeah? I think I missed you more."

Eli giggled and shook his head, "never! I'll always miss you more!"

* * *

"So are you guys going to the Christmas Festival Friday night?" Maggie asked as she slipped into her coat.

Gabby nodded, "Eli has been talking about it for a week now. He's so excited to see Santa," she rolled her eyes in amusement, "and he's got a _really _long Christmas list. Just this morning he asked me how to spell skateboard. Will you be there?"

"Yep. Now that I've got my niece and nephew with me, I plan on making sure that they actually get to experience the _excitement _of Christmas."

April glanced over her shoulder at Maggie as she shut her locker, "you mean Garrett and Gia? I didn't realize they were back with you."

Maggie shrugged, "as of this afternoon, they will be. Eddie left them at my parents' house last night and checked himself back into rehab." She shook her head, tired of the revolving door relationship that her brother had with rehab. "My parents can't keep up with them and the other brother that lives in Chicago, Silas…has a family of his own so…" she sighed, "once again, it's Aunt Maggie to the rescue."

April frowned, "you're a good woman, Maggie Lockwood."

Gabby nodded, not exactly sure what to say, "that's an understatement." She took a breath, finding herself getting a little too emotional. _Damn hormones._ "I know I can't offer much, if you ever need help with anything…I'll help in any way that I can."

Maggie smiled appreciatively, "thanks, Gabby." She sighed, "But unfortunately this has happened at least once a year since my brother's wife died four years ago. He turned to drugs to numb the pain and started neglecting his kids. Garrett was ten and Gia was eleven…now the two of them have just come to expect it. Every time I threaten to take Eddie to court to take the kids, he gets clean. I drop the threat and a couple of weeks later, he's back at it. If it weren't for the fact that the three of them live with my parents, I probably would've attempted to take them away a long time ago. But both of my parents are nearly seventy…" She shook her head and took a deep breath, done talking about it. "But…it is what it is and I gotta do what I gotta do."

April laughed lightly, getting the hint that Maggie was ready to drop the conversation. "You're positivity never ceases to amaze me, Maggie."

"And that's why she runs the emergency department," Sharon quipped as she joined the three nurses in the break room. She nodded to April, "Lieutenant Severide is outside waiting for you."

April glanced at her watch and her eyes widened, "oh, shit. I completely forgot he was picking me up for the Blackhawks game." She grinned and shouldered her bag, "have a good evening, ladies. I know I will."

"I'm sure she will," Maggie muttered in complete amusement as the three of them watched April hurry out of the break room. She shook her head and grabbed her own purse, turning her attention back to Sharon and Gabby, "but on that note, I've got some grocery shopping to do. My table of two has now turned into a table of four."

"Four?" Gabby questioned. "Who else-" she gasped, "you didn't tell me you're seeing someone!"

Maggie smirked, "a girl never kisses and tells."

Gabby scoffed, "that's a total lie and you know it!" She propped her hands up on her hips, "I need at least a little information to go on."

"Fine, fine…." Maggie laughed. "He's a former Marine and he's now a professor at Roosevelt University. Never married, no kids and he has amazing taste." She tilted her head, "but that last one is obvious."

"_Wow_," Gabby laughed at Maggie she grabbed her own things and followed April's path out of the breakroom.

Sharon shook her head, laughing "that woman is something else." She turned her attention to Gabby, "sounds like you're fitting right in."

Gabby smiled and turned her attention back to her open locker. "You've got a great group of people here." She shrugged, "it's refreshing." She shut her locker and returned her attention to Sharon, "I can't thank you enough for this. Most places would find a loophole as to why they can't hire a pregnant woman."

Sharon shook her head, "I've only ever heard good things about you, Gabby. All the way back to your paramedic days."

"That was a while ago," Gabby quipped, a little taken aback.

"I do thorough research before I bring anyone into Chicago Med." She motioned to Gabby's stomach, "but everything is going alright? The job isn't putting too much stress on you, is it?"

Gabby smiled and rubbed her stomach affectionately, she still couldn't believe the fact that Sharon was genuinely interested in the lives of her employees. "It isn't."

"Well you let me know when it starts to and we'll adjust your schedule accordingly."

Gabby nodded, "I will, thank you."

* * *

P.S...next chapter: The Christmas Festival, Matt and Gabby tell Eli (and everyone else) about the adoption plans. Also, in this last chapter, I threw some Maggie in there. She's my favorite on Med and I feel like she and Gabby would have a great friendship if they were to ever interact.

Review? :)


	40. Chapter 40

**Once again...the amount of reviews I get for this story absolutely blows my mind! And holy shit! Chapter Forty!? Insane! I'm so sorry for the delay in updating this story...and for updating my stories in general. If I'm being honest, sometimes my depression just gets the best of me and I lose my motivation. I do try to write something every day but sometimes it's for a different story or one of the many unpublished stories I have on my computer. lol. So anyways...shout out to everybody that reads/reviews/favorites/tweets about this story. Also, shout out to Junko for looking up the name of Eli's teacher for me. **

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Forty**

Gabby narrowed her eyes at Eli, trying to suppress a look of amusement as the five year old thought for sure he'd successfully snuck another spoonful of icing. "Ok, Elijah…no more. The icing is for the brownies that you're taking to school tomorrow for your Christmas party."

"But I only snuck a little bit, Mama," Eli insisted.

"Yeah…only snuck a little bit _a lot_ of times," she quipped, giving him a little smile to let him know she wasn't too upset with him. "Why don't you go wash your hands and get your jammies on, ok?"

"But I thought you said I could put the Christmas sprinkles on," he whined.

"I did. But I'm still icing them and I should be done by the time you get ready for bed."

"You promise to save the sprinkles for me?"

Gabby stopped icing the pan of brownies and looked across the counter at Eli, "Elijah, baby…I promise that I promise you can put the sprinkles on the brownies, ok?"

Eli grinned, "Ok!" He jumped down from the stool and hurried off through the living room towards the hall that led to his bedroom.

Shaking her head, Gabby waited a moment before grabbing a clean spoon from the drawer next to her and scooping some icing from the mixing bowl for herself. She eagerly popped the spoon in her mouth and licked it clean before hurriedly discarding it in the sink with the rest of the dirty dishes. She turned her attention back to the task of icing the brownies so they would be finished before Eli returned. Eli had been bouncing off the walls since yesterday afternoon when she and Matt had sat him down and told him all about the adoption. She'd just gotten back from work and had opened the apartment door to find all three of her boys in front of the television watching a movie.

"_Hi, mommy!" Eli greeted before turning his attention back to the movie. _

_Keeping the movie going, Matt moved Gus so he was sitting on the couch next to Eli and got up to greet Gabby. "Hey," he said, taking her face in his hands and welcoming her back home with a soft kiss._

"_Hey," Gabby said with a smile on her face. She looked up at him, a little taken aback, "What as that for?" _

_Matt shrugged, "Just wanted to welcome home the mother of my children with a kiss. That ok?" _

_Gabby's heart swelled, Matt's choice of words not going unnoticed by her. "I've got no complaints." She tilted her head enough to glance over Matt's shoulder at the two boys; they were completely captivated by the movie. She returned her attention back to Matt, a wide grin on her face, "Children, huh?"_

_Matt nodded, "Since we've got a meeting with the lawyer set up for right after the New Year….I think we should tell them." He shook his head and smiled, "And honestly, I don't need a piece of paper to validate what I already know in my heart. The boys are mine, Gabby." _

_Gabby couldn't help the tears that threatened to fall—it was happening at least a couple of times a day. Shaking her head, she laughed a little "These stupid hormones." She wiped at her eyes but nodded, "Let's tell them." _

"_Now?" _

_Gabby nodded, "right now." She paused and massaged her stomach, "Well, after I go to the bathroom." _

_Matt laughed, "Ok, ok."_

_When Gabby came back from the bathroom, Matt had reclaimed his seat in one corner of the couch and Gus was once again plopped in his lap. Moving to the other corner of the couch, Gabby took a seat next to Elijah. She glanced over Eli's head and over to Matt, motioning towards the television. _

_Matt nodded and reached for the remote, pausing the movie. _

"_Hey!" Eli whined, looking over at Matt, "Why did you do that?" _

"_Because Matt and I want to talk to you about something," Gabby answered for Matt, gaining her eldest son's attention. _

_Eli looked up at his mom curiously, "About what?" _

_Gabby took a breath and rubbed her stomach as she tried to calm her own nerves. She had no idea why she was so nervous, all Eli's ever wanted was a dad and for the past couple of months Matt had easily slid into that role. They were just going to make it official. "Do you remember when we saw Chaplain Orlovksy a while ago?" _

_Eli nodded, "uh-huh."_

_Taking another deep breath, Gabby rubbed her stomach in response to the baby's faint movements. "But remember when he talked about how he was adopted?" _

_Again, Eli nodded. "He said his real mom and dad couldn't take care of him but then he got a new mom and dad that could." Eli shrugged, "Kinda like how my real dad is a bad man so he can't take care of me but Matt can." _

_Gabby nodded, "That's right." She cleared her throat and glanced over at Matt before returning her attention to Eli, "Well what do you think about Matt adopting you and Gus?" _

_Eli's eyes widened and he spun around to look at Matt, "You are gonna adopt me and Gus?" _

_Matt nodded, smiling with relief from the look of pure joy on Eli's face. "If that's ok with you." _

"_Yes!" Eli scrambled to his feet on the couch and started jumping up and down, "I'm finally going to have a daddy!" He glanced down at his mother as he continued to jump, "Mommy! Matt is going to be my daddy!" _

_Gabby laughed, "I know, sweetie. Come on," she reached out for him to stop his movements. The bouncing of the couch was starting to make her feel a little sick. "You can't jump on the couch." _

_Eli instantly stopped and plopped back down on the couch, still facing his mother. "Is it making your tummy hurt?" _

"_A little." _

"_Sorry," Eli mumbled. _

_Gabby shook her head, "It's ok, Baby. If I could, I would get up and jump with you." She smiled and brushed his hair from his eyes, "So what do you think? Sounds like a pretty cool Christmas present, doesn't it?" _

_Eli grinned, "The best!" He spun around so his attention was back on Matt, "I can call you daddy, right?" _

_Matt grinned, "I wouldn't have it any other way." _

"_Yes!" Eli scooted closer to Gus and captured his little brother's attention. "Hey guess what, Gus?" _

_Gus looked at Eli, not quite understanding his brother's energy. He reached out and tried to grab Eli's nose, giggling as he did so. "Eh!" _

_Eli huffed and pulled back, "It's _Eli. O_ne day you'll get it right. But guess what? Matt is going to be our daddy!" _

_Gus glanced up at Matt and reached for his face, "att!" _

"_No, Gus." Eli shook his head, "He's our daddy now! Can you say dada?" _

_Gabby smiled as Eli tried to explain the news to his little brother; she didn't have the heart to tell him that Gus was too young to really comprehend what was going on._

* * *

Because Eli was in half-day kindergarten, his class Christmas party was going to take place during lunch giving Matt just enough time to do the laundry that Gabby had asked him to do and drop Gus off at Gabby's parents' house.

Having only been to Eli's school a couple of times, Matt had gotten a few looks from different teachers in the hall as he headed towards Eli's classroom. He'd already checked in at the office and had his visitor badge on but that didn't stop some teachers. Not that he could actually blame them, after all. In fact, if they weren't such mean looks, he'd probably appreciate the fact that all the teachers were really keeping an eye out for anyone unknown in the building. The incident with Bobby taking Eli had really forced the school to implement some new policies and protocols.

"Finally," he said under his breath has he found room 112. The door was decorated in green and red construction paper with stockings attached all over. It didn't take him long to find Eli's handmade stocking in the top right corner of the door. He couldn't help but chuckle at the decorating job the little boy had done. His name was written vertically and covered the stocking for top to bottom.

He noticed a few mothers eying him as if he were posing for next year's Chicago's Hottest Fire Fighters calendar and gave them a quick and polite smile before heading into the classroom.

"You're here!" Eli exclaimed as soon as he saw Matt walk in. Getting up from his desk, he ran over and greeted Matt at the door.

"Elijah, no running," Mrs. Howard scolded as she moved across the classroom to meet them by the door.

"Sorry," Eli mumbled before turning back to Matt, looking up at him and grinning from ear to ear. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"We're the only ones who brought brownies so everybody is gonna eat them!"

Matt let out a small laugh, "Well then they are going to be in for an amazing treat." Gabby had actually mentioned to him that morning that an email had been sent out to all the parents giving them different options on what and how they wanted to contribute to the class party. By the time Gabby had gotten the time to look at the list, mostly everything was already spoken for-cookies, cupcakes, beverages and so on-giving her no choice but to just write something in.

Besides, in her book, brownies were mandatory for any party.

"Mr. Casey," Mrs. Howard greeted, putting her hands out to take the container of brownies. "It's nice to see you again. Elijah is always talking about you."

Matt smiled as he handed over the brownies, "It's nice to be back. I hope it wasn't too much trouble with me coming last minute instead of Gabby?"

"Not at all. We actually had two other parents cancel on us so we'll take all the help we can get." She motioned towards the table up by her desk that was full food. "I'm going to go add this to the table. We'll probably get started in about ten minutes or so."

Matt nodded and turned his attention back to Eli as Mrs. Howard walked away. "Do anything exciting today?"

Connor Daniels, one of Eli's classmates gave Matt a look of skepticism and crossed his arms before turning his attention back to Eli, "But I thought your dad was in jail because he took you away?"

Eli widened his eyes and shook his head frantically, he did not like talking about that. "No! He used to be my dad but he wasn't very good at it so Matt is now my daddy! He's going to adot...adop.." He looked up at Matt, "What's it called again?"

Matt smiled, "Adopt."

"Right!" Eli looked back over at his classmate, "He's going to _adopt_ me and my baby brother! And then my last name is going to be Casey, not Dawson!"

Connor frowned as he tried to understand, "So kind of like my cousin Georgie? When he was born, his real mom didn't want him so my Auntie Marcy and Auntie Aleesha are his mommies now."

Eli grinned, "Yep! Sometimes your real parents aren't your forever parents." He glanced up at Matt, his big brown eyes full of excitement, "Right, daddy?"

Matt grinned and ruffled Eli's hair, "That's right, Buddy."

* * *

"Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus!" Eli bounced around the living room in excitement as he waited for his _daddy_ to finish getting Gus ready. He was dressed in black jeans and a sweater—with another shirt on underneath to combat the windy and chilly Chicago night air that was sure to hit them as soon as they stepped outside. He'd put his black and red fringe Mohawk winter hat on but that was as far as he'd gotten to bundling up.

It was clear the five year old was still on a sugar high from his class Christmas party that afternoon.

Matt couldn't help but chuckle as he stepped into the living room with Gus on his hip, "Not if you don't get your shoes on, buddy." He sat Gus down on the ground and handed him a couple of toys that would hopefully keep him occupied for a little bit.

Eli stopped jumping turned around to look at his dad, "I need my snow boots."

They weren't just any snow boots. They were special snow boots that looked identical to boots that a firefighter would wear; specifically, Matt.

"There's hardly any snow on the ground, why don't you wear your new basketball shoes that your grandma got you a couple of weeks ago? Just put on an extra pair of socks and they'll keep your feet just as warm."

"Can I wear my batman socks?"

Matt worked his way around the living room, trying his best to clean up the toys that were scattered throughout, "Are they clean?"

"Uh-huh! Mommy washed them yesterday!"

"Then go for it."

"Ok!" Continuing on with his song about going to see Santa, Eli practically bounced all the way out of the living room and down the hall towards his bedroom.

Matt shook his head in amusement and lowered himself next to Gus, "Your brother has way too much energy, you know that?" He was so busy cleaning up the boys' mess of toys that he didn't even hear the apartment door open and Gabby come in until Gus announced her arrival.

"Mama!" Gus squealed, flailing his arms around and waving at her.

Matt glanced over his shoulder, grinning at Gabby, "Hey, didn't even hear you come in!" He stood up and reached down to lift Gus up so Gabby didn't have to. Gus practically jumped into his mother's arms.

Gabby grinned and settled Gus on her hip, "Well hi there, sweetie. Did you miss me?" She kissed the side of his head as Gus briefly curled into her embrace before squirming to be put down. She laughed and sat Gus down on his feet, looking over at Matt as he got back to cleaning up, "You know, you could make Eli clean up his own mess."

"He actually did clean up a big portion of his stuff earlier, most of what's left is this little guy-oh…" when his eyes dropped to Gus he realized the one year old was taking all the toys Matt had just dumped in the basket, back out. "Hey buddy, those are supposed to go _in _the basket. It's cleanup time."

Gus shook his head and held up the yellow dump truck, "Tuck!"

Matt lowered himself so he was at the same eye-level as Gus. "Yes, that's a truck but it's time to put it away so we can go see Santa." He held the basket in front of Gus, "You gonna put it away?" Gus grinned and dropped the truck in the basket. "Good job, buddy!" His shoulders fell when Gus reached back in and grabbed another toy. "Well, we'll work on it."

Gabby smirked, "Don't let him fool you, Matt. He knows exactly what he's doing."

Matt sat the basket back down and scooped Gus up from the ground, earning a delighted giggle in response. "I know. He's just as mischievous as his big brother." With his free hand, he reached out and pulled Gabby to him, kissing her.

"Eww…" Eli muttered under his breath as he walked into the living room carrying his shoes, "That's gross."

Gabby pulled back from Matt's lips and laughed, glancing over at Eli, "Just keep that mindset going, baby." She took in her son's attire, "Looks like all you're missing is your coat and gloves."

Eli held up his shoes, "Can you tie my shoes for me, mama?"

Gabby placed her hands on her hips and gave Eli a knowing look, "Baby, you know how to tie your shoes."

"I know, but I want you to."

Gabby shook her head, "I still have to get ready and your brother-" she glanced down at Gus to see what he had on and her voice trailed. She looked up at Matt in surprise knowing how much of a pain Gus was to get dressed, "You managed to get him dressed, too?"

Matt shrugged, "Yeah. I might've cheated though and put on a pair of pajamas underneath his clothes. I figured it will probably be late by the time we get back and all we'll have to do is just take off the top layer. And it'll keep him warm. It's a win-win."

* * *

"We have to go find Santa!" Eli insisted as he sat atop Matt's shoulders. His wide brown eyes scanned the crowd in search of the famous guy in red. "I don't see him!"

"I promise we'll see him, sweetie," Gabby assured her son. "He'll be here for a bit, we've got time. Don't you want to see the light show, too?"

"Yes, but I really wanna give Santa my list!"

"You will, I promise." Gabby readjusted Gus on her hip and made sure the blanket she'd brought with them was keeping the chilly wind from smacking him in the face.

"But we should go see him first before there's a really long line," Eli countered.

"It's a little too late for that," Matt muttered under his breath as he came to a stop right outside _Santa's Workshop. _Though it was set up inside the community center, the line to see Santa had snaked outside and was already the length of the building.

Gabby sighed, her breath catching the cold temperature and dancing in front of her. She wasn't sure if she could stand out here with Gus on her hip for that long. She already had to pee and they'd only been there for half an hour. She looked over at Matt and knew he was thinking the same thing, "You mind if we split up?" She was starting to regret their decision not to bring the stroller for Gus. But before leaving their apartment they'd reasoned that the crowd would make it nearly impossible to maneuver a stroller.

But she couldn't keep Gus on her hip all night. He was already itching to be let loose.

Matt furrowed his brow, "Where are you guys going to go?" He knew Gabby could handle herself but he still didn't like the idea of separating from her and Gus in a crowd like this.

Gabby shrugged, "Molly's is just a few blocks down. Cindy mentioned that Herrmann stocked up on hot chocolate for tonight. We'll stay there and keep warm and you two can come find us once you've finished hanging out with Santa?"

"You're sure you're ok?" Matt asked.

"I'm fine," Gabby insisted.

"Ok, ok." Matt patted Eli's leg getting his attention, "Hey Eli," he said, looking up at the five year old. "Your mom and brother are going to go visit Molly's while we wait for Santa, ok?"

Eli shrugged, "Ok! Save me some hot chocolate, mama?"

Gabby grinned, not surprised that Eli had been listening the entire time, "Absolutely." After exchanging a quick kiss, Gabby turned around and she and Gus disappeared into the crowd in the general direction of Molly's. She didn't get very far before running into Shay.

"Hey girlie!" Shay said as she came to a stop by Gabby's side, briefly startling her friend, "Where are your other two boys?"

"In line for Santa," Gabby glanced behind Shay, "Where's your date? What was her name? Sidney?"

Shay rolled her eyes, "Ditched. What's _new_?"

"Seriously? She ditched you? I'm sorry." Gabby struggled as Gus squirmed in her arms, "Honestly, if I didn't have Gus and I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't be above going and egging her car."

Shay laughed, "And that's why you're my best friend." Grinning, she reached out for Gus, "Come here sweet baby boy! How about we give mommy a break?"

Gabby willingly handed Gus off to Shay and gave her an appreciative smile, "Thanks."

"Not a problem! I miss my favorite man!" Shay kissed Gus' cheek, earning a giggle in response from the one year old. "Just don't tell your brother I said that," she joked, settling Gus on her hip. She wrapped his blanket around him and settled the corner over his head in an attempt to keep the wind from smacking him in the face.

"I was actually headed over to Molly's. The line for Santa is unbelievably long and Cindy told me earlier that there would be hot chocolate."

"Let's go, then! Hot chocolate for mama bear and her cubs and a beer for me!"

"Go ahead, rub it in," Gabby muttered.

"Oh, I plan on it!"

* * *

As soon as they walked into Molly's, they were being greeted by April and Maggie urging them to join them up at the bar. "Oh my goodness," April gushed as soon as she saw Gus, "hello there, handsome!" Having spent enough time around April, Gus knew exactly who she was and broke out into a grin.

"Hey guys!" Herrmann called, "Let me guess…some of you are here for the hot chocolate and some are here for the alcohol." He sent Shay a knowing look, "Well unlike the hot chocolate, the alcohol is not on the house."

Shay rolled her eyes and turned to April and Maggie, "Don't listen to him…I'm a silent investor in the place…first few drinks are on me."

"Shay!"

"_Herrmann_," Shay mimicked back. "Take it out of my share!"

April laughed as she swayed back and forth with Gus, "It'll just be hot chocolate for me, I've got work first thing tomorrow."

Shay took the beer Herrmann handed her across the bar counter and took a swig. She smirked and motioned the bottle towards April, "You've got that look."

April glanced up, "What look?"

Maggie smirked and crossed her arms, "The '_I want a baby _look.'"

April shook her head, "Oh no, no, no! Definitely _not_."

"Oh please, by the way you and Kelly go at it, I won't be surprised if you're the next one to pop out a kid!"

April's face turned bright red as the three women around her struggled to keep their laughter at bay. She opened her mouth all ready to defend herself before shutting it and giving a slight nod, "Yeah…ok, there's no point in denying that I spend more time in Kelly's bed than my own but now…" she shook her head, "I can guarantee I will not be popping babies out anytime soon!"

"Yeah well, I was on the pill _and _we were using condoms…still got pregnant," Gabby explained, rubbing her stomach affectionately.

Shay grinned and pulled Gabby in for a side hug, "That just means it was meant to be, Gabs!"

"Well speaking of this baby...I've really got to go to the bathroom _again_."

* * *

"Hey, sis," Antonio said, greeting his baby sister on her way back from the bathroom. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, "how are you? Where are Matt and the boys?"

"Gus is…" she glanced down a few feet where Gus was currently being gushed over by April. "Is with April. And Matt and Eli are in line to see Santa." She raised a brow, "Where are Laura and the kids?"

"Apparently both Eva and Diego have hit the point where it is no longer cool to be seen in public with me." Antonio rolled his eyes, "So Eva is with Laura selling cookies for a school fundraiser and Diego is with ma and dad."

Gabby laughed, "Hate to break it to you, Antonio…but it's never been cool to be seen with you in public."

Antonio rolled his eyes, "_Ha-ha_." He motioned towards her stomach, "How's the little one treating you?"

Gabby rubbed her stomach affectionately—it had become an automatic gesture whenever the baby came up in conversation. "Good! Just moving around a lot." She cleared her throat, "There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about."

Antonio raised a brow, "Oh?" It wasn't often Gabby was coming to him in search of advice or looking for someone to confess something to. "What's up?"

"Well once the holidays are over, Matt and I have set up an appointment to meet with an adoption lawyer."

"Adoption? But you're-" And then it clicked, "Ohhh! Wait, is Matt going to adopt the boys?"

Gabby nodded and couldn't help the giddy grin on her face, "Yeah." She took a shaky breath as her emotions started to get the best of her and stung at her eyes. She groaned and wiped at her eyes, "Seriously? I have no idea why I'm crying!"

"Because it's great news!" Antonio pulled his sister into a hug and kissed the side of her head, "I mean, seriously...if this doesn't show his commitment than nothing will." He pulled back, still grinning, and met his sister's watery eyes. "I'm so proud of you, Gabriela," he said just loud enough for her to hear. He chuckled, "Have you told mom and dad yet?"

Gabby shook her head, "No. And I've got to tell them soon before Eli spills the beans. He's got absolutely no filter on his mouth."

Antonio laughed, "One guess as to who he got that from."

* * *

"Hey sleepyhead," Matt whispered, dropping a kiss below Gabby's ear as he slipped under the covers next to her. "Guess what I managed to get a hold of?"

"Hmm?" Gabby asked as she curled into Matt's side, the warmth of his body radiating off of him and relaxing her.

"Eli's Christmas list to Santa."

Gabby's eyes popped open, meeting the look of accomplishment on Matt's face, "What? How?" Though Eli had asked how to spell a few things to write on his Christmas list, he'd absolutely refused to let Matt or Gabby see it.

"Our good friend Chaplain Orlovksy was Santa Claus," Matt explained.

"You're kidding?" Gabby exclaimed in complete disbelief.

Matt grinned and held the list in front of Gabby's face. He couldn't help but laugh at her innocent excitement as she took the folded piece of paper from him and started to unfold it.

"This isn't wrong, is it?" Gabby asked as she stopped unfolding it and looked up at Matt.

"Of course not...you just want to make sure he has the best Christmas ever."

Gabby nodded, "God knows he deserves it. Did you already read it?"

"Nope. Waiting for you."

Gabby leaned in and kissed him, her lips lingering in appreciation. "You're the best," she murmured before pulling away and eagerly looking at the list. She laughed as she scanned through the barely legible numbered items, "Surprisingly, we've already gotten most of these items." She raised a brow, "But the skateboard is still a no..." she casually glanced up at Matt and his unsure look immediately made her do a double take. "What's that look for?"

Matt shrugged and glanced away, "Well I've been looking at skateboards..."

"Matt! He's way too young to have a skateboard! Do you know how many horrific injuries I've seen from skateboarding? Dozens!"

"I know, I know..." Matt sighed as he started to worry that maybe he was crossing the line. "But I found this company online that specializes in beginner skateboards and I don't know...I thought it would be something I could teach him. Of course, we would get all the protective gear available..." he shrugged, "I guess maybe I'm overstepping?"

Gabby frowned and reached up to caress the side of Matt's face. "You're not overstepping, Matt. You are taking on the huge responsibility of becoming Eli's father and that means you have just as much as an opinion and say as I do." She sighed and shook her head, "And maybe I'm just being overprotective. He has been asking about getting a skateboard for a while now. Diego skates all the time..." she said as an afterthought. Eli was still at the impressionable age that if an older kid was doing something...then he wanted to do it too.

"So that's a yes?"

"That's a maybe..." feeling the baby start to move again, a small smile formed at her lips and she massaged her stomach.

"What's that smile for?" His eyes dropped to Gabby's stomach before looking back up at her with a goofy grin, "Did you feel the baby move?" Without waiting for her to answer, he eagerly settled his hand next to hers in hopes of feeling the baby. He frowned, "I don't feel anything."

Gabby gave Matt a reassuring smile, "Sweetie, sometimes it takes a little bit longer before other people can feel the baby moving."

"Oh..." Matt sighed, "Ok."

"I'd say give it another week or so and you'll be able to feel it."

"Yeah?" Matt asked hopefully.

Gabby nodded, "Yeah."

"So probably just in time for Christmas?"

Gabby laughed at the giddiness in Matt's voice, "Probably."

"In that case, I might start my own Christmas countdown," he joked as he leaned in and placed a kiss on Gabby's forehead. He couldn't help but laugh at the little squeak that fell from her mouth as she yawned, "Get some sleep. We can talk more about Christmas gifts tomorrow. Maybe even get someone to watch the boys for a few hours so we can go shopping?"

Gabby gave Matt a sleepy smile, "Can we get lunch and call it a date?"

Matt laughed, "Definitely."

* * *

When Matt's alarm went off the next morning, Gabby groaned in annoyance and rolled out of Matt's arms and over to her side of the bed. She blindly reached for the comforter that had settled around her waist at some point during the night and pulled it up to her chin.

Matt couldn't help but chuckle at Gabby's grumpiness as he reached out and silenced his alarm. He stretched his arms up over his head before rolling towards Gabby and wrapping an arm around her. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, "Morning, beautiful."

"I'm not ready to wake up," she grumbled.

"Then don't... I'll take the boys out for breakfast and give you a chance to sleep in." He kissed her neck, "In fact, the boys and I have to pick up your Christmas gift. So we'll do that while we're out." Matt smirked when he felt Gabby shift a little, he knew his words would capture her attention.

"My Christmas gift?" She asked, tilting her head back enough to meet his eyes.

"Well yeah, it is Christmas after all."

"But I don't want you getting me something outrageously expensive. You've given me more than enough over the past five months."

"Let me spoil you, babe," Matt insisted as he turned Gabby around in his arms so she was now facing him. "I mean…" he smiled down at her stomach and placed a hand right next to hers, reaching his pinky finger out and intertwining it with hers. "God knows you've spoiled me. I've got the most beautiful woman in the world, two amazing little boys and a baby on the way…as far as I'm concerned, I've already had my Christmas."

"_Matt_," Gabby reached up and wiped at her eyes, "You're going to make me cry again."

Before Matt could say anything, Gus' cries filtered through the baby monitor, "It's ok, I'll get him. I meant what I said...go back to sleep." He kissed her, "The boys and I can fend for ourselves for a few hours," he teased before climbing out of bed.

* * *

"Hey, hot stuff!" Shay greeted as she practically bounced into the apartment with a coffee for her in one hand and a tea for Gabby in the other.

"Thanks again for doing this," Gabby said as she shut the apartment door behind her. "I know it's kind of last minute..."

Shay shook her head, "Nah. It's totally cool. I hardly saw Elijah last night so it'll be nice to see what's new in his world."

Gabby grinned, "Oh trust me, he's got news."

Taking a drink of her coffee, only Shay's eyes could be seen over the rim. She raised a brow, "Oh? Care to share? I'll totally act surprised."

"Well, once the holidays settle down, Matt is going to start the process of officially adopting the boys."

Shay's jaw dropped, "You're serious?"

"Yep!"

"Oh my God! This is huge! This is like a bigger commitment than getting married!" Shay squealed and sat her cup of coffee down before pulling Gabby into a hug. "This is amazing!"

Gabby laughed at Shay's reaction and reciprocated the hug, holding on tight to her best friend. Her emotions were getting the best of her though and slowly her laughs became sobs.

"Oh sweetie," Shay soothed, pulling back enough to get a look at Gabby's face. She reached up and wiped away the tears, "Honey! Why are you crying? This is great news!"

"I know," she mumbled, completely embarrassed. "And I'm happy...so happy! I'm just so happy that I can't help but cry." She took a deep breath in attempt to reign in her emotions, "I just...I never thought this would happen, you know? With each so called relationship I've been in...I've just dug myself into a deeper and deeper hole and I just...I didn't think I'd ever be able to climb back out. But Matt... he held a hand out and he wouldn't let go."

Shay smiled and rubbed Gabby's forearms soothingly, "Give yourself some credit too, Gabs. Yes, Matt might've held a hand out for you...but it was originally you who reached out and accepted his hand. You took that leap of faith...after all that you've been through...you still saw faith in another guy and let him into yours and the boys lives. And now look at you! Matt's adopting the boys, you just signed for a house and you're having a baby!"

* * *

"Matt, toys are this—" she stopped as soon as she saw what it was Matt was holding up. She laughed and pushed the cart over to him before reaching out and examining the tiny article of clothing Matt was holding up for her to see.

"It's cool, right?" Matt asked. "Even if the baby is a girl…I know she'll rock this better than any other baby."

In Matt's hands was a tiny one-piece sleeper that was peppered with little red fire trucks. "Oh…and check this out!" He flipped the one-piece around so Gabby could see the big red firetruck printed on the back where the baby's bottom would be. "What do you think?"

Gabby smiled at Matt and ran a hand over her stomach, feeling the movements of the baby as it seemed to agree with its father. "It's cute," Gabby agreed, her smile widening as the noticed the glow that Matt clearly had about it him. "You're adorable," she said as she reached out and took the correct size off the rack before adding it to the cart.

Matt shook his head, his cheeks reddening, "I'm just excited." He glanced at the one in his hand and the one Gabby had added to the cart, "What's wrong with the one I've got?"

"It's too big," Gabby answered, pointing out the size of the one in Matt's hand, "You've got a twelve to eighteen month one. It'll be awhile before the baby would be able to wear that."

"Oh, ok." Matt returned the sleeper back to its rack and turned back to Gabby, "So what size are we looking for?"

"Well, for this I got a three to six month one...this brand makes their clothes a little small," Gabby explained. "It just depends on the fit, really. So either a zero to three months or three to six months would work."

Matt nodded in understanding, "Ok." His eyes widened when he caught sight of the Chicago sports apparel for infants on the far wall. "Oh, hey!" He hurried over to it, "Let's get some Blackhawks and Bears stuff!"

It was almost an hour before Gabby managed to lead Matt out of the baby clothes section and over to the toy department. "Don't forget, we still have to get some things for Violet," Gabby mentioned as Matt sat the remote control monster truck into the shopping cart. "Didn't your sister say she's really into crafts right now?"

"Yeah...I guess she's been taking some painting classes at the community center," Matt said as he continued down the aisle, mentally checking things off of Eli's list as he went along. "Christie mentioned something about this new art studio that just opened up and Violet has asked about going a few times. I was thinking we could get her a gift-card?"

Gabby nodded, "Ok. But we've got to get her a few other things besides just a gift-card."

Matt smiled and held up his phone, "I had my sister send me a short list."


	41. Chapter 41

_As always, thanks for reviewing and sticking with me. :)_

_So if you follow me on twitter, then you know I tweeted about tying up loose ends...well I ended up writing a completely new scene in the chapter and taking another scene out to put in the next chapter. I finally had to tell myself to just post it. lol. Hope you like. :)_

_Warning: hormonal Gabby makes an appearance or two._

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Forty One**

With a busy evening ahead of them, Matt had offered to take Eli with him to run a few errands so Gabby could take it easy after she put Gus down for a nap. Unfortunately for Matt, when took the grocery list from the refrigerator and stuffed it in his pocket, he wasn't taking into consideration the Christmas Eve crowd that would be packing every inch of the store. If it weren't for the fact that they'd run out of diapers, milk and eggs…he would've turned right back around the minute he and Eli had stepped foot into the store.

For a split second he'd even silently wondered if the store was over-capacity.

By the time the father and son duo made it back home, it was almost three. Immediately after stepping through the door, Eli made a mad dash to the kitchen for a cookie that he'd been promised for being so good.

Matt wasn't big on bribing Eli for good behavior but they'd just spent nearly two hours in mass chaos and quite honestly, Matt didn't care at this point. The next day and a half was going to be ridiculously chaotic and Eli deserved to have a couple of minutes before everything became so time sensitive.

After settling Eli in front of the television with his cookie and a glass of milk, Matt walked the short distance to his and Gabby's bedroom and was a little surprised to see not only Gabby curled up in the middle of the bed, but Gus snuggled into her side. Both completely sound asleep.

Though Gabby wouldn't voice it, he knew the holiday stress had been really wearing her out for the past week or so. He also knew that she was silently driving herself crazy with worry for tonight's holiday party that her grandparents were hosting. From what he understood, _everybody _on her mother's side of the family was going to be there. All of Gabby's extended family and then some. A lot of her family members who were of the older generation held very traditional values and would no doubt frown their disapproval from Gabby's out of wedlock pregnancy—again.

Checking his watch, he took a few more steps into the room and frowned, Gabby had mentioned that she wanted to be ready to go by five so Matt knew he was going to have to wake her up. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed next to Gabby, he brushed his hand down the side of her face, pushing her hair from her eyes and tucking it behind her ear, "Babe?"

Gabby stirred at Matt's touch and turned her head towards his voice, "Matt?"

"Hey, sleepyhead."

Gabby's lips formed a tiny smile and after blinking a few times, her eyes searched out Matt's. Her smile widened upon meeting them, "Hi."

Matt chuckled, despite Gabby's strong personality and fierce attitude, she was always so timid the first couple of minutes after waking up. "Hi, yourself." He motioned towards a sleeping Gus, "Looks like the little guy managed to convince you to let him nap with you instead of in his own bed."

"He did…" Gabby shifted so she could look down at Gus and grinned at the one year old. His head was tilted up and resting against her chest and his mouth hung open as drool dripped down his chin. Over the past week or so, Gus had become even more attached to his mother than he already was. Every time Gabby would walk out of the room, Gus would start crying. Putting him to bed at night had also become a bit of a struggle…so much so that Gabby always caved and cradled Gus in her arms until he fell into a deep sleep. She wasn't exactly sure what had brought on the behavior—nothing in their routine had changed. It was Maggie who had actually suggested maybe it was Gus' intuition that was telling him he wouldn't be the youngest for much longer. "I tried at one point to sit him down in his crib with his bottle and he started screaming…" she sighed, "and I really just didn't have the energy to fight with him. I knew if neither one of us managed at least a little nap before tonight, then we'd both be a mess."

Matt nodded his understanding, "Speaking of tonight…" he glanced at his watch, "it's almost 3:30 and I know you said you wanted to be ready to leave by 5:00 so…"

Gabby frowned, "It's almost 3:30? You guys were at the store that long?"

"It's the busiest shopping day of the year…"

"Right…" Gabby yawned and reached her hands up over her head and stretching out. She frowned and one of her hands dropped back down to her side, earning a concerned look from Matt. Gabby shook her head before Matt could voice his worries, "It's fine," she breathed.

"Gabby…"

Again, Gabby shook her head, "It's just a muscle cramp. I've been in the same position for the past couple of hours."

No longer seeing any sign of discomfort on Gabby's face, Matt nodded and decided to drop it, "Ok." He held a hand out for her and helped her into a sitting position. "Eli's occupied with cartoons so I can stay with Gus while you get ready."

"When-"

Matt chuckled, cutting Gabby off, "I know, I know…when Gus wakes up, their clothes for tonight are sitting out on Eli's bed. Don't worry, I'll get the both of them ready…you just worry about yourself."

"You're the best," Gabby murmured, leaning in and kissing Matt.

"So I've been told," Matt quipped, earning a soft nudge against his chest from Gabby.

It was almost four when Gus started to stir from his nap and instantly he panicked upon realizing his mother was nowhere to be found. Not wanting Gabby to also panic at the sound of Gus' cries and run out of the shower, Matt wasted no time in scooping Gus up into his arms and carrying him out into the kitchen for a quick snack before moving to the boys' bedroom to get him dressed.

While it wasn't unusual for Gabby to spend a lot of time trying to find something to where, she usually never fussed about the boys' outfits being perfect so when Matt found Gabby in the boys' room and frantically searching through Eli's dresser earlier in the day, he'd definitely been surprised. He'd questioned why she was so worried, he'd earned an annoyed look from her followed by a huff before explaining that her _entire _extended family on her mother's side would be there.

She couldn't have her kids looking like she was struggling to provide for them. Not to mention, her third pregnancy out of wedlock with a third guy. No, she was going to walk into her parents' house with her head held high knowing that her boys were getting the best in everything.

Matt had no idea what to say to her so he'd just nodded his head and sat on the edge of Eli's bed as she continued to rant about certain individual cousins. Matt knew Gabby's grandmother had a lot of children which in turn left Gabby with a lot of cousins, but he wasn't quite sure how many. Occasionally some of the names sounded familiar but he usually just nodded his head and let her get it all off of her chest.

After getting Gus dressed, one thing was clear for Matt…the toddler did not like wearing button up shirts. It took him more than a couple of tries to make sure all the buttons were lined up evenly and even longer to fix his collar. While Eli didn't fuss as much as his little brother, he definitely huffed and puffed a few times as got dressed into clothes that he referred to as super, extra nice church clothes.

With both boys ready, Matt sat Gus in his playpen with a couple of toys and made sure Eli was preoccupied before moving towards his and Gabby's room so he could get ready.

On the other side of the closed bedroom door, Gabby stood in front of her closet with one hand holding up the towel around her body and the other hand searching her closest for something to wear. One piece of clothing after another she silently scrutinized it before pushing it aside. She knew there was no use in trying to disguise her baby bump, but she was hoping to find something that would at least not make it look so…_big. _With this being her third pregnancy, her body was well aware of the process and she was sure it was just already adjusting. In other words, her clothes were getting tighter and tighter. Just yesterday, a pair of scrubs she'd been able to wear well into her six month of pregnancy with Gus wouldn't even slide up her hips.

"Won't fit…too casual…." Her hands stopped at one of her maternity black dresses from the back and pulled it from the closet and loosened her hold on one end of the towel so it revealed her almost nude form. She brought it up in front of her and frowned as she looked in the mirror, "That's a _no." _

"Hey, I got-" Matt started as he pushed open the bedroom door.

"Matt!" Gabby exclaimed, as she hurriedly wrapped the towel back around her. "Can't you knock?"

Matt raised a brow and gave a slight shake of his head, "What's the big deal? I've seen you naked plenty of times."

"Well it's still rude not to knock," Gabby snapped at him before turning her attention back to her closet full of clothes.

"Everything ok?" He asked cautiously.

"I can't find anything to wear," she muttered.

Matt looked completely befuddled, "You're joking, right?" He motioned towards her closet, "Your closet is full of clothes."

Gaby glared at Matt, "You're not helping."

"But I don't understand!" Matt defended. "You've got lots of clothes!"

"But nothing that fits right!"

"Oh…" _Shit._ Matt sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he stopped to think about his next few words. His eyes dropped to her growing midsection and it was almost like he was seeing it for the very first time all over again. Despite how loosely she had the towel wrapped around her, there was no denying the baby bump behind the cotton material. With the tears suddenly making sense, he moved his eyes back up towards hers and sighed, "Gabby…Baby…" cupping her face in his hands, Matt brushed away the streaming tears with the pads of his thumbs and pressed his lips to hers. "I'm sure there is something in there that will work."

"Would I really be standing here in a towel if there was?"

Matt put his hands up, completely caught off guard by the anger that Gabby seemed to have towards him. "Hey…I know Herrmann said a pregnant woman's hormones are all over the place but I'm the wrong person to be snapping at."

Gabby stomped her foot in anger, "Why are you talking to Herrmann about my hormones?"

"I'm not! He asked how you were and then he mentioned how Cindy was during her pregnancies."

Gabby shook her head, "Whatever. Just…" she bit her bottom lip as the tears started to blur her vision, "just let me finish getting ready."

Matt sighed, "Gabby…"

"I'm serious, Matt," Gabby warned. "I don't want to talk right now."

Matt nodded and an uneasy silence settled between the two of them as they both got ready.

Matt went about the bedroom and was changed and ready in no time. As he fixed the buttons on the sleeves of his charcoal gray button down, he couldn't help but cast a quick glance in Gabby's direction. She'd just grabbed something from the back of her closet—a long sleeved black dress from the looks of it—and held it up to her body and turned towards the mirror. Honestly, it didn't even look like a maternity dress to him...but he definitely wasn't going to say that. He caught Gabby's eye through the mirror and quickly ducked his head, not wanting to get her angry again.

"What do you think?" She asked quietly before turning around and facing him with an apologetic look lingering in her eyes.

Matt smiled, "I think I'd rather see it on you than on the hanger."

Gabby couldn't help her own smile as she let go of the towel, leaving it to fall and pool at her feet. "Can you help me zip it?" She asked as she slipped into it and pulled it up over her stomach and sliding her arms in in through the sleeves.

Matt didn't even hesitate as he moved across the bedroom and turning Gabby back around so she was facing the mirror. "Usually I'm helping you take your clothes off, not put them on," he joked in an attempt to ease her anxiety. He zipped the back of the dress up, careful of her hair as he did so before looking back up at her reflection through the mirror; he was pleased to see his joke had definitely put a small smile on Gabby's face.

The solid black dress was actually a little looser around Gabby's stomach than what Matt thought it would be but he could tell by the look on her face as she adjusted the material over her stomach that she was pleased with how she looked in it. With the way she was always complaining about being hot, he was a little concerned by the long sleeves but was surprised to see that they could be rolled up about and held in place with a button.

"You look beautiful," he whispered, catching her shy gaze in the mirror.

Gabby smiled, "You think so?"

"I _know _so."

* * *

"Here," Marie reached out for Gus but was completely caught off guard when the toddler turned away from her and grasped onto his mother's coat. Marie frowned, "Oh…"

"Don't take it personal," Gabby insisted as she adjusted Gus' weight on her hip, "he's been doing this for the past couple of days. He doesn't want anything to do with anybody besides me."

"Ohh…" Marie nodded her understanding, "he knows you're pregnant."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "How can he _know_ that I'm pregnant?"

"Call it toddler intuition," Marie reasoned. "Not to mention…" she motioned to Gabby's stomach, "it is obvious." Gabby gave her an annoyed look and she responded by narrowing her eyes, "Gabriela, don't give me that look."

It was clear to Marie that her daughter wasn't in the greatest of moods and she had no doubt it was because of the setting. Gabby was anxious and for anyone that knew Gabby, her anxieties always had a way of putting her in a sour mood. And then you add on the fact that it was Christmas Eve—a stressful time for most people, no matter how joyous the occasion—and the added hormones from her pregnancy.

It was safe to say that Gabby was on edge.

Gabby didn't respond to her mother but did soften her features in an attempt to show her mom that she was sorry. She glanced around the empty foyer, noting the kids' snow boots and shoes stacked in a pile in front of the closet. The pile was nearly as tall as Gus. "Where is everybody?"

"Family room and kitchen."

Gabby nodded, "Matt and Eli are bringing in the presents...are we the last ones here?"

"No, your cousin Marisol and her kids are on their way from the airport. And your Aunt Rosa is running late," Marie rolled her eyes, "But what's new? I swear, she does it on purpose just to be the center of attention."

Gabby held back a smirk as she listened to her mother continue to rant about her younger sister. They were less than two years apart but as Gabby's grandmother constantly noted, the two couldn't be more different. Out of twelve children—yes, _twelve_—Marie was the tenth and Rosa was the eleventh _and_ the youngest girl.

"Gabriela," Marie scolded, pulling Gabby's attention back to her, "I know you're trying to hold in laughter but just remember, your father and I could've kept going."

Gabby rolled her eyes, "Oh come on, Mom...don't lie. I found out years ago that you and dad had been completely content on having only one child." She laughed, "I mean…come on…there's a twelve year difference between Antonio and I. You don't think I questioned it as soon as I was old enough to do math?"

Marie couldn't deny it, it was true. Conceiving Gabby had been a complete accident and not exactly a happy one—at first, anyways. For their fifteenth wedding anniversary, Thomas had surprised Marie with a two week trip back to Spain and about month after returning back home, Marie found out she was pregnant. Not only had the pregnancy come as a complete shock, but it had also temporarily put Marie's career plans on hold and had put a stop to Thomas' tentative thoughts about throwing his name in for police commissioner.

"Yes, but…as you know, surprise pregnancies can turn out to be a blessing in disguise."

"Hi, Abuela!" Eli greeted as he came bouncing into the foyer with a gift bag in each hand. "We brought presents!" He handed them to his grandmother before toeing his shoes off and adding them to the pile. "Where is Diego?"

"In the family room," Marie answered.

"Ok, bye!" Eli exclaimed before running off towards the family room.

Gabby shook her head in amusement and caught Matt stepping through the front door out of the corner of her eye with the rest of the bags. "Here…" much to Gus' excitement, she sat him down on the carpeted floor and took a few of the bags from Matt. "Where are you guys putting the gifts for the exchange later?" Gabby asked her mother.

"Your father's office," Marie answered. "All the kids know his office is off limits."

Gabby nodded and shifted the gift bags into her left hand and used her right hand to ease some of the tension from her back. For the past couple of days, she'd really been experiencing all the aches and pains that came along with her pregnancy.

"Gabriela!" Gabby's grandmother exclaimed with great joy as she walked into the foyer. She hurried over to her granddaughter and into a hug. "Oh, Mi Amor!" She pulled back and placed both hands over Gabby's very visible baby bump, her smile widening. "Otre bebe? Qué tan lejos estás?" _Another baby? How far along are you?_

Gabby smiled, feeling a small sense of relief wash over her as her grandmother showed no signs of disappointment. "Twenty one weeks," Gabby answered in English so Matt didn't feel completely lost in the conversation.

Lupe frowned, noticing the placement of Gabby's hand on her lower back, "Is your back hurting?"

"A little but it's normal-"

But Lupe was having none of that, "No, no…" she took her granddaughter's hand and glanced around the family room before leading her towards an empty loveseat in the corner of the room. "Sentarse, sentarse." _Sit, sit. _

Knowing better than to argue with her grandmother, Gabby handed the bags of presents off to her mother and lowered herself into the love seat. She gave her grandmother a gracious smile, "Gracias, abuela." _Thank you, grandma._

Lupe didn't seem to hear Gabby as she jumped right into asking more questions, "Niño o niña? Tiene un nombre escogido?" _Girl or boy? Do you have a name picked out?_

Gabby shook her head and rubbed both hands over her stomach affectionately as she did so, "We're waiting until the baby is born to find out if it's a boy or girl. And that kind of answers your other question, too…we don't have a name."

Lupe's eye lit up, "Nosotros? usted y el padre del bebé?" Lupe followed her granddaughter's gaze over her shoulder and met a pair of wide, blue eyes. "Tu?" She asked, glancing up and down a couple of times. "Tienes me nieta embarazade?" _We? You and the baby's father? You? You got my granddaughter pregnant? _

"_Abuela_," Gabby exclaimed, "se Bueno!" _Grandma! Be nice! _

Lupe waived off Gabby's words and gave Matt another look over before nodding and holding out her hand. "Lupe Arroyo and you are?"

Matt reached out and took Lupe's hand in his, giving it a light but firm shake, "Matt Casey."

"Agarre fuerte," Lupe whispered, just loud enough for Matt to hear her and frown in confusion. "What do you do, _Matt_?" _Strong grip. _

"I'm a firefighter," Matt answered. At the moment, he was finding himself too nervous to form complete sentences and figured straight to the point answers were probably for the best.

"He's a lieutenant, abuela," Gabby interjected as she pushed herself up from the loveseat.

"A lieutenant?" Lupe asked excitedly. "How does that pay?"

"Abuela!"

Lupe waived off Gabby's concerns and motioned towards the chair Gabby had just vacated, "Vuevla a sentarse, Gabriela." Lupe made sure Gabby was once again sitting before she returned her attention to Matt, "It is a very important question. A man must be able to provide for his family….his _whole _family." She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes, "Do you understand what I am saying, Matthew?" _Sit back down. _

His eyes wide, Matt nodded, "Absolutely. And to answer your first question…it's a comfortable salary. But I've also got a construction business on the side and-"

"Eso explica la empunadura," Lupe murmured thoughtfully. _That explains the hand grip. _

Though he wasn't quite sure what she'd said, the look in Lupe's eyes and the look on Gabby's face was enough to make Matt's cheeks turn read. "Uh…" he cleared his throat, "yeah…it's a thriving business. There's always something somewhere that needs fixed. But with our new house-"

"You guys bought a house?" Lupe exclaimed in complete shock as she rounded on Gabriela. "Gabriela! All this wonderful news! Why haven't you called me? Do I have to start checking in on you every week again?" She shook her head, "Oh Dios mio!" _Oh my goodness! _

Gabby knew her grandmother wasn't angry with her but she was unable to keep her emotions in check and she felt the tears threaten to fall. The last thing she wanted to do was cause a scene in front of half her family. Although the only ones paying attention to her were her mother, her grandmother and Matt. She sniffed and quickly wiped at a tear before it even got a chance to fall. "Sorry…excuse me…I've got to use the restroom." She pushed herself up from the loveseat and hurried out of the living room.

Lupe frowned before turning back to Matt and Marie, "I didn't mean to upset her."

Matt shook his head, "It's not your fault. She's been like this the past couple of days...her emotions are just kind of all over the place," he explained. "I'll go-"

Marie shook her head and placed a hand on Matt's arm to keep him from moving, "Let me go see how she's doing. Please?"

Matt gave a hesitant nod, "Ok…" he watched with great concern as Marie left the living room after Gabby. He wasn't left with much time to worry though as Lupe picked their conversation back up.

"A baby and a house?" She started, giving Matt a stern look and crossing her arms. "What about a ring? Gabriela needs a man that will actually be there for her _and _her two boys."

"I know...I do." Matt sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets, "But right now Gabby wants to focus on the baby, the house and in January I'm-" He stopped suddenly, remembering they hadn't even gotten around to telling her parents about the adoption news.

Lupe raised a brow, "Well don't stop...finish what you were going to say."

"We haven't told Gabby's parents yet..."

Lupe waived off Matt's concern, "Oh, Sweetie...don't let that stop you. I won't say anything."

Matt couldn't help but smile; it was clear who Gabby had gotten her sass from. "I'm going to start the process to officially adopt the boys."

"Oh Dios mio!" Lupe had to cover her mouth to keep from letting out a delighted laugh. "You're a good man, Matthew!" She put her hands on her hips, "And what about that ring?"

He laughed, "I've got some ideas."

"Have you actually gotten a ring?"

"Not yet...I just haven't found the perfect one."

"Well stop looking. You can have my mother's engagement ring."

"I can't..." Matt shook his head, startled by Lupe's immediate generosity. "Mrs. Arroyo..."

"It's Lupe," she insisted. "And once you put that ring on Gabriela's finger...then it is abuela. And don't try to refuse...Gabriela will love it! She spent hours digging through my jewelry box as a little girl and it was her favorite piece. You just let me know when you need it and it is yours."

* * *

Not caring if Gabby was actually going to the bathroom, Marie let herself into the guest bathroom that was tucked away next to the laundry room.

"Mom!" Gabby exclaimed as she glared at her mother through the mirror while wiping at her eyes, "What if I was actually going to the bathroom?"

Marie rolled her eyes, "Don't be ridiculous, Gabriela." She shut the door behind her and closed the distance between the two of them, "Come here, Gabriela." Taking Gabby's hand in hers, she put the toilet lid down and motioned for Gabby to sit, "Sit."

"Why does everybody keep telling me to sit?" Gabby grumbled. "I'm fine."

Marie gave her daughter a knowing look and reached for a few tissues, "Is that why you're hiding in here crying?"

"I'm not..." Gabby's words caught in her throat and she sniffed, "_crying._" She took the tissue her mother was holding out for her and wiped at her eyes. She took a shaky breath, "I'm just..."

"Pregnant," Marie finished with a smile. "You're emotional and stressed and that's ok, Sweetie."

"I just...these family gatherings are a lot...I know I'm at the top of the list of names that everybody gossips about..."

"Oh, I can promise you that you're not at the top of the list!" Marie laughed, thinking about her thirty year old nephew who was arrested a week ago for trying to break into hamburger restaurant while completely wasted and wearing a hotdog costume. "I think your cousin Ricky is probably at the top of the list."

Gabby laughed, "Yeah..." she sniffled, "you might have a point." She sighed and looked up at her mom, "And abuela isn't upset?"

"Oh, of course not! Your grandmother is very proud of you!" Marie lowered herself so she was at eye-level with Gabby and took her daughter's face in her hands, "And so am I! I know I don't have the best way of showing it...but I'm very, very proud of you, Gabriela. Not a of people can accomplish what you have..."

"Right," Gabby rolled her eyes, "because getting in abusive relationships and getting pregnant multiple times by multiple men are definitely considered accomplishments."

"Maybe not...but facing the consequences of your choices and raising two beautiful boys all by yourself _while_ working full-time is definitely an accomplishment! God knows I would've been lost without your father! You should be proud of yourself, Gabriela!"

"Yeah?"

"_Yes."_ She took the tissue from Gabby's grasp and wiped away the tears. "Oh...and can I just say your dress is absolutely gorgeous!"

Gabby grinned, "Thanks, mamá."

The rest of the evening went relatively smooth for Gabby, Matt and the boys. Gabby was pleased to see that her grandmother definitely approved of Matt and even insisted on sitting across from him at dinner so she could converse with him. She had lots of questions. Lots and lots of questions. Being one of the youngest out of the kids, Gus stayed pretty busy...his curls, dimpled grin and infectious laugh being sought out by half of Gabby's family. Eli had spent the entire night being Diego's shadow and Gabby was so appreciative that the older boy didn't seem bothered by it once.

By the time they made it back home, both boys were sound asleep and barely woke up when Matt and Gabby carried them into their apartment and put them to bed. Matt could tell how exhausted Gabby was and offered to put out _Santa's_ presents while she went straight to bed. She did not object and when Matt joined her half an hour later, Gabby was curled up in the center of the bed sound asleep.

* * *

"Does it hurt?" Matt asked in awe as he moved his hand around Gabby's bare stomach, following the movements of the baby. He'd woken up to Gabby climbing back into bed after a trip to the bathroom and as soon as she'd curled back up into his arms, he'd felt it. Her stomach had brushed up against his arm and he'd felt the baby move.

Gabby shook her head, her eyes unable to leave Matt's face as his look of awe quickly turned into one of absolute joy. "Not really. Ask me again in a couple of months and I'll probably have another answer for you, though. I'm sure by the time my third trimester rolls around, you'll be tired of hearing me complain about all my aches and pains."

"Never," Matt murmured. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Gabby's stomach, letting them linger there for a moment as he connected with the life they'd created. This pregnancy, this baby, it may have been unplanned but to Matt it was one of the greatest gifts he'd ever gotten. "I love you so much," he whispered against Gabby's stomach, his eyes watering.

"Baby," Gabby whispered, bringing Matt's face back up to her level. She brushed away the tears and laughed a little in an attempt to keep the mood light as she felt the tears fill her own eyes, "Don't cry…"

Matt shook his head, "You've given me a family, Gabby…I can never thank you enough."

"You don't have to," Gabby whispered, pressing her lips to Matt's before pulling back and once again meeting his eyes. "Just promise me…promise _us _one thing?"

"Anything," Matt said instantly.

"Don't ever leave us…" her words were so hushed that if Matt wasn't able to read lips, he would've had to ask her to repeat herself.

His heart dropped, he couldn't promise that.

Not with his job.

He sighed, "Gabby…"

But Gabby shook her head and pressed a finger to his lips, "I'm not talking about your job…" She took a shaky breath, "I was so reluctant to really let you in…even after finding out I was pregnant. I'd been down that road before…" she rolled her eyes, "multiple times with multiple men. And I think maybe I started to believe that I wasn't worthy of being loved by a guy like you, you know? Two kids by two different men doesn't exactly scream perfect girlfriend material…" She dropped her gaze, the tears hugging her eyelashes in one last attempt not to fall. "I didn't trust myself…so how was I even supposed to trust you?"

"Baby…"

"But I do...I trust you. So please…please don't ever leave us," she begged.

"That will never happen," Matt assured Gabby. "I promise. Come here," he murmured, cupping the side of her face and leaning in to kiss her. He was a little surprised when she deepened the kiss and dropped her hands to his waist, playing with the elastic of his boxers. "Gabby..."

"I need you..."

And that was all Matt needed to hear.


	42. Chapter 42

Once again, sorry for the delay. As always, thanks for all the reviews that you guys continue to send. I apologize, I'm about to fall asleep so I'll keep this message short. I had trouble writing the last part of the chapter which is why it took me forever to post this.

Thanks so much to Em for also picking up reading and editing this story for me. I appreciate it more than you know. And if you guys are looking for a good read, I suggest you check out her fic, _Glimpses of Weeks. _Probably one of my favorites right now.

Review?

**How Will I Know**

**Chapter Forty Two**

Matt pressed a quick kiss to Gabby's lips before rolling off of her and back onto his side of the bed. He moved onto his side, settled his elbow onto the bed and propped his head in his hand. Unable to keep his eyes off of Gabby, a goofy grin adorned his features as he watched her chest rise and fall with each ragged breath she took.

With a similar grin brightening her own features, Gabby turned her head and met Matt's eyes as she blindly searched for his free hand among the tangled sheets, "I love you so much."

Matt grinned and cast a quick glance at their hands as Gabby intertwined her fingers with his. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it, "Not as much as I love you."

Gabby laughed, "You know we could argue about this forever, right?"

"It'd be the best argument ever," Matt joked before laughing as Gabby's response was cut off by a yawn, "Tired, huh?"

"A little but…" Gabby pushed herself up into a sitting position and grabbed Matt's shirt that was at the foot of their bed. She pulled it over her head with ease and adjusted it over her stomach, "I'm also hungry. What do you say we go see if Santa left any cookies for us?" Without even waiting for a response from Matt, she slipped out of bed, "I could really go for some chocolate milk too." Not caring to search for her panties that were more than likely tangled within the sheets, Gabby pulled open her top dresser drawer, grabbed another pair and slipped into them before heading towards the kitchen.

Without hesitation, Matt climbed out of bed and slipped into his boxers before following Gabby out of their bedroom and down the hall. He paused, just long enough to glance in on the boys to see that they were both still sound asleep before continuing on. As soon as he entered the kitchen, he caught sight of the time on the microwave and grinned, it was officially Christmas. Coming up behind Gabby as she reached for one of the heavily iced and sprinkled sugar cookies the boys had helped decorate, Matt slipped his arms around Gabby's stomach and pressed his lips just below her ear, "It's Christmas!"

Gabby grinned and held the cookie out for Matt to take a bite, "Our _first_ Christmas together."

"First of many," Matt added as he turned Gabby around in his arms and took another bite of her cookie.

Gabby attempted to glare at him, "Ok…now you need to get your own cookie." Grabbing another cookie from the plate, Gabby reached up and popped it in Matt's mouth before removing herself from his arms and retrieving a glass from the cabinet. She shuffled over to the refrigerator and filled her glass with chocolate milk.

"Hey…I've got an idea," Matt said, regaining Gabby's attention.

Gabby met his gaze over the rim of her glass, "I'm listening."

"How about we do our gift exchange?"

Gabby frowned and licked the excess chocolate milk from her upper lip, "Now?"

Matt shrugged, "Why not? It is officially Christmas. And besides, I have a feeling the boys will keep us pretty busy with their gifts tomorrow."

Ten minutes later and the couple were settled across from each other on the floor in front of the brightly lit Christmas tree. Gabby sat with her legs crossed and watched as Matt dug behind a few large presents before retrieving a small, square box. Immediately Gabby knew it was jewelry and shook her head, unable to help the mixed emotions that made her stomach flip, "_Matt." _

But Matt just grinned and shook his head right back, "_Gabby_." He put the small box into her shaking hands, "Don't freak out. Just open it."

Taking a breath, Gabby glanced up from the present and met Matt's eyes, "If it's-"

"It's not," Matt assured her. "Not yet, anyways," he added before giving her a lopsided grin.

Gabby nodded and returned her attention to the wrapped box in her hands. She loosened the green ribbon before removing it from the gift and tossing it aside. Carefully, she removed the snowman printed red and white wrapping paper and glanced back up at Matt with a look of uncertainty before opening the box. A hand flew to her mouth in an attempt to muffle her gasp as soon as she saw the earrings, "Matt!"

Matt grinned, very pleased with Gabby's reaction, "Do you remember a month or so ago when Gus went for the earrings that you were wearing? You know…" Matt raised his hand up by his ear and made a circular motion with his finger, "the hoop ones?"

Gabby nodded, not quite understanding where Matt was going, "Yeah…he goes for anything that's not a-"

"Stud," Matt finished, his grin widening as he watched the realization wash over Gabby's face and her look of confusion turn into one of shock.

"You remembered that?"

Matt nodded, "Yeah. I mean…I was on the hunt for the perfect earrings for you anyways because the collection you have makes it obvious that you love them but after watching Gus try to pull at your earrings…I don't know, I just kind of figured that my girl needs a good pair of diamond studded earrings."

"Matt, this isn't just a good pair of diamond earrings…." She glanced back down at them and ran her fingers over the diamonds, "This is too much," she whispered.

In Gabby's previous relationship with Lance, whenever she had received a gift it usually came after he had hit her. She wasn't even sure it was his way of apologizing so much as his way of letting her believe she wouldn't be able to find someone who would shower her with gifts like he did. Like she couldn't do better and didn't _deserve _better.

But little by little, Matt was starting to prove to Gabby that she was worth it and she did deserve it. Maybe their relationship wasn't turning out to be the most conventional-really, it hadn't been since the start. But if Gabby had learned one thing over the past several months since she'd met Matt, comparing one relationship to another was like comparing apples to oranges. Yes, she had a bad track record when it came to men and though she'd originally tried to convince herself otherwise, she knew there was something special about Matt.

Matt shook his head, "Absolutely not."

"Thank you," Gabby murmured as she leaned in and pressed her lips to Matt's, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Ok...my turn!"

"Wait, wait…" Matt started, "I've got another gift for you….and actually…" his voice trailed as he stood up and walked across the living room floor towards the door where he'd discarded his work bag last night. "I finally got the call yesterday that it was ready so I picked it up on the way home…"

Gabby shook her head in awe at the wrapped square box that was most likely another piece of jewelry. "You know….you can get me other things than jewelry, right?" she asked as she took the gift from him. She rolled her eyes when he just grinned and she quickly removed the wrapping paper and popped open the box, "Oh wow…" she whispered, brushing her fingers over the silver heart and looking closely at the tiny stones that were lined up along one side of the heart…._Matt…_" with tears in her eyes, Gabby looked back up at Matt, "these are our birthstones…"

Matt nodded, "I know." He pointed to the very last stone, "I took a chance and went ahead and put an emerald in for May for the baby…"

As if on cue, the baby gave a strong kick—almost like a sign of approval—and Gabby moved a hand down to her stomach and massaged it, "Feels like I'm not the only one that approves…"

Matt shook his head, confused, "What do you mean?"

"The baby started kicking as soon as you mentioned the emerald birthstone for May."

"Yeah?" Matt sat up straighter and his eyes widened as reached out placed both hands on Gabby's stomach. He frowned, "I don't feel anything…"

"Here…" Gabby moved one of Matt's a little to the right, "How about now?"

Matt nodded, "Yeah! Yeah…I can feel it now!" He laughed, "Honestly, I'd be happy with this as my Christmas present."

"Well if I would've known that," she quipped as she scooted closer towards the tree and grabbed the small box wrapped in penguin wrapping paper. "I would've returned this…" she handed Matt the gift, a little anxious for his reaction.

Matt wasted no time in removing the glittery green bow and unwrapping the box. His mouth dropped a little, he knew this brand. It was the same brand as his old one and he knew that it wasn't the cheapest brand, "Gabby…"

She grinned, "You like it? The band is black leather like your old watch but the watch itself has everything you'll need. Besides the obvious, _time_, it also has the date, temperature, it works as a stopwatch, it is water resident and-" she was cut off by Matt's lips crashing into hers.

"It's perfect," Matt murmured as he pulled back. "How'd you know my watch broke?" He asked curiously. About a month or so ago he'd mistakenly left it on the kitchen counter way too close to where Gus was seated in his highchair and during the toddler's attempt to grab it, Gus had pushed it off the counter and onto the hardwood floor. Matt was honestly surprised a fall that short had caused the watch to break but then he'd reminded himself that he'd had it since he first joined the academy.

Gabby raised a brow and tilted her head in amusement, "You're forgetting that we've got a five year old who has absolutely no filter."

Matt laughed and ducked his head in slight embarrassment, "Point taken."

She reached over his lap and grabbed another present with his name on it and handed it to him, "Here…this one's for you, too." Having no doubt Matt would like this gift, Gabby kept her eyes on him, eager to see the smile break out on his face.

And just as she had expected, the smile on Matt's face said it all. He brushed a hand over the picture, admiring the light in his eyes, the smile on Gabby's face and the two little boys in their arms. None of them were looking directly at the camera, in fact, Matt didn't even remember anybody taking pictures.

"I figured you could never have too many family pictures sitting on your desk at work."

"Absolutely! This was from the Christmas Festival?" He asked, looking up briefly to meet Gabby's eyes. "I've never seen this picture before…"

Gabby nodded, "Shay took it when none of us were paying attention. I don't know…I just think it really shows how real of a family we are. None of us knew the camera was there…our smiles are just so…natural."

"I think it might be one of my favorites…thank you, Gabby." Carefully sitting the framed photo down, Matt slipped his arms around Gabby's growing waist and pulled her into his lap. "This Christmas just keeps getting better and better."

"Well don't jinx it," Gabby quipped with a playful smile. "The day is still young!"

"But all I need to enjoy my Christmas is to be with you and the boys. And I am!" Slipping his hands up his oversized shirt that Gabby had on, his hands circled around her waist and he pulled her into his lap.

"_Matt_," Gabby moaned as she pulled her lips away from his, dropping her hands from the sides of his face to his shoulders, "we can't do this here. Eli could walk in on us."

Matt sighed, he knew Gabby was right and the last thing he wanted to do right now was sit Eli down and talk to him about _the birds and the bees. _"I know." He patted the side of her thigh, "Let's get back to bed."

* * *

The next time Gabby woke up it was almost seven and she was a little surprised that she wasn't woken up by an excited five year old. Scooting towards the edge of the bed, she stood up and headed for the bathroom. When she returned, she grabbed her fleece robe from the back of the bedroom door and slipped into it in hopes of combating the winter chill that had settled throughout the apartment. As she settled back in bed next to Matt, movement from the video baby monitor caught her eye and she took a closer look to see Gus was standing up in his crib finishing off his bottle. She raised a brow, surprised that he wasn't crying or at least making some sort of commotion.

"_Da! Dada! Da!" _

Gabby gasped and leaned over Matt's sleeping form to try and get a better listen and sure enough, she'd heard Gus correctly.

"_Da! Da!"_

She grinned, giddy with excitement as Gus continued on calling out for his _da._ Placing her hand against Matt's shoulder, she nudged him, "Matt! Matt, wake up!"

"Huh?" Matt rubbed at his eyes before opening them and meeting Gabby's brown eyes and smiling sleepily. "What'd you say?"

Gabby pointed to the baby monitor, "Listen…"

Matt waited a few seconds before shaking his head and following the action with a confused frown, "I don't hear anything."

"Because you're talking and not listening," Gabby quipped. She reached over Matt and grabbed the baby monitor and sat it directly next to Matt's ear. "_Listen!"_

"_Da! Dada! Dada!" _

Matt's eyes widened and his face broke out into a huge grin. He was now wide awake. He pushed himself up, all the while laughing as Gus' soft voice continued to float through the monitor. "He's saying dada!"

"Yes he is!" She poked his stomach, "You better go get him before he starts saying mama." She laughed as Matt pressed a quick kiss to her lips before scrambling out of bed. He got dressed in record time and hurried out of the room.

* * *

An hour later, the family of _almost _five sat around the Christmas tree buried in a sea of wrapping paper and boxes. Just like any other one year old, Gus was having more fun with the wrapping paper than any of the new toys he'd received. Eli on the other hand, had insisted on taking every single item out of its packaging before playing with anything.

"I can't wait to show Diego my new skateboard!" Eli exclaimed for what was probably the tenth time since he'd unwrapped it. He glanced up at his parents, "Can I take it with me when we go to grandma and grandpa's so I can show Diego?"

"As long as you bring your helmet," Gabby answered as she continued to gather up the wrapping paper and stuff it all in the large gift bag that had contained Eli's new coat along with a matching beanie and gloves.

"Okay!" Sitting it aside, Eli reached for the Ninja Turtle helmet and held it out to his father, "Can you take it out of the box please?"

Matt nodded, "As soon as I finish putting Gus's tool bench together."

Satisfied with the answer he'd received, Eli went back to sorting through the rest of his presents.

Matt and Gabby let the boys play for another hour before agreeing that they had to get ready for their busy day. They still had one more gift for the boys and then it was straight to Matt's sister's house for brunch and a gift exchange.

Leaving Matt and the boys in the living room to construct the new train track the boys had gotten from Santa, Gabby headed for the shower. She knew the day ahead of them was going to be exhausting and Gabby really just wanted a couple of minutes to herself before craziness ensued. There was no doubt about it in Gabby's mind that her excitement outweighed the rest of her emotions but she couldn't help but feel a little anxious for the day ahead of them.

She reached her hand into the shower and checked the temperature before slowly stepping into the tub and centering her body directly beneath the warm spray coming from the shower head. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head up and allowed the water to run down her face for a few minutes before turning around getting her hair wet.

* * *

"Are we gonna go see Violet and Aunt Christie?" Eli asked as his head popped through the top of the grey t-shirt. "Mama said we are gonna have brunch with them and then dinner with grandma and grandpa."

Matt nodded as he removed the green and grey striped sweater from its hanger and handed it to Eli, "And your mom was right...but we've got to stop somewhere else first."

"Where?" Eli asked.

"It's a surprise," Matt answered as he hoisted Gus up from the floor and carried him over to the changing table. "But you're going to need some shoes before we go anywhere. Do you know where your black shoes are?"

"My black shoes that I wear with my church clothes?"

Matt shook his head, "No, you don't have to wear your church shoes today. I'm talking about the new black shoes that I bought you last week."

"Oh! For basketball?"

"Yes...your shoes for basketball, where are they?"

Eli shrugged, "I don't know."

"Well why don't you go look for them while I get your brother ready, okay?"

When Gabby finished getting ready, she was surprised to find both Matt and the boys sitting at the kitchen snacking on some sweets and all ready to go. "Wow, you guys are ready to go?"

Eli nodded, "Yep! Daddy said there's one more present left but that we have to drive somewhere to get it."

Matt shrugged when Gabby sent him a questioning look, "It got him moving."

Gabby nodded and headed towards the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water before they headed on their way. She didn't have much of an appetite but she knew she needed to at least drink something. Hopefully her stomach would settle by the time they headed over to Christie and Violet's house for brunch.

Gabby's less than enthusiastic mood didn't go unnoticed by Matt. Leaning forward in his chair, he sat Gus down on the floor and looked over at Eli, "Hey Buddy, you up for helping your brother get his coat on?"

Eli grinned and jumped down from his own chair, "Uh-huh!" He took his little brother's hand, "Come on, Gus Gus, let's get get our coats on so we can go see our other present!" With Gus being at that stage where he was just a couple of steps behind wherever his brother was, it wasn't hard for Eli to lead him into the living room.

Pushing himself up out of his chair, Matt met Gabby's eyes and moved across the kitchen so he was just inches in front of her. "Everything okay?" He asked before slipping his arms around her and dipping his head to meet her lips for a quick kiss. He pulled his head back up so he could search Gabby's eyes as she answered him.

"A little anxious," she answered honestly.

"And?" Matt prodded, knowing there was more.

Gabby exhaled deeply, "A little hormonal, a little tired…" She shook her head and smiled up at him, "But nothing out of the ordinary," she promised.

Matt nodded, while he wasn't happy to hear that Gabby was still feeling anxious, he was happy to hear that physically, nothing was going on with her or the baby. But he just had to be sure, so despite the possibility of Gabby snapping his head off for being overprotective, he voiced his concerns, "Nothing hurts? Nothing feels odd?"

Again, Gabby shook her head, "No...nothing like that."

"Guys!" Eli exclaimed, running back into the kitchen in full winter gear, "We're ready!"

* * *

"It's the house!" Eli squealed as soon as it came into view. His legs swung wildly with excitement as they turned into the driveway and up the short drive to the garage. "The house! Is it ours? Does this mean I get my own room where I can put all my own toys?"

Gabby laughed and nodded as she glanced back at Eli, "Yes. This means you get your own room where you can put _some _of your toys. The rest will go in the playroom."

"A playroom? My toys will have their own room?"

Matt chuckled, "Yes. It will be a room for you and your brother to play in where you guys can store your toys."

"Wow...that sounds cool!" Eli exclaimed. He turned to Gus and captured his brother's attention, "Hey guess what, Gus Gus? You are going to have your own room! And our toys will have a room!" He turned back to his mom and dad, "Can we go in and see it?"

"Baby, we've already seen the inside of it…" Gabby began as she glanced at the time on the dashboard of Matt's truck. It was almost eleven and Gabby had told Matt's sister they'd be there no later than eleven thirty.

"But that was before it was our home," Eli countered. "Please, please!"

Matt and Gabby shared a look, both silently agreeing with each other, "Just real quick," Matt answered as he met Eli's eyes through the rearview mirror.

"Yes! Can I pick out which room I want? Please?"

'Just real quick' turned into nearly an hour and by the time the growing family showed up at Matt's sister's house, it was almost eleven. Gus was grumpy and needed his diaper changed but Eli on the other hand was still on cloud nine.

* * *

Being the first one to walk through the front door, Eli slipped out of his coat and handed it to his dad before moving into the kitchen where Christie had said Violet was. Eli jumped up into the chair next to Violet's and glanced over to see what game she was playing. He laughed, "I've played that game before!" with his grin still just as wide, he turned his attention back to Violet, "Hey guess what, Violet?"

Violet reluctantly glanced up from her new iPad and turned her attention to Eli, "What?" she asked.

"We're going to be cousins!"

The pre-teen's interest piqued and she sat up a bit, removing her earbuds, "What do you mean?"

"When daddy adopts me and Gus, we will be real cousins! This means instead of having two cousins, I'll have three! I'll have my cousin Eva, my cousin Diego and now you"

Having entered the kitchen just in time to hear Eli's announcement, Christie's eyes widened and she turned to her little brother, "Adoption?"

Matt's posture piqued and he nodded proudly,, "Yep. It'll take a couple of months but eventually Gus and Eli will both be Caseys."

"And Gabby too?" Christie questioned, holding up her left hand and motioning to her ring finger. "I mean, adopting the boys...that's a huge commitment, Matt. Might actually be more solidifying than marriage, itself."

Matt shook his head, "You're as bad as her family." He glanced over his shoulder towards the kitchen entrance to make sure Gabby wasn't approaching them before letting his big sister in on his tentative plans. "Eventually. Hopefully sometime next year. Her grandmother actually already suggested a ring but honestly I really also want to learn more Spanish. I think things are chaotic enough right now. With the baby, he adoption process and then new house-"

"House? You guys bought a house? Seriously, Matthew! What else haven't you told me?"

"Nothing," Matt promised. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything before but we were waiting until this morning to tell Eli." Okay, Matt thought to himself, that wasn't a complete lie. "It's actually a fixer upper but it is something we picked out together. I've actually got an offer pending on my old place."

"Ohh...starting fresh, I see?"

Matt shrugged, "It just made sense…"

"Oh, I'm not disagreeing with you," Christie insisted. "It's just…" her voice trailed as she saw Gabby return to the kitchen with Gus in her arms.

"Ok, he's got a clean diaper and ready to go," Gabby announced, not catching the look that was shared between the siblings. Leaning down, she attempted to sit him down on the floor but his legs tightened around her waist and he started to fuss. Gabby huffed, "Or not."

Christie smiled as she uncrossed her arms, "I see someone's at that clingy stage."

"Very much so," Gabby agreed as she hoisted Gus up farther on her hip in an attempt to get a better hold on him. She couldn't help the smile when her youngest cuddled into her side laid his head on her shoulder. She dropped a kiss on top of his mop of hair before turning her head and resting it against his, "He's not as outgoing as his big brother so I think the unfamiliar surroundings are kind of throwing him off."

Christie nodded, "Completely understandable." Clapping her hands together she turned to the two older kids, "Okay, who is ready for presents?"

"Me!" Eli and Violet exclaimed in unison.

Gus's head popped up and he looked over at his brother and new cousin in curiosity. "Me!" He repeated, throwing his hands up in the air.

Christie laughed, "Then what are we waiting for? Let's take this party into the living room."

In no time at all, the kids had opened all their presents and both Eli and Violet had instantly become obsessed with the Polaroid camera Matt and Gabby had gotten their niece.

"Ok, one more!" Violet instructed as she held the camera up to Eli, "Make a crazy face!" She giggled as Gus photobombed the picture by throwing himself into Eli's lap and reaching for the camera.

* * *

It was almost four by the time Matt, Gabby and the boys made it to Gabby's parents' house. Both boys had passed out during the drive and knowing both of them needed the nap, Matt took the longest route from his sister's to Gabby's parents'. By the time Matt pulled up to the house, the boys had both managed to get about a forty minute nap in. Gabby knew if need be, she could put Gus down for a nap in the spare crib that her parents kept so she hadn't been too concerned about him. On the other hand, she was relieved that Eli had taken a bit of a nap. He was a very cranky child when he needed sleep and she knew trying to get him to go down for nap with all the excitement going on around him would have been a lost cause.

"He's gonna be my daddy for real!" Eli explained to his grandparents. "Daddy is going to adopt me!" Eli glanced over at his parents and found his mom's eyes, "Did I say that right, mama?"

Gabby nodded and gave Eli a reassuring smile as she attempted to keep her anxiety below the surface, "Yes, you did."

"Adoption, huh?" Marie commented as she switched her attention from her her grandson to her daughter. Between Gabby's refusal to meet her eyes and her sudden obsession with the pile of mashed potatoes on her plate, Marie knew her daughter was afraid of what she might think.

"Yep! And then my last name will be Casey! I already learned how to spell it! Wanna hear?"

"Of course!"

"C-A-S-E-Y. Casey!"

Matt grinned with pride as Eli successfully spelled Casey. It was something they had been working on for a while now and Eli has finally managed to get the spelling down.

"That's very impressive, Elijah," Thomas lauded, finally joining in on the conversation. He'd been sitting back and observing both his daughter and Matt's movements after Eli's announcement and the both of them refused to look his way. He cleared his throat and turned his attention to Matt, "I assume you and Gabriela have talked this over extensively?"

Evening out his posture, Matt nodded, "Yes, sir, we have." Without breaking eye contact with Thomas, Matt reached for Gabby's hand underneath the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze before continuing on. "Both boys have welcomed me into their lives with open arms and as far as I'm concerned, they are my kids. The only next logical step is to make it official."

With his fork hovering above his plate, Antonio continuously glanced between his parents in an attempt to not miss either one of their reactions. He, for one, was absolutely thrilled. He'd never mentioned it to Gabby, but Antonio feared for the longest time that he would be the only fatherly figure in both Gus and Eli's lives and he constantly worried that he would let them down. And while he didn't plan on going anywhere, it was a relief to know that both boys now had a stronger support system. He cleared his throat, "Well, I think it's amazing!"

Still holding onto Matt's hand underneath the table, Gabby glanced across the table and met her big brother's eyes. The look they shared was one that they saved only for each other. The look of silent reassurance and appreciation all rolled into one. Before she could muster up the courage to say anything, Gus interrupted the silence.

"Da!" he exclaimed before smacking his hands against his tray causing his mashed potatoes to launch into his face. He immediately broke out into a fit of giggles and it wasn't long before everyone around the dining room table followed suit.

* * *

"Today was amazing," Gabby whispered as she pulled the seat belt across her and buckled it in place. She met Matt's eyes as he started up the truck and grinned, "Thank you."

Matt shook his head as he turned the key in the ignition, his truck roaring to life. "I should be thanking you. I've never been a part of so much excitement on Christmas." He shrugged, "I guess for the first time ever I finally get it."

"Get what?"

"The hype…the Christmas spirit." Seeing the tears pool in Gabby's tired eyes, Matt immediately regretted saying anything. "Gabby, baby, please don't cry."

"I can't help it," she murmured into her gloved hand in an attempt to not be too loud. "And I can't tell if that's the sweetest or saddest thing I've ever heard."

"Well humor me and go with sweet," Matt almost pleaded. He mentally kicked himself for forgetting about Gabby's heightened emotions and let out a heavy sigh. "I really didn't mean for it to sound so depressing...just being honest."

"I know," Gabby said as she sniffled, "I'm just a mess."

"You're a beautiful mess," Matt corrected with a lopsided grin before placing his hand on the back of Gabby's seat and glancing behind them so he could back out of the garage.

Gabby couldn't help but laugh, "You've got a way with words, Matthew."


End file.
